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Thread: Me, gf and mother in law

  1. #1

    Default Me, gf and mother in law

    I don't know if this is the right place to post this, but here goes.

    I need advice, because me and my girlfriend have been thinking about living together, but there is a little problem. She wants me and her to live with my mother in law. Well now you are probably thinking why I think that is a problem. The thing is that i'm a diaper lover and i told my gf about it when we only had dated about couple months. So she knows what i am like, but her mother sure don't. I have been thinking should i tell my mother in law that I like to wear diapers, because keeping it as a secret would be impossible. I don't really want my mother in law to know that i like to wear diapers, because I really want to hear her sexual desires neither, but what else is there to do? I could try to hide the diapers, but what if she finds them and questions me about them. I love my gf and i want share my life with her, but how can i "do my thing" without my mother in law knowing anything about it. We probably could do it behind locked doors, but hiding a big package of adult diapers is out of the question, because my mother in law will eventually find them, because there isn't a good place to hide them. It would be easier to leave together with just us (me and my gf) together, but my gf likes the house where she has grown up her entire childhood so i don't want to force her to move with me somewhere else, because i want to respect her decision and not to force her to do anything she doesn't want to do. Please help, i'm little bit desperate. Has anyone been in this kind of situation before? What should i do? Thanks in advance and sorry for any misspelling.

  2. #2

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    I suggest you hold up until you are ready to have a place on your own. The situation you outline is demonstrative of the troubles involved in loving with relatives. A young couple really needs their space. It is hard enough to make a go of it without having mother in law in the house with you every day. If you move in this way, you are much more likely to end up in splitsville than if you do it on your own.
    Her reasoning shows that she is probably not ready to let go, and not ready to take on the new life.
    The time is not right. I wish you love and luck.

  3. #3

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    I agree,

    Tell your gf about what you want, and what you think will and won't work...

    Also let her know, the two of you are trying to be together, this means starting something new...

    It's a bit unfair as well that she is settled in there and comfortable with family support, and you would be the one doing all the changes, for a union to work usually requires a bit from both plus some binder in there as well...

    One part you, one part your gf, one part the union...this will be very hard to do in an environment in which you don't feel comfortable, let alone on the same level in the game...

    I don't meen to be mean...but, I see it being real hard to work out this way....

    I understand it would be easier on her part, but I can't even think of having sex with my mother in law in the next room...and I can't believe your gf can either...

    And sex is usually involved at some point

    B

  4. #4

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    I will echo what has already been said. It sounds like either she isn't ready to commit fully or she is the kind of person who finds it difficult to move on with experiences in life and start afresh. Neither of these personality attributes are a particularly bad thing - as long as they are only temporary! I would suggest that you're patient with her. However, make it clear that you feel that you both need space, together as a couple, to make a proper go of living together.

    I know from many years of experience that the success of a relationship stems from accomplished collective living. I also know from personal experience that cohabiting in a shared living environment, especially with other people in the mix, only serves to complicate what will be an already complicated and delicate situation. At the same time however, if I were you, I would make it very clear that you're willing to wait until she feels she's ready. This applies zero pressure on her, and therefore no pressure on your relationship. She's going to have to grow up and move on at some point. I would not be surprised if your mother-in-law is the one that instigates her eventual move out! Just be patient for the time being, I'm sure she'll come around eventually. Feel free to drop hints in the time being. But I would do so subtly and with as much ulterior motive removed as possible!

  5. #5

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    I do agree, but I know someone, a in law, that after basically two failed marriages...a bunch of drugs...and much more...

    Still after all that was still living in the same house he was born in...albeit the later years without mom...but, many of the issues aren't about the other, it's about risking something...giving up your secure little hole to come out in this big bad world and experience all that is new...and doing it together...

    My two cents

  6. #6

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    I'll try to post this in friendly manner, because I don't want to argue.

    I see that posting this topic was just a waste of time. Well i guess there is nothing else to do, but to get rid of this fetish. Also imagining living temporarily with my girlfriend and my mother in law ain't the worst thing in the world. We will eventually get our own place someday, but until then i take what i can and make the best of it. I ain't ending the relationship of this generation, because of some stupid fetish. With the encouragement of my girlfriend I can put an end to this fetish and never have to visit these kind of sites anymore. Still your posts helped me to make this decision so thanks and farewell.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by FINbaby91 View Post
    I don't know if this is the right place to post this, but here goes.

