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Thread: asking if it's alright if i tell you about my past?

  1. #1

    Default asking if it's alright if i tell you about my past?

    this post is about asking everyone if they are interested in hearing about my past upon request. i am not blind to the fact that i am not the only one who has problems and i was never one to complain especially when i hear about people who clearly have been or are going through things worse then me. i am merely asking if it's alright if i tell you why i was seeing a therapist LONG before i even heard what AB/DL meant.

  2. #2

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    Make a link to a blog.

    http://www.adisc.org/forum/blog_post.php?do=newblog

    We had a thing about "This Should Be A Blog" posts sometime back, and...well, this should be a blog. Doesn't mean you'll get less views though.

  3. #3

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    apparently i am unable to make blogs at this time as i have yet to level up(notice that i made this post partially because i need to make 20 posts to level up)

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by accept View Post
    apparently i am unable to make blogs at this time as i have yet to level up(notice that i made this post partially because i need to make 20 posts to level up)
    Since the blog idea isn't yet available to you...

    How 'bout if you tell us some of the past...and pose some questions regarding that...??

    -Marka

  5. #5

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    I agree with Marka...I didn't remember you couldn't make blogs as a newcomer, but if you need to get something off your chest then by all means, tell us. We'll all be more than happy to give advice if you're asking for help.

  6. #6

  7. #7

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    my diaper fetish started at 15. i was NOT diagnosed with autism(higher functioning aspergers) at that time in fact i was not diagnosed until i was 32 (i'm 36 now) the reason why my diaper fetish began was simply to relieve stress and sexual gratification.(i masturbate but to this day never had sex with anyone else) i never even heard of other people who did this thing and unfortunately i still did not have regular access to the internet at that time (it was 1992). OSTENSIBLY mom and dad said i could go to any place i wanted IF i told them where i was going. here's the problem i NEVER knew of any places to go to as i was just trapped in that cave that i called home. this was how things worked throughout most of my teenage years. they thought i would figure out where to go through school contacts but i am introverted by nature and i was constantly picked on in high school. (the bullying usually never got physical as i was 6'5" tall and i know some martial arts) for 4 years i was constantly harassed and tormented unable to make even a single friend. everyday i went home and tried to tell mom how i felt but i did not even know what to say because i was in so much pain i was literally forgetting most of it just to function in class and eventually mom noticed that i was getting depressed and she decided all i needed was "motivation". well when she tried acting like a drill instructor i just got worse there was no peace for me anywhere as i could not leave the house and do anything except go to school and be tormented all day from a uncaring class. by the time i was 18 and ready to graduate i was a bomb waiting to go off. i was thinking the pain would end if all i did was go to college and get more education. well i took some adult educational classes to learn to become a certified welder fabricator (i know how to read blue prints) and i got my certificate in 3 months and immediately started working at a nice factory. well i was depressed and i am reckless but surprisingly nice and kind. i was simply trying to hard to help other's when i should have been helping myself. i am selfless NOT selfish.(autistic thinking) i literally was taken advantage of and used by my "friends" until i had nothing left to give and then abandoned by them. during this time mom began to realize that something was seriously wrong with me and tried to help but all i wanted was to get away from her and be left alone. she was surprised that i would prefer risking getting mugged at night by sleeping on a park bench then living with her at home. i never told her why i did this and she never understood either. at some point i was about to get thrown out in the street again when i failed to maintain a decent GPA(i was in college major was accounting the reasons for my GPA are time consuming if you want to know more just ask me) and continue to be eligible for government loans. i was about to be thrown out into the street again,did not have health insurance or a job and i even lost my therapist because i had lost my student health insurance all in the space of 3 days. i decided that since i was no longer productive or even capable of becoming productive that society was going to be better off without me and attempted suicide. i was in so much pain that i seriously believed that this was the right thing to do( i was wrong of course but being rationale at that point was something i was NOT capable of). now my being a diaper lover in all this(yes this is not everything it's just a quick rundown) was me having classic binge and purge cycles except i could not even try to begin to accept myself as i had more immediate concerns like staying alive and trying to help people in all the wrong ways. i simply do this for stress relief,sexual gratification, and for simply enjoying myself in the privacy of my own home(if i had one at the time) i am a christian and i guess masturbation does not count as having lost my virginity.(yes i will wait to have sex with someone until we hypothetically get married) i do this because if i'm going to sin i might as well not help someone else sin. i was at best only slightly ashamed of being a diaper lover as i simply did not have enough in me to even acknowledge this as part of me until somewhat recently. it was a shock to discover that i am suddenly part of a group who is in fact marginalized and ostracized and i was simply afraid because i have enough troubles and i simply do not need this stress right now. it's not hard for any of you to see that this site is like a godsend to me as i have finally found a place that i can simply be myself and make a lot of friends.

