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Thread: Why must this be such an off/on again thing with me?

  1. #1

    Default Why must this be such an off/on again thing with me?

    From the moment I began this journey it seems like something in my head hit a switch. Some days the light is on, and I'm all little and wide eyed. And then the light is suddenly flicked off, and I'm all adulty and "normal".

    Has anyone found a cure for this syndrome because it's starting to mess with my head. I wanted to be a "kid" all day but I'm so out of that world right now that I can only see its shadows. And its a bit saddening on days where I just want to color and watch cartoons...but find myself only over analyzing what I'm doing, because fuck I'm 21...and it's reflecting in my head in this moment.

    Anyway I'm super tired, and should be in good night. And thanks for any sound advice and/or comments. <3

  2. #2


    Something preety normal, myself and lot other have it in the same way. When I'm tired of my kink, I switch it off for a while. It's called purge...

  3. #3


    Feelings of being big and little come and go, and it's normal (and healthy) to want both at different times. So don't feel bad that sometimes you feel like an adult. It's a good thing to hold onto your adult identity!

    It sounds, though, like what you really want is more control over your AB side. So you can focus on being an adult when it's time to do/enjoy adult things, and so you can be a baby guilt-free when those desires are strong. Again, this is a really good thing to want! And I think it's something you can have, too.

    When I first accepted myself as an AB, I was used to riding the binge-purge cycle. I'd get obsessed for a while, buy diapers and a pacifier and clothes...and them, after a few days, feel disgusted with myself and throe it all away. Repeat every few weeks. I wasn't in control at all. I'd feel little when I had papered to write, and be completely stressed when I shouikd have been relaxing. The way I took control was setting limits and adding structure to being an adult baby.

    First, I accepted that this was a part of me, and that it was OK if I was in control of it. It sounds like you've done this - and it's the most important step of all. Next, I decided to put specific limits on when I'd go little. At first, I let myself wear a diaper for an hour every other night, and one day on the weekend. This routine many that a) I had time to do my adult responsibilities, b) I didn't feel anxious or desperate, because I knew that my next 'little time' was coming, and c) I could start to control my feelings, because I knew they'd come up again another time, when I couikd feed them.

    I'd sgguest something like that for you. Try and set a schedule for when to go little. It may feel odd at first, but you'll be able to wait because you know it's coming. Even if you don't totally feel like it, go ahead anyway. The big thing this will do is it will make you the one in charge of your feelings, not the other way around. Eventually, you'll be able to turn your little side oin or off more as needed. When you're the one in control, yoiu can enjoy it in a way that's right for you - and you can actually enjoy some guikt-free baby time, because you can control when and how long its for!

    I think setting limits like this would really help. Give it a try, and let us know how irt goes. Good luck!

  4. #4


    I could not be AB or DL 24/7 like some people. For me it is not a lifestyle, its just some thing to do like going out to a bar. You know just something you occasionally do for fun.
    I wouldn't be worried about being sad about it, you don't have to feel pressured to be AB or DL all the time.

  5. #5


    I well know the feeling, there's as wide a spectrum of ABDL practices as there are individuals. It's really a matter of finding your groove, and finding what makes you happy when.

  6. #6


    Hello StrawberryRaven

    I would like to add to what Adventurer posted.

    With self acceptance comes control and balance. Then there is the part of setting the boundaries necessary to function in the "normal" environment and then having the time available to be little.

    The important thing is to remember to be "in the moment".
    There is two parts of the brain that we function in. One is when you are in control and functioning in the upper leave part of the brain (the frontal cortex) using cognitive thinking. The other part is the basic brain (the amigdala or the "lizard" brain) this is were the fight/flight/or freeze response happens. This is also where knee jerk reactions and impulsive thoughts and actions happened.

    The thing to work on is the ability to realize what part of the brain you are functioning in and to be able to get back to the higher cognitive thinking when it is needed or important.

    So in short, I agree that you have that switch in your head, but you need to be in charge of it and not the "Lizard brain". So if the time is right, have at it and let your little out to play. But if its time to be big, then the switch is set so that you are in control until the time is correct.

    It takes time to learn to control it, but it can be done.

    I wish you the best of luck.


  7. #7


    Scheduling. Set aside ab time, and enjoy it full tilt; but when it's over stick to ending playtime; then haul out the vacuum or the chainsaw, or whatever grown-up activity you do. Then stick to your schedule. You have trained yourself to sleep on a schedule, no?

    Don't expect instant results, stay with it weeks, even months. Be sure to undiaper when playtime is over. and use the potty when ab time ends, like a proper adult.

    - - - Updated - - -

    And Adventurer brought up the excellent point that you must accept that both sides of you are valid, and both are necessary to be happy and functional. By the way, You should have fun during ab time and during adult time. That way you can look forward to adult time when you are little, and little time when you are big, and the switching will become something you are always looking forward to.

  8. #8


    Its pretty common , sometimes like now I'll go quite a while without really wanting to indulge but some other times i'll want to do it a few times a week. I think it's just something you'll have to get used to, probably best not to try to force yourself when you're not in the mood, as that just might make your purge cycle longer.

  9. #9


    I think most of us go through these cycles to various degrees. For example I would go out buy 3 packs of diapers, then sometimes more. I would eventually begin to get 'reckless' with it - eg. I would hide a used diaper wrapped in 2-3 bags in my room (no odour) for a few days before disposing of them. Then suddenly I would get a big fright about being caught and thrown absolutely everything in the bin. This I would repeat again in 2-3 weeks.

    One thing that has always been constant is when I decide to mess, almost immediately afterwards I would feel incredibly guilty and say to myself 'why the bloody hell did you just do that' and the 'pleasure' is over instantly.

    nb. I was once technically caught - I took home bin bags from work to dispose of my diapers in the bin, that way if my mum ever saw them in the bin, they would be in a different bin bag from what we use so she wouldn't suspect it came from our house - anyway one day she opened one of the bags (I have wondered if she suspected as there was a previous near miss) and she said "they (our neighbours) have put his (their son's) nappy drynite things in our bin, it's a shame he's still doing that at that age, but don't go lobbing in in my bin" well she actually first said "have you seen the nappies in the bin?" and I metaphorically shit myself!

    Anyway (this is a long nota bene!) I gave it 5 mins and went down to my room and put all my remaining 'stocks' in my backpack, gave it 10 mins then said I have to go help my friend with his laptop. So I went to the public bin at one of the forest entrances and went for a walk for an hour before coming back (strangely enough she asked my friend - more in a tactful way - if I had been able to fix his laptop when she next saw him) That was the start of what I called my 4 month 'fear purge' it was really annoying and I did what I always did when I was younger - which was to always take a detour down the diaper isle when in the store, I just wanted to buy so bad but was terrified of being caught.

    Sorry it's been a bit long winded, but it just gives you an idea what my cycles are like - However I've not been able to wear for over a year now and I'm sure little me is getting lonely!
    Last edited by ajsco; 20-Oct-2013 at 02:24. Reason: Spelling - what a n00b!

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