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Thread: The Root of Infantilism

  1. #1

    Default The Root of Infantilism

    Ok, I know there have been tons of threads investigating what makes us *B/DL's and why we are the way we are and so on. But...I made this post years ago, and I wanted to share it here. It's quite long, but it was a really in depth-study of myself and what infantilism means to me. I'm curious to hear what other people think (if you have enough patience to read it ).

    Basically, I kept looking at all of the things about my ABism that I liked the most and I started digging deep into them to find out WHY I liked them. Basically, what do I get out of infantilism? What does it give me that other things don't? What makes it so great and why is it fun?

    I really wanted to get to the root of the whole thing. I wanted to find out what's the most basic thing, the common factor, what's the center of all of my desires.

    And for me, there is one thing that encompasses all others: Love.

    But I'll get to that later. First, I'm going to present everything else I thought of as being possible things to get out of infantilism, and why for me, they all boiled down to love. Now, being an AB, all of these things apply moreso to *B's. But they may apply to DL's as well, especially since there's often overlap between the two groups. Still, all of this is really directed at *B's, since that's how it affects me.

    The major things I came up with are: Attention, Acceptance, Affection, Security, Relaxation, and (for lack of a good word) a sense of being carefree.

    For me, the big ones were Attention, Acceptance, and Affection, and the thing common in all three of them was Love. If the other three are bigger for someone, their root probably would not be Love. And I'll talk about that more at the end. First, let me break down these six things, because maybe they apply to you.


    One thing babies sure do get a lot of is attention. When a new baby arrives, it seems like EVERYONE wants to see it. Everyone wants to play with the baby, everyone thinks it's so wonderful, despite the fact that it's really not consciously doing anything.

    The thing is, we all have at least some desire for attention in our lives. We need social communication, and it makes you feel good when someone pays attention to your wants and needs, and listens to you, and basically gives you attention. Now, some of us like less attention, and some like more. But pretty much everyone has some desire for SOMEONE to give them attention. It's just one way to feel like people care about you.

    So naturally, a desire to be a baby again could be looked at as a desire for attention. This particularly seems to be a big cause in those *B/DL's who are older siblings. For some of them, when a new sibling was born, the attention shift to the new baby caused pain and loneliness, and the lack of attention could have manifested itself into wearing diapers or just being a baby. Sometimes this is conscious, sometimes not.

    Either way, the desire for attention seems to be one potential driving force behind infantilism. If we don't get much attention in our lives, we may have a built in desire to go back to a time when we did, when we were babies. I mean, wouldn't it be pretty amazing to remember a time when everyone person who saw you immediately ran up and started playing with you and enjoying you, while you just sat there and did whatever (lol, almost sickening, actually...maybe it's good we can?t remember back when we were like that). It's almost like being famous!

    But all jokes aside, we just don't get as much attention as we did as babies. And for some *B/DL's this might be a huge factor.


    From a very early age, society always expects things out of us. While this is pretty necessary for life to continue, it also puts strain on all of us to conform. While there is a balance between being selfish and being who you are, we all have a desire to simply be accepted for who we are and not be forced to change ourselves simply for the pleasure of others.

    Babies, on the other hand, don't need to worry about this. Babies can be completely selfish (and in fact, are) because they just can't help it. Babies aren't held responsible to be a certain thing...they can scream out loud when the slightest thing bothers them, they can piss anytime they want to and have someone clean them up, they're fed whenever they're hungry, etc.

    And, to top it all off, they're not only accepted for being that way, but they're loved for it! A baby is never held up to be anything but what it does naturally, because it has no control. But once we reach a certain age, we're expected to start

    Now, learning this selflessness is a very good thing, since we can't all be selfish and expect to have society work. Unfortunately, we also have to sacrifice part of who we are in order to be accepted in society. We can't expect to just be exactly who we are and expect everyone to accept it and like it.

    Babies have this luxury of being loved and accepted by everyone who is important to them, and all they have to do is be themselves. It would be great to go back to a time when we could have everyone around us love us and accept us for being just who we are, and maybe as *B/DL's we yearn to go back to a time when we're not expected to be anything but who we are naturally.


