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Thread: I'm Struggling

  1. #1

    Default I'm Struggling

    I'm sorry for posting this, but I am having a really hard time tonight. I'm really sick of life again...I'm sick of being a guy and a grown up, I just want to get my SRS and be a baby girl.

    Over the past week I have had a lot of events in my family that is causing tons of stress that I am having trouble handling. Last week I had a cousin suddenly have a heart attack and died in the hospital. Then a week after throughout one day I had three cousins all involved in three separate car accidents. One was hit at an intersection and is fine. The second one was hit by a car while walking and only has a 50-50 chance of living, and the third was driving in a storm and lost control hitting another car and his brain is dead and he is on life support and the doctors say he is going to die. It's finally hit me that I am not going to see my cousins again and it's really getting hard to take.

    Things are made worse because now both sides of my family are all arguing over the deaths. On my grandfathers side its everyone against my uncle's family and on my grandmother's side its against one of my aunt's family. Now my grandparents are expecting me to take their side and make it verbal by confronting the family members.

    Because of all this stress I forgot to do a major homework assignment and I am not in the mood to study, my depression is kicking in and telling me to just drop out instead of putting up with college in my life as well. I know I can't do that though because I need to be successful.

    I tried to relax today, a wrestling event was on and I was going to watch it. I ended up missing half of it though because my grandmother made me go with her to my uncle's house so I could listen to them argue for two hours. When I get back and started to watch the show and talk on the two chatrooms I go to for wrestling, people started snapping at me anytime I said anything. So I ended up leaving since nobody seemed to wanna talk to me anymore and I didn't feel like watching the show.

    So I have been crying, alone in my room, talking to a good friend on a chat site trying to calm down. I have been throwing everything I get my hands on, I broke my lamp, a cup, almost broke my computer monitor. I am struggling because the suicidal thoughts are winning, and I am very scared.

  2. #2


    Wow man, I'm really sorry. It must be incredibly tough to deal with all of that in a single week. On the bright side, things are probably as bad as they can get right now, which means they'll only get better (less bad?) from here.

    All I can say is that I'd urge you not to drop out of college or make any other major decisions while you're still reeling from this. Wait till you're in a calmer emotional state before deciding anything. I wish I could offer more advice than that, but you have my sympathies.

  3. #3


    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Take a deep breath and try to relax. This is a difficult time for you. Some things are beyond your control and you are actually acting normal. Anger, confusion and sadness are all a part of grieving. As Astra said, things can only get better.

    Talk to your instructor about your homework assignment and explain what happened. I'm sure he will understand and give you an extension. Listen to music or comedy shows. Violent shows like wrestling can only make you more angry. For chat rooms - that's what we're here for!

    Relatives are relatives and they will fight amongst themselves. This probably isn't a new thing, right? It's that there is added stress in the family and the arguments are more intense. You're doing the right thing by staying in your room and isolating yourself. Try and avoid the arguing members of your family and confide in the ones you love and trust the most. The same with you friends.

    Suicide is not the answer. If you need professional help, please seek it out. Sometimes colleges and universities have a counseling center. Take care and PLEASE keep us posted.

  4. #4


    But you can go to your college councilor and tell them what has happened it can help you get a little more time to get stuff done .

  5. #5


    Tough break, sorry for your losses.

    Believe me when I say that you are not the only one on here that has thought of suicide and I know it's hard when your head is in a state of peril, but you need to remember that no matter how bad or how hard you have it - there is always someone out there that is worse off than you.

    That's what gets me through life. Hope everything works out.

  6. #6


    Emmy, please if you are considering suicide, please call a hotline or go to a hospital for help now. Remember that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Don't make any major decisions about school until you talk this thru with either a close family member, friend, or a school counselor.

    We want you here for a long time and we would miss you if you were gone. Please take care of yourself and ignore the family fighting.

    Super big hugs, Emmy.

  7. #7


    Wow is right PrincessEmmy!
    Definitely talk with your councilor and or instructor in a day or two...
    Otherwise preserve yourself, and call for help as needed...

    If your life or someone else's is in imminent danger, please call 911.
    If you are in crisis and need immediate help, please call:

    National Hopeline

    National Suicide
    Prevention Lifeline
    Perhaps, let the family know that you are not interested in're not abandoning them, that you're just trying to keep yourself from harm in these difficult times...right now...supporting all who are suffering these all that should be done now...

    I feel for you PrincessEmmy!

    Also, realizing the issues with being a male, and a grown-up...If you can...put that to the side for a moment...and deal with this family crisis for now...the other things have been an issue for awhile...I believe that they can wait a little bit longer while we work through this particularly troubling time now.

    It could just be, this situation is what gives you the strength, and direction later on, to tackle the longer term could be what you can do to keep these deaths and major injuries from seeming entirely in may be the one to unite the family...this may just be the opportunity to show the family your heart...another death, or hospitalization...certainly wont help your love PrincessEmmy!

    -Marka ...and we certainly are listening!
    Last edited by Marka; 16-Sep-2013 at 04:25. Reason: adding more response...

  8. #8


    Thanks guys, I don't think I am going to commit suicide. It's just that the thoughts are very strong. I am trying to keep myself distracted and entertained the best I can.

  9. #9


    Hello Emmy

    Please call the hotline that Marka listed.

    They are not just for suicide crisis, they are there to help at any point. I have called them when the urge is there. It does not mean that I am going to, but it is a big read flag that I need to talk to someone and get the reassurance I need to get the coping skills back on track to deal with the truck load of "stuff" that has been dumped on me.

    We are here to help, but the people at the help lines can do more faster for you then any of use can.

    Again please call them.

  10. #10


    Princess, please get some councilling now, you need to talk, I know writing things down eases the stress, but to talk with someone re OUR issues is much better, please, go and see someone,please......

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