Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 11

Thread: Community Write-An-Article: Explaining ABDL to non-ABDLs

  1. #1

    Default Community Write-An-Article: Explaining ABDL to non-ABDLs

    This is a Community Write-An-Article. We will keep this thread open for 3 weeks, and then the content editors will create a new ADISC article based on the posts in this thread.

    How does one explain ABDL to non-ABDLs?

    Have you ever had to do so voluntarily or after getting caught, and if so, what happened?

    What might you say, how might you say it, and what resources, online or offline, would you point that person to?

    How does your explanation change if you are explaining it to significant other vs. a family member vs. a friend?

  2. #2


    I did have to explain it to my wife when she discovered my diaper order to Amazon. I explained to her some of my history, which I think may have helped explain why I had these feelings, that of being attracted to diapers, plastic pants, and things, objects associated with being a baby. My background was one of abandonment as I was adopted at the age of two. I felt that potty training may have been more forced than encouraged, as it may have been initiated in an adoptive agency orphanage.

    Understanding why we are attracted to diapers and things infantile may be the first step in being able to explain it to someone else. We know that there are no definitive factors, at least that we all can agree on. Each one of us is an individual, and so we have different histories, different experiences, and thus express and realize what being either an adult baby or a diaper lover is.

    Understanding gateway objects is an important element, the diaper or other baby associated objects becoming a means to regression or experiencing some sort of emotional release. There are good articles about this on Wikipedia, discussing both objects as a fetish devise as well as love mapping. As toddlers, we may have developed an attraction to diapers and found some sort of sexual stimulation. In our earliest development, this became transposed onto some sort of sexual identity.

    It is important to note that adult babies and diaper lovers do not idealize either a baby or a child. We are not sexually attracted to either baby or child, but rather, the idea or fantasy of being a baby or toddler. By wearing a diaper, we can fantasize a time in our life when we were one years of age, or two or three, etc. We may have feelings of regression, where our mental age goes back in time to when we were of an age where we would have worn diapers, onsies or overalls, sucking on a pacifier. All these objects stimulate these early feelings which still lie in the subconscious. Using one of these objects can trigger these same early feelings and emotions, making a connection from the present, to the past.

  3. #3


    How does one explain ABDL to non-ABDLs?

    Slowly, carefully, and as an adult.

    Have you ever had to do so voluntarily or after getting caught, and if so, what happened?

    The first time was to my therapist. It was voluntary and after going over the history of the health conditions that brought the infantilism back after 8 yrs.
    The second time was to my wife, about 4 days after I had talked to my therapist. It was "voluntary", but it was a very emotional meltdown on my part. My wife was holding me in a very tender embrace, the way she held our kids when she was comforting them when they had a "booboo".
    The third time it was to close friend/cousin. I had discussed some of the situation with them before and I filled in the whole story.
    The fourth time I told them that I had some major issues that I was confronting and when I was ready I would tell them the rest of the story, about 4 weeks later I did.

    What might you say, how might you say it, and what resources, online or offline, would you point that person to?

    Case 1 and 2 I did it in person. The 3rd case I did it on line, and the 4th time I did it over the phone.

    How does your explanation change if you are explaining it to significant other vs. a family member vs. a friend?

    The amount of information I give is based on the situation, and the level that I feel I can trust the person to keep it confidential. Do not lie to your spouse or Doctor, never tell your family, and guard what you tell to your friends.

    If I were to do an interview with a non-AB/DL it would not be recorded or filmed. I would talk in general terms, and it would be with a witness of my choosing. I would go over some of the things that my therapist and I have talked about, and talk about the common threads that lead someone to a fetish/addiction/obsessive behavior. I would of course challenge the myths of pedophilia and attractions to kids. I would guild them to Bitter Grays research and talk about the stuff that is out there on the internet and the difference between the tabloid stuff and the more simplistic yet truthful materials like Baby Mitch's You tube videos.

    If they want to make a freak show out of it they will no matter how it is presented. There is a lot of trash on the net that one could use to show exhibition and some out of control behavior. There is also a lot of contradictory and misleading information also available and it would be the thing to challenge during the interview.

