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Thread: Pros and Cons (and Pros and Cons)

  1. #1

    Default Pros and Cons (and Pros and Cons)

    hey everyone,

    I'm sorry to post ANOTHER "coming out" thread but as far as I can tell I can't find exactly what I'm looking for on the site so i'll just start this thread and ask away (hope you don't mind)

    So, I'm debating telling someone (perhaps parents, perhaps bff) about my dl-ism and im weighing the pros and cons of each. I wanted you (yes, YOU!) to give me your opinion.

    Pros for parents
    - I can wear around the house without worrying about someone walking in on me (I especially tend to diaper up at night when I'm in a binge phase)
    -I can buy online (I have debit but not credit card), Goodbye depends, hello Molicare/Bambino/Tena/Abena!
    -I might just feel a bit better about myself

    Cons for parents
    -Potentially destroying our relationship (if they hate or don't allow it)
    -making our relationship akward for the rest of our lives (I'd rather never have them know, ever, they might feel weird having a diaper-wearing son)
    -etc. I think we can speculate on this one

    Pros for bff
    -Parents don't have to know but I have someone to wear them around (discreetly of course) and talk to occasionally
    -maybe she's also abdl lol never know
    -She could order online for me and I could pay her back

    Cons for bff
    -like parents, our relationship might be forever awkward, distanced, or altogether destroyed by this (she already means the world to me)
    -It would always be the elephant in the room
    -I might come across as forcing it onto her (sometimes maybe?)

    Pros/cons for staying quiet
    -I know for sure that my abdl-ness stays under the radar for now at the expense of some minor guilt and anxiety issues
    -I finish high school in a year and I could always get better diapers then
    -This is not the first time I have had these thoughts, and they have faded before... eventually, but always come back... eventually.
    -I miss out on potentially opening up a real-life (non-internet) (SMALL) community of people who know and accept me, but its a gamble either way

    Long story short I'm wondering if this is worth acting on or if its just part of a binge/purge cycle and it can wait until im out on my own.

    So what do you guys think? i figure most of us have been in this position before... i'd really appreciate some help on this.

    thanks in advance!
    Last edited by timidlythinking; 27-Sep-2013 at 02:04. Reason: needed a better title

  2. #2


    Hello there.

    I would not tell family or friends about these desires. If you had a medical need, then yes, your parents should know immediately. But it sounds like you only wear for fun/pleasure..

    Most people will just not understand. In my opinion simply not worth the risk.

    If you want to share your desires, feelings, and experiences with others, then you will find lots of great people online. People that feel much the same as you do. Many of us have gone on to meet up in the real world and have become good friends.

    Make do with the less exciting diapers for now, and when you move out (in coming years) then you will have more freedom. Could you perhaps get a pre-paid credit card already? Use that for online orders? Order when your family are away on vacation or something? Or have your online delivery ship to a FedEx or UPS facility and pickup yourself?

    Good luck and all the best

  3. #3


    I recently told my best friend of 11 years about my DL-ism. I told him through an e-mail and he was surprised at first but for the most part he was very accepting of it and said I was an amazing friend for even sharing something this personal about myself. I only told him because I knew that he would respond this way and I wanted to tell someone I knew personally and talk to about this. Now I can, and it feels great! So far he is the only person I ever shared this with. I live with my family and they don't know, but if they ever did find out it wouldn't be the end of the world. They already know I am a bit different anyway. But for you I would only tell your bff if you absolutely know for sure they will accept it. You will be much happier when you find out that they do!

  4. #4


    First off: I wouldn't tell my parents, siblings or friends. If I have a relationship with a girlfriend and it is progressing toward possible commitment or marriage: I would tell them. Personally, I have not told anyone about being AB/DL/Sissy.

    Second: You have listed many of the pros and cons. I have read through my of the threads on ADISC and there are a lot of posts that say 'NO', many that say 'YES' and a number that say 'MAYBE'. From reading these posts, my suggestion is to list the pros and cons (like you have already done), take a week or so to think about possible outcomes and then, if you still feel it is warranted, go ahead a tell the person or persons.

