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Thread: Finding Friends and Being A Good Friend

  1. #1

    Default Finding Friends and Being A Good Friend

    I've been a hermit the majority of my life. Too afraid to find friends, because I felt like I wasn't good enough. Or that if we didn't have enough common interests that it wouldn't work out at all.

    I need friends either online or RL, but I have no idea what to do anymore. I've reached out on BDSM sites, but trust me when I say that it does absolutely no good. At least in the experience I retained there.

    So, how does one make friends anyway?

    ...sorry if this is the stupidest question in existence, but having let myself be stuck inside for a third of my life has made me stupid on so many social matters that it really isn't funny.

  2. #2


    I try to find people who are "interesting". That can mean different things for different people, but I find it's a lot easier to make conversation if there's some topic you can converse about.

    That and if you don't try, you'll never find out. You never will always succeed, but on the flip side you will never succeed if you never try.


  3. #3


    Hi Strewberryrabin. You not a lone when It comes to making friends. You will find a lot of here in this community have felt the same why.
    The question is far from being stupid. I feel the same why about some of those other sites. I may be older but I understand what you are going through ecause I have been there. Sure you make lot of friends here and may even find some one as real life friend.

  4. #4


    You're good enough for friends. You don't just deserve friends, friends deserve you. :-)

    The first thing you have to do is put yourself out there, like you're doing now. Go to more gatherings and participate. You gotta meet people and share experiences.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Getting over insecurities will probably be you're greatest obstacle. I know it's mine. You have to be willing to feel like a fool sometimes and laugh at yourself. You also have to be able to recognize your own value. You have lots to offer people, and they deserve what you have to offer.

  5. #5


    It's not a stupid question at all! Don't worry too much... besides that I guess that this is perhaps one major factor in general for you?

    And such sites you mentioned are mostly based on finding contacts, meeting in any way. So people use that to find a partner... and that's no friendship. So I can sign that ;).

    Anyway, being lonely, in any way, is something many of us experience from time to time, without doing much damage. But sometimes it sticks around way too long, so that it may change the way how we interact with people. That's what I meant with worrying too much... since in this case you approach friendships differently, or how to establish them in the first place. As a result this can make loneliness even worse.

    My only advice that I can give you... and where I know that it works, is simply to meet people, how hard it may be and how dumb it sounds. Being at home alone is the worst thing you can do actually.
    So being around more people can help you meet new friends, and the more friendships you develop the greater the chance that you'll find folks you connect with on a deeper level perhaps. Which is surely that what you want to happen.

    And the most easiest way to meet people actually is simply doing something, an activity, I think. Joining anything, even if it's a dumb old bookclub, or if you're into any kind of sports or maybe if there's one you'd like to try, do it in a group. So basically with a teacher. Also cooking courses ^_-... what? At least you're learning there something too!
    And besides that, did you got a pet? Spending time with a pet will help you feel less alone. Although a dog is perhaps better, since you need to take a walk with him and that way you can also meet people, by chance.

    Best wishes! No matter what you're going to do. :)

  6. #6


    I've been looking for friends as well, but the biggest problem for me is asking people.

    I started talking to people here because I have some problems talking to people in person as is, now think of me talking face to face with someone about how I happen to still like diapers, yeah... not happening.

    But any friends made here have one thing in common, they won't/shouldn't judge you in any way about what you like and don't like because after all the site is sort of about diapers, but that's not to say that's all the people here are interested in. Everyone on this site is here because they want to find other people who will accept them in a way that not everyone would understand.

    I guess to answer your question, life is partially about taking risks, if no action is taken it will remain stagnant. You need to reach out to people in order for them to accept you, and if they don't accept you then what good are they as friends, being a good friend is about listening, not talking. Picture someone talking to you nonstop, I'm sure nobody want's to be on the receiving of a one sided conversation, friendship is about people learning to listen to each other when it matters.

  7. #7


    The only way I can answer that is that you try and find a conversation which you can add to, and go from there if someone happens to reply, it works for me both IRL and Online. Plus if they don't understand you, they may not be worth it. But that's just me.

  8. #8


    This is not a stupid question. We are a support group and the best way to find friends is to ask.

  9. #9


    That's not a stupid question, at all. I have acquaintances, out in the world. But, I don't consider them to be true friends because there are too many things about me, that they don't know. Things that I have no desire to share with them. There's nothing wrong with internet friendships nor are they any less real than friendships involving close physical proximity, imo.

    That said, starting with people who share your major interests is important, I think. So, this seems to be a good place to meet people. In fact, forums ,in general, can be an easy way to share things about yourself and read things about other people without feeling super vulnerable. Perhaps, friendships will evolve that way. I dunno. Maybe I give crap advice. But, know that you are not alone.

  10. #10


    A friend is someone you share meals, homes and lives with. Eating with someone can establish a casual bond that places them a step abover acquaintances. Someone who you've been to each other's houses at least twice. Once you've met that criteria, there should be no doubt as to whether they mean it when they say you can call them in the middle of the night. I have a dozen or so people I can turn to for any single category but for someone in all 3 categories I usually get 2 people like that in my life at a time.

    1 thing that can help 'do the talking for you' is having a skill to display; music, computers, sports, anything that generates positive attention.

    Being a friend; being sincere in receiving and giving compliments, keeping your promises and apologizing when you screw up, and finding something to think positive about.

    That's my Facebook-status, fortune-cookie-philosophy take on it

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