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Thread: What's best for my little girl....

  1. #1

    Unhappy What's best for my little girl....

    So I have been giving this a lot of thought, and I know I have just been introduced to the AB/DL community, and I have just discovered my AB side, but I think it is best if I give it all up. My wife has been super supportive and accepts me for me, but I don't think I can hide this from my little girl, and I don't want to lie to her either. She has not been born yet, but it will not be long. I want her to have the childhood that I never had, and have a normal life. If for some reason she had ever found out, it could jeopardize that. And before anyone says anything this isn't the purge cycle. Like I said I have giving this a lot of thought. So after I run out of diapers, I am done with this chapter in my life. I will remain a member until her birth so that I can stay in touch with some of my new friends that I have made while I was here. After that if you wish to continue to be my friend let me know and I will give you my facebook acount, if not I understand. I want to take this time to thank everyone that has helped me along the way and answered any questions that i had. When the time comes I will miss you all, and will miss reading about all of your stories.


    Your friend always
    Mike

  2. #2

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    If this is what you think is best then don't let anyone discourage you.
    Best of luck in your endeavors.

  3. #3

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    I'll do the same when I have a kid, so I understand you. And congrats on your little girl

  4. #4

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    It's always difficult... I suppose.

    On one hand, having a child is certainly not the end of some private time between you and your SO, no matter how you two may want to spend it. It would be silly if it is that way, you only need to be careful, as everyone can imagine for sure or you may have troublesome and unwanted consequences you never thought about. However it surely takes a lot more... planning ahead, even if it's sometimes spontaneous or should be regarding the management of having time and space to do anything, where your child shouldn't be involved in any way.

    This should not sound like it's the wrong choice what you're doing now. On the contrary: If you feel like your desire should be stopped for the better, i.e. speaking of rasing your child and not having too much to think about, since the parenthood has the major role for a long time and being an AB a rather minor role; ~ more or less depending on your desire to do so and anything it involves, especially speaking of diapers.

    So I cannot say anything else that I respect your choice, everything else would be a lie. And in a way it's surely one of the best choices, if you're able to. And if you think so, you're surely.

    Only some words... if you're in the mood to think about it:
    No matter how you will decide, or rather you already made your choice, consequent, - talk with your wife about it. Maybe she also thinks it's the best. But since she's been super supportive and perhaps arranged all this in a positive way for herself, or even may found some pleasure in it after this time: Perhaps she doesn't want to quit it, or doesn't want that you stop with it, since she may not that it means a lot to you. In the end is everything possible, you only need to know how, or plan ahead, even if it means that you're able to do certain things less often, or for a period of time not at all; this goes for everything. Secondly, if you learn to appreciate some things if you're only able to enjoy them from time to time, they will make even more fun overall, in most cases. Although there's also the possibility that you may lose interest automatically in this case too.

    Carrying forward with this thought about losing interest, as a side note: Who knows, perhaps you're also happy, or rather happy seeing your daughter having a beautiful childhood, since you may also know in a way what's important for her, figuratively speaking... if you know what I mean now, so to speak of the basic characteristics about what's important for AB's partly, i.e. comfort, care, aid, provision, help, being heartwarming, being always there and of course showing love no matter what.


    In the end... I probably said too much and you know what's best for you and in this case how you're able to raise your child in the best possible way.
    Just talk with your wife about it, since she's affected too and may have something to add, regardless of which direction her thoughts and words may aim for.

    Best of luck anyway, for everything! =)

  5. #5

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    You know in the end you have to do what is best for your family, but keep in mind a couple of things. First of denying this area of your life is not always a good thing. For many of us this is something we are involved in because of some sort of trauma. So this is often a healing process for us all. I know it is for me. But there was a time when I tried to deny this part of my life and I just felt terrible. It is just as unhealthy to ignore it as it could be if your daughter ever found out. This can be done in private, with no need to fully give it up. Yes, being 24/7 maybe a little to obvious at times but then again if it is kept private, I would see no reason why I would have to stop if I had a child.

  6. #6
    CrinklySiren

    Default

    I have to agree with the above post. There are definitely changes you will have to make to accomodate for your family, but there is no need to give it up entirely. The only thing is that you will have to me more careful and just be more responsible when it comes to hiding your things or being open about your AB side.

    Here is something to consider:

    1. For someone who is clearly happy with who they are, letting go of this side of you can be very VERY emotionally debilitating, and at first it may seem like you can handle it but as time progresses, you will start to miss it to the point where there is a high possibility that it will cause stress in you.

    2. By doing things in private, you are not lying to your child. Just as you wouldn't speak openly to your child about your sexual activities with your significant other, this is also something you don't have to talk to your child about. There is a difference between lying and keeping certain things away from those who don't need to know. The same could be said about having an interest in guns or marijuana or other things that would be considered detrimental to the growth of a child and their psychology, Yet there are plenty of people who pursue hobbies that they can keep their child completely away from until they are either old enough to understand or old enough to leave home. Having a healthy family doesn't mean being 100% open about everything with everyone involved. Your wife or gf or significant other and you can speak on an adult level, while you speak to your child on the level at which they grow. But honestly, I dont think its necessary to let go of a part of you that obviously makes you happy just because your child is being born.

