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Thread: Dominance vs. Nurture

  1. #1

    Default Dominance vs. Nurture

    Most of what I've been reading lately about adult babies states (sometimes categorically) that infantilism is driven by a need to surrender control. They associate diapers with chastity devices, mommies with the DOM/SUB relationship, pacifiers with ball gags, cribs, high chairs and baby leashes as objects of restraint.

    Although this may be true for some adult babies, I believe that BDSM elements are not central to the adult baby persona but (for some) layered on top of it. In the same way, gender roles layered on top of the adult baby persona produce a LG. All of these items (diapers, etc.) are about authenticity. They are not just BDSM props.

    Personally, I came to be an adult baby without any trauma in my childhood. I had a very supportive and nurturing childhood, challenged only by the demands of being the first born. I trace my adult baby and LG interests to the birth of my "baby sister" and distinctly remember being envious of her romper and diapers. I used to call her "bubble butt".

    So, for me, being an adult baby is all about nurture. Even without a partner, it's about being safe and secure, not about domination. Personally, I don't want to be spanked, given corner time or humiliated, I just want the release (emotional and sexual) that comes with regression.

    Am I wrong?

  2. #2

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    I think you're wrong when you start thinking there's a right and wrong way to do this for anyone but yourself. If it is fulfilling and good for you solely as a nurturing thing, do that and be happy but don't try telling someone else that their sane and consensual AB experience isn't legitimate because it doesn't jibe with your notion of things.

  3. #3

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    Though I experience my infantilism as a solitary experience, other than being in front of my wife, I will agree that infantilism seems to be experienced uniquely in some way for each person. I was adopted at the age of two having spent some time in an adoptive agency. Though my new adoptive parents loved me, I was bullied as a child until I got a little older and learned to defend myself.

    Each one of us will have a unique history, and experience liking diapers differently from others. I enjoy some humiliation and to a degree, some loss of control. Some members enjoy bondage, or being babied having a "daddy" or "mommy". Who and what we are is very complicated, and no one, to my knowledge, has figured out why.

  4. #4

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    Well, you'll start to dive into "what exactly makes a AB"
    This has been discussed before, and no-one knows for sure what the title consists of.
    I for one am not into bondage, but will not say someone is not a AB because they like that to be integrated into this part of themselves.
    It's a difficult title to define, and for the most part I believe we should just keep specific definitions vague.

  5. #5

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    Very well said Cranky. I have had my AB/DL side of me ever since I can remember. I'm still not sure why till this day

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by tickles51 View Post
    ....
    Am I wrong?
    I think you might be, because if you look beneath the surface differences in practices (ball gags vs snuggles) I don't know that there is much difference between Nurturing and the Dominant - if I think about what makes being nurtured feel so good, it's because someone else is looking after me, instead of my having to look after myself all the time. In a sense I'm giving a person who nurtures me control over me, just as I would be in the context of domination - so perhaps it's just the same thing said in different languages?

    I think it's important to distinguish between what people do - the practice - and why people do it.
    I wear diapers. There are a lot of people who wear diapers for different reasons - they might be incontinent, they might be diaper lovers or adult babies, they might be Chinese long distance commuters on trains too over crowded to get to the toilets ... ect.*
    The point is as an outside observer we don't know why an individual might be wearing a diaper - we can make an assumption or an educated guess based on our experience and what we know about them, but you have to examine each individual for their motivations, which can be vastly different, even if the practice is the same.

    For this reason we have to be careful of examining ourselves, and then making generalisations, even to other people in our community who practice the same thing we do. From the first point, just because someone practices something differently to us, doesn't mean that their underlying motivations are different, and they may be more similar to our own than we might expect.

    *I got all the way to posting this without even thinking of "they might be babies" :-p

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by tickles51 View Post
    Most of what I've been reading lately about adult babies states (sometimes categorically) that infantilism is driven by a need to surrender control. They associate diapers with chastity devices, mommies with the DOM/SUB relationship, pacifiers with ball gags, cribs, high chairs and baby leashes as objects of restraint.

    Although this may be true for some adult babies, I believe that BDSM elements are not central to the adult baby persona but (for some) layered on top of it. In the same way, gender roles layered on top of the adult baby persona produce a LG. All of these items (diapers, etc.) are about authenticity. They are not just BDSM props.

    Personally, I came to be an adult baby without any trauma in my childhood. I had a very supportive and nurturing childhood, challenged only by the demands of being the first born. I trace my adult baby and LG interests to the birth of my "baby sister" and distinctly remember being envious of her romper and diapers. I used to call her "bubble butt".

    So, for me, being an adult baby is all about nurture. Even without a partner, it's about being safe and secure, not about domination. Personally, I don't want to be spanked, given corner time or humiliated, I just want the release (emotional and sexual) that comes with regression.

    Am I wrong?
    The things about which you're asking are the same things. The differences are only in the trappings, not in the actual substance. Nurturing and dominating both involve a surrender of control by the one being nurtured or dominated. The differences are in the trappings. In a nurturing scenario, the one being nurtured surrenders a certain amount of control over things like feeding, bathing, and emotional strength. In a domination scenario, the one being dominated also surrenders control over various things. Being safe and secure, or being bound, are really the same thing, save for the trappings. Trade chains and ropes and black leather for webbing straps, pastel colors, and plastic buckles.

    You're not wrong, but I assert that the differences you speak of are only a matter of perception and trappings instead of substantive differences. Like Trevor said, do what works for you and let others do what works for them.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by tickles51 View Post
    So, for me, being an adult baby is all about nurture. Even without a partner, it's about being safe and secure, not about domination. Personally, I don't want to be spanked, given corner time or humiliated, I just want the release (emotional and sexual) that comes with regression.

    Am I wrong?
    You know, i have thought about why i feel disconnected with the idea of BDSM and this i believe is the reason why. I think there is a big difference between BDSM and Infantilism, and it is the Nurturing vs Dominance question. There is a mix between the two, and i think that a little bit of me is attracted to some humiliation, just a little, but for the most part i also don't want to be dominated, i want to be nurtured.
    I think that you hit it right on.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Trevor View Post
    I think you're wrong when you start thinking there's a right and wrong way to do this for anyone but yourself. If it is fulfilling and good for you solely as a nurturing thing, do that and be happy but don't try telling someone else that their sane and consensual AB experience isn't legitimate because it doesn't jibe with your notion of things.
    Granted that i have to agree with Cary Grant. There is no right or wrong way to be an infantilist. So i guess when i say that tickles is right on, it is right on in my case.

  9. #9

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    My preference would be a mixture of both would suit me. However, if I had to choose between the two it would definately be nurturing.

  10. #10

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