I'm deena, a transgender lady with a new-found little toddler girl attached on the inside - one who has recently started to kick up a little bit of attention flag-waving on me!
This has really been quite a surprise as I had no prior intentions of being a toddler girl and did not recognize it until it was pointed out to me. I had been open and in public with my gender for 2 years prior to this and had run a course of self-regulated hormone intake for the past year and a half.
It was only recently that I had stopped at the baby clothes section of the supermarket as opposed to going straight to the ladies section for a new frock, even then it did not occur to me what might be happening as I started to purchase little girl style patterned panties and sissy looking pyjamas, even buying diapers and a pacifier and a bottle I was still unaware as to the inner reason that was driving this modified behavior...... The clothes just seemed to hit a soft spot and I thought they were sweet and dainty, some part of myself seemed to be longing to be sweet and dainty - I felt a bit silly about it if truth be known and put it down to escapism from the way some of us have to approach the world as transgendered ladies - hard and with thick skin.
I know I am on the tip of the iceberg with this as I really am a fresher to the AB/sissy world and do not have prior expertise in being able to diagnose exactly what is going on within my own mind, but one thing is for sure - I am finding the whole experience to be quite exhilarating from the point of view that it really allows me to let go when my toddler comes out to play and there's just something that makes my blood rush when I put on my diaper and rattle my rattle and drink my milk from a bottle - I have no desire to wet myself I am just finding it very pleasurable to be in my diaper
I was looking at the forums and reading about some of the aspects of being an AB and one thing in particular made me go bonkers with desire - a real rush of blood - the idea of having a 'carer', my eyes almost popped out of my head when I read about that I had a pretty thorny childhood together with a complete lack of responsible parentage which I missed I can understand where my desire for a carer is coming from.
Maybe I'll truly discover what was the stimulus for change, maybe I'll find someone who can explain it, maybe even find an online carer (well i do live in rural Thailand so that is going to be a little difficult to find someone who is culturally qualified to take me on in real life and the internet can be a marvel of solutions). But as with my take and approach to being a transgender lady - I don't tend to look too deeply, I don't scrabble for my 'how to be a transgender lady' guide book for each and every decision I take - I just get on with being and enjoy everything which is bestowed upon myself, it works for me
Thank you forum for giving me this chance to tell my tale and here's to the future,