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Thread: Feeling guilty and emasculated

  1. #1

    Default Feeling guilty and emasculated

    I just got back from a deployment (not a very long one, and not dangerous at all mind you) and of course my first priority was to get in a nice comfy diaper. All I could think about on the plane ride home. I was diapered for a few days then I started to feel like this habit/lifestyle is hindering my potential for a real relationship with a woman. That's my ultimate goal and I feel like being an ABDL is hindering that somehow like I don't feel like a real man because of it. I still have a deep connection with being an ABDL but I just feel like I'm emasculating myself and stalling progress towards finding a mate. I had this epiphany the other night and actually got the nerve to throw all of my diapers away...I had ALOT. I was that determined to make a change but now I don't feel like it was for the better. I'm still lonely, and now I don't even have my diapers! I'm just confused.

  2. #2

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    I would say the most important thing is getting it right in your head about what you are and what it means to you. I'm biased toward self-acceptance rather than purging but go ahead and try to quit if you think it will do any good. I wouldn't expect it to work but you might gain some worthwhile self-knowledge from doing so. Then again, I doubt this is really your plan if you're posting here. If you're quitting, why do you need an ABDL support site whose decided aim is to foster self-acceptance for a harmless kink?

    You're right that it's mostly going to limit your relationships. Everything about you counts in a relationship and this is a part of you. We have plenty of evidence (in the form of ongoing and past member relationships both in and out of the community) that it's not an insurmountable limitation. I would submit that your narrow definition of maleness is as or more limiting of your relationship potential, and that's something you can really work on. You are a man who likes diapers. Since you also mark AB on there, presumably you have some interest there as well. You're still a man.

    I spent a lot of time wrestling with myself over this and mostly it produced anxiety and misery. When I let go of the self-loathing, my life got better. It can get better for you as well if you do the work.

  3. #3

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    I know the feeling way too well, Lonelyboy. I think a lot of us around here do.

    I spent my college years constantly fighting with myself over these desires. Throwing out diapers, craving them anyway, and getting stuck between loathing myself and throwing myself into diaper binges? Been there lots of times. So I feel for you, because I know how hard it is. The guilt really is terrible, feeling the pressure to be someone else.

    You know what helped me? It's a bit scary, but: accepting that this is part of who I am, and that it's not going anywhere. It's hard to do! I understand wanting to throw away the diapers and be strong enough to just quit. But even though you may well be strong enough to never break down and wear diapers again, is it worth denying a part of yourself? It hurts. I quit diapers for about eight months, and it sucked. I always thought about them, and found myself just wanting to get back into them. Not a healthy place. It's never good to reject yourself, even in part.

    Instead, why not try putting limits on your diaper use? Choose a couple days a week to wear, enough to sate the desire but not enough to overdo it and end up disgusted with yourself. When I did this, something wonderful happened: I enjoyed my diapers, but never felt like I needed to throw them all away. Find balance. Diapers should never run your life, but they can be a part of it in moderation. It's about letting your desires come true without being controlled. Instead, by setting limits, you're the one in control.

    You also raised a good point about relationships. And yes, as Trevor said, it makes things harder. But not impossible, not at all! Some very lucky people find a partner who's into diapers. But more often, ABDLs have to explain to a partner about their interests. And incredibly, a lot of them report being accepted. I think a big part is in how you present your needs. If you make it clear that you like wearing diapers but are willing to accommodate your partner's needs, and you are OK with letting them decide how involved they're going to be, then I think a lot of people will be OK with it. Maybe not the perfect fantasy, but I think finding a partner who loves you, diapers and all, even if they don't fully understand, is totally possible. Don't lose heart - people are a lot more accepting nowadays!

    My advice is:accept yourself and put limits on your diaper wearing so you're the one in control. That'll make you much happier and healthier, and you'll still find a special someone. You can do it, and we're here to help! If you still decide you'd rather try and quit, then good luck, and I hope I can support you in that too. But I think you'll find a lot of freedom in self-acceptance.

  4. #4

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    Hey thanks a lot for the really insightful advice guys...I came back here to post this because it's ABDL related and being that we are all adults (I believe) I figured someone else would have been in my shoes at one point or another. This seems to be true. I think I have to just accept it as part of my being and let it happen. Of course when I move back home and closer to friends and family, I'll have to abstain until I can get to my current level of privacy and independence...but as for now, until then, I think I can let it be part of me again. After I threw everything away I expected to feel different, to be freed from it...which I did but every so slightly. It was immediately overshadowed by an overwhelming desire that just isn't worth holding out from. I am no closer to having a spouse and only causing myself pain for nothing.
    Now it just looks like I'm going to have to invest in another diaper supply...oh well lol. Again...thank you guys very much.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lonelyboy View Post
    Hey thanks a lot for the really insightful advice guys...I came back here to post this because it's ABDL related and being that we are all adults (I believe) I figured someone else would have been in my shoes at one point or another. This seems to be true. I think I have to just accept it as part of my being and let it happen. Of course when I move back home and closer to friends and family, I'll have to abstain until I can get to my current level of privacy and independence...but as for now, until then, I think I can let it be part of me again. After I threw everything away I expected to feel different, to be freed from it...which I did but every so slightly. It was immediately overshadowed by an overwhelming desire that just isn't worth holding out from. I am no closer to having a spouse and only causing myself pain for nothing.
    Now it just looks like I'm going to have to invest in another diaper supply...oh well lol. Again...thank you guys very much.
    I don't know that it's typical but having diapers readily available really took the edge off for me. My desires for them were most present when I attempted to fight them, less so but still quite present when I accepted but didn't indulge (I decided the harm for everyone of discovery at home wasn't worth the benefit), and much more happily manageable when I could do it any time I chose.

