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Thread: "Coming Out" as an "Older" Adult Baby

  1. #1

    Default "Coming Out" as an "Older" Adult Baby

    As a person who is age 55, I have really only "Come Out" as an Adult Baby only recently. I simply was too ashamed and shy to actively link up with and find other persons who are Adult Babies.

    Perhaps it is my shame of being a person who feels happier simply still interested in the simpler times of childhood.

    Of course, in my own "real" childhood decades ago, I simply could not "be a child", growing up and living in a home dominated by a psychotic mentally-ill parent, my Mom, who I was always deathly afraid of, and rightly so.

    Many times she came close to either beating me or stabbing me to death, & I a person with Mild Autism & Mild Cerebral Palsy still wonders how I even managed to survive to become an adult.

    I remember "destroyed playtimes", and my Mom taking away and destroying my toys, solely because her inner psychotic voices told her to.

    All the time, even now, I constantly am fearful of ever doing "anything wrong" and being "punished", for anything I do.

    I need my soft baby dolly friend, "Precious" and "Poo-Gree" my bear and my other lovables to feel safe, even though my Mom has been deceased these last 5+ years.

    I may be "big", but internally, I feel so "little".

    Am I the only one like this?

    Woody

  2. #2

    Default

    " Can't You do anything Right" is the one I most heard. Another one was " Way do you watt so long to use the toilet" Talking about my pants wetting. Had some thought to say something to the DR. they would have found that I had a real medical problem. having any kind of disability is hard for a kid to live with. I have to wonder where some of our parents heads were. Being Bi-Polar I get the mood swings a lot ever with medications. Dealing with life for some of is more than some will ever know.

  3. #3

    Default

    You are certainly not alone, and in good company here.
    I was made to be the little adult. I was required make a good impression on all with whom we came in contact or I would be severely beaten.
    I am about your age, and still becoming the child helps with the traumas.

  4. #4

    Default

    My biggest problem is that people who knew my family still don't believe what went on behind closed doors. I have been told repeatedly that I am making things up, and that I had a "perfect" childhood. Some things hurt even after decades. All you can do is keep trying to get through each day as it comes.

  5. #5

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Kalis View Post
    My biggest problem is that people who knew my family still don't believe what went on behind closed doors. I have been told repeatedly that I am making things up, and that I had a "perfect" childhood. Some things hurt even after decades. All you can do is keep trying to get through each day as it comes.
    Same with my extended family on my Mom's side.

    They knew she was a mentally messed-up woman, before my Dad ever met, dated, & eventually married her before I was born 100% feet first in 1958.

    They are still in denial & do not believe all the horror she put me & my little brother through.

  6. #6

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Kalis View Post
    My biggest problem is that people who knew my family still don't believe what went on behind closed doors. I have been told repeatedly that I am making things up, and that I had a "perfect" childhood. Some things hurt even after decades. All you can do is keep trying to get through each day as it comes.
    I heard that a lot too. no one really knows what goes on behind the doors.

  7. #7

    Default

    Hello.

    I did not have it quite this bad, but I am still a product of the early sixties and do not know how to play with my kids. They do not understand, and can't believe that we had to do the chores and family projects first then play was later. We moved onto the family farm when I was 7 and to me playing was by myself and doing treasure hunts by walking the fields picking up rocks and wood and building organized piles out of it for fill or fire wood.

    I was diaper disciplined by my older cousin for having a touchy gut (finally diagnosed as irritable bowel syndrome at 46). My mother knew I had gut problems but she just quit fighting with her and held me down while she did it.

    IT all came back again last winter and this group has helped me come to terms with the situation and gain self acceptance. I am in therapy and have been for years, but finally addressed the AB/DL and it is a form of Post Traumatic Stress disorder. Having treated it as such along with the self acceptance, I have gained balance and control over it and have moved on.

    I am beating around the bush, but what I am attempting to say is therapy helps with this along with the groups input. By doing so you (I) can come to terms with the whole situation and be able to move on.