    In the final analysis, only you can decide whether you should tell someone.

  5. #5


    You touched on it a bit in some of the pros and cons, but one thing that needs serious consideration is the effect it will have on the other person. I know that if any of my friends were to come to me and say "you know, I have this weird fetish involving x y and z" my response would be something along the lines of "....... and why are you telling me this?". And from then on I'd probably wonder what was up with them, not because of the details of their fetish, but because they felt the need to go TMI on me.

    And looking at some of the pros you have listed:
    - You can wear around the house with your family there, I do it all the time and have been on a semi-regular basis for at least a year now and no one has noticed. Just make sure you leave multiple layers of insurance against getting caught (I could go into all sorts of details if you want) and don't let yourself get lazy.

    - Debit cards should work the same online as credit cards do in terms of buying things.

    - Feeling better about yourself isn't going to happen if more people know about it.

    - You can wear around your bff without them knowing. I wear around my friends at college (I actually find it easier to wear in public than at home in terms of hiding it) all the time and no one has noticed.

    - Wishful thinking.

    - No, don't ask them to be your proxy for buying diapers, that's just weird. Either use your debit card or get a credit card (or buy a pre-paid credit card in a store with cash). In fact, why don't you have a credit card? Use it like a debit card (e.g. don't run up more than the balance in your bank account and pay it in full every month) to establish credit. Then you won't be a complete unknown to the loan company when you finish college and it comes time to buy a house or whatever. Make the case to your parents if the bank needs someone to cosign for you or w/e.

    In terms of being able to wait until you're out on your own, you can do it.

  6. #6


    Yes the pros and cons for this is larger step could affect a relationship with someone friend or family but also you need think this there no way rewind back what did so be paired for outcome. The only thing can say if do tell family and reaction is bad does not mean still not going love you no matter what you are. The one you need be more worry about is tell GF or BF because those another story I lost few friends when found out wear diaper but just show who true friends are.

  7. #7


    Quote Originally Posted by irnub View Post
    - Debit cards should work the same online as credit cards do in terms of buying things.
    If your debit card doesn't say visa or mc on it, it won't work very many places online. It usually costs the vendors more money monthly in having the capability to take a straight debit card (both monthly from the processor and sometimes monthly from their web portal/host/software vendor) so you don't see it as much. It's like american express and discover, not everyone takes it.

  8. #8


    i told a friend of mine, just because he told me he's a crossdresser and i felt it to be an appropriate exchange of secrets... nothing has changed between us, except he feels a little less burdened i guess :-)

  9. #9


    this will probably echo what many have said. If you're living at home, your best bet is to not say anything just yet. Even the best reaction your parents could give you, it probably wouldn't be as much as you're hoping for. It's best to wait until you have a safe space to go to just in case they react badly. If anything, your friend would be more likely to be understanding. Parents, not so much.

    Only you know your parents and friends. I have to say, though, the rewards you may get don't seem worth the risk. You can wear discretely, you have social outlets. It's really not worth the potential downside if you have no place to go.

  10. #10


    Honestly, I'm gonna have to say that no one but you can determine whether or not you should tell anyone about this side of you... I will give you my experience but it would be just as subjective as listening to someone describe skydiving.

    I told all my friends... literally ALL my friends know about my abdl/little side. I'll get to the "why" in a moment.

    I live in one of the most judgemental places in the US (miami) and NO ONE, that i have told has given me negative responses... even my closed minded friends reacted admirably... and granted I have lost many friends over the years but i can tell you right now that in now way was it related to my ABDL side.. it was always over some stupid drama between other friends... So it really depends on your confidence and your delivery and how well you know your friends.