    The only real fast track I can suggest for self-acceptance is getting to know other ABDLs as friends and not just as advice givers or diaper reviewers. The more I was able to see the humanity in others with this desire the better I understood it in myself. Just being able to meet for lunch with a friend who knows is wonderful even if the topic never arises.

  6. #6

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    Well that's the thing...I am extremely private about being an ABDL when it comes to actual friendships/relationships. Basically anyone relatively close to me is unaware of my interest and will remain that way. I just don't at all feel comfortable getting to know another person (another male, mostly) on the basis of my "fetish" or "kink". It just makes me very uncomfortable. But I would like to start slow by cultivating an online correspondence with someone, be it male or female. That kind of impersonal contact is OK with me, as long as they don't live near me or work with me or the like.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lonelyboy View Post
    Well that's the thing...I am extremely private about being an ABDL when it comes to actual friendships/relationships. Basically anyone relatively close to me is unaware of my interest and will remain that way. I just don't at all feel comfortable getting to know another person (another male, mostly) on the basis of my "fetish" or "kink". It just makes me very uncomfortable. But I would like to start slow by cultivating an online correspondence with someone, be it male or female. That kind of impersonal contact is OK with me, as long as they don't live near me or work with me or the like.
    You can only do what you're comfortable with but as someone who was once where you are in that sense, I will tell you that I wish I had been able to make contact with people sooner. There are creepy folks out there and it appears to me that the ratio is more favorable now than when I was your age but the benefits have been so great for me that it would have been worth sifting through some unpleasant folks to find the good ones that were certainly out there. It's all about getting comfortable and it's an ongoing process. Other people can help if you let them.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lonelyboy View Post
    Well that's the thing...I am extremely private about being an ABDL when it comes to actual friendships/relationships. Basically anyone relatively close to me is unaware of my interest and will remain that way. I just don't at all feel comfortable getting to know another person (another male, mostly) on the basis of my "fetish" or "kink". It just makes me very uncomfortable. But I would like to start slow by cultivating an online correspondence with someone, be it male or female. That kind of impersonal contact is OK with me, as long as they don't live near me or work with me or the like.
    I'm much the same way, and I certainly keep it to myself, that and my wife. I was in your place at about the same age. I very much disliked that fact that I was attracted to diapers and regression. I grew up on the Jersey Shore, was a weight lifter and enjoyed sports. Nothing about diapers and wanting to feel like a toddler or a baby fit into that picture. Once I met the woman who would become my wife, I stopped wearing diapers and put it aside. The urges would still hit, and sometimes I would have to go into the basement to wet an old pair of underwear, just to get it out of my system.

    I think it was a little better when we started having children, because they were the real babies, and what was going on in their diapers was not pleasant by anyone's standards. But when we moved to Virginia and the kids got a little older, the urges returned big time. I had Fridays off while my wife worked and the kids were at school, and I would look forward to that day to wear and regress.

    Eventually my wife discovered a diaper order and I had to explain everything. I was scared to death, but she was very accepting. She and I are a team. We've been through the best of times and now the worst as she is diabetic and needs hemo dialysis. We do it at home, the machine being in our bedroom.

    No one is perfect and everyone has something. There are women out there who will love you for you, faults and all. I don't know of anyone who is perfect. We all have something. As others have said, the key is balance, both in diaper wearing, work, play, family, leisure, finances; everything that we do in life. If the occasional sexual quirk is part of that, join the human race, you're one of not just us, but everyone else. You can make this work. I have. I wish you the best in all of this. I do know it's not easy, but as wise Trevor has said, it can be done.

  9. #9

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    Hi, Lonelyboy, I don't know what country you're from, but if you're in the armed forces of the U.S. or one of our allies, thank you for your service.

    I think Adventurer and Trevor have some very good advice. It may also help to keep in mind that it takes stones to flout a powerful but irrational social norm. Real men stand up for themselves. If you have the courage to say to yourself that you won't let arbitrary social expectations prevent you from doing something that doesn't hurt anybody and that gives you pleasure, you will definitely be a real man.

  10. #10

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    Wow...that's truly an amazin story. I'm sorry your wife has to to through such a thing but I'm also very inspired by how you bonded. I've always been incredibly guarded, but I have yet to meet a woman that I intend to spend my life with. I'm sure when she comes along, that particular side of me will be brought to light and hopefully it will be accepted. I understand sacrifices are to be made and I actually look forward to that in order to gain a family and my ultimate goal.

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