    However the main thing in my case would be to show that there was an underlying condition, that was just starting to surface, and at a point of major change in my life, situations where challenged with reward/punishment tactics and that lead to a PTSD situation. Without proper help, it manifested into a socially unacceptable behavior that added confusion and additional stress to the original condition. Through self acceptance I have been able to achieve control and balance, and thus have been able to make it into a therapeutic coping mechanism/tool, and eliminate some of triggers for the PTSD.

    The goal that I see is to get one or two people to understand the "non-social" issue of AB/DL and to see the true nature of infantilism and that it is safer then the people that resort to self medication to handle their undiagnosed problems and/or denial.

  4. #4


    How does one explain ABDL to non-ABDLs?
    Well, so much depends of course, on who you're explaining to and why. Which brings up relevant details like your age, and your relationship to the other person: friend? relative? parent? lover?

    Now, right off the bat, I can see trying to explain your "little headspace" as pretty difficult. Any alt identity where you are "you" but different, where you have a "special personality" but with you still being you, fundamentally, is maybe easier to explain in the abstract, than in the particular. Most people get the basic concept of "play pretend." We all did it as kids. Actors work out how to be "in character" and read scripts, interview authors of plays for clues and insights into the character they plan to portray, the character's motivations, and feelings, even the character's past history. Authors of fiction know the cast of characters they put in their books, I mean "know" as in "are intimately acquainted with" to the point they feel what their characters would feel.

    The "why "this in particular?" is by far a much harder question to answer, not least because much of the time we ourselves don't know, ourselves. Definitely not when you're way under 10 years old.
    But back to - why an infantile human in particular?

    That one we just watched -- It feels "right." and there's no rhyme or reason to it: you can tell the other person, "Honestly, it's a mystery, to me as much as it is to you. We can speculate about love-maps gone awry until we're blue in the face, but it won't get us any closer to a cause-and-effect answer. The best we can usually come up with is that tokens of our childhood put us in mind of how it felt when we were a young age: typically prior to adult stresses and responsibilities. Diapers protect clothes and bedding, and so they protect us, from the embarrassment that would come with wetting the bed or having a pants accident. You would do as well to get a cross-dresser to explain why women's clothes are such a thrill to them.

    Now I am not ab, I am a simple fetishist... It's easier to explain it than trying to capture in words the experience of being in the head-space of a little. As long as you are talking to someone with a decently strong libido, and so long as when they are horny they are intensely horny, it's not such a leap to getting them to accept that certain things get you going, and those things happen to be diapers, especially, for me, plastic pants. For some it's shiny leather, for others, it might be a different fabric. Thing is, most people find something "nice" and it's a simple upping of the intensity, from "rather nice" to a driving, slavish obsession, especially if your "thing" involves roles. Most people can identify with being either dominant or submissive, sometimes both.
    Last edited by Raccoon; 23-Oct-2013 at 01:27.

  5. #5


    First: I don't allow be caught. If not confronted, no problem. If I'm confronted, I'd ask if the person, who discovered my kink, wants to try. Or I can only say: Ask uncle Google or aunt Wikipedia. Or Adisc

    Ok, less cruel: I'm into asperger or something similar (not sure.) I've serios problems to fall asleep, paci helps me a lot. Usually I'm without diaper, but when I'm padded, so it turns me on... I'm real DL.

    But I keep it private.
    Last edited by CrazySmoker; 21-Oct-2013 at 07:43.

  6. #6



    There is another facet to this as well...

    People like me that need to wear partially or full time...

    I was introduced to this long ago from a former girl friend...but couldn't handle it at the time...

    Many years later...I turn to Abdl to have some fun or at least make it less like a burden...

    I wouldn't say ic people "like" diapers...but they are much better than the alternative...

    As for AB, I see myself trying more and more AB stuff, it's fun, relaxing, and with bad foot, leg, back, neck...its something I can still do...

    So, I don't know if it's exactly in focus with the article but there is my take...


  7. #7


    Quote Originally Posted by Fruitkitty View Post
    How does one explain ABDL to non-ABDLs?
    I've found that levity helps a great deal. The first few people you might tell, it can be hard to crack a smile. You're nervous, afraid of rejection or a freak-out, and it's possible that you had no intention of telling anyone and somehow they found out. However, I have found humor to be disarming. It takes the gravity out of the situation. When I told my best friend, I was a little on edge, but now it's an inside joke between us.

