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Thread: ABDL self-psychoanalysis-ish thingie

  1. #1

    Default ABDL self-psychoanalysis-ish thingie

    If you've read some of my recent responses to threads you know I am more than a tad confused about AB and DL and whether there is any kind of a "spectrum" here and where I fit on it if indeed there is (as some deny and some believe).

    I am IC--completely incontinent--but that is a new development, only a few months old. My connection to diapers, OTOH, has been around since I was a small child. The earliest I can recall feeling it was seeing my younger sister diapered for wetting her bed for the fourth time in a week and wishing it would happen to me. I'd have been about eight. Probably this was not the first such thought; it most definitely was not the last, helped along by my own bedwetting incidents--unknown to my mom because, despite my desires, I chickened out about telling her.

    I was wetting a lot and a full-on AB in college, and was fortunate enough to be in a relationship with someone who was playful enough to act as Caregiver for awhile. (Sadly, that situation didn't last; happily, neither did the bedwetting.) Having kids of my own shoved all of my AB needs deep onto the back burner, though, and all that remained was the occasional wetting incident or the occasional foray into an internet forum to find a fragment of fiction to feed a feeling.

    (Yes, I did get carried away with alliteration there.)

    But it's now years later, and it's those feelings I want to talk about. Diapers themselves have lost their instant allure to me--needing them 24/7 will tend to do that to a girl--but I still find myself drawn to that fiction. I write some too, of course--have since the ancient pre-web days when I called myself "baby k" and wrote a whole bunch of stories. But when I read stories or fantasize I have long found that I am not myself in the worlds of the dreams I wish to inhabit. And I am rarely an adult becoming a baby or playing baby either. No: for whatever random reason my psyche has drummed up, I am almost always a teen playing at or becoming a baby.

    Now I have hung out with teens all of my life as a high school teacher, so this imaginary leap is pretty easy to take. But it feeds the larger question with which I began: where the heck is that on this "spectrum"? Am I the world's oldest TB? It isn't that my Little is a teen; I start there and regress.

    Now understand: I don't actually do any of this. I have no active roleplaying ABDL life. I'm merely trying to comprehend the chaotic inner workings of my mind, not that I have any reason to expect that I'll succeed this time. I've never managed to understand myself before. ;-)

  2. #2

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    I suspect no one has responded because they may not know. The stereotype is that diaper lovers are more sexual in their enjoyment of wearing diapers, and adult babies are more into the innocent sense of peace that regression provides. I'm not sure that I accept these stereotypes. That said, I realize and accept that my understanding is based on my own personal experiences, and how I understand my own feelings.

    I identify as both AB and DL. When I was young, 12 to 20 or so, I was attracted to diapers, and the response was always sexual. I would have identified myself as DL, but through the years, I discovered that I manifested some of my feelings to feeling and acting like a baby. The response was typically sexual, however. I personally think that one begets the other, and that both AB and DL run circuitously.

    Seeing other members comments on this site, I've come to realize that many people experience diapers and their responses in a variety of degrees, ranging between the extremes of only identifying with the diaper, a gateway object defining it as a fetish, and mimicking those things a baby does. I would say that for me, these responses are fluid, and swing back and forth, but over the years, they have, for me, more or less merged.

    That brings us to your case, where you identify as a teenager who seeks to act out as a diaper lover, adult baby, or both, depending on how you experience this. I think it's part of the same thing, and I believe that the cause and reasons why would be understandable if one could understand why we have these feelings. This has been discussed thoroughly on this site with no tangible revelations.

    My guess is that there are psychological connections to something from our earliest years. Since we can't either remember those experiences, or understand them from the perspective of when they were happening, they remain hidden in the murky past. My guess is that you are psychologically relating back to something that was part of your high school years, something that was powerful enough to shape your thinking and perhaps, sub-conscious emotional feelings and thus responses. The brain tries to regurgitate painful experiences, whether they are conscious memories, or something far more subtle and thus residing in the sub-conscious. Only you might know what this is.

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by dogboy View Post
    I suspect no one has responded because they may not know. The stereotype is that diaper lovers are more sexual in their enjoyment of wearing diapers, and adult babies are more into the innocent sense of peace that regression provides. I'm not sure that I accept these stereotypes. That said, I realize and accept that my understanding is based on my own personal experiences, and how I understand my own feelings.

    I identify as both AB and DL. When I was young, 12 to 20 or so, I was attracted to diapers, and the response was always sexual. I would have identified myself as DL, but through the years, I discovered that I manifested some of my feelings to feeling and acting like a baby. The response was typically sexual, however. I personally think that one begets the other, and that both AB and DL run circuitously.

    Seeing other members comments on this site, I've come to realize that many people experience diapers and their responses in a variety of degrees, ranging between the extremes of only identifying with the diaper, a gateway object defining it as a fetish, and mimicking those things a baby does. I would say that for me, these responses are fluid, and swing back and forth, but over the years, they have, for me, more or less merged.
    I didn't really expect anyone to "know." Heck, if I've been living inside of my silly brain for all of these years without figuring it out, how can I expect a bunch of people on the internet to do so? I guess this post was more or less a shot in the dark, wondering if anyone else experienced the same thing and how they viewed themselves, because seriously I'm stumped: it doesn't seem to correlate with a "traditional" point on the continuum (if indeed a continuum exists). However, I know that everyone's experiences are different and everyone views things through their own filters, so maybe the entire exercise is futile.

