Ok, I know there have been tons of threads investigating what makes us *B/DL's and why we are the way we are and so on. But...I made this post years ago, and I wanted to share it here. It's quite long, but it was a really in depth-study of myself and what infantilism means to me. I'm curious to hear what other people think (if you have enough patience to read it ).
Basically, I kept looking at all of the things about my ABism that I liked the most and I started digging deep into them to find out WHY I liked them. Basically, what do I get out of infantilism? What does it give me that other things don't? What makes it so great and why is it fun?
I really wanted to get to the root of the whole thing. I wanted to find out what's the most basic thing, the common factor, what's the center of all of my desires.
And for me, there is one thing that encompasses all others: Love.
But I'll get to that later. First, I'm going to present everything else I thought of as being possible things to get out of infantilism, and why for me, they all boiled down to love. Now, being an AB, all of these things apply moreso to *B's. But they may apply to DL's as well, especially since there's often overlap between the two groups. Still, all of this is really directed at *B's, since that's how it affects me.
The major things I came up with are: Attention, Acceptance, Affection, Security, Relaxation, and (for lack of a good word) a sense of being carefree.
For me, the big ones were Attention, Acceptance, and Affection, and the thing common in all three of them was Love. If the other three are bigger for someone, their root probably would not be Love. And I'll talk about that more at the end. First, let me break down these six things, because maybe they apply to you.
One thing babies sure do get a lot of is attention. When a new baby arrives, it seems like EVERYONE wants to see it. Everyone wants to play with the baby, everyone thinks it's so wonderful, despite the fact that it's really not consciously doing anything.
The thing is, we all have at least some desire for attention in our lives. We need social communication, and it makes you feel good when someone pays attention to your wants and needs, and listens to you, and basically gives you attention. Now, some of us like less attention, and some like more. But pretty much everyone has some desire for SOMEONE to give them attention. It's just one way to feel like people care about you.
So naturally, a desire to be a baby again could be looked at as a desire for attention. This particularly seems to be a big cause in those *B/DL's who are older siblings. For some of them, when a new sibling was born, the attention shift to the new baby caused pain and loneliness, and the lack of attention could have manifested itself into wearing diapers or just being a baby. Sometimes this is conscious, sometimes not.
Either way, the desire for attention seems to be one potential driving force behind infantilism. If we don't get much attention in our lives, we may have a built in desire to go back to a time when we did, when we were babies. I mean, wouldn't it be pretty amazing to remember a time when everyone person who saw you immediately ran up and started playing with you and enjoying you, while you just sat there and did whatever (lol, almost sickening, actually...maybe it's good we can?t remember back when we were like that). It's almost like being famous!
But all jokes aside, we just don't get as much attention as we did as babies. And for some *B/DL's this might be a huge factor.
From a very early age, society always expects things out of us. While this is pretty necessary for life to continue, it also puts strain on all of us to conform. While there is a balance between being selfish and being who you are, we all have a desire to simply be accepted for who we are and not be forced to change ourselves simply for the pleasure of others.
Babies, on the other hand, don't need to worry about this. Babies can be completely selfish (and in fact, are) because they just can't help it. Babies aren't held responsible to be a certain thing...they can scream out loud when the slightest thing bothers them, they can piss anytime they want to and have someone clean them up, they're fed whenever they're hungry, etc.
And, to top it all off, they're not only accepted for being that way, but they're loved for it! A baby is never held up to be anything but what it does naturally, because it has no control. But once we reach a certain age, we're expected to start
Now, learning this selflessness is a very good thing, since we can't all be selfish and expect to have society work. Unfortunately, we also have to sacrifice part of who we are in order to be accepted in society. We can't expect to just be exactly who we are and expect everyone to accept it and like it.
Babies have this luxury of being loved and accepted by everyone who is important to them, and all they have to do is be themselves. It would be great to go back to a time when we could have everyone around us love us and accept us for being just who we are, and maybe as *B/DL's we yearn to go back to a time when we're not expected to be anything but who we are naturally.
It's simply natural for all of us to want affection. Just knowing that someone likes you and shows it makes anyone feel good inside. But unfortunately, in our lives, we don't always get this.
Maybe not everyone had a perfect babyhood, but most of us got plenty of affection as babies. When you're so soft and helpless and small, people tend to find you cute and willing to show their love for you.
But as we get older, we're expected to do things more on our own. While this independence is both necessary and good for us, unfortunately when this happens we also lose the amount of affection we're given. Boys in particular seem to get less affection, because parents are afraid of us becoming sissies or something.
But babies are never sissies. They can be given affection to no end and there's never a problem with it. All of us need affection, and when we don't get it in our lives, maybe we like to go back to a time when it was always there. People cared for us and weren't afraid to show it, to lovingly hold us and rock us to sleep, to handle our every need, often sweetly and with comfort. You can't say that about all of our everyday lives.
It's hard to feel secure in this life. We don't always know about things...how we'll do on a test, if we'll get this job, if we'll be able to pay our bills, if we'll make it to work without getting into a car accident, etc. Basically, we rarely know for sure that everything will be ok in the end. It would be great if we did, but with the way life goes, you pretty much never know that.
But, as babies, we didn't have to worry about that. Whenever a problem popped up, someone was there to fix it. We always knew that if something went wrong, mommy or daddy would make it all better. They would keep us safe, and protect us from anything that could go wrong. Lol, that and the fact that we were oblivious to most of the real dangers in our lives, and were more concerned about being fed and having our diapers changed.
Perhaps babyhood was our one time in life where we felt totally safe and secure, and trying to return to it gives us that security for at least a little bit. Hell, even the idea of wearing a diaper and knowing that if you wet yourself it'll be ok is more security than you can expect in your normal life.
