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Thread: Is it cheating

  1. #1

    Default Is it cheating

    I have a boyfriend for three years now. He has absolutely no clue I wear diapers. I know he won't be accepting of me wearing diapers as we have had similar topic conversation about people who wear diapers for fun. He thinks it's the oddest thing in the world and he laughs at the idea. So I have not told him my love for diapers. Although I have been longing for a daddy. I want a daddy to just be a daddy and nothing more. I don't want sex or anything intimate with a daddy. Although I do want my diapers changed when needed. I have found a daddy who is OK with just being a daddy and nothing more than just that. We have spoken and met in public many occasions, but I still have not had him change my diaper yet. I almost feel like if he changes my diaper. That I'm being untrue to my boyfriend who I love very dearly. Would it be cheating and being untrue to my boyfriend if I had another man "daddy" change my diaper? Please help me understand what I'm doing.

  2. #2

    Default

    Sounds like you are in quite a complicated situation, and I have some advice for you that may be hard to swallow but ultimately will be the best for your growth.

    So you've been in a relationship with your boyfriend for three years, and during that span you haven't told him nor has he found out. It also seems he is a little befuddled about AB/DLs in general. You might have to elaborate more on his reaction during that conversation as it might be key on how to proceed further. So if I may ask, what was his reaction more specifically?



    Although I have been longing for a daddy. I want a daddy to just be a daddy and nothing more. I don't want sex or anything intimate with a daddy. Although I do want my diapers changed when needed. I have found a daddy who is OK with just being a daddy and nothing more than just that.
    From what I gather currently, because a rather (it seems) integral need to have a daddy, you have essentially gone out and found a different partner to do so because your current partner can't.



    I almost feel like if he changes my diaper. That I'm being untrue to my boyfriend who I love very dearly. Would it be cheating and being untrue to my boyfriend if I had another man "daddy" change my diaper? Please help me understand what I'm doing.
    Let me ask you this. What if you were dating someone, and they went off to find another partner to fill a specific need for them? They didn't tell you about, you trust they are being honest with you, and you've committed to be in some sort of monogamous relationship with this person? You'd feel pretty hurt I'd imagine. My partner would be very hurt himself if I just went behind him to find another person to fulfill a need without as so much as being honest with him.

    After 3 years, it's pretty essential to sit down and talk about this. Not only should you be honest with yourself about what you need, but also to be honest with someone you love. Finding different partners to fulfill needs, even non sexual, can be construed as cheating to your partner. I'd feel like I was cheating on mine if I had done just that, even non sexually.

    Men react a little differently in these types of situations. Physical, sexual contact really is dead on cheating in our eyes more than some sort of "emotional cheating." It's a socialization thing. So if you come to explain what's going on, the reaction might not be the worst..but it won't be good either. I'm not sure what your partner is like but it may put your relationship on the edge or even end it. I'm sorry to alarm you that way but I think you need to step back and re-evaluate it before you put yourself deeper into a hole.

    I understand what your going through, but your making your current situation worse by finding and engaging in AB activities with your daddy behind your boyfriend. And if your boyfriend of 3 years can't accept this way about you anyway, he's probably not the best partner to begin with.

    I think it's best you start taking some time to be honest about what you need with your partner, and who you are AB wise. And it's not going to be easy, but it is doable.

  3. #3

    Default

    While I feel that having a diaper changed is no different than a normal baby, as an act of need and caring, your man would most likely not agree. He would probably see the idea of another man seeing and touching your private parts as sexual and an act of betrayal.

    However, I think there is a bigger issue. This isn't something you can or want to hide forever. I would encourage you to either tell him and see if you can find a way for the two of you to find common ground, or maybe try and find someone who can love you in your entirety.

    Just my .02

  4. #4

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    I think Geno put this very well. I am a caretaker to someone who has been in conventional relationships. It puts a strange spin on things sometimes. I see it as a kind of a polyamorous relationship with strongly defined boundaries. I wouldn't do it if the partner was not aware of our relationship, and make no mistake, it's going to be a relationship if it continues. A single diaper change can be just a quick thing, done in such a matter of fact way that it's hardly any fun at all. In that case, why have someone do it for you? What you want is a loving, intimate act and probably the stuff that goes with it, such as cuddling, loving parental gestures, etc. If it is ongoing, it's a relationship and I think that most reasonable people would see that as cheating when the partner is unaware. I see full disclosure as the only defensible option.

    In your case, it's additionally complicated in that you haven't shared this side of yourself with your boyfriend. I think that's the first reasonable step and then to give him a shot at fulfilling this for you before you go looking elsewhere. If he's fine with someone else doing the job, you can proceeed with caution. If he can't bear it at all, you both need to know that.

