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Thread: Yep...I'm back. And a failure.

  1. #1

    Default Yep...I'm back. And a failure.

    You may remember me from such threads as: http://www.adisc.org/forum/greetings...u-goodbye.html

    Well. I did well, for a while! Found other outlets, other means of getting rid of stress, blah blah...

    But it always lingered there. And eventually I just fell back into it. Like an alcoholic that took a sip of alcohol after just getting a 30 day chip.

    And it sucks, because I hate myself for it. I never really accepted it anyways. But now that I failed, I hate myself more. I hate myself when I indulge it, but I do anyways. And so goes the cycle of self-loathing.

    I don't know what to do. I can either not do it and just have an annoying urge, like a stick poking my brain, all the time. Or I can do it and hate myself.

    Sorry for the rant. I'm just tired of it.

  2. #2

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    Welcome back. Congrats, your Furry level just rose 15% for leaving and returning.

    No, seriously, hope you stick around this time, self-loathing is only a problem if you make it so.

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by Eulogy View Post
    Welcome back. Congrats, your Furry level just rose 15% for leaving and returning.

    No, seriously, hope you stick around this time, self-loathing is only a problem if you make it so.
    Alright, that made me laugh pretty hard.

    And I'm trying not to let it be. I really am...

  4. #4

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    I'm very sorry to hear you're having a really tough time with it.



    Quote Originally Posted by Trouble
    And it sucks, because I hate myself for it. I never really accepted it anyways. But now that I failed, I hate myself more. I hate myself when I indulge it, but I do anyways. And so goes the cycle of self-loathing.
    I don't think I've spoken with you directly before, but why do you hate your self for it? It may sound so simple of a question, but often answers can be complex and revealing. It's a good place to start to at least break the cycle.



    I don't know what to do. I can either not do it and just have an annoying urge, like a stick poking my brain, all the time. Or I can do it and hate myself.
    There are a lot of things you can do and there IS a light at the end of the tunnel, but ultimately you have to put your time into it if you want any change.

    So if you want to answer, be as blunt as possible with my first question

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by Geno View Post
    I'm very sorry to hear you're having a really tough time with it.



    I don't think I've spoken with you directly before, but why do you hate your self for it? It may sound so simple of a question, but often answers can be complex and revealing. It's a good place to start to at least break the cycle.



    There are a lot of things you can do and there IS a light at the end of the tunnel, but ultimately you have to put your time into it if you want any change.

    So if you want to answer, be as blunt as possible with my first question
    Fair enough.

    Honestly, I just... find it weird. But only for myself, for some reason. It's like it's fine for other people, but not for me, if that makes any sense.

    I think part of it is that when I have told someone who didn't do it, or if someone found out that didn't do it, I didn't get the best reactions. They weren't terrible reactions, and I was never rejected for it, but they weren't good.

    For example: My mom found out about it. My mom is a very open minded person. She loves me, she always has, always will. But she wanted me to go talk to someone about it and try to get rid of it. I never did, of course, but that was like a shot to the heart that it wasn't something that she particularly approved of.

    I told an ex about it. She didn't reject me, or want to break up with me over it. But she also wanted me to go see a professional.

    Now I do have a support system of people who are into it, but...they're also into it. They have the same perspective I do. When I've run into someone with a different perspective, people who were/are close to me, it's turned out to hurt me. I think that's where it stems from.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by Trouble View Post
    You may remember me from such threads as: http://www.adisc.org/forum/greetings...u-goodbye.html

    Well. I did well, for a while! Found other outlets, other means of getting rid of stress, blah blah...

    But it always lingered there. And eventually I just fell back into it. Like an alcoholic that took a sip of alcohol after just getting a 30 day chip.

    And it sucks, because I hate myself for it. I never really accepted it anyways. But now that I failed, I hate myself more. I hate myself when I indulge it, but I do anyways. And so goes the cycle of self-loathing.

    I don't know what to do. I can either not do it and just have an annoying urge, like a stick poking my brain, all the time. Or I can do it and hate myself.

    Sorry for the rant. I'm just tired of it.
    I hadn't been on adisc long when you posted your goodbye. But looking back at it, I remember it now.
    I didn't get to know you when our paths crossed back then but I hope to get to know you now, so welcome back.
    You titled and the theme of this post is being "a failure". Really? A failure? For finding out that you enjoy doing something that is harmless and makes you happy?
    Also, your too young to be a failure. At 53, I'm also too young to be one. At 100, neither of us will be a failure. See where I'm going with this?
    I think you'll find that placing black and white labels such as success and failure on things will not help your situation.

    My advice, just enjoy it when the desire arises. Practice moderation in everything in your life, including your AB/DL/BF side and I think you will enjoy life a lot better.

    One again, welcome back!

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by Trouble
    Honestly, I just... find it weird. But only for myself, for some reason. It's like it's fine for other people, but not for me, if that makes any sense.
    I think so, kind of like you have a different standard with yourself in that way.



