I'll try not to go-off on tangents with graphic detail, but after 10 months on this site, I'm still wondering why there is no one like myself (female-born, male-identified) to second my belief that 1.) there's nothing more "fun" in the way of arousal than messing oneself, and 2.) it is a hyper-masculine behavior for being as unladylike as possible? It feels naughty for that very reason, like I'm "crossing a forbidden line" or "eating the forbidden fruit" or something, so I'm not sure why there aren't more self-defined FtM transgenders like me who see diapers as nothing more than a means of doing a BM, having put it on solely for that purpose and with the intention of removing it almost immediately afterward, with no eye witnesses around?
It's like, there are only a few FtM users here, including FAAB genderqueers (which is what I might actually be, since I would never get phalloplasty and just don't like the word Lesbian), and among them, most are the type who "don't care for messing." I've also found it nearly impossible to find such pictures of FtM's on other sites, so much so that it is a lot easier to find diaper shots of "feminine" women, and certainly of MtF trans people, than of people like me. I mean, isn't there anyone who feels as strongly about that concept as I do?
It's like, I feel such a huge sense of empowerment from doing such a "masculine" bodily function in such a disgusting way that words cannot even begin to describe how "excited" I can become from doing so! But since urine is as boring as water and no one doubts (or pretends to doubt) that women pee, I feel more arousal from pooping in the toilet than from peeing in a diaper (which I've only ever done while in the process of messing). See, a diaper, in and of itself, does nothing more for me than wearing a maxi pad. But messing, being the "big taboo" that it is, gets me excited the moment I think about it or just reminisce about a past incident, which is why I don't even feel the need to do it more than a couple times per year, if at all.
Why, then, are there no others like me who share in such beliefs? I see FtM's allover the internet, more than willing to show the world their chest surgery results on YouTube, what Testosterone has done to their privates on Xtube, and their shockingly-realistic STP devices (which I've never tried in my life). But never do you find self-messing content posted by such people, and when I search for it, I get results that have nothing to do with feces (i.e. the s-word is more commonly used as just another "meaningless" curse word).
You would think that with their increased libido would come an increased likelihood to do such things, since I shudder to think of how often I might starting wanting to mess if I got on T, yet that urge doesn't seem to be happening for them? Why not? Don't they know that, in my opinion, they can have all the muscles and facial hair in the world, but if they say, "Eeeew, noooo!" to, "Have you ever sharted/pooped in your pants within the past few years?" they're no "manlier" than an image-conscious girl in high school? What's with this unrealistic, squeaky-clean, Ken doll/Rico Suave image they have of "maleness" and "masculinity?"
Am I the only one who realizes that being "masculine" begins with 1.) not caring what others think of your looks/hygiene, and 2.) loving even the most disgusting things about yourself so much that you can accept any other flaws with no problem? It is girls who are conditioned from an early age to be ashamed of every fart, burp, and imperfection about their bodies, so why can't we, as FtM's, be the ones to break that chain of self-hatred to the point where messing and living through it would not only be possible, but pleasurable?