  8. #8

    Default

    Well,

    I'm not quite as old...but in my 40's now...

    Even this last weekend my parents stopped by the cabin for dinner and it's close to where they like to go gambling as well...

    Anyhow, my gf can't believe the odd or even downright lies my mom will spin...she even contradicts herself from time to time...

    I had ic, especially at night...some small motor skills issues and I know a completely different way of thinking than 99% of everyone I've met...

    Anyhow, I had nearly died and was in the hospital for quite some time as a 2-3 yo...from spinal meningitis...I attribute most my long term issues at least in part to this...

    Anyhow, I was and still am a sleep walker...

    Anyhow, early childhood memorys are getting a diaper put on, then put to bed, and the door was locked.

    Later with still having issues with ic I was not allowed any liquids after dinner at all, no matter what, diaper put on and put to bed with the door locked.

    Later still having issues bedwetting I was verbally abused...told how bad I was etc...

    That still didn't work, and then they added punishments...

    Surprise, still not working...so my mom would just scream about needing diapers...

    When too big for large pampers, she would still use them with a bit of sticky tape...I remember the sides where tape would get on my skin hurting so much sometimes I would just take them off...not a good idea in my family.

    So, now like maybe 8-9 yo I still get yelled at every night...

    Same routine, bedtime, diaper with tape and plenty of it, mom bitching the whole time, footed "with the plastic feet" pajamas on backwards so I wouldn't mess with my diaper, told to goto sleep and the door locked...

    Now this routine stayed till I was in like maybe 8th or 9th grade...my mom is stubborn...dad wasn't around too much and worked over the road for weeks at a time...

    The only respite was in the summers when I'd stay with my grandparents up north for a week or so...

    Anyhow, I still was "checked" that I had on a diaper and still one piece pajamas that my mom made...they were much better than too small backwards pajamas...then told to get to sleep and door closed and locked...

    Until we moved when I was a senior in high school always locked in bed at nite...

    I soon moved out after that...

    It was different back then...but that was still a bit too much...

    She even told my gf about locking my bedroom...she said it was the drs idea...

    Anyhow, I still don't feel safe unless restricted at night...

    I do still sleepwalk and do get hurt once and awhile...but my gf usually notices me get up...

    And quite often I prefer to be either in a locked room, or sometimes I'll wear a small metal bondage collar to bed.

    If I'm in a strange place I usually don't sleep at least the first night...sometimes more...

    Anyhow, back on subject....

    My dad was different, if out of line at all...well his backhand did well till high school...then one day I just stopped his hand...we proceeded to get in a very nice brawl...

    Anyhow, a broken door, two walls and quite a bit of moms nick nacks later...he ended up with a concussion and I think 8 stitches in his head...me, just a couple broken fingers and nose...

    I know all my grandparents and back in the day were fairly physical as well...and they beat thier kids too...as well as wife's...

    Now, I sometimes get really angry and have broken my fair share of stuff over the years...but, haven't and never will lay a hand on my gf or kids no matter what....it's uncalled for...

    Maybe I got my fighting out earlier, been in many of a brawl...

    Well...I guess I'm going to rack up the frequent flyer miles on this post...

    B

  9. #9

    Default

    OK, I'm 32 only, but my father was alcoholic and... Resumed - I can't remember any good thing from my childhood related with him... When he died in 2003, is hard to say it, but it was "weight out" for all the family. I suspect he abused my sister. I was beated up lot of times... I was so down, when adolescent - my father called my "first GF" as bitch and there was a lot of similar issues like this. When I was sick, I was obligated to go to school, because simulant... All what I've done, was wrong. My mother I thing was aterrorized by him, because there wasn't any intervention by her part, except sometimes into father's side before mine.

    Really terrible childhood...

    Now what ? I'm not so easy to open to others. Very defensive. Tending to doing everything what I can by myself. May I'm a few asshole, but as wolf alone all works.

