I'm brand new here. I don't know if I really fit in here or not but I figured you guys would be able to tell me what category you think I should be in.
I'm 18 and in college. For the last couple of years as I grew up and started getting jobs and paying tuition and becoming independent, I've felt myself just wanting to be babied and taken care of. When I'm really stressed out and I vent to my boyfriend about all the things I need to get done, and he says "I can come over and help you. I could do (task) while you sit back and relax. I'll take care of you." it just gives me little flutters in my heart and it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy thinking about him taking care of me. He loves taking care of me. When we go out to eat together he'll always pop food in my mouth. He loves feeding me and sometimes I just think about how nice it would feel to lay in his arms and let him feed me and just relax and be all snuggly warm and cared for and loved.
Another thing that got me wondering was that I have worn diapers a little. See, I've always had issues with leaking overnight when I've got my period no matter how hard I try to avoid it. So one day I happen to find free samples of adult diapers online and figure that would be a perfect solution. I mean, if I can try something for free, why not, right? So the first night I tried wearing a diaper to bed, I remember having this really warm and fuzzy and nice feeling in my stomach, especially because of the stretchy waist of the diaper over my hips and belly. I just loved having something soft and snug against my belly. The feeling completely caught me by surprise. Lately I've been looking forward to having my period and wearing a diaper to bed. Thing is, I would never wear a diaper under my regular clothes. Just does not appeal to me at all. I don't want to wear a diaper to pee or poo in. I just wore one to keep blood off my sheets, and really liked how soft and nice it felt to wear.
Another thing is that I keep having this weird fixation on unborn babies. I just keep thinking about how nice life in the womb must be. Just sitting in there all warm and soft and cozy and safe. Just resting and growing and knowing every second that you are loved. I love writing stories for fun, and lately I've found myself doing something really interesting. I wrote a short story about a couple that goes through struggles as they await the birth of their first baby, and I finished that story. Then I re-wrote it from the point of view of the unborn baby and the things that it would be able to feel or hear from inside the womb. Like at one point, the girl is asleep and her boyfriend comes up and just rubs her belly and whispers "I love you" to the baby and then feels the baby start moving in response, and from the baby's point of view you see that it knows this guy is its father and the baby already feels love for his father and is moving in the womb to try to get closer to his father. I especially got warm and fuzzy writing about how the baby begins to love his father as he starts to recognize the voice, and learns that this is the man who has been taking care of his mother, and by extension, taking care of him. Just a bunch of really cute fluffy harmless stuff. And it's so weird for me because I've never wanted to have children or be pregnant for any length of time, and I've always been pro-choice (think what you guys want, I don't want to start an abortion debate here!). Every night when I fall asleep, I make a little cocoon with the blankets and think about how a baby would feel as it fell asleep in the womb and I think about that until I feel secure enough and safe and happy and I can fall asleep.
I think a lot about how much fun it would be to sit around and just play with toys with my boyfriend. Just spread a blanket out on the carpet and play with blocks or stuffies or something like that. But I get scared that he wouldn't want to do that with me or he'd think I was being silly or something, even though he has never been anything but supportive of everything I do. I even told him about how I'll wear diapers to bed when I'm on my period and he said that was a really smart idea to keep my sheets clean. Wasn't weirded out or grossed out or anything.
I've always felt this longing to be taken care of. To make a long story short, I had a really terrible childhood. Dealt with a lot of emotional abuse that almost drove me to suicide, had depression and anxiety and suicidal thoughts and I self-harmed for years. Which all resulted in me distancing myself from my abusive family and becoming self-sufficient from a young age. I always took care of myself. I mean, my parents kept me clothed and housed and fed, but I would avoid being around them and just get all my own business taken care of all on my own. I would often forget that I could ask my parents for help with things like school work, problems with friends or teachers, or even medical problems. I always took care of myself, so I think that left a desire to just be able to relax and have no responsibilities and just be babied and loved and cared for. I missed out on a lot of care.
Sorry about how long this post was. I'm just really confused about where I belong here and where I should go from here. If you guys have any questions for me don't be shy! I'm really looking forward to meeting you!