    I think part of it is that when I have told someone who didn't do it, or if someone found out that didn't do it, I didn't get the best reactions. They weren't terrible reactions, and I was never rejected for it, but they weren't good.
    Right.



    For example: My mom found out about it. My mom is a very open minded person. She loves me, she always has, always will. But she wanted me to go talk to someone about it and try to get rid of it. I never did, of course, but that was like a shot to the heart that it wasn't something that she particularly approved of.
    That can really be hard to experience when your mom basically told you to get rid of it. And perhaps maybe a frank conversation about it might have to happen later.



    Now I do have a support system of people who are into it, but...they're also into it. They have the same perspective I do. When I've run into someone with a different perspective, people who were/are close to me, it's turned out to hurt me. I think that's where it stems from.
    Definitely. And basically most of the people (those close to you) told said you either need to get rid of it, or it wasn't good. Obviously not the best reinforcement to you that it's not weird or you should get rid of it.

    I have a pretty good idea in relation to your mom's view of it and you. And just digest it for a while. Why not use the therapist to your advantage? You have to have this attitude with yourself that you are going there to acquire some tools to deal with these sorts of situations, not people are basically forcing you to go there with their stated opinions. I think you'll feel pretty upset with the latter way of looking at it.

    Any good therapist will not judge you or tell you to get rid of it because it's weird or bad. And if you so choose to have that frank conversation, you can have your mom there when you want to discuss it with her.

    It's really a win-win for you.

    That's just one option I have at the top of my head currently.

    In the mean time, try to give yourself some leeway here. I think demonizing it isn't getting you much anywhere. I think if you say to yourself "It's okay. Yes it's weird, people look at it funny, but ultimately, I want to be happy." Write that on a post it note and look at it once in a while. Put it on your comp. Say it out loud. That may help.

    I'm not going to lie to you, I think at some point you are going to have to accept it's there and it's not going anywhere. Obviously demonizing it and trying to get rid of it hasn't worked. So try the other option.

  8. #8

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    Hello Trouble and welcome back.

    I was very new when you left and I am glad that you have returned.
    1) We are here for you as a support group.
    2) You are not a failure.

    I hope that you are willing to take some advice and let us help you find the golden zone in self acceptance where balance and control live in harmony.

    With the self acceptance comes the understanding of Paraphilic Infantilism and the ability to love yourself for who you are.

    Yes there are people here and in real life that are into the AB/DL lifestyle, but only you can live the life that you need and be able to not judge yourself to "normal" standards or what another AB/DL needs to maintain their wants and desires.

    Remember there is a difference between self-ness/self aware and selfishness. You have to take care of you and your needs first.

    Again welcome back and I will be looking forward to posting on threads with you in the forums.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by Geno View Post

    Definitely. And basically most of the people (those close to you) told said you either need to get rid of it, or it wasn't good. Obviously not the best reinforcement to you that it's not weird or you should get rid of it.

    I have a pretty good idea in relation to your mom's view of it and you. And just digest it for a while. Why not use the therapist to your advantage? You have to have this attitude with yourself that you are going there to acquire some tools to deal with these sorts of situations, not people are basically forcing you to go there with their stated opinions. I think you'll feel pretty upset with the latter way of looking at it.

    Any good therapist will not judge you or tell you to get rid of it because it's weird or bad. And if you so choose to have that frank conversation, you can have your mom there when you want to discuss it with her.

    It's really a win-win for you.

    That's just one option I have at the top of my head currently.

    In the mean time, try to give yourself some leeway here. I think demonizing it isn't getting you much anywhere. I think if you say to yourself "It's okay. Yes it's weird, people look at it funny, but ultimately, I want to be happy." Write that on a post it note and look at it once in a while. Put it on your comp. Say it out loud. That may help.

    I'm not going to lie to you, I think at some point you are going to have to accept it's there and it's not going anywhere. Obviously demonizing it and trying to get rid of it hasn't worked. So try the other option.
    It's funny you should say that. I've often thought about going to a therapist to get reinforcement that maybe it isn't as bad as my brain enjoys telling me it is.

    Unfortunately, I am awful at face to face interactions, especially when it comes to something such as this. I clam up a lot, and I fear that's what would happen if I tried.

    I'll try the note thing. Maybe telling myself it's fine a few times a day will help calm my nerves about it a bit.

    Thanks for your help. :3

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by Trouble
    It's funny you should say that. I've often thought about going to a therapist to get reinforcement that maybe it isn't as bad as my brain enjoys telling me it is.

    Unfortunately, I am awful at face to face interactions, especially when it comes to something such as this. I clam up a lot, and I fear that's what would happen if I tried.
    A therapist can be pretty accommodating in that regard. You could probably write a small letter describing what you want to accomplish, and they can help take it from there. It will indeed be a little work just trying to get over that little hump.



    I'll try the note thing. Maybe telling myself it's fine a few times a day will help calm my nerves about it a bit.
    It works pretty well. Helped me get through a couple nasty breakups back in the day. It's good to give yourself some positive reinforcement and some self-love for a change.

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