Everyone before you begin reading this know that is not abdl related.
Todays a new day for me. Today i start taking control of the addictions that have ruled my life for the last 8 years. Since I was 13 I have drank, smoked cigarettes, and smoked weed. When I turned 19 i started to see that I may have a problem, i understand that its normal for a 21 year old to drink quite a lot but im at the point where i know its a problem. Im able to control myself somewhat, if i have to do something such as go to work or a family even im able to abstain from doing it but when i dont have to stay sober i dont. Im always looking for a way to get a buzz. Two years ago i started doing synthetic marijuana and smoked about 2 grams a day, then i started smoking pot at the same pace. Only recently have i stopped smoking but ive compensated by drinking. It scares me that over the last two years the only times I was sober was when I was at work, its even scarier to me that for 6 months now ive been trying to get this under control and ive failed. I make it about a day and then i make up some excuse to start again. Its like theres a schizm in my mind. One half says its okay while the other knows how much damage im doing by not stopping. I know that it could be worse but I wanna get control before i lose everything. Its already ruined one of the best relationships i have ever been in, its made it so that im not happy unless i have a buzz or a cigarette in my hand, and now i find myself in so much debt that im starting to drowned in it. But things are different, yesterday i broke down and drank again and while i was drinking i still wasnt happy it was like it made it worse. This isnt a post begging for help though any advice id gladly take, and im not quiting entirely, i just want control again. I want to enjoy being sober. I want to be happy. I guess this is more of a post to declare my new life. Thank you for reading this, i feel more confident now after actually getting these thoughts out. Wish me luck, please.