    It's simply natural for all of us to want affection. Just knowing that someone likes you and shows it makes anyone feel good inside. But unfortunately, in our lives, we don't always get this.

    Maybe not everyone had a perfect babyhood, but most of us got plenty of affection as babies. When you're so soft and helpless and small, people tend to find you cute and willing to show their love for you.

    But as we get older, we're expected to do things more on our own. While this independence is both necessary and good for us, unfortunately when this happens we also lose the amount of affection we're given. Boys in particular seem to get less affection, because parents are afraid of us becoming sissies or something.

    But babies are never sissies. They can be given affection to no end and there's never a problem with it. All of us need affection, and when we don't get it in our lives, maybe we like to go back to a time when it was always there. People cared for us and weren't afraid to show it, to lovingly hold us and rock us to sleep, to handle our every need, often sweetly and with comfort. You can't say that about all of our everyday lives.


    It's hard to feel secure in this life. We don't always know about we'll do on a test, if we'll get this job, if we'll be able to pay our bills, if we'll make it to work without getting into a car accident, etc. Basically, we rarely know for sure that everything will be ok in the end. It would be great if we did, but with the way life goes, you pretty much never know that.

    But, as babies, we didn't have to worry about that. Whenever a problem popped up, someone was there to fix it. We always knew that if something went wrong, mommy or daddy would make it all better. They would keep us safe, and protect us from anything that could go wrong. Lol, that and the fact that we were oblivious to most of the real dangers in our lives, and were more concerned about being fed and having our diapers changed.

    Perhaps babyhood was our one time in life where we felt totally safe and secure, and trying to return to it gives us that security for at least a little bit. Hell, even the idea of wearing a diaper and knowing that if you wet yourself it'll be ok is more security than you can expect in your normal life.


    Stress, stress, stress. That's what we all get in this life. There's always something going on that we have to do in order for things to function right. As soon as one problem is solved, another pops up. We rarely get a chance to relax and just do whatever we want with not stress.

    But wait, that's what a baby's life is all about. They have no responsibilities whatsoever...they don't even have to get up to take a piss! Nope, it's just cry when something goes wrong, and someone else will fix the problem. Other the stress of an empty stomach or a dirty diaper, babies pretty much don't have to worry about anything.

    So maybe as *B/DL's we just want to escape it all and go back to a time where we had no responsibilities and no stress. We can escape the hustle and bustle of life and just piss in a diaper without even getting out of bed. Babyhood sure is the life, huh?

    Being Carefree:

    This is kind of related to Acceptance, Security and Relaxation, but it's a little different in that you're pretty much oblivious to everything as a baby. Maybe ignorance is bliss, and a baby not knowing about anything going on is the major reason they can be happy.

    We always have to worry about something...worry about being accepted, worry about stressful things in our lives, and worry about our security. But babies don't worry about anything except being fed and changed (and a few other things too). They never think about anything major, and they can just do whatever they want all of the time. There's no pressure or responsibility placed on them, and they're just...oblivious to all of the complicated things going on around them. It would be nice to go back there and just say...fuck everyone else, I'm gonna be selfish and do whatever I want.

    Now, these were pretty much the only 6 major things I could think of that are really at the root of our *B/DL desires. We like baby stuff and diapers, but when you start to examine WHY we do, these are the things I came up with. But I would like to hear which of these things are the most important to you, and the reason why YOU like diapers and baby stuff. Yeah, it makes us feel good, but have you ever thought of WHY it makes you feel good, and what you get out of it? I'm eager to hear, especially since I'm sure there are some other things other than these 6, and I'm interested in hearing them.

    But, before you do that, let me explain why for ME personally, I find a desire for love to be at the center of my own infantilism.

    For me, I don't really look for infantilism to give me Security, Relaxation, or that sense of being carefree. That's not to say that I don't get these things from my *B/DLism...I definitely do. But they're not at the core of my own desires.

    For me, Attention, Acceptance and Affection are the major factors, and I can put the three together into the bigger category of love.

    I mean, basically if someone truly loves you, I think they give you attention, they accept you for who you are, and they give you affection. I also think you get security and relaxation from it, but that's a little smaller.

    Honestly, to me, there's no greater love than for a mother (fathers too, I guess) and her baby. I mean, maybe I'll understand it better when I had kids of my own, but I am amazed by the relationship.

