Ever since I can remember, I have suffered from occasional bouts of explosive rage. When I was a kid, I had access to school psychologists and psychotherapy and it helped. In fact, I miss seeing a therapist but as I am uninsured and working-poor, I can't afford a shrink.
Stress and anxiety are major triggers. Feeling helpless to change situations that cause stress and anxiety compound it. I don't know how to process these things in a healthy, constructive manner. I liken my attempts to deal with these things as bailing out a boat, but the bucket keeps getting smaller and the water keeps flooding in faster. Sooner or later, something that may seem innocuous will set me off and all of that rage that has been bottling up inside me will explode forth. It's not pretty. I yell. I scream. I hit myself in the face and sometimes break objects. I scare myself and my husband when he is around to see it. The worst part is the day or two long crushing depression that follows it, because I feel like I will never be able to live without this happening to me.
I would love to take some type of anger management but I don't know how to go to that without being sentenced, hehe, and I really don't want to go there because a court orders me to. And I don't want to scare or hurt myself or anyone around me anymore.
Diapers, age regression, being AB... that helps me deal with stress a lot more, but it's not foolproof. It doesn't always work if the circumstances push me too fast. I'm open to suggestions, if anyone else has had to live with this and can share their experiences.