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Thread: Told my girlfriend about diapers- Mixed reaction.

  1. #1

    Default Told my girlfriend about diapers- Mixed reaction.

    I plucked the courage to tell my girlfriend. I have been going out with her for a year, and we are living together. I had been thinking about it all week, and last night I just said 'f**k it', and told her everything about me liking diapers.

    At first she was shocked. She asked me loads of questions about whether it was something sexual, whether it involved liking kids or disabled folks, why do I like them.. I reassured her that it is nothing sexual, which for me it isn't, and of course it is nothing to do with babies, or the elderly.

    I asked if she still loved me, she said yes. I asked if she accepts the fact I like diapers.. she said she doesn't know.

    She said that she does not want to see me wear them, and strongly objected in me wearing them to bed. So we went to bed on a sour note.

    Today after work things seemed to be okay. She was in good spirits and was happy that I opened up to her. But when I got home she started what felt like an interrogation about my diapered desires.

    She asked if I could drop these desires, and if the diapers were more important than she was. I said to her that if she did not accept the fact I liked to wear diapers, the relationship would struggle to survive. She thought of it as an 'obsession'.

    She then burst into tears for about an hour. It was terrible. Not the reaction I wanted at all. I felt like she was not accepting at all. I held my ground stating that the diapers were extremely important in my life and I could not just 'drop' the desire.

    We then went upstairs, and we talked about it more in a calmer manner. She asked to see one of my diapers, and I explained to her what I liked about it and how it was emotionally and physically comfortable.

    As a next 'step', she then asked me to wear a diaper, something I thought never would happen. I nervously put a diaper on, so she could see what it looked like.

    I took it off and then I opened up to her about some diaper memories. She still seems unsure, but the reaction was not as good as I thought. I am a little unsure of what to do now. I feel like I am treading on hot coal here.

  2. #2

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    Opening up to a girlfriend is a whole different animal. I just opened up to my best friend of 11 years last night and he was surprised, but very understanding and said that as long as it doesn't hurt me or anyone else he was fine with it. Although lunch was a bit awkward today. :/ In the case of a GF, she has only known you for about a year and the fact that you both are living together is a big factor too. I am a bit surprised that she wanted you to put one on, even after reacting negatively, so obviously she was curious. So I think that's a plus. I think your best bet is to be completely honest with her and share more memories with her. Maybe explain to her that there are tons of other people just like you and show her this forum eventually. Maybe ask her if she as any secret kinks that she wouldn't dare talk about that she can share with you. But it is great that you told her now and not 10 years down the road. If anything she should realize now just how much you trust her.

  3. #3

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    She may view the diapers as competition for your attention and affection. Women can get very jealous, and not just with other women. Her asking you to choose between your diapers and her is a pretty clear indication that she has a smaller problem with your diapers themselves than that she's worried/afraid that it's going to come down to either her or the diapers, and she doesn't want to lose you to them. (or have to share you with them, for that matter)

    I think getting her to share in the experience may be a good approach with her, even if she doesn't specifically enjoy wearing. She needs to know that they're not a threat.

    A really important question I'd have for you right now is, did you put on your diaper.. or did she diaper you? This is the difference between her being in and out of the picture. Right now you're enjoying her company, and you're enjoying your diapers. (she sees as two unrelated, possibly conflicting/competing things) If she sees herself as involved with your enjoyment of diapers, that's just one more thing about her that you can love, one more thing that she can do to see you smile. If you can get her to see that, I'm sure she won't have a problem with it. It will just be one more thing strengthening your bond together.

    Make sure she understands just how grateful you are for her doing that for you. When you say "I love it when you diaper me, make sure that the emphasis is clearly on the YOU. Try to change her understanding from "he loves wearing diapers" to "he loves it when *I* diaper him".

    It may help her security if you can come to an agreement initially of only wearing if she's the keeper of the diapers. Your having to come to her to get padded may put a whole new spin on them, now she's in control, and diapers are just one more thing she can wind you up with. And what woman doesn't love to be in control of their man? Her having more control over the diapers should make them less threatening to her.

    Maybe she'll look a lot more sexy to you in a diaper than in that bikini or panties? Just suggest that to her, without even asking her to wear. Hopefully she'll decide on her own that she'd like to find out. Make a point of making it a group activity, absolutely do NOT let her diaper herself, you need to be the one doing it. Whenever possible, both of you need to be involved when it comes to diapers.

    If she doesn't want any involvement with your diapers, it's going to be a lot more difficult. So do what you can to get her involved in any way you can. Even if it only means she has the only key to the diaper drawer.

  4. #4

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    I got the impression she seemed jealous of the diapers. She thought that it would affect our sex life and I would prefer diapers over her, and sex. I prefer diapers over sex, but I can still enjoy sex.

    She has cautiously agreed to let me wear a diaper tonight. I am nervous, but at least I got my wish. I hope I can still enjoy the diaper as much as I usually do without the awkwardness. I would never ask her to wear a diaper, as I see diapers as a private non-sexual thing. But the situation has calmed greatly over the past few days. Tonight will be the next hurdle.

