So, my life has taken a few interesting turns lately. (If you have not followed this little saga, see my latest blog post at http://www.adisc.org/forum/blogs/ick...continues.html.) And the bottom line is that, for the first time in my life, I have told another person I know about my AB nature.
And he accepted it. And he is willing to be my Daddy.
The problem is, as it turns out...
My husband is not just vanilla. He is the Capital of Vanilla. He is a vanilla sundae made with vanilla ice cream topped with vanilla sauce and vanilla whipped cream, but hold the sauce and cream because that would be too adventurous. (Literally, his favorite ice cream flavor is vanilla.) So you can see that this is WAY outside of his usual comfort zone, which makes it all the more special that he is willing to come into this place with me but very hard to help him to comprehend how to do so.
I gave him links to things like ADISC's caretaker article (which is really aimed at online relationships, but it's something) and a couple of random pages I found, as well as a couple of blogs made by Daddies. He is looking at them but I think he's overwhelmed. He just does not know what to do or how to go about doing it. And he asks me what I want, and I don't actually know what to tell him.
First of all, I've never had a relationship with a Daddy before. I never knew I wanted one until I started talking to the member who briefly became my Daddy last week. But I do want one. More than that: I need one. Still, what can I tell him about how I want him to do something I've never done before?
I told him who I am when I am Little. I told him I need comfort and care and cuddling. I told him I need and love cute and fatherly emails during the day to remind me he's thinking of me and checking up on me. I told him I want to role play both online and IRL, but I don't think he quite understands what that means. Like I tried to do something today from school: there was a party after school that I had forgotten to mention to him so, when I realized it, I sent him a message saying I was a very bad girl for forgetting and hoping he'd let me go but telling him I understood if he wouldn't. But even though we definitely have not had that kind of relationship before, he didn't recognize that as a signal for role play (although I'd definitely have come right home if he had told me to).
What do I want? I want him to be my Daddy. If he's willing, then.. When we're in role, I want him to talk to me like I'm his baby girl. I want him to treat me that way. I want him to check my diaper and change me if I'm wet. I want him to pick my clothes and dress me. I want him to buy me a plushie and a paci and a blankie but I don't want to have to ask him to. I want him to pat me on my diapered behind. I want him to smile and tell me I'm a good girl when I am and frown and tell me I'm bad when I'm bad. I want him to put me to bed when he thinks it's my bedtime, give me a bottle and tell me a story. I want to play this role completely when we are playing it, and have him play it with me.
He asks me to tell him what I want. Is it too much to come right out and say that to Mr. Vanilla? Or does anyone have a better idea?