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Thread: challenge of diapers in marriage

  1. #1

    Default challenge of diapers in marriage

    I'm a 31 year old DL who has been married just under a year now. My wife knew diapers were my turn-on a year before we married, and initially it fit in the relationship somehow.

    However, things have slowly progressed away from diapers working in our relationship, and our marriage is rocky right now. My wife actually suggested I look into the forum on ADISC because it has been a source of real distress to me to feel alone and misunderstood. So I have mixed feelings about getting into the conversation, since I imagine she urged me to because she really doesn't think its ok deep down (despite saying time and again that she's cool with my diapering) and I'm hesitant to seek therapy of sorts through my participation; on the other hand, being included in a community of people who potentially understand my struggle is very appealing.

    I know my wife loves me, and also wants more out of our marriage than I have provided lately. Feeling stuck in an intimacy stalemate.

    I welcome feedback.

  2. #2


    Hi there. I hear and understand your struggles because I've been through a similar situation, myself. Probably the easiest way to put it is this. Your wife probably wants a husband who is OK with who he is. In order for her to be OK with your diaper wearing, you have to be OK with it, yourself. Unless she was into diapers before she met you, there is likely little you can do to make it truly appealing to her. All the pleasure you get out of wearing diapers you will have to get for yourself, not from her. She likely didn't marry you because of your diapers, but because she loves all of who you are, and it sounds like you are most fortunate that she has accepted the diapers as part of who you are.

    Yet that leaves a void, as she likely will never truly understand the important intimate role that diapers play in your life. The question back is do you love her, all that she is, or do you love her as a diaper partner? She might even be asking herself this question now.

    So the challenge is to love her intimately and as a friend for all that she is, and also for you to love her with all that you are, not just with your diapers. Consider doing some things that she loves to do and sharing that companionship with her. Involve her in the activities and passions you have in life. Consider cuddling and sex without diapers at least some of the time if possible, if not most of the time. From time to time it's good to consult her about diapers; ask if it's OK with her or if she's being offended in any way or if she has any questions. Let her know she can always talk to you about them. Most of the time, though, diapers are likely going to be your thing and not hers, and she will likely be tolerating and supporting you instead of enjoying the diapers.

    That's where the benefits of a site like this come into play. You can communicate with others, share ideas, and see that you're not alone. You can find community here so that you can fully love your wife.

    You are fortunate to have a wife who accepts your diaper wearing. Whether or not it will move beyond acceptance to participation and involvement remains to be seen over time, but I certainly wouldn't push the issue. Now it's up to you to be confident and OK in who you are in order to fully love her and make your marriage truly go. Every marriage is full of stops, starts, and missteps. What matters is how you handle it together. Every issue or crisis survived makes for a richer, stronger marriage over time. At less than a year in, you still have a lot to learn about each other and a lot of growing to do individually and together. May it be a good, exciting, and wonderful journey!

  3. #3


    I second everything that was said by bach. If she sent you looking for a forum then she wants you to be happy with yourself which will help you be happier in the marriage and in life. It is the same way for me when I found a cross dressing forum long before I got married. It helped me deal with the conflicted feelings I was having. It sounds like your wife loves and accepts the man you are which includes diapers.

  4. #4


    Although you are past the confession stage, you might find this article to be helpful.

  5. #5


    So, I have a lot of similarities in my own life. But I don't have any solutions. My marriage got a lot less intimate when my wife more or less demanded that I quit, and in trying to quit, I picked up excessive drinking, anger, self loathing, and I struggle with feeling asexual, probably because my wife acts like diapers are taboo.

    But again, I don't have any answers, just the more or less the same questions.

  6. #6


    I know it can be hard my friend, but your lack of self acceptance is why this is a problem for you.

    I went through the same thing 2 years ago but i voluntarily went to a psychiatrist and got myself checked out, with great results!

    Diagnosed initially with paraphilla, with him having no problem as long as it doesn't take over my life, as with anything balance is key.
    Self acceptance came quick as i though realised interests were always different from the norm, it was all i never knew as it was the essence of what made me unique.
    I always knew that and only had a problem with it when i let the 'cat out of the bag', so to speak.
    The fantasy and reality merged and that caused the initial problem.

    Wife accepts this and its not really a hindrance for us as we have been together a total of 14 years and married 5 next year.

    Having a little kink can do wonders in a relationship if you scratch her back too as so to speak!

    When i accepted this and was confident about this my wife could see i had merged this aspect of myself i had minimal problems with this side of me since.

    Your wife is a smart person to refer you here so tell her that, and the articles of Adisc are a cornerstone of our pillars of acceptance.

    I know that lonely feeling you have when wear diapers or are keen to buy some new ones and talk to somebody about how great they are and you realise that its taboo or disgusting too others and that brings you down.

    Adisc is the place for you friend so keep chatting to us and celebrate your uniqueness.

    Just make sure to be a more confident and good loving husband, because real love and a great relationship far more powerful then a unique interest which is the focus of negativity.

    When you realise this, its not the diapers its how you are in the relationship and how you deal with being your true self with your partner and being confident and a leader in that regard.

    You will recover but i want you to work on being the great partner your wife fell in love with and smother her with love, spoil her do the chores and make her laugh.
    How can diapers possibly be a problem if you are that great man?

    Regards LF.

  7. #7


    Can you provide more details about what's going on in your relationship? Is it really the diapers that are the core of the rockiness? What else is happening between you two?

  8. #8


    I am a 34 year old DL. I am in a similar situation to you. My wife does not like my DL side and it has never been something that fitted into our relationship well. I hope that in time she may become more accepting but for now diapers are something that I do alone and keep to myself.
    Keep your chin up, there is more to life. Try to be happy with what you have and be thankful for it.
    I hope you find a solution.
    All the best to you.

  9. #9


    You are not alone astronautpants. My advise, which is more or less what I'm hearing from the others here, is to work on intimacy. Not just physical intimacy but intimacy on an emotional and even spiritual level. You need to discover what her language of love is. Is it acts of kindness and helping that tell her she's loved? Maybe its time spent together doing whatever. Maybe she needs to hear kind and caring expressions of your love. Or perhaps she just needs you to listen to all her concerns. Us guys tend to think sex when it comes to love, but women generally do not desire to be sexed - they desire to be romanced. I know you need to out work the DL think, but no matter how that plays out, you will find years of happiness if you commit knowing complete intimacy with your wife.

    I'm coming up on 30 years of marriage and still have not "solved" this dilemma. But I can tell you, as a guy with a diaper kink married to a plain vanilla women, our marriage gets stronger and stronger as we together commit to intimacy with one another.

  10. #10


    Hello all...
    I haven't posted in probably about a year. I've been too busy loving my DL!. As I have told him, I wouldn't have sought out a DL as a partner, as it can be quite a complicated and conflicting fetish. And yet, I love him truly and forever and wouldn't change a thing about him. I am his vanilla girl, now and always--wet or dry.

    At first, we both worried that diapers would potentially be difficult for us to navigate, having both come out of sexually dysfunctional and dissatisyfing prior relationships. But, being 'friends first' makes all the difference for us.

    He is always sensitive of my feelings surrounding his wearing, as well as during (and after) our shared experiences. I feel very lucky to have such a wonderful man. Diapers don't define him, or us.

    I'm writing to say not to lose hope and keep trying to be as forthright as you can. Love comes first. Keep her first and if she is the ONE for you, she will put you first also.

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