    3. another thing to consider is that your child isnt even going to be able to comprehend what you do until they are able to reason. Simply put, between their birth and maybe the age of 2, even if they were to accidentally run into your "stash" they wont even know what it is let alone be able to be traumatized lol

    I've had this conversation with my SO many times and whenever she tells me "what are we gonna do when we have kids" i always respond "since WHEN did your parents display everything they were doing to you? Its not like you knew about most of the adult things they did on their own time." and she realized that this is true.

    But in the end its really up to you, just dont make any decisions you dont have to or any decisions you will regret later.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by babymike1985 View Post
    So I have been giving this a lot of thought, and I know I have just been introduced to the AB/DL community, and I have just discovered my AB side, but I think it is best if I give it all up. My wife has been super supportive and accepts me for me, but I don't think I can hide this from my little girl, and I don't want to lie to her either. She has not been born yet, but it will not be long. I want her to have the childhood that I never had, and have a normal life. If for some reason she had ever found out, it could jeopardize that. And before anyone says anything this isn't the purge cycle. Like I said I have giving this a lot of thought. So after I run out of diapers, I am done with this chapter in my life. I will remain a member until her birth so that I can stay in touch with some of my new friends that I have made while I was here. After that if you wish to continue to be my friend let me know and I will give you my facebook acount, if not I understand. I want to take this time to thank everyone that has helped me along the way and answered any questions that i had. When the time comes I will miss you all, and will miss reading about all of your stories.


    Your friend always
    Mike
    I don't believe that it need be all or nothing...find a balance... imbalance, does not generally support good-health...prepare for the good and, the bad......live something of the middle...

    Otherwise, do what you feel that you must, but more importantly...what is true to you!
    You'll have some time to practice abstaining from this part of you, and maybe develop some different ways of managing any potential future desires of engaging the AB/DL desires that may come back...

    I have no intentions or desires to sabotage your intentions, but I would recommend that you have a plan for dealing with the potential deviations from your intentions...then you'll have a better idea of what you may do...if, you should ever feel strongly compelled to act out your AB/DL desires later on...

    I very much support responsible child-rearing...taking care of yourself is a part of that! Obviously, you wouldn't be parading around in AB/DL gear in view of you children... I believe that you've got a few years to work this out though, and as long as you're working on it...you should have a much better idea, how to handle things with your own needs, and the responsibilities to your child...

    Also, denying who you are, and what you're about...technically is lying, but using responsible discretion in what you express, about those things to your children is not.

    Best to you,
    -Marka

  8. #8

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    I understand that you have suffered trauma in your life and *B/DL helps with that, it certainly does for me to. And you want to give your child what you never had, which is entirely normal, to take a step as large as this is INCREDIBLY admirable. However I just feel that you are making the connection between diapers and your trauma, you don't want your daughter to suffer trauma so the diapers have to go (if you understand my gist of it?) When you have a kid, you get less of everything - less going out, less peacefulness, less sex, the list goes on and on. That doesn't mean no diapers, just less, ok maybe to begin with yes no diapers (just like you will have no sex when you first have a baby) but it's something that you can work back in, and you being able to make this decision to stop shows that you are in control of your diaper fetish, so it is unlikely to interfere with your ability to be a father - Which I feel is a concern of yours. Also I am gathering you don't want her to find out (obviously)but there is a time and a place for your fetish, and if you're just reasonable with it that won't be a problem.

    I have been round here for a good number of years and I have seen countless people want to quit for their various reasons, and most do come back saying they can't do it. It's just in our nature, we can't just stop (for most of us) a lifelong compassion. Furthermore if being *B/DL helps as a coping mechanism, don't you want to be mentally stable for your family? Which is a very strong reason to carry on in moderation. Of course for the first while she will be the only thing in your mind, but find a way to bring it back in moderation.

    Good Luck

  9. #9

    Default

    thank you everyone for all of the advice, my wife and i have a lot of talking to do. when a conclusion is made, i will update you on our decision.

  10. #10

    Default

    Leave the kids out of this. They can figure out their own kinks and oddities when they're old enough to have them. Its one thing to teach your kid your favorite sport. This is way different.

    There are things you and the missus do as adults. Privately.

    Think about it...... would you have wanted graphic details if your parents were into whips and leather? Do you even want to picture your parents in the act of producing you?!? This reminds me of the Lunchline Lovers in college....... the two ugliest people on campus found each other. And revelled in it constantly, and publicly. Nobody needs to see that.

    Let kids be kids. We're all happy that you and the missus have found your niche, and each other, but its not fair to inflict it on the next generation before they're old enough to understand, choose, and if necessary reject, on their own.

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