Stress, stress, stress. That's what we all get in this life. There's always something going on that we have to do in order for things to function right. As soon as one problem is solved, another pops up. We rarely get a chance to relax and just do whatever we want with not stress.
But wait, that's what a baby's life is all about. They have no responsibilities whatsoever...they don't even have to get up to take a piss! Nope, it's just cry when something goes wrong, and someone else will fix the problem. Other the stress of an empty stomach or a dirty diaper, babies pretty much don't have to worry about anything.
So maybe as *B/DL's we just want to escape it all and go back to a time where we had no responsibilities and no stress. We can escape the hustle and bustle of life and just piss in a diaper without even getting out of bed. Babyhood sure is the life, huh?
This is kind of related to Acceptance, Security and Relaxation, but it's a little different in that you're pretty much oblivious to everything as a baby. Maybe ignorance is bliss, and a baby not knowing about anything going on is the major reason they can be happy.
We always have to worry about something...worry about being accepted, worry about stressful things in our lives, and worry about our security. But babies don't worry about anything except being fed and changed (and a few other things too). They never think about anything major, and they can just do whatever they want all of the time. There's no pressure or responsibility placed on them, and they're just...oblivious to all of the complicated things going on around them. It would be nice to go back there and just say...fuck everyone else, I'm gonna be selfish and do whatever I want.
Now, these were pretty much the only 6 major things I could think of that are really at the root of our *B/DL desires. We like baby stuff and diapers, but when you start to examine WHY we do, these are the things I came up with. But I would like to hear which of these things are the most important to you, and the reason why YOU like diapers and baby stuff. Yeah, it makes us feel good, but have you ever thought of WHY it makes you feel good, and what you get out of it? I'm eager to hear, especially since I'm sure there are some other things other than these 6, and I'm interested in hearing them.
But, before you do that, let me explain why for ME personally, I find a desire for love to be at the center of my own infantilism.
For me, I don't really look for infantilism to give me Security, Relaxation, or that sense of being carefree. That's not to say that I don't get these things from my *B/DLism...I definitely do. But they're not at the core of my own desires.
For me, Attention, Acceptance and Affection are the major factors, and I can put the three together into the bigger category of love.
I mean, basically if someone truly loves you, I think they give you attention, they accept you for who you are, and they give you affection. I also think you get security and relaxation from it, but that's a little smaller.
Honestly, to me, there's no greater love than for a mother (fathers too, I guess) and her baby. I mean, maybe I'll understand it better when I had kids of my own, but I am amazed by the relationship.
I mean, a baby does NOTHING. It cares nothing at all about others, only itself. It is completely selfish by nature, and doesn't ever attempt to do anything for anyone else. Whenever it does something that pleases others, like being cute or playing or hugging someone, its not trying to do something nice for others...it's doing it for it's own satisfaction (ok, with some toddlers I'm sure this isn't always true, and I guess all of us do things for others to get satisfaction for ourselves anyway, but you know what I mean).
But basically, all a baby does is cry, sleep, eat, and wet/mess itself. And yet, a mother (or father or other caregiver) takes care of all of its needs. She does it out of complete love for the baby. She soothes it when it cries, feeds it when its hungry, and even cleans it up when it messes itself. She does everything for it and really gets nothing in return (well, I know she does, but you know what I mean). It is almost like complete one-sided love and unconditional love?no matter what the baby does, she loves it with all of her heart.
(Yes, I know this is the "perfect mother", but come on, most mothers do this at least some of the time).
And to me, there?s just about no deeper love than that. Putting all of this time and effort to keep a baby healthy and alive, while the baby won't even remember it in later years. Honestly, I'm simply amazed by the whole thing.
And it's not like that I don?t feel loved in my own life. My friends, parents, and family have told me countless times that they love me, and I believe them. And it's not like I didn't feel loved as a kid when I grew up...I felt like any normal kid and didn't feel like I was missing anything.
But, when I fantasize about my *B/DL stuff, I really think at the heart of it is ultimate love. I've never told anyone about being a *B/DL, so I still can't say for sure if they would love me the same if they knew. To me, that is complete acceptance and love...loving someone for exactly who they are, like a parent loves a baby. Giving it all of the attention and affection in the world simply because you love it. And that's what I yearn to feel sometimes. Being completely loved and cared for simply for being me. And I think my *B/DL fantasies are being in a place where I'm surrounded by that love, and knowing that no matter what happens, I will be cared for and loved just the same.
Even the helplessness and humiliation stuff go along with it. Because in those situations, the person who is babying the other WANTS them to be babied, so they are in control. And to take care of a baby once again gives this kind of love, even when it's in this distorted and demented way. If the greatest love is a mother caring for her baby, then wanting to love someone else in this way may be the greatest love. But that's kind of tricky, and I won't get into that anymore...I'm just trying to see where this embarrassment stuff fits into all of this.
Now, of course, there are still many things I can't answer. I still don't know exactly why I feel this way and not everyone else does. After all, just about all of us had this same love as babies, and yet not everyone is a *B/DL...in fact, the majority are not. And, I'm sure a lot of *B/DL's are not this way because of the same reasons as me...particularly if there wasn't this same love in your own babyhood. So it's hard to say anything for sure, but these are things that I could come up with when I examine my own desires and feelings.
So anyway, that's that. I know this was ridiculously long, but it's very satisfying to examine my feelings and really think about why I am the way I am. I'm eager to hear you guys? thoughts on all of this, and see if you can find the heart of the matter for you, find the root of your own personal *B/DLism.