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Thread: Advice?

  1. #1

    Question Advice?

    [I've posted this in the paci group, but I'd like to reach out to everyone else as well]

    So, I have a dilemma...

    One of my best friends comes over to hang out and typically crashes at my place. We aren't romantic or anything.

    My problem is, my paci helps me sleep better and when I don't have it - I have a really difficult time sleeping. It also helps when I have anxiety attacks that won't go away. I'm considering mentioning the paci - but I don't want to cause tension or lose a friend. She's always been really understanding of who I am (didn't even bat an eyelid when I told her i was Gender Fluid), but I'm still worried.

    Do you think I would be alright if I told her it was to help with my asthma snoring/anxiety?

    We've shared a hotel at Cons before and reenactment events, and shes woken me up to hand me my inhaler because of the snoring. (which helped but didn't solve entirely). Since the recent research that it legitimately helps snoring and anxiety-prone adults...

    Help?

  2. #2

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    Well, she seems understanding enough. If you think she wouldn't mind, I'd go ahead. But when you go to bed you could always lie with your back turned to her and put your paci in. If she does notice, you could give your short explanation and act like it's no big deal.

  3. #3

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    That is a difficult one. Not sure how much you two know each other. How much do you guys know of each others private lives. I'll guess that she knows nothing of your AB/DL side. If it some one that you trust to know things about you. If it someone who you might want to further in your relationship Sometimes honesty is good. Only you know your gut feeling. Sometimes our gut feeling knows more then our brains. You may try the research but will she buy it, only you know that

  4. #4

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    The more I think about it with pacifiers and their possible explanations, I realize the truth is that I never once even heard of a non-ABDL using one for any reason ever. With diapers obviously people can be IC or have bed wetting issues. With thumb sucking it could be a habit they never grew out of (which is my case, but also other non-ABDL people's cases.) Baby powder, friends and I use instead of more expensive coverup powder. Baby oil can be used for dry skin. Baby shampoo is used for cleaning certain things that require no harsh chemicals. A lot of people even use baby wipes for hygiene reasons. But a pacifier? I don't know.

    I used to say that there are people who use it for teeth grinding, but are there really? Or is it just an excuse for ABDLs to go get one without feeling too ashamed by the company selling them? If you even have a friend who uses one for teeth grinding or snoring how can you even tell if that's true or just their personal "I'm not an ABDL or anything" excuse?

    That's my opinion, and questions for anyone who might have answers.

    If she's not a judgmental type of person, as indicated by her reaction to your gender fluid identity, maybe you should tell her that it makes you feel better and less anxious, which is true, right? I guess certain conclusions could be drawn, but people normally wouldn't ask further questions. You could also maybe go with the embarrassing but more-understandable-than-ABDL excuse "I never grew out of it." Even though usually parents can take away the pacifier(s) versus your thumb, I suppose in some situations the child could have found it and hidden it and kept it, buying a better one when they had money or when they were an adult.

    But I know if it was me I'd be just shaking all over. I can't even bring it up with my therapist, heh. It's not an easy situation.

  5. #5

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    Hmmm. I've never had this situation, but what I can say is that if you have known each other for a long time and your well established friends then you should do it. From my experience what will happen is that she will find it strange, but she will still be your friend. She may poke fun at it, but not in a cruel way. I found this to be true with other things that I came out with my best friend.

  6. #6

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    Tell her it stops you from grinding your teeth..

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by Paxy View Post
    [I've posted this in the paci group, but I'd like to reach out to everyone else as well]

    So, I have a dilemma...

    One of my best friends comes over to hang out and typically crashes at my place. We aren't romantic or anything.

    My problem is, my paci helps me sleep better and when I don't have it - I have a really difficult time sleeping. It also helps when I have anxiety attacks that won't go away. I'm considering mentioning the paci - but I don't want to cause tension or lose a friend. She's always been really understanding of who I am (didn't even bat an eyelid when I told her i was Gender Fluid), but I'm still worried.

    Do you think I would be alright if I told her it was to help with my asthma snoring/anxiety?

    We've shared a hotel at Cons before and reenactment events, and shes woken me up to hand me my inhaler because of the snoring. (which helped but didn't solve entirely). Since the recent research that it legitimately helps snoring and anxiety-prone adults...

    Help?
    I think that you would probably be ok with telling her that much. Even though pacifiers are highly related to babies, there is a whole bunch of other reasons for having them around. A non-positive example is people who are using the drug E. However there can be the reason of grinding teeth, and also people who just grew up always liking to have a pacifier. I think if you just told her that you slept with a pacifier because it helps you for the things you said above, then she would just assume it is either what you said it is for, or one of the other deals which turned into a habit. I doubt she would assume that you are an infantilist unless you started to show other behaviors as well. I bet you would be safe, it is really only a small odd thing to mention.

  8. #8

    Default

    Well,

    I'd just use it...

    She may notice and not ask or say anything...

    She may notice and ask about it...

    She may not notice at all...

    She may notice and point blank ask if your an ab...however unlikely unless they are familiar with it already...

    Any of these are not a big deal...

    I have lots of issues...from ic to night terrors to sleepwalking to ....etc...

    Any friend will understand and/or ignore the situation...

    I've been at friends houses and went out sleep walking...they escorted me back to bed...they didn't mention it until one time it came up that I sleep walk...they said they knew and have seen it first hand...and couldn't believe I didn't wake up cuz it was cold outside...

    Friends will understand...

    If you sleep better with a paci then get the sleep...trust me, sleep is not overrated...

    I'm a huge insomniac, I get into a rut of sleeping just an hour or two...then I crash and get into sleepwalking and that just furthers the issues...

    Sometimes it gets to the point I can't even function...

    Usually this starts over being worried about things around sleeping...like worried I will sleepwalk...talk about a never ending cycle...

    Anyhow, as someone that has let things like my ic and my sleepwalking and just letting my mind wander too much when it's time to sleep...it becomes a pattern, an easy path to go down unfortunately...

    So, just use the paci, and see where the chips fall...she isn't going o befriend you for a paci or even ab ness...

    Everyone, do everything in your power to get the rest our bodies need...

    B

  9. #9

    Default

    Honestly from what youve said about her I dont think itd be to much of a problem, i think shed be okay with it. If its hard to bring up you could always "accidentally" leave it out sometime where shel notice it and see what she says.

  10. #10

    Default

    I sleep with my paci at night and my wife doesnt know when I do it, but she does know I have one. I dont think it is a big deal if your friend found out. It isnt much different than sleeping with a teddy bear or blankie. Lost of adults still do that.

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