    I mean, a baby does NOTHING. It cares nothing at all about others, only itself. It is completely selfish by nature, and doesn't ever attempt to do anything for anyone else. Whenever it does something that pleases others, like being cute or playing or hugging someone, its not trying to do something nice for's doing it for it's own satisfaction (ok, with some toddlers I'm sure this isn't always true, and I guess all of us do things for others to get satisfaction for ourselves anyway, but you know what I mean).

    But basically, all a baby does is cry, sleep, eat, and wet/mess itself. And yet, a mother (or father or other caregiver) takes care of all of its needs. She does it out of complete love for the baby. She soothes it when it cries, feeds it when its hungry, and even cleans it up when it messes itself. She does everything for it and really gets nothing in return (well, I know she does, but you know what I mean). It is almost like complete one-sided love and unconditional love?no matter what the baby does, she loves it with all of her heart.

    (Yes, I know this is the "perfect mother", but come on, most mothers do this at least some of the time).

    And to me, there?s just about no deeper love than that. Putting all of this time and effort to keep a baby healthy and alive, while the baby won't even remember it in later years. Honestly, I'm simply amazed by the whole thing.

    And it's not like that I don?t feel loved in my own life. My friends, parents, and family have told me countless times that they love me, and I believe them. And it's not like I didn't feel loved as a kid when I grew up...I felt like any normal kid and didn't feel like I was missing anything.

    But, when I fantasize about my *B/DL stuff, I really think at the heart of it is ultimate love. I've never told anyone about being a *B/DL, so I still can't say for sure if they would love me the same if they knew. To me, that is complete acceptance and love...loving someone for exactly who they are, like a parent loves a baby. Giving it all of the attention and affection in the world simply because you love it. And that's what I yearn to feel sometimes. Being completely loved and cared for simply for being me. And I think my *B/DL fantasies are being in a place where I'm surrounded by that love, and knowing that no matter what happens, I will be cared for and loved just the same.

    Even the helplessness and humiliation stuff go along with it. Because in those situations, the person who is babying the other WANTS them to be babied, so they are in control. And to take care of a baby once again gives this kind of love, even when it's in this distorted and demented way. If the greatest love is a mother caring for her baby, then wanting to love someone else in this way may be the greatest love. But that's kind of tricky, and I won't get into that anymore...I'm just trying to see where this embarrassment stuff fits into all of this.

    Now, of course, there are still many things I can't answer. I still don't know exactly why I feel this way and not everyone else does. After all, just about all of us had this same love as babies, and yet not everyone is a *B/ fact, the majority are not. And, I'm sure a lot of *B/DL's are not this way because of the same reasons as me...particularly if there wasn't this same love in your own babyhood. So it's hard to say anything for sure, but these are things that I could come up with when I examine my own desires and feelings.

    So anyway, that's that. I know this was ridiculously long, but it's very satisfying to examine my feelings and really think about why I am the way I am. I'm eager to hear you guys? thoughts on all of this, and see if you can find the heart of the matter for you, find the root of your own personal *B/DLism.

  2. #2


    I think the main reason why I regress is for relaxation/stress relief. I started regressing as an escape from a severe depression. I typically regress when I'm overwhelmed so naturally I want relief from that. When I'm in baby mode I also want affection and to be the center of attention but I think these feelings are secondary. However, when I'm regressed in front of other people (There are only a few people that I regress in front of.) I think the main thing I want is the attention and affection. I want lots of hugs and cuddles and I like how people react to my babyishness.

    I like pacifiers, stuffed animals, and blankets because they are soothing. I love my stuffed animals. They are my best friends. I talk to them when there is no one else to talk to.

    I think the root of my ABism is stress relief/relaxation. I just love the feeling when I'm regressed. I feel like I have no care in the world, I'm not worried about life, all I want is hugs and Barney the Dinosaur.

    --------teddy564339, your post was very well written.

  3. #3


    Very excellent. I applaud for you, my friend. *claps*
    As for me, I think it's a matter of Security/Relaxation, because of the fact I'm usually the one being the "Adult" in the family, due to my Mother's lack of Parental-guidance and her drinking, and my father's unwanting to be part of anything, and not being there for us. So, I just wanted a way to get away from that.