    Maybe it would be interesting to rework it:

    I've said very specifically how I see myself in my "AB" (or whatever the heck it is) fantasy vision of myself. So, to anyone reading this: if you do not​ act it out--that is, you do not roleplay in real life and merely fantasize about all of this--how do you see yourself?

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by ICkaraokegirl View Post
    I didn't really expect anyone to "know." Heck, if I've been living inside of my silly brain for all of these years without figuring it out, how can I expect a bunch of people on the internet to do so? I guess this post was more or less a shot in the dark, wondering if anyone else experienced the same thing and how they viewed themselves, because seriously I'm stumped: it doesn't seem to correlate with a "traditional" point on the continuum (if indeed a continuum exists). However, I know that everyone's experiences are different and everyone views things through their own filters, so maybe the entire exercise is futile.

    Maybe it would be interesting to rework it:

    I've said very specifically how I see myself in my "AB" (or whatever the heck it is) fantasy vision of myself. So, to anyone reading this: if you do not​ act it out--that is, you do not roleplay in real life and merely fantasize about all of this--how do you see yourself?
    In that these are not clinical terms, I think there's a fair amount of wiggle room. I don't do much roleplay or regression in the typical sense that I see most often described on the forum. I do have an affinity for baby and child accessories (clothes and furniture and toys to a lesser extent), both in adult sizes and in their original form. The appeal is largely but not entirely sexual. All the fun is the juxtaposition of an adult making use of these things which aren't technically necessary, which is why typical regression doesn't factor into it. If I felt like I really was a baby or child, it wouldn't have much zing. Despite deviating from the community described norms of an AB, I think that the connection with baby items still qualifies. I'm just careful to disclose the differences when I get into substansive communication with other ABDLs. These are just general inclinations and nothing is 100% even in my own experience and there have been adjustments over time but the above seems to cover most of my interests in this area.

  5. #5

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    Sorry I didm't see your post earlier. Kina In the same boat as you. Some times having to wear diapers tokes some of joy out of it. But I sill enjoy them My problem is not being able to connect with people with our interset in real life. If my family ever found out that I like being babied and my being BI they would dis own me in a New York Min. Thing is I want to away from before they ever find out. I'm sick of hiding. I just need some one to tell me that it is all right to be this way in real life. Hiding is making me real depressed.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by kennyrallen View Post
    Sorry I didm't see your post earlier. Kina In the same boat as you. Some times having to wear diapers tokes some of joy out of it. But I sill enjoy them My problem is not being able to connect with people with our interset in real life. If my family ever found out that I like being babied and my being BI they would dis own me in a New York Min. Thing is I want to away from before they ever find out. I'm sick of hiding. I just need some one to tell me that it is all right to be this way in real life. Hiding is making me real depressed.
    Help me here, Kenny. Are you talking "bi" as in 'bisexual" or does it have another meaning in this context?

  7. #7

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    I wonder if this is kinda like dream interpretation ... Everybody's only going to be able to guess, based on their own SELF-understandings, and only you will know best what it "means" in the end.

    Sometimes, when trying to figure myself out, I'll take a "different ages = different personalities" stance. (Like when you ask: "Who is the X-years-old me? What are they like?") In the past it used to be very pronounced and I'd even give different parts of myself different names. So -- for me! -- I can say there is the bratty, demanding little part (3-6 year old), the intelligent, rational teen part (14-16), the ageless and spiritual infinite part (no age), and my present, current, balanced self (23).

    For me, and this is 100% individual, I know what the teen part of me is like. She's very practical, casual, almost imperturbable, and way, WAY less emotional than I am (or any other 'part' of me). In a word, she's analytical and emotionally restrained. So if I were taking on her mentality, before then shifting into my ultra-emotional, impulsive, needy child-self, I'd think that means something rather different than shifting from my present (whole) self to the child. You see what I mean? Like: What is the contrast that's happening here?

    Because if it was 23-year-old me shifting into 5-year-old me, the biggest difference is that my entire self is a very capable, mature, in-control adult, and my child self is much simpler -- simpler desires, totally in-the-moment, passionate, careless of what other people think. But if it was shifting to that from my calm teen self -- who's not that mature or capable, and not that concerned with keeping things under control -- then the biggest difference is just the shift from unemotional and laid-back, to super emotional and content to be needy.

    So to take my experience and extrapolate that into your situation --



    Now I have hung out with teens all of my life as a high school teacher, so this imaginary leap is pretty easy to take. But it feeds the larger question with which I began: where the heck is that on this "spectrum"? Am I the world's oldest TB? It isn't that my Little is a teen; I start there and regress.
    Maybe there's some aspect of little/baby regression that you find easier to absorb, to be receptive to, from a teenage state of mind than an adult one. Maybe there's some aspect of "being a teen" that you also need and crave somehow -- I'd guess one that you picked up subconsciously, through your everyday contact with teens, but never recognized as something you "wanted." It could be acting as a doorway to regression, to ENABLE regression, or to make regression a more dramatic change -- or just to make it more "allowable," because you can't let your adult self shift back into a baby.

