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Thread: For what it's worth (my two cents)

  1. #1

    Default For what it's worth (my two cents)

    I see post after post after post, thread after thread after thread about the angst associated with wearing, using, and enjoying diapers. So many people--young and older, but mostly young--spending so many hours of their lives fretting about why they are doing this terrible weird thing and whether it is right and if they should continue and if they'll ever "accept" themselves and their feelings, etc.

    And I get it. I do. Even in a world like this one, where the web connects you so easily to thousands just like yourself so you know from early in your life that you are not a freak, that you are not the only weird person in the universe who is into this, no one likes being alone. Everyone wants to believe there will come a time in his or her life when he or she will be accepted and loved fully--in person--for the totality of him or herself. And...can that possibly include diapers? Oh, the angst is real and very understandable, and even more so if it comes from parental rejection or a background of abuse or any of a dozen other mitigating circumstances.

    So I see post after post after post, thread after thread after thread, suggesting the purge and recover cycle or the leave and return cycle or some other form of the self-flagellation, self-abuse, and self-denial that we can be so darned good at.

    But you know what, people?

    I am 56 years old and recently incontinent. While that is a new development, I've had feelings connected to diapers for half a century. For the first twenty years of that, I thought I was probably the only such sick, twisted person in the world, but it didn't matter: I couldn't stop how I felt no matter how many times I tried to walk away from it. (It didn't help that I wet the bed so often, a powerful reminder of the notion of diapers in my life.) I had all of the cliché angst, all of the silly fun when I met someone in college who was accepting, all of the purging when that relationship stopped being the same, all of the cyclic behavior that everyone has. And you know why everyone has it?

    Because these emotions are embedded in our brains and we cannot stop them. If we try to bury them, that's all we are doing: burying them. At some point they will surface. And the sooner in our lives we realize that, the happier those lives will be.

    None of us knows why we feel what we do. Maybe we wish we didn't feel this way. But, hey: guess what? We do. And we're lying to ourselves to believe that we can change that. So the best thing to do is learn to live with them. Accept yourself. Accept who you are. Because there is nothing fundamentally wrong with you. You have a little quirk that most people don't have; so what? Others have quirks, too; theirs are different. I don't understand theirs any more than they understand mine. And mine has the advantage of not hurting anyone at all.

    When I lost my ability to control my bladder, my history with ABDL made acceptance of my condition much easier, though frankly the whole 24/7 in diapers thing is a thorough pain in the butt and should disappear from anyone's list of fantasies. But I'm OK with this if it is what my life will be because there's no shame in it. There's even a bit of fun still (even now).

    So, young people who worry and ask "can I ever accept this?": the answer is simple: Yes, you will. You will because you have to. Because it's not going away. And life is too wonderful to live it in the shadows. If you don't accept it, that's exactly what you're going to do.

    And what the heck kind of a life will that be?

  2. #2

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    That was a thoughtful and helpful note. I wish I was more like you. I actually attribute my struggle with my AB/DL'ness to my pretty big problem with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Depression. THe way my brain works, it will tell me that I'm anxious or depressed for no reason, and whatever I think could be possibly causing that grief ends up taking the blame. AB/DL is a huge presence in my life, and therefore bears the brunt of my anxiety.

    The funny thing is, when really bad situations arise, (like me getting hit by a car or something), I stop worrying about diapers and my focus shifts to the bigger, real problem.

  3. #3

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    Two cents? It's worth quite a bit more.

    Yours is a good observation and also ends with good advice. Just accept who we are. We are good people doing a harmless activity which we enjoy.

    Thanks for the post.

  4. #4

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    Sums up me about 6 months ago. I am who I am and will do what's fun, no matter how much people throw at me.

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  6. #6

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    ICkaraokeGirl:
    Well put. You speak for many of us. Somehow, though, it is hard, once one has come to terms with things, to remember how difficult it was at the time.

    Bambusa:
    You are not at all alone here in your emotional issues. I have written about my own circumstances here several times (usually in response to people expressing suicidal thoughts). I have cycling mood, mostly featuring increasingly long intervals of clinical depression with increasingly short (and less frequent) intervals of exceptional creativity and productivity (not manic---pretty much the place that all bipolar people wish they could settle in).
    One feature of this is acute anxiety, particularly when on a high. (No rest.)

