I know I can't go back and change the past but I can't help thinking of all the fun and comfort I missed out on, as well as maybe having a better go at finding a partner who I could be compatible with.
I can go way back and remember being fascinated by diapers but never having the real impulses to act on it, therefore I never attempted to steal them.
When I was 8 my dad put a cloth diaper on me and forced me to wear it under my clothes all day as a punishment for bedwetting (I woke up wet nearly every morning for the next 10 years) but for the life of me I can't remember much about it other than sort of enjoying the tightness of the diaper with jeans pulled up tight over it.
In middle school I had a flash of envy/ attraction when I found myself behind a girl in the lunch line. My classmates were joking about her and while I didnt join in I could kick myself for not defending her - not that she would have given me the time of day.
I was 18 or 19 and 'borrowing' my dad's stash of Forum and Variations magazines and that was my first revelation that 'this' existed. The letters were mostly written by guys and it always seemed to end badly for them when their wives/partners found out. I suppose it was then that I knew deep down that I was 'one of those' but it was already bad enough that I had had a crossdressing stash my mother found and confronted me about when I was 15, and from the stories in the magazines, those marriages didn't go too well either.
So between that, a failure to recognize signals of interest by possible GF material, and coming up in the Clinton years of "every male is a rapist" I became hyperfocused on learning and creating music, which further eroded my interpersonal skills, ha!
Eventually I did participate in a couple of 'vanilla' relationships (if one can call them that), discovered heartbreak and went on a self-medicating bender before finding my calling (card).
While all of this was going on, I chanced upon 1 adult diaper that I tried on one night and somebody stole out of my room the next day, I suppose I thought better of trying to pursue it. But all this time goes by with nary a thought about diapers.
Then I joined Wrongplanet and someone posted about ABDL on one of the forums there. I thought "ooh" but not much else other than the occasional random Google Image scrape and skimming over the W'pedia article. A couple of months later for whatever reason I reinstalled my Torrent client, went straight to TPB and found "The Ultimate ABDL Collection" and whoa boy!
From there I visited Understanding.infantilism and Googled many things about diapers which led me to here. I've been wearing virtually nonstop since February of this year, I haven't gone a full day without at least a Goodnite or frilly maxi-pad pullup and I don't really want the urges to go away, after they hadn't been there for so long.
Can anyone else articulate - I've seen that ICkG had a recent surge of AB stuff but I feel like I've really missed the party in a sense that these desires come from seemingly nowhere after so long. Anyone, anyone?