  4. #4


    I certainly agree with you regarding this. The root of my infantilism is simply a longing to be loved totally and unconditionally. Why I ended up strongly connecting being an infant and being loved is somewhat of a mystery to me, but the fact remains that it all does stem from a simple and universal desire to be loved. Everyone has this longing for love, but people choose to express it in varying ways.

    For what it's worth, I do feel like I do have this unconditional love from certain people in my life, mainly my parents and my best friend, but I still have these desires which is a little bit interesting. It's probably due to so closely linking love and babyhood and I guess that's where the other less important aspects of my infantilism take over causing these desires to persist.

  5. #5


    My Infantilism came about from the abuse I received as well as images burned into my memory - "The Baby of the Family", seeing kids as old as 6 yrs running around their yard in just diapers; it caused me to be envious as well as finding a comfort zone for me to escape and relax/stress relief.

    It's something, that to me, is a spiritual journey of recapturing a time in my life that I was accepted, loved and felt secure.

  6. #6


    i am a dl lover. I would say i do not regress, but ill agree with dprdinky, the whole baby of the family thing strikes true with me.

  7. #7


    Hey Teddy,

    I think you have covered this pretty good. Obviously, you've given this a lot of thought. I have too, as I've been an AB/DL for many years. This is difficult to explain without going into detail, so bear with me.

    For me, it started when my little brother was born. I remember my grandpa would take me to the train yard where he worked when I was an only child, before my brother came along. And he would take me all over the place. But when my brother was born, he suddenly stopped doing anything with me, and I never knew the reason why, only that it happened when my brother came along.

    My parents were never really loving either, although I'm sure they probably were when I was still an infant, I just don't recall any times that I ever got hugged or kissed by either of them as a child. That only happened with my other relatives, grandparents, aunts and uncles. My parents often fought, and I remember many nights as a child that I would cry myself to sleep because of it.

    I used to play with some of the kids next door when I was in the first grade, and I remember always wanting to be the baby when we'd play house. {The neighbor kid was a girl}. It wasn't until I was about 11 or 12 maybe, I can't remember for sure, that I began to discover diapers. As a child, I had encopresis, and I often messed in my pants, and I always was punished for it. My parents didn't understand I guess, and thought I was doing it on purpose. They would often threaten me with diapers if I didn't stop, but they never did do it. Looking back, I always wished that they had, even though I always told them I didn't want them to. I didn't stop messing myself until I was almost 16, and still had a few accidents even after that, but I got good at hiding it by then.

    Well, as far as diapers go, I started out by stuffing my other clothes into my pajama bottoms when I would go to bed at night. It felt good to pretend to be a baby again. This was about age 11 or 12. I progressed to using my pillow, and then my mom's sheets in the linen closet. She had a ton of them, so I figured she would never miss a few here and there.

    When I was about 14 I guess it was, I started to get a little more bold with my wearing makeshift diapers. My parents both worked, so I got home after school to an empty house, except for my brother, and he usually went to his friends house, so I had the place to myself for a couple of hours. I would diaper up, and then get dressed, {pants barely fit over the diaper}, and I would go for a walk out into the desert. {We lived out in the sticks}. The thrill of walking down the street to get to where I was going, where I could be seen by all the cars going by was great. Once I got out into the desert and I found a place I could hide from everyone and I knew it was safe to do so, I would get undressed and I'd play at being a baby, and I'd wet and sometimes mess myself, enjoying the feeling of being free to do it without guilt. Then I would clean myself up, dispose of the evidence, and go back home.

    My best friend was from a large family, and they always had a baby in the house. whenever I would go over there, I was always envious of that baby, to watch how much love they got from everybody, no strings attached.

    Anyway, before this turns into a biography, I believe I was looking for that love and acceptance that I never got from home. Turning to diapers gave me a small sense of that in a way, at least for a while. And I guess it also gave me a feeling of security too, and being able to do it gave me a feeling of being carefree for a little while as well. I still like the feeling of a diaper, although now it's not a choice to wear, but a need. Kind of ironic in a way.

    Thanks for posting this thread. I enjoyed reading it, and the responses.

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