  5. #5

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by mzsquishypants View Post
    I have a boyfriend for three years now. He has absolutely no clue I wear diapers. I know he won't be accepting of me wearing diapers as we have had similar topic conversation about people who wear diapers for fun. He thinks it's the oddest thing in the world and he laughs at the idea. So I have not told him my love for diapers. Although I have been longing for a daddy. I want a daddy to just be a daddy and nothing more. I don't want sex or anything intimate with a daddy. Although I do want my diapers changed when needed. I have found a daddy who is OK with just being a daddy and nothing more than just that. We have spoken and met in public many occasions, but I still have not had him change my diaper yet. I almost feel like if he changes my diaper. That I'm being untrue to my boyfriend who I love very dearly. Would it be cheating and being untrue to my boyfriend if I had another man "daddy" change my diaper? Please help me understand what I'm doing.
    mzsquishypants,

    One sort of 'litmus' test..."If you have to ask" is it cheating? That tells me, that you haven't fully reconciled with perhaps your own knowing...with that of what you feel that you need...

    Though I would suggest that most people will present negatively towards AB/DL for example...it gives no genuine fact of their true feelings or considerations in such things...your BF may be reacting that way, because he believes that you feel that way too... (or that it's otherwise expected to feel that way)

    Before you even get to the part of outsourcing some of these deeply emotional, and intimate needs of yours...I would suggest that yes, yes it is cheating...first it's cheating yourself, then it's cheating your boyfriend...it's cheating you both individually, and collectively...

    If this is genuinely a need of yours... and if you two otherwise genuinely love the other...your first need to address probably ought to be honesty...

    I don't intend this as any kind of chastising, or judgement of or on you mzsquishypants...it is your life (though not just yours)...do as you see fit...

    I believe that you have already answered your own question, before any of us responded...

    One question to you...do you need to be in this relationship with your BF?

    Respectfully,
    -Marka

  6. #6

    Default

    My husband would consider it as such. Cheating is a subjective word. My mother views kissing as a gray area but one of her sisters sees it as cheating. Some may view having cyber sex as cheating, some may view posting your nude pictures to someone online as cheating, someone may view hugging at cheating or letting a guy put his hand on you. Some may consider going out with a guy as cheating and it wouldn't matter if it was as friends. It's always important to talk to your partner first about what they consider as cheating so there is no betrayal and hurt feelings.

    Try asking him if it would be cheating if someone was in a relationship and they let another person change their diapers or baby them and see what he says.

  7. #7

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Marka View Post
    mzsquishypants,

    One sort of 'litmus' test..."If you have to ask" is it cheating? That tells me, that you haven't fully reconciled with perhaps your own knowing...with that of what you feel that you need...

    Though I would suggest that most people will present negatively towards AB/DL for example...it gives no genuine fact of their true feelings or considerations in such things...your BF may be reacting that way, because he believes that you feel that way too... (or that it's otherwise expected to feel that way)

    Before you even get to the part of outsourcing some of these deeply emotional, and intimate needs of yours...I would suggest that yes, yes it is cheating...first it's cheating yourself, then it's cheating your boyfriend...it's cheating you both individually, and collectively...

    If this is genuinely a need of yours... and if you two otherwise genuinely love the other...your first need to address probably ought to be honesty...

    I don't intend this as any kind of chastising, or judgement of or on you mzsquishypants...it is your life (though not just yours)...do as you see fit...

    I believe that you have already answered your own question, before any of us responded...

    One question to you...do you need to be in this relationship with your BF?

    Respectfully,
    -Marka

    This is a wise perspective.

    I agree. If you have to ask - you know.

    It's cheating on several levels. Everyone will be served best by telling the truth in love.

    That's hard work.

  8. #8

    Default

    Having someone other then a nurse, physician, parents or a sibling during and only for medical reasons would be inappropriate for anyone, besides your partner to change your clothing, including underpants (diaper).

  9. #9

    Default

    personally and this is my opinion so you don't have to listen to me but in a way, yes I believe it is If I had another "mommy" or girl change my diaper I would be cheating in her eyes. I am showing another woman my private area, nonsexually but still showing. Something that me and my loved one share during intimate situations.

    I think you need to tell your significant other because honestly the longer you wait the harder it may be for the both of you
    trust me I have expereince in girls and this interest. The girl I am with now I told her right off the bat and kept myself open right away just so
    she knew that I wasn't going to hide this, I gave her every detail down to going to the bathroom in the diapers. She accepted it right away
    but if I wouldn't have she might have gotten upset because it's something big that I would have hid.

    It's a touchy subject I know but I apologize if i offended the owner of this post or anyone else, I am only trying to help by giving my perspective
    I am sure you love your boyfriend very much just open up to him and you should be rewarded if he truly loves you

    -cheers

  10. #10

    Default

    As a Baby Dadd relationship I see nothing wrong with it.

    I do see a lot of moral issues that others are bring up. But if this is just a Baby Daddy relationship, it is nothing more than a Daddy changing any babies diapers.

    You may be in the wrong relationship if after 3 years you have not been able to bring your BF around to it.

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