    Like the diapers, this is another aspect of one's life that you have to come to terms with (however you choose to do that). I focus on avoiding doing anything that is irreversable and it has made it possible for me to live what looks like a great life from outside. (Even if still a lot more fraught in here.)

    I teach adolescents and have a ceaseless stream of students with a variety of emotional and executive issues. My advice to them is that they will find a way to deal with these issues sooner or later, and that the sooner they do the easier their life will be. (I wish I could say I had done this. Even now I struggle.)

    For me, once I came to accept the fact that the diapers are inexplicable and stopped questioning them, they became a mechanism for quieting my anxiety and depression, not triggering them. I hope this works for you, as well. And sooner rather than later.

  7. #7

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    Even those of us who wear for need have struggled with the thoughts of wearing diapers and thinking are we doing the right thing. Yes we are doing the right thing for us. I have been back to using protection 24/7 for over two weeks not and I know it is the very right thing for me to do. Because of the stigma I fought wearing 24/7 for years only to end up wetting my self which is for worst than wearing a diaper.

  8. #8

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    ICKG good post, I think it really shows the perspective that comes with maturity and experience (note how I said "experience" instead of "age", ha!)

    Social stigmatization can be a very powerful obstacle, and because it's so imbedded in us, expecting one to use logic to simply overthrow it can sometimes seem to be simplistic. I think that is partly why a lot of us members here are posting their thoughts on how they feel when societal pressures clash with their emotions and desires. We are after all a great support system.

    I can also fully understand how an anxiety disorder can be significantly stronger than any statement of logic we may be trying to tell our inner self.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bambusa View Post
    That was a thoughtful and helpful note. I wish I was more like you. I actually attribute my struggle with my AB/DL'ness to my pretty big problem with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Depression. THe way my brain works, it will tell me that I'm anxious or depressed for no reason, and whatever I think could be possibly causing that grief ends up taking the blame. AB/DL is a huge presence in my life, and therefore bears the brunt of my anxiety.

    The funny thing is, when really bad situations arise, (like me getting hit by a car or something), I stop worrying about diapers and my focus shifts to the bigger, real problem.
    Have you been diagnosed, Bambusa? Are you on meds? Because I too suffer from these things, but my meds regulate them. As long as I remain on the doses that I have been prescribed, I am easily able to maintain a pretty even keel.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Thanks, Zip. Most appreciated!

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    Quote Originally Posted by adasterix View Post
    I teach adolescents and have a ceaseless stream of students with a variety of emotional and executive issues. My advice to them is that they will find a way to deal with these issues sooner or later, and that the sooner they do the easier their life will be.
    Working with teenagers for the past thirty-five years has taught me that everything is always life and death. I completely understand that, so I know how difficult these emotional struggles can be when they are happening. My point in this thread was certainly not to belittle them or to suggest that anyone is wrong for having them, because as far as I can tell such emotional battles are as perfectly normal as the attachment to diapers (or whatever happens to become your psychological talisman) itself. Not everyone has these quirks, but so many do that to label them "abnormal" is ridiculous. Each in itself represents a thing occurring in a tiny minority of the population, but put all such quirks together and you will have a percentage of the population that is highly significant. So, no, I don't think any of this is wrong--not the wearing and not the struggle either. I am only hoping that, by pointing out the ultimate reality of such emotional talismans--that they never go away--I can perhaps help some people to find a quicker path to acceptance.

    Ultimately, we all have the final choice of either accepting this or living in denial. Any psychologist worth his salt will tell you that the latter choice makes for a very difficult life. People are always much happier in the long run if they accept themselves for who they are.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ScientificArtist View Post
    ICKG good post, I think it really shows the perspective that comes with maturity and experience (note how I said "experience" instead of "age", ha!)

    Social stigmatization can be a very powerful obstacle, and because it's so imbedded in us, expecting one to use logic to simply overthrow it can sometimes seem to be simplistic. I think that is partly why a lot of us members here are posting their thoughts on how they feel when societal pressures clash with their emotions and desires. We are after all a great support system.

    I can also fully understand how an anxiety disorder can be significantly stronger than any statement of logic we may be trying to tell our inner self.
    Oh, I understand that as well. Certainly. And thanks for the "maturity" thing. Logic rarely