Hi everybody, sorry for this very long post. But I'm kind of lost and scared and need to vent. Advice is also appreciated.
So I graduated from college back in May with a BA in visual arts with a concentration in film (please don't ask why I didn't go for a more useful degree), and surprise surprise, I still don't have a job...
I've been searching and had a couple interviews this week and landed an internship with a local production company... But I decided not to go with it since they weren't going to pay me and I live 45 minutes away. I would lose money working for them. So now I feel like I'm stuck. One of my interviews resulted in some part-time or freelance basis work, and I have no idea what's going to come out of the other interview I had. Honestly, I hate not knowing what's going to happen! And over the past 2 days it all hit me like a ton of bricks. Last night I finally broke down and cried.
A breakdown of all my thoughts from last night:
- To get a good job, I need experience in my field. But in order to get experience, I need to get a job.
- The only people that seem to really like my work are people who have started their own small production companies. While I support local businesses, working for one of these "companies" means inconsistent hours... which means inconsistent paychecks. I learned this during my internship last semester.
- My school only taught me how to shoot with a DSLR. Fun fact: a lot of professionals shoot with much more expensive cameras.
- My school also didn't teach me any editing software. I use Premiere Pro, only because that's what I learned in community college. Most of the places I've applied to use AVID or Final Cut 7.
- So far only one major company in DC has an interest in me... Unfortunately they're also interested in my best friend. We both had interviews there this week.
- What if I get this job in DC? I'm both excited and terrified to move out on my own.
- School was my safety net, and it's gone.
- I don't understand a lot of adult things. Being asexual, I don't get the appeal of sex... I don't get the appeal of alcohol. It makes me sleepy and turns a bunch of people into temporary idiots. I really don't get how people can BS their way into a job. I'm not a good liar, and I hate when people try to make themselves out to be something they're not. I like to retain as much innocence as I can and don't understand why so many people like to do "adult things."
- Relating to the previous point. A guy that still goes to my school got a paid internship in NY with MTV. He likes to show off a lot and make it seem like everything he does is super great. I've seen a bunch of his videos, they're no better than what anyone else in the film program has put out.
- A bunch of my friends are back at school with their scheduled weeks, knowing what's going to happen next, getting to create whatever they want with access to school equipment. And I'm here at home... on the internet... looking for work... not having an actual plan.
Are any of you out there going though something similar to this? Or have you in the past? How do you deal with it? I'm specifically asking the ADISC community because its my inner toddler thats so freaked out about all this uncertainty and confusion.