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    sorry took awhile for me to type that

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    also that 6'5" height of mine has become a 6'6" now

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    sorry i forgot to proofread this i forgot to mention i had trouble keeping job due to personality issues from autism

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    my major in college was accounting i was taking government loans out to pay for classes until my first suicide attempt sorry i am in a bad sate of mind and i forget to put in these details

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    oh yes i needed help understanding basic terminology here like what is a furry a diaper furry or fur? i never even knew these words existed until 6 days ago as wise i could be i am utterly naive of all of this
    Last edited by giantguy99; 10-Oct-2013 at 07:10. Reason: misspelling and forgot whole sentences

  8. #8

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    Well, accept, you don't have to worry about anyone bullying you here. It seems to me that most bullies only reflect what's going on inside themselves, and you were the one they chose to take it out on. You're a strong person for bearing through all that in high school, as bullying is a huge blow to the social side of being human, which is really important in those years. However, you may or may not realize that, no matter how much pain life brings you, it is a means to an end, and that end is the stronger, more durable, more honest you. Never, never give in, because life is both a learning process and an ironic happenstance that keeps on giving and taking, and testing.

    Are you and your mother in contact? If there has been enough time between the two of you, I might suggest making things a little clearer as to why you retreated when you did; I think it would ease a lot of pressure on your already-stressed mind. In this universe, there are two kinds of forces: the forces that give, and the forces that take, and the beauty of being human is that we can use both to our advantage. You are a vessel through which the world can heal, but you need to re-establish contact with your mother, because she will give you the strength that you need to continue doing just that. It might be hard, but it is nothing that you cannot handle. Even if the worst comes out of that scenario, it's still a sign that tells you where to go from there, as it's a part of the learning process called life.

    I really don't know how to console you about your "friends," and how they used you the way they did, as the same thing happened with me when I was in high school. As soon as I stopped being afraid of them judging me, I let them all go. So all I can tell you is, you're better off without them taking anything more from you. They were in the wrong, not you. You did the best you could to heal yourself through healing others, which is valid in itself, but balancing the scales is just as important, which they failed to do. It's not your fault you fell.

    All of this crap is inexplicable. Life is full of suffering, but we grow as a result. And you know what? You're a good person deep down, and you are exactly what the world needs right now. Suicide is simply not a viable option for the achievement of happiness, especially in your case, being that you can easily become a hero to someone who asks for your help. You need to stand up on both your feet, puff out your chest, and tell the world, "I'm going to help you, and there's nothing you can do about it." The bottom-feeders will not know what to do.

    I hope I helped...you should try playing basketball. Just throwing that out there. And if you have an artistic hobby of some sort, you could try selling your artwork, and if you don't have an artistic hobby, then get one! It is gratifying to no end, and you're your own employer.

  9. #9

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    i am going to be editing this tomorrow as i am clearly not clear headed and i simply cannot do this correctly at this time

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    alright i will eventually tell mom but this will simply have to wait a little longer as i need to do this right i am technically very poor with my choice of words and i need to simply make sure that i do that right. as for basketball well i dislocated my knee 3 times in the past (just had surgery and physical and therapy is still ongoing) and i much prefer a unusual game called dagohir. it's best described to outsiders as a glorified nerf baseball bat fight.

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    as for growing well i already knew that . "that which does not kill you makes you stronger".

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    you know i can post a lot of wise sayings like that one about getting stronger care to hear a few including the one i invented?

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    you know i actually like making landscape paintings i used to watch this really cool guy named bob ross do that he was really good and just watching him can teach you how to paint with oils like you where a Picasso or something like that

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    also i have other plans other then art i want to put together a team for a game called league of legends and go across the world to compete for prizes that could include large amounts of cash and get me on utube. i thought of representing my church out there and using that fame to bring attention to societal issues like the one's we know of personally and start fixing them or start to fix them.

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    i will NOT play league of legends for the money in and off itself as if i do this for something other then fun i WILL fail to get anything out of it

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    and i can be patient about trying to get this team together i'm planning on 5 years to be exact

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    when i was a salvation army bell ringer collecting donations in front of a walmart i always smiled and said hello to everyone in a very friendly voice clearly enjoying the job despite the fact it was only 20 degrees outside. one day this guy on his way into the store says "your crazy!" and i told him without even missing a beat "greatness and sanity do NOT go hand in hand!" while looking him in the eye and smiling. he just stood there speechless with his chin hanging near his ankles!
    Last edited by giantguy99; 10-Oct-2013 at 08:04. Reason: answering more questions and mispelling

  10. #10

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    I'm glad you found this place too and your accepting yourself. Most are pretty nice here. Some judge and like to be grammar and spell check nazis. Just ignore. Hope you make lots of friends!!

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