    I need advice, because me and my girlfriend have been thinking about living together, but there is a little problem. She wants me and her to live with my mother in law. Well now you are probably thinking why I think that is a problem. The thing is that i'm a diaper lover and i told my gf about it when we only had dated about couple months. So she knows what i am like, but her mother sure don't. I have been thinking should i tell my mother in law that I like to wear diapers, because keeping it as a secret would be impossible. I don't really want my mother in law to know that i like to wear diapers, because I really want to hear her sexual desires neither, but what else is there to do? I could try to hide the diapers, but what if she finds them and questions me about them. I love my gf and i want share my life with her, but how can i "do my thing" without my mother in law knowing anything about it. We probably could do it behind locked doors, but hiding a big package of adult diapers is out of the question, because my mother in law will eventually find them, because there isn't a good place to hide them. It would be easier to leave together with just us (me and my gf) together, but my gf likes the house where she has grown up her entire childhood so i don't want to force her to move with me somewhere else, because i want to respect her decision and not to force her to do anything she doesn't want to do. Please help, i'm little bit desperate. Has anyone been in this kind of situation before? What should i do? Thanks in advance and sorry for any misspelling.

    Honestly?? Diapers or not - it would be a damn cold day in hell, before I chose out of my free will to MOVE IN WITH MY in-laws... or my own parents.
    No fuckin' chance. Preferably I'd live under a bridge.

    Sounds harsh? well, I don't think much positive will come from a young couple moving in with their in-laws for whatever reason.
    It's a compromise in privacy, freedom... and conflicts are basically pre-programmed.

    The diaper-thing, though is just making it worse.


    Now about "respecting" your GF "decision"... well mate, decisions on those matters in a relationship NEED TO BE DONE BY THE BOTH OF YOU.
    You need to RESPECT YOUR OWN DESIRES too. and that stuff is important.
    Being in a relationship often comes with certain compromises made - by both... but there's always a limit to the comfort level and you shouldn't transgress on these - as nothing good will come of it.
    Also YOU NEED to have a SERIOUS talk with your GF about these issues... I mean tell her, what you are concerned about... tell her that you don't feel OK with this.

    It might be different for you - I like my Girl's parents, especially her dad is quite a cool character... but despite this, I'd never move into the same house.... it would be just as worse as moving back in with my parents. (and mind you, I moved out when I was like 16).

    I've been in a steady relationship for +10 years ... and I feel that it is of utmost importance to RESPECT BOTH: your own desires, limits, etc... and hers just as well.
    Sometimes a compromise isn't easy. but bending over backwards just because you want to "respect her decision" with the result of getting into a situation that would be beyond your own comfort zone, can be quite the problem... it could actually ruin the relationship like real quick.
    Sometimes unavoidable - and OK if it's "SHORT TERM"... but for anything long term, especially when it comes to living situations, never works out well.


    Mutual respect.


    Also consider this:
    Most couples at one point move together to HAVE PRIVACY, have YOUR OWN SPACE, a place where you can be a couple without interference from the outside world as much as possible.
    you know the saying "my home, my castle"... Look at your own home, as a place to RETREAT if you need to, to find peace and love, and some rest when you need it.
    Going into a living situation that will compromise on all this, will put a LOT of stress ON YOU and eventually by proxy on your GF....


    So I'd highly recommend you: to think this over and TALK IT THROUGH.

    - - - Updated - - -



    Quote Originally Posted by FINbaby91 View Post
    I'll try to post this in friendly manner, because I don't want to argue.

    I see that posting this topic was just a waste of time. Well i guess there is nothing else to do, but to get rid of this fetish. Also imagining living temporarily with my girlfriend and my mother in law ain't the worst thing in the world. We will eventually get our own place someday, but until then i take what i can and make the best of it. I ain't ending the relationship of this generation, because of some stupid fetish. With the encouragement of my girlfriend I can put an end to this fetish and never have to visit these kind of sites anymore. Still your posts helped me to make this decision so thanks and farewell.
    Oh my...
    Fin,
    you came her for advice - and you do not like the advice that has been given.... fair enough.
    But you sound like you were looking for an affirmative answer that it would be a good thing to move in with mom-in-law... whilst no one here KNOWS you, your GF or the Mom... and thus no one can actually comment on the specific circumstances, most comments you have gotten were from people I'd say who have some experience at hand.
    And usually, as said by others an myself the situation you're heading for is a VERY ONE SIDED deal and that can invoke a ton of issues and pressure on ANY relationship.
    Thus my (and others) urging to think this situation over and TALK to your GF about these ISSUES.