    Now, WHY did I tell my friends? Because i was tired of having to hide all my things, and i was tired of having to lock my closet or having random "surprise guests" when i was in baby mode, so i just decided to tell my friends a minimal form of what I do, and if they showed further interest, i would give further information. Granted, doing this took a lot of courage and it also took the conscious decision to say "i dont care if my friends dont wanna stay friends with me because I am who I am and wearing diapers and acting like a baby doesn't change that."

    Now, this doesnt mean i act or dress up in front of my friends, it only means that I am free of living in constant fear of being found out. The pros for me where numerous - Most of my friends actually ENCOURAGE me to wear and dress up around them because they want me to feel like I can trust them (I still dont out of courtesy), all my friends have become much closer to me because they feel a sense of comfort in the fact that I trusted them enough to tell them. Not one (i shit you not) person has reacted negatively to my coming out, and I even have friends who envy or admire my ability to "not give a shit" for lack of a better statement.

    As for telling parents - i really dont recommend it because nothing good comes from it, and nothing beneficial to you comes from it, especially since you will eventually be moving out and moving on. I had the urge to tell my parents so that i can live in my room without fear of getting caught, but I just bit the bullet and didnt because the days that I did get caught and tried to explain, it always resulted in hospitalization threats, and them begging me to seek therapy and how what i was doing was wrong.... So please consider that telling parents has NO purpose... Imagine your mom telling you about the different kinks her and your dad have? Yits not something you want to hear, and its not something they want to hear from you, whether its a sexual fetish or not.

    But when it comes to telling friends, only you can make that call because you know them better than we do, and you know yourself better than anyone. If you feel like they will react admirably, then go for it, but you have to prepare yourself for the worst as well. I'm only 24 and im already in a point in my life where if one of my friends wanted to blackmail me, THEY CANT because the people who I care about already know about me, and the people who don't know i have no close connection with. And even if they blackmailed me with my parents, i STILL wouldn't care because im an adult, Im married and I live on my own, I have the right to do what I want and I am SO GLAD i held out until now because i am happier and freer than ever.

    Once again i feel the need to state that just because my experience was 100% positive doesn't mean yours will be, but it also doesn't mean that yours WONT be. There is only one way to find out and only one person who can make that decision: you.

    Even though feeling better about yourself is something you also have to determine about yourself, saying that having other people around you who are supportive and accepting wont help that is a big lie... i was going through turmoil the first time i told my SO and a couple of friends and had it not been for their support i probably would still be hiding in my room yelling "freak" at the mirror.

    Telling your parents will only make you feel worse because unfortunately the majority of the time they just WONT understand.... And as for having your bff purchase for you, believe it or not, i actually did that for about a year until i was able to get my own bank account... but its not hard to get a bank account of your own and use your own acquired money to buy diapers and things... I started purchasing my own things at age 16 with my own bank card and shipping it to my own home, but then again this requires a mutual respect of privacy between you and your parents, which I also had.

    I've been saying this for years and people will probably disagree with me when I say this: but coming to your community for coming out advice is going to net you nothing but more confusion because of the numerous different results various people have had in their lives... Some have had 100% negative and some have had 100% positive and others have had 50/50 or 70/30 and the posibilities are endless because there are an endless amount of people with endless amounts of understanding and personalities in this world. But if there is one thing I can agree on 100% is that telling family members is never a good idea.

    The only person who can make your relationships awkward is you. If you treat it like something awkward then its forever going to be the elephant in the room, if you plan on coming out that is. You have to be confident in yourself and treat it like its no big deal, which honestly it isnt when you think about it, and if your friends are smart and logical enough they too will see that its not a big deal and there are worse things.

    Sorry if this is a really long response, its just that I see a lot of these coming out threads and the responses are always wildly mixed and different, and i just had to mention that this is not something we can decide for you because we dont know your parents or your friends and we only know you through an online medium. Besides, im sure none of us want to be held responsible for putting you in a negative situation you dont want to be in or for keeping you from being in a positive situation you could have been in.

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