    So in your shoes, I'd be asking myself:
    What does it mean to me to be a teenager? What makes a teenager?
    Is there a repressed teen part of me? Is there a personality to the teen when I'm fantasizing? What is it like?
    Why is it important to the fantasies that I'm a teen regressing and not an adult?
    Is there some embarrassing or humiliating aspect of being a teen baby (rather than an adult baby) that I'm drawn to? (being found out by parents, punished, etc)

    And then you might have a few clues to build on from there.
    Just my thoughts

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by ICkaraokegirl View Post
    Help me here, Kenny. Are you talking "bi" as in 'bisexual" or does it have another meaning in this context?
    You have it right. Lean more to the gay side now. This is one of the things I need to hide from my family. I hear what they say about others when they see them The same goes for the AB side. They found Stanley to be disgusting when they did a story on the local news. I have a family that still lives in the 1960's. I feel like if I ever told them the real truth about me, hell would open up and swallow me, it would be that bad.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by ICkaraokegirl View Post
    If you've read some of my recent responses to threads you know I am more than a tad confused about AB and DL and whether there is any kind of a "spectrum" here and where I fit on it if indeed there is (as some deny and some believe).

    I am IC--completely incontinent--but that is a new development, only a few months old. My connection to diapers, OTOH, has been around since I was a small child. The earliest I can recall feeling it was seeing my younger sister diapered for wetting her bed for the fourth time in a week and wishing it would happen to me. I'd have been about eight. Probably this was not the first such thought; it most definitely was not the last, helped along by my own bedwetting incidents--unknown to my mom because, despite my desires, I chickened out about telling her.

    I was wetting a lot and a full-on AB in college, and was fortunate enough to be in a relationship with someone who was playful enough to act as Caregiver for awhile. (Sadly, that situation didn't last; happily, neither did the bedwetting.) Having kids of my own shoved all of my AB needs deep onto the back burner, though, and all that remained was the occasional wetting incident or the occasional foray into an internet forum to find a fragment of fiction to feed a feeling.

    (Yes, I did get carried away with alliteration there.)

    But it's now years later, and it's those feelings I want to talk about. Diapers themselves have lost their instant allure to me--needing them 24/7 will tend to do that to a girl--but I still find myself drawn to that fiction. I write some too, of course--have since the ancient pre-web days when I called myself "baby k" and wrote a whole bunch of stories. But when I read stories or fantasize I have long found that I am not myself in the worlds of the dreams I wish to inhabit. And I am rarely an adult becoming a baby or playing baby either. No: for whatever random reason my psyche has drummed up, I am almost always a teen playing at or becoming a baby.

    Now I have hung out with teens all of my life as a high school teacher, so this imaginary leap is pretty easy to take. But it feeds the larger question with which I began: where the heck is that on this "spectrum"? Am I the world's oldest TB? It isn't that my Little is a teen; I start there and regress.

    Now understand: I don't actually do any of this. I have no active roleplaying ABDL life. I'm merely trying to comprehend the chaotic inner workings of my mind, not that I have any reason to expect that I'll succeed this time. I've never managed to understand myself before. ;-)
    There's really no right or wrong answer to your question. Regressives can range from adults or older children regressing to younger kids or younger children regressing to babies. The distinction many authors make is when the behavior or thoughts began.

    Personally, I see three "kinds" of people who identify as ABDL. Natural regressives are people who can't recall a time when they did not want to stay little. It's very much infused into their overall being. I pretty much fall into this category as I have many adult attributes and child-like attributes, but naturally prefer the child. Always have.

    The second kind would be people who like to age play. I don't really age play as someone else. When I'm playing with my toys and stuffed animals, I am myself. Age players tend to want to be adults, but get a thrill acting like a child.

    Lastly are people who identify as DL's. It's kind of a stupid term and I would argue that most if not all regressives love their diapers. However, as has been pointed out on this forum, people who are strictly DL's are into the sexual attraction of the diaper on them or on others. In other words, more of a fetish. They are not into regressing per se.

    Now because we all did eventually grow up (unfortunate) and became sexually mature (confusing), the fetish aspect can be there in addition to the core layer of being a little.

    Now in your case, where would you lie? Hard to tell without knowing a lot more about you. But, from what you describe, it sounds like you are more of a natural regressive, but you like the idea of being a teen and then regressing to a younger age.

  10. #10

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    I could be way off base with this, but I wonder if as the adult, you find regressing as unacceptable, because you are the adult. Adults need to be responsible, in control of their world, and for many of us, a parent. But as a teenager, you can shed being the responsible adult. With that shed, so goes to stigma of being a weird adult baby, and from that mental vantage point, you can then regress, regress as a teenager rather than the adult.

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