    Now about "quitting": I wish you good luck.
    The thing is, from a psychological point of view, a fetish is something that is deeply rooted and usually has been formed / ingrained in your behavioral patterns from an arguably VERY EARLY AGE on... exact trigger moments / etc... are often vague if not even completely unknown.
    However most modern psychologists will agree, that ridding yourself of a fetish is almost impossible. You CAN suppress it to some extend - even "forget" about it to some degree - but in all but a handful of cases it will "linger" there waiting for even the most diminutive looking trigger moment to make it resurface - often with increased desires stemming from long periods of suppression.
    If you REALLY WANT TO STOP... I highly suggest going to get the help of a good therapist, specialized on behavioral stuff.
    Most therapists will ask you for the motives behind your desire to quit... most of the time, it is highly more successful to help you to understand and accept your fetish rather than getting rid of it.
    IF - and only IF - your fetish creates an issue in your daily life, impedes you to a point - only then most therapists will be open to help you to attempt to quit.

    You need to understand, that it's not a pure matter of being "strong willed" - the subconscious mind aspect, especially sexual stuff, is incredibly complex and difficult to "modify".
    Rarely attempted with success.

    You're free to try, and by all means you should if you feel like it... but I believe your motives are wrong for wanting to quit, especially considering your GF seems to be accepting.

    Well, I truly wish you good luck on your path and hope that it will not be hindsight that shall show you one day that it would have been better not to move in with the in-laws.
    time will tell, and it will all account for as life experience+

  8. #8

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    When I first moved about 5 hours away to be with my now girlfriend of almost 6 years for the first year we lived at her mom's place.

    She gave us our space and I can remember in a few occasions her walking in after a night of drinking into our bedroom (for good reasons, not to snoop, ie, handing us the phone, etc..)
    and having a pack of diapers and used ones on the floor. That being said, you are an adult, you are no way required to disclose the reasons why you wear what you do. If she asks you, just say you would rather not talk about it and that is that. Tell your girlfriend before you move that you are going to wear privately in the home. If this is a no-go then maybe it's better to wait. If she is cool with that and if her mother asks about it then have her politely say that it's none of her business and leave it at that. Honestly, I would find it surprising that someone would ask why somebody wears diapers unless they know the fetish.

    If you are concerned about her going through your stuff, there are lots of small trunks and DIY stash guides online...even a tool box with a lock would be big enough.

    When you get invited into somebodies house to live, you may not own the residence, but you are entitled to privacy. Respect comes with respect so don't go showing off and forcing your fetish on other people.

    As long as you make it clear with your girlfriend before you move in and you communicate with her that you don't want her mother to know then I don't see a problem. Even if she finds out she will assume its a health problem and back off.

    Hopefully this helps. I don't know your girlfriend or her mom but there are ways of being discrete while being respectful and still being able to be yourself.

  9. #9

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    It's not about liking others opinions. We are all adults here. Every person can say whatever they want, because of freedom of speech. I also know that this fetish probably is a part of me and I have accepted it as part of myself already long time ago, but love can overcome mountains and unfortunately i have many other important things in my life than this fetish. I know it won't be easy to quit, you say it's impossible well I say I like challenges so I'm going to give it a go. You also said I'm trying to quit for wrong reasons, well that's true that my gf has accepted me as who i am, but i don't think this fetish has no place in our sex life, because it feels right in the head, but when doing it with gf it doesn't feel right. So I have thought long and hard and come to conclusion that it's best to move on. It's true what they say that it feels amazing when you have a fantasy about something in your mind, but when you try to fulfill your fantasy in real life it doesn't work like that. At least in my case this whole diaper fetish thing don't work for me. Maybe my diaper fetish ain't so strong, so that's why I believe I can quit and move on. Oh and one more thing I respect my girlfriends wishes, because she respects mine so this ain't one sided relationship. We do decisions together and I listen to her, but I also respect my own desires, but I believe this diaper fetish will fade away at some point in my life. She didn't also say that I should quit, that was my very own decision. I can promise that I won't EVER regret my decision to with my gf and her mother. Also try getting your own life in order before telling someone what to do. I only asked for friendly advice that's all. BTW this will be my last post, so replying to this post is useless, because i won't reply to it and i won't visit site ever again.

  10. #10

    Default

    May I just nominate this for Most Useless Thread on an Important Issue?

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