Results 1 to 8 of 8

Thread: The little things

  1. #1

    Default The little things

    Hey everybody!

    So I joined back in June, and the community has been very good at helping me find my AB side. I don't post very much and I am not super active here, but that comes with the Job I have been growing into and the stresses of major relocation.

    Its been a good few months for me and I have discovered pacifiers, stuffed animals and sleeping padded. I feel like I have found a good balance.This has made a world of difference for me, and I have become more well rested and just my quality of life has increased in general I think.

    There is one down side to all this though, for money reasons my wife has to work in a different town that is a bit away. We're trying to get her up here but its been tough going. And we do budget( the money spent on ab/dl is left over saved change after all the bills are paid, which subsequently is only possible with the second income.)

    This means that most of my exploration has been alone, and it shows. I have stated in other threads, that my wife was not very receptive to my ab/dl nature when I first told her. And she does seem to be becoming more and more supportive. But there is a major part of her that is fighting it.

    Which leads to something else- me fighting it.

    When we have been able to be together its been good and she has even started with some things that make me feel so little and happy... its literally the best feeling. But I find that in order to make her still happy that I am trying to maintain an adult control.

    I am afraid if I completely let in she will loose all respect for me, but i want the ab stuff.

    As usual I tend to be very long winded with getting to the point but here it is: I need some advice from every one
    1 - Do you just give in? If she is willing to do little things here and there for me and let me be "little", do i just need to let it happen.
    2 - How do i help her not feel like just a Mommy - while i want the love in that way, I still do things for her as an adult, but she still has very strong aversions towards this.
    3 - I assume that letting go is the same as being alone and letting go. Is that the same thing i need to do with her?
    4 - does anybody else feel this way?

    BONUS!!!- What is your little like?- I am very happy and mischievous not in a bad way, but in an innocent kind of way. I love color!!!

    omg omg omg here goes...

  2. #2

    Default

    Thank you for sharing your story. I am not an ab, but this has been discussed a few times here. The key words for you are communication and moderation. Talk to your wife and see what she wants. Does she want you to be full time ab? Does she want to be a full time mommy? I'm guessing the answer is no to both. That brings up moderation. You both need to agree to set aside time to be little and when to be big. It's hard to be little and take out the trash, so there would be a case when you put aside your little feelings. At least for a few minutes. For me, I love the feeling of being padded. I like sleeping that way and just relaxing that way, too. But, my padded time is rare as work, wife and son take priority. But enough about me. Discuss your feelings with her. Will she lose respect if you go all in? Maybe. Maybe not. Only she can tell you. Good luck and keep us posted. We're here for you!

  3. #3

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by zipperless View Post
    Thank you for sharing your story. I am not an ab, but this has been discussed a few times here. The key words for you are communication and moderation. Talk to your wife and see what she wants. Does she want you to be full time ab? Does she want to be a full time mommy? I'm guessing the answer is no to both. That brings up moderation. You both need to agree to set aside time to be little and when to be big. It's hard to be little and take out the trash, so there would be a case when you put aside your little feelings. At least for a few minutes. For me, I love the feeling of being padded. I like sleeping that way and just relaxing that way, too. But, my padded time is rare as work, wife and son take priority. But enough about me. Discuss your feelings with her. Will she lose respect if you go all in? Maybe. Maybe not. Only she can tell you. Good luck and keep us posted. We're here for you!
    Thank you! We are striving to improve our communication with each other, and that has helped us to get this far. I will keep posting! -- I am also trying to put together a list of good resources to help that wont freak her out. I know of a couple and I do believe it may be time to introduce her to the forum.

  4. #4

    Default

    Wow, this is a tough call SirScience.

    The toughest part about the whole situation is that we're unable to hear her point of view to contrast the presented point. A relationship is between two people and their ability to work out differences by respecting each other's individuality while maintaining love and affection for one another. For all the advice we can give this is really going to be a collective decision between you two. I'd say talk to her about how she feels about you doing it. Open and honest communication saves a hassle of troubles, even if a little argument ensues and is resolved then. Judging how she feels should make your decisions a bit more obvious. And at the very least she will respect you taking her needs into consideration.



    1 - Do you just give in? If she is willing to do little things here and there for me and let me be "little", do i just need to let it happen.
    That depends on your circumstance. If she's becoming more open to the idea of it, then you may be able to form a serious caretaker relationship down the road with some work on both your parts. When you talk to her, first start with asking how she feels about you doing all of this. How does she feel when you ask her to participate? Does she feel pressured to please you? Does she ever regret helping you regress? Is she at all interested or curious about continuing with regression?

    Then ask how she feels about you doing it. Does she become uncomfortable when you talk about it or when she sees you dressed/padded up? Does she care if you carry on in private? Does she mind that you even have these things and she may have to see them?

    Figure out her stance and be sure to explain your feelings on and responses to each of these subjects. If she's open to helping you regress and explore your relaxation method, then slowly ask if she's comfortable with doing something else. Praise her when she does something you really enjoy. But not condescendingly. A praise can be whatever is personal and intimate to you two. You're not raising a kid or training a dog. This is your adult lover. Reciprocate like an adult. If she indulges with you, find out what she's into and indulge with her. It doesn't have to be sexual (but it can be).



