This a lone would make one think that it was the beginning of a fetish. But this was not the case for me.
There were a lot of things that were going on in my life at that time.
About this time I had just been molested for the second time.
I was being called lazy and getting spankings for wetting to bed. Some of these with a belt.
I was working after school washing dishes. I had no time to be a kid of 14. That and age thing I was never the age mentally that I was in age. I was always 2 to 3 years behind my real age.
Now adding all this together I reached a point to where I need to find a way to make everything go away. I did one night.
Not sure what the braking point was but one night I went to bed and mentally went back to being a baby of about 1 and 1/2 to 2. I felt safe there. No one was going to do bad things to me there. No one would hurt me there.
I went back to sucking my thumb , I was also wearing a make shift diaper to hide my bed wetting. Now I'm not sure if this was some kind of breakdown or just my way of trying to protect myself. I have been like this ever since. I retreat to being a baby every night.
But this baby part of me has grown stronger over the years. I think was because of a lot of stress I went through.
So just were do I fit into the Adult Baby world. This has never been role play for me but a very real thing. I'm an Adult who is also a Baby.
I know there are others out there who are like me. Trauma can do things to our lives that we can not change.