I just got back from a deployment (not a very long one, and not dangerous at all mind you) and of course my first priority was to get in a nice comfy diaper. All I could think about on the plane ride home. I was diapered for a few days then I started to feel like this habit/lifestyle is hindering my potential for a real relationship with a woman. That's my ultimate goal and I feel like being an ABDL is hindering that somehow like I don't feel like a real man because of it. I still have a deep connection with being an ABDL but I just feel like I'm emasculating myself and stalling progress towards finding a mate. I had this epiphany the other night and actually got the nerve to throw all of my diapers away...I had ALOT. I was that determined to make a change but now I don't feel like it was for the better. I'm still lonely, and now I don't even have my diapers! I'm just confused.