    NEVER go into the gory details of what you do in your diaper. If necessary, acknowledge that you use them (if you do), but really, it's not about that. There's so much more to being little or AB than what we use our diapers for. Inevitably it will come up, but try not to dwell on the yucky parts. If it does come up, explain why diapers are comforting to you, why you like to wear them, but avoid any over-the-top discussion of wetting or messing.

    Try not to come off as a victim. "I am this way because of X, Y, and Z that happened in the past and I can't cope with them as an adult so I regress". I know some of us do regress to cope with stress or to short-circuit some of the awful things that may have happened but this gives the impression that we're damaged goods with missing nuts and bolts. Some of us may be and there's nothing wrong with that, but wouldn't a positive explanation be a better alternative? I would tell someone, "I like to regress because I remember what it's like to be a kid when the world was brand new and everything was amazing. When I had an imagination that ran free, uncorrupted by fear, greed, or any of the things in the adult world that make it so nasty sometimes. I remember what it felt like to feel safe in the arms of someone who was my entire world, who loved, cared for, and protected me and made me feel safe. And I love being silly and playful without having to wink and nod and pretend to be ironic about it."

    Have you ever had to do so voluntarily or after getting caught, and if so, what happened?
    I've never had to tell people, but I have chosen to do so. So far, all have been neutral or supportive. Still waiting for that one person who can't handle it, but I am very careful about who I tell. My family doesn't need to know, and I doubt they know what ABDL is to begin with. They wouldn't reject me, but they wouldn't understand it, and there's no point in telling those you know just won't get it. Luckily, this isn't an issue for me because I don't live with my folks or either of my sisters.

    What might you say, how might you say it, and what resources, online or offline, would you point that person to?
    I kind of went into that above. I've told people with positivity, humor, and love. I would reference them to ADISC or, but that's about it. I wouldn't want them going to any other site which I don't know, or one that I know to be more sexually oriented.

    How does your explanation change if you are explaining it to significant other vs. a family member vs. a friend?
    Significant other is a DL, so the explanation has only had to encompass "littleness". That part, he didn't understand at first, but he does much more now.

    A family member would have to discover me, as I mentioned, I wouldn't voluntarily tell them. But if they did, the manner of the explanation would be the same as any other Muggle. A friend would be told as much as they are willing to handle, but again, I would never force anything on them or tell someone I didn't think was open-minded enough to deal with the knowledge. And after the initial conversation, unless it becomes that running gag like me & my best friend have, I don't really mention it again or discuss it unless they want to.

    One last point- once you do confide in someone, if they wish to ask a question or talk about some aspect of it, don't shut them out. Even if what they ask is the most basic of questions, remember that they don't have the knowledge that we take for granted, so be patient and honest with those who do have curiosity or who just want to know what makes you tick.

  8. #8


    I tried to keep this organized but a lot of those questions are sort of mixed in within each other.. There is a lot of information here, I hope some of it is helpful!! =D

    ABDL is different to everyone. Because of that, explaining it is going to have different obstacles for everyone. It is going to be a little harder if your enjoyment of ABDL is sexual. (Depending on who you are telling)

    It is important to explain what it means to YOU. And to know what aspects to leave out(if it's parents, i'll get to that part later) or what parts to take extra care in explaining..

    These are some of my key suggestions on how to approach it if you are planning on telling someone, and sort of a guide to "How to go about explaining":

    1.) Know them for awhile. I say that because it can be really helpful if they actually know you as a person before you tell. If they can see that you're a well rounded person, a good friend, functional, happy person, they are less likely to judge or make assumptions about you as a person. They're less likely to question your sanity. Also, it helps to wait just to make sure you trust the person with that knowledge, as there is a chance of them telling others. If it's something private to you, you might want to make sure it is someone you've known long enough to trust.

    2.) It helps to start off explaining it by relating it to something they already understand or can relate to or understand. Examples:
    -If you have a friend who is already into fetishes(or knows about/is open to that concept) then it will be really easy to explain. If you have a friend who knows about bdsm, it should be really easy to start by explaining that ABDL is a fetish, then go on explaining from there

    -If you are explaining it to someone who is not into/very aware of fetishes, perhaps start out by explaining the "comfort" or "care" aspects of it. Perhaps starting by saying "I really enjoy being babied and cared for" if that is something that they can relate to and understand. You have to pick the approach that is best for the person you are telling, only you will know the wording that will seem the most natural.