  10. #10

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Bigbabybret View Post
    Well,

    I'm not quite as old...but in my 40's now...

    Even this last weekend my parents stopped by the cabin for dinner and it's close to where they like to go gambling as well...

    Anyhow, my gf can't believe the odd or even downright lies my mom will spin...she even contradicts herself from time to time...

    I had ic, especially at night...some small motor skills issues and I know a completely different way of thinking than 99% of everyone I've met...

    Anyhow, I had nearly died and was in the hospital for quite some time as a 2-3 yo...from spinal meningitis...I attribute most my long term issues at least in part to this...

    Anyhow, I was and still am a sleep walker...

    Anyhow, early childhood memorys are getting a diaper put on, then put to bed, and the door was locked.

    Later with still having issues with ic I was not allowed any liquids after dinner at all, no matter what, diaper put on and put to bed with the door locked.

    Later still having issues bedwetting I was verbally abused...told how bad I was etc...

    That still didn't work, and then they added punishments...

    Surprise, still not working...so my mom would just scream about needing diapers...

    When too big for large pampers, she would still use them with a bit of sticky tape...I remember the sides where tape would get on my skin hurting so much sometimes I would just take them off...not a good idea in my family.

    So, now like maybe 8-9 yo I still get yelled at every night...

    Same routine, bedtime, diaper with tape and plenty of it, mom bitching the whole time, footed "with the plastic feet" pajamas on backwards so I wouldn't mess with my diaper, told to goto sleep and the door locked...

    Now this routine stayed till I was in like maybe 8th or 9th grade...my mom is stubborn...dad wasn't around too much and worked over the road for weeks at a time...

    The only respite was in the summers when I'd stay with my grandparents up north for a week or so...

    Anyhow, I still was "checked" that I had on a diaper and still one piece pajamas that my mom made...they were much better than too small backwards pajamas...then told to get to sleep and door closed and locked...

    Until we moved when I was a senior in high school always locked in bed at nite...

    I soon moved out after that...

    It was different back then...but that was still a bit too much...

    She even told my gf about locking my bedroom...she said it was the drs idea...

    Anyhow, I still don't feel safe unless restricted at night...

    I do still sleepwalk and do get hurt once and awhile...but my gf usually notices me get up...

    And quite often I prefer to be either in a locked room, or sometimes I'll wear a small metal bondage collar to bed.

    If I'm in a strange place I usually don't sleep at least the first night...sometimes more...

    Anyhow, back on subject....

    My dad was different, if out of line at all...well his backhand did well till high school...then one day I just stopped his hand...we proceeded to get in a very nice brawl...

    Anyhow, a broken door, two walls and quite a bit of moms nick nacks later...he ended up with a concussion and I think 8 stitches in his head...me, just a couple broken fingers and nose...

    I know all my grandparents and back in the day were fairly physical as well...and they beat thier kids too...as well as wife's...

    Now, I sometimes get really angry and have broken my fair share of stuff over the years...but, haven't and never will lay a hand on my gf or kids no matter what....it's uncalled for...

    Maybe I got my fighting out earlier, been in many of a brawl...

    Well...I guess I'm going to rack up the frequent flyer miles on this post...

    B
    I remember my mentally-ill psychotic Mom never having anything nice to say about me.

    Zero positive encouragement, and only yelling & bitching to me about everything, from my physical appearance, plus ever single autistic self-stimulation gesture, & more.

    My normal "autistic self" was forced into hiding, just to physically survive.

    Also, my Mom ruthlessly forced me to make my Cerebral Palsy spastic legs "move normal at any cost", even though I was always severely fatigued & many times "in physical pain".

    The result - exterme physical overcompensation.

    When my mobility crashed a few years ago due to "CP Post Impairment Syndrome", I declined 2 functional mobility scale points.

    Anyway, to her, there was never anything wrong with me.

    She "denied" I ever had disabilities from birth.

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