Hi everyone! I am new here. I signed on because I'm desperate for advice, and I love my husband who is a DL.
He's an artist, and so am I. We've been married for a short time now, but known each other since we were kids. He introduced his DL fetish to me a few months after we started dating (this is how he introduced me to diapers: I got into bed, and he was wearing one. No warning.). He told me that he felt comfortable opening up to me because I'm very interested in fetishes (I've done a lot of research on sexual fetishes in the past- mostly because of a past interest in sex toy and fetish gear design), and he thought he'd be safe with me, thought maybe I'd be into anything. Well, I wanted to be supportive, and I knew how much shame he had had about wearing them. But honestly, I felt uncomfortable with it, and not particularly excited about it. I went along with it for some months (he would wear a diaper during sex/sleep maybe a few times a week during that time). And, actually, I did find it pleasing sometimes. It can feel great to be so intimately caring to another person- and he is SO lovely and vulnerable when he is diapered, and he never shows me that vulnerability in any other context. I even wore a diaper a few times, which was fine.
But I got burnt out. Resentful. I'm naturally a more submissive sexual partner, and it started to feel so depressing to me that he got this careful attention from me, and I didn't get that quality of attention from him. He just doesn't know how to really pay close attention as a lover, and doesn't like to be in control. (We talked it over, he's tried, but he just doesn't know how to be a naturally strong "take control in bed" kind of person) I am able to switch and be the more controlling/doting partner, but it's NOT my preference. I just got burnt out and stopped wanting to do it.
When I didn't respond to him by touching his diaper when he wore it last, he got so deeply upset. My experience was that I felt dominated into agreement by his enormous upset, and I just shut down around it. Yesterday we went to couples therapy, and I brought up that maybe this fetish doesn't work for me (since I don't feel like I can choose freely, I feel like if I don't do what he wants, he's depressed and distant for days, it feels like a gun to my head "do this or we'll both be punished"), maybe I'm not going to be intimate with him while he's wearing diapers anymore. And what resulted was horrible. He told me that if he wasn't so scared, he would leave me and try to find someone else.
This situation feels so awful.
I love my husband, and I don't want to lose him, and I don't want him to be unhappy, but it feels like diapers open up a black hole of need in him, and it feels draining, scary, and I feel really left out and unappreciated.
Part of me knows that I get to choose- stay with him, and participate with him in diapering, or get divorced. And it seems like the stupidest idea ever to get divorced over this. But I'm really depressed, and don't know how to get used to this. I would really welcome your thoughts, obviously I can't talk with ANY of our friends about this, and I really need someone to talk with right now.