  5. #5

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    I find it interesting that she asked about whether or not your interest in diapers involved small children and disabled folks. With me having a profound developmental disability (autism), I find that relationships (a girlfriend, for example) have always been extremely difficult for me to achieve. Could part of this have to do with neuro-typicals viewing autistic adults as they do children? I am aware that many people on the spectrum wear diapers, and often get the impression that such a situation indicates a severe cognitive dysfunction. But in my case, in spite of the fact that I'm in them 24/7 (both cloth and disposable), I still have my full independence. It would be nice if others can shed some light on this. Thanks.

  6. #6

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    RouteLeader

    I might say to tread carefully where you are at the moment - Do no, under no circumstances, at least for the moment, make the diapers a permanent thing, something that you do often or regularly... keep it "under the hood".
    I don't mean that you should NOT indulge at all... no, really, I think you're safe to go there ONCE IN A WHILE... I guess the idea was / is VERY strange to your girlfriend - absurd, maybe even gross and certainly utterly weird.
    Stuff like that doesn't "digest" quickly / easily with many out there - unless they're themselves rather kinky or very open minded (which is kind of rare).
    So just take it slow any easy... don't wear every night, make an effort when you choose to wear, that the diapers are "covered" up (wear large boxers or PJs over them), don't walk around the house in nothing but a diaper... make sure you don't smell like a toilet... IF you use them, make sure that you do NOT wet the bed (or your GF) during the night... stuff like that can go a LONG way.

    Also show her how much you love her - be there for her, go the extra mile.... make sure he desirers are also met in your sex life etc...
    Basically show her that you CARE a LOT for her, love her, and that the diapers are in no way going to take any of that away - maybe tell her that it's actually quite the contrary, as by opening up about this and finding some acceptance you really appreciate her a lot more for being with you, for trying to understand etc...

    I think her reaction so far is actually quite "OK" - whilst not great it's a reaction that probably would be shared by many...
    But I believe as it stands from what you write there is a good chance that it'll play out well for the both of you.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by Honeywell6180 View Post
    I find it interesting that she asked about whether or not your interest in diapers involved small children and disabled folks.
    She made the assumption that diapers for just for babies and seemed to be wholly unaware that the elderly/IC wore adult diapers at all. I know that sounds a bit silly but she assumed they use catheters/colostomy bags. In England we have the 'National Health Service (NHS)', so adult diapers are not widely available in supermarkets. They are normally available in mobility shops, for which she has never been to.



    Quote Originally Posted by EPO1 View Post
    RouteLeader

    I might say to tread carefully where you are at the moment - Do no, under no circumstances, at least for the moment, make the diapers a permanent thing, something that you do often or regularly... keep it "under the hood".
    Thank you for your advice. I appreciate it. I am taking this slow, step by step. I am hoping I can wear to bed maybe twice a week. Maybe 3 times. Fingers crossed for tonight. She seems okay with it so far. I do not plan on wetting the diaper tonight, and I will take it off if I need the toilet at night. She knows I love her, and she loves me back, but on the other hand I did make the point that if she did not accept the diaper situation, we would be in serious trouble. Further updates tomorrow hopefully thanks guys.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by RouteLeader View Post
    ...but on the other hand I did make the point that if she did not accept the diaper situation, we would be in serious trouble. Further updates tomorrow hopefully thanks guys.
    Place yourself in the opposite position: what would you do / feel like if she would present you with something that is outside of your comfort zone and she would basically say "eat up or leave"... I guess you wouldn't like that.
    It might be - at least superficially - how you honestly feel about this.
    And I can understand that there are certain aspects about a person you can't change and someone else might not accept.
    This indeed could be the end for any relationship... But I'd say so far it hasn't come to that and to basically put that gun to her head was not exactly the gentleman's way.
    I'd say you should take that "back" (I know it's impossible to actually take back what you said) - but you can explain, say you acted emotionally and it's not what you meant - that you would of course first for a long time try to find a working compromise, to make this work.
    Being "harsh" like that "diapers or go" never works well, 'cause it will put the other person under a lot of pressure etc. so I'd say try to ease up that a bit.

    Also I wouldn't even think about the number of days you may wear or not... first step should be to get her on a "comfort level" with the entire situation.
    Be prepared for a lot of talking - even if it'll feel like a spanish inquisition to you - she's probably at her limits with this and doesn't know what to make of it and how to take it.
    You had your entire life to come to some terms with your DLism... and its YOUR DLism... and now you expect another human being who so far most likely had no clue such a "weird" fetish like "diaper lover" is out there to take it all in a single stride without any problems? Is usually not going to happen - and I think so far her reaction was anything but out of line... So I really believe that you guys stand a good chance to make this work, work well - if both of you are willing to work hard for it

  9. #9

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    Opening up to your girlfriend is like Russian roulette. Sometimes you don't screw things up, sometimes you do.

    The only advice I can offer to you is to just be calm about the situation and handle it slowly, I can't tell you how many times taking things calmly and slowly has personally helped me in some rather crappy situations.

  10. #10

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    unfortunately revealing diaper desire to people you love doesn't always have a happy out come
    their are some people it works out for but it's still a risky thing and it's like playing with fire
    you may get burned.

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