    When you start in the person's comfort level, and then take baby steps to build up from there, it makes it less abstract for them to understand. It can actually help them relate to it on some level. It's really important to know the person you're telling this to.

    Example of when this helped me:
    Recently, I was explaining ab/dl to someone. Then they said "Oh! so it's kind of like LARPing?!" and I thought "Well, actually that's not a bad place to start.." It was very helpful because it was something that the person I was explaining to was already really comfortable with and thought was cool. I went on to explain that it is similar in some aspects; I enjoy buying clothes for ab/dl, pacifiers, and the "role playing" aspects of it, and it is very fun and enjoyable to me. So in those ways it is very similar. But I was also very honest in explaining how it's different than Larping. That for some people it(ABDL) has a sexual nature to it, and is more of a fetish/sexual thing than "LARPing" but for others it is just therapeutic and they enjoy the bonding experience of it.

    This made it a lot easier for me to explain, because I was able to find something (on accident, but still..) that they can relate to and have a comfort level with, look for aspects of it that aren't foreign to them, and then build off of that.. You just have to be careful that you are honest in making sure they understand what it actually is.

    3.) Keep it positive!! Someone else already went into this, but to reiterate a bit; While it is important to be honest.. Keep in mind that if you start out by explaining that it is something you do due to trauma, to cope, to make up for something/fill a void.. The person you are telling might get worried or see ABDL as a negative/unusual affect of something that happened to you in the past.. It might make them view it as a disorder. That is just something to keep in mind. Again, only you know what is best for you, and what approach is best for the person you are telling. It is okay to be honest and open up to someone if you are into ABDL for any of those reasons, just take extra care in explaining.

    How my explanation would change based on who:

    Parents/Family: My opinion personally, is that if ABDL is something sexual to you, you might not want to tell your parents. It would sort of be like telling your parents you are into any other fetish (like bdsm). They don't have to know about your sex life (unless you have that kind of comfort level with them or something.. I don't know, some people do) Generally I would say that if you must tell your parents that you should leave the sexual aspects of it out...

    If it is non-sexual to you though, if it is therapeutic, for comfort, or something you do just for fun, that should actually be pretty easy to explain. If your parents already know you are doing well in life, productive, happy, healthy, than maybe letting them know that you "baby yourself" sometimes just to relax, or that you like to do finger paints, play with play dough, or just act like a kid sometimes just to relax and enjoy life.. Well, chances are that could be something they could accept and understand. Again, Take baby steps, find things that are easy for them to relate to/understand, and KNOW the person and how to approach them. If you know that your parents would be appalled and never accept it, you probably should not tell them..

    Aside from that exception, I wouldn't change my explanation.. I would just base it on the individual I was telling it to, and what my relationship was with them (using the steps and approaches I described above)

    Sources I would use:
    I think the sources I would use would probably vary based on who I was explaining this to. If I was explaining it to someone who was already open to fetishes, or someone who wanted to know more about what it's like, the dynamics, or wanted to try it, etc. I would actually show them this website This was the first ABDL website I ever found, it is non sexual (at least as far as I have ever seen) and it showed me all the wonderful intricacies and bonds there are in ABDL. It was non sexual, so I wasn't scared away by it, I wasn't weirded out at all either.

    For someone who is less fetish oriented or open minded, I would probably have them look at wikipedia.

    NOTE: I would also sit by them while they are looking things over, and explain things to them as we go along, and I would want to be there if they have any questions! It is really easy to stumble across websites that are too sexual or just show ABDL in a bad light.. Or make it harder for someone to wrap their head around..

  9. #9


    Quote Originally Posted by FruitKitty
    What might you say, how might you say it, and what resources, online or offline, would you point that person to?
    Good responses so far! I'd actually like to expand on this question a bit in terms of how one goes about directing others to resources.

    In directing another person to resources offline, what would you say is the best approach? Directly showing them the site and going through it...or dropping a link and letting them go through it on their own?

    Going in line with the previous question, what advice would you give a member that has a difficult time directly explaining AB/DL?

    One last one: if another member has gotten caught, what sort of game plan would be sort of ideal to use in such a situation in your experience or best judgement?

  10. #10

Similar Threads

  1. Certainly not new to the ABDL community, just this site!
    By KittyEvie in forum Greetings / Introductions
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 03-Jan-2013, 04:52

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  • - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community. is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.