    2 - How do i help her not feel like just a Mommy - while i want the love in that way, I still do things for her as an adult, but she still has very strong aversions towards this.
    Discussion and boundaries. It's like I was saying about reciprocating. This AB thing is culture shock to your SO. Ease her into it. Don't base your relationship on this, otherwise you're basing it on your needs alone. Every time she does a little bit with this, you should enjoy it and plan on doing something special for her when you get the chance. If she understands that this is a once in a while thing that you really enjoy and appreciate, then she will want to do it every once in a while to keep you happy. But if you expect it, it loses its meaning. It stops being a special reward and becomes a chore to keep you quiet rather than satisfied. Keep it about both of you, not one or the other.



    3 - I assume that letting go is the same as being alone and letting go. Is that the same thing i need to do with her?
    Don't be so negatively fatalistic. Letting go means what you want it to mean. You could be letting go of an expectation, which is normal in negotiation and compromise. You could be letting go of a pet peeve or a problem. You could even be letting go of your negative interpretations of life and it's situation. Or doing the opposite by letting go of hope or perseverance. Relationships are work between two people. That's the beauty of love, that even when you're at someone's throat you still passionately care about them. That's how people work through their differences in long lasting relationships. By discussion, compromise, patience and not sweating the small stuff.



    4 - does anybody else feel this way?
    Unfortunately I'm not in your situation so I can't honestly say I've felt the same as you. But I often think of who I want to be with for the rest of my life. And I constantly try to tell myself to remove my expectations and just appreciate individuality but that can backfire on me if I'm so focused on my SO that my needs are never met. There's a fine balance in that choice (thus the compromise) and that's the really hopeless feeling. Who will accept me for who I am? Can I accept them for who they are? Do I settle on someone who's close enough or do I search until I'm too old to find what I'm looking for? We all go through these apprehensions and fears at some point in life. But if you don't tackle the fears head on, they will fester up and cause you problems down the road. And down the road could be a very inopportune time for you.

    - - - Updated - - -



    BONUS!!!- What is your little like?
    Tough to say because my regression is very private and contained. It's like sleeping with one eye open all the time. I can never fully regress since I don't want to be caught. But my little persona is a young boy of around 5-7 who still likes wearing diapers and acting babyish from time to time, but still really enjoys playing with 'big kid' toys and things like that. He can be a wide range of emotions from super ecstatic and giddy to pouty and whiney. Depends on the situation, but it's totally 1st grader mode when I'm regressing.

  5. #5

    Default

    Wow... bigKid25 provides lots of wisdom on this matter and is very insightful (way beyond a first grader! ). Communication is the key and being flexible in our expectations. I'm someone who has been in a terrific 40 year relationship and have only started showing my aby side I the past 20 years. (I know, that's like a life time for some folks, but its a bit of a drop in the bucket on the life continuum.) life is too short not to be true to your self but you can be true to yourself and still find a balance that permits a loving relationship. Sometimes as littles we get caught in the egocentricity that accompanies the mindset. Remembering that being a little is only one of the wonderful facets of our lives can help bring balance. It took me many years to more fully reveal my little side to my loving partner, who at first was less than supportive due primarily to fear of the unknown. Moving slowly, talking, and demonstrating that you mean no harm, worked. I knew he was beginning to accept this facet of my life when he gave me my teddy bear for my birthday 18 years ago. I treasure this bear as it is iconic of his love and acceptance. However, that did not mean I could go aby 24/7. He is not much of a role player, but is supportive.
    One of our conversations focused on "no more regrets". I realized that we can pass up on things in life that may be very important to us simply because we feel inhibited and unsure. A loving relationship should allow you to have this conversation, as adults. It is trust in each other that will allow us to reveal ourselves, making us vulnerable. Thus, we must move slowly as we gain comfort in the trust.
    Regarding the aby-paraphernalia, you are right, it is costly and one must be cognizant about how this affects our relationships. A number of years ago there were "contracts" outlining acceptable behaviors and response for couples. These were ok for those who might want a conversation starter or as a means of setting boundaries. However, I think the advise you are receiving from this thread is that gentle, open, communication, framed by and understanding of acceptance is most valuable. Revealing our most inner feelings takes a great deal of faith and trust, but also show to the other person, how much you care, respect, and love them.

  6. #6

    Default

    First of all, BigKid25, fantastic post! Incredible.



    Quote Originally Posted by sirscience View Post
    4 - does anybody else feel this way?
    I'm currently dealing with circumstances that have a little in common with yours. I'm not married, but I have a gf who is pretty resistant to the idea of all of this. She wants to make things work, but at the moment I think it's still somewhat shocking and overwhelming to her.

    The main thing that I've read repeatedly on this site, and which has already been stated here, is the importance of communication. I'm still working on how to communicate openly with her when neither of us feel comfortable talking about this (her because she doesn't want to think about it, and me because I don't want to make her uncomfortable and/or push her away). If your wife is becoming more and more supportive, that's probably a good sign that you can make things work. I guess the point of my post is that, yes, I have similar feelings, and I hope it works out well.

  7. #7

    Default

    I would really like to thank all who have responded to this thread. to BigKid25, Thank you even more.

  8. #8

    Default

    Anytime, anytime. I love helping people out any way I can! Keep us updated and let us know how things turn out.

Similar Threads

  1. Looking for a few things.
    By Ebonybaby in forum Adult Babies & Littles
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 16-Aug-2012, 01:08
  2. Things that make you happy! And things that you love!
    By KaworuVsDrWily in forum Off-topic
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 20-Oct-2010, 13:23
  3. Things That Make You Mad And Things That You Hate
    By Shadowhawk in forum Off-topic
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 20-Oct-2010, 12:40
  4. Those little things...
    By Talula in forum Off-topic
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 03-Aug-2009, 16:45

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
ADISC.org - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community.
ADISC.org is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.