If you've read some of my recent responses to threads you know I am more than a tad confused about AB and DL and whether there is any kind of a "spectrum" here and where I fit on it if indeed there is (as some deny and some believe).
I am IC--completely incontinent--but that is a new development, only a few months old. My connection to diapers, OTOH, has been around since I was a small child. The earliest I can recall feeling it was seeing my younger sister diapered for wetting her bed for the fourth time in a week and wishing it would happen to me. I'd have been about eight. Probably this was not the first such thought; it most definitely was not the last, helped along by my own bedwetting incidents--unknown to my mom because, despite my desires, I chickened out about telling her.
I was wetting a lot and a full-on AB in college, and was fortunate enough to be in a relationship with someone who was playful enough to act as Caregiver for awhile. (Sadly, that situation didn't last; happily, neither did the bedwetting.) Having kids of my own shoved all of my AB needs deep onto the back burner, though, and all that remained was the occasional wetting incident or the occasional foray into an internet forum to find a fragment of fiction to feed a feeling.
(Yes, I did get carried away with alliteration there.)
But it's now years later, and it's those feelings I want to talk about. Diapers themselves have lost their instant allure to me--needing them 24/7 will tend to do that to a girl--but I still find myself drawn to that fiction. I write some too, of course--have since the ancient pre-web days when I called myself "baby k" and wrote a whole bunch of stories. But when I read stories or fantasize I have long found that I am not myself in the worlds of the dreams I wish to inhabit. And I am rarely an adult becoming a baby or playing baby either. No: for whatever random reason my psyche has drummed up, I am almost always a teen playing at or becoming a baby.
Now I have hung out with teens all of my life as a high school teacher, so this imaginary leap is pretty easy to take. But it feeds the larger question with which I began: where the heck is that on this "spectrum"? Am I the world's oldest TB? It isn't that my Little is a teen; I start there and regress.
Now understand: I don't actually do any of this. I have no active roleplaying ABDL life. I'm merely trying to comprehend the chaotic inner workings of my mind, not that I have any reason to expect that I'll succeed this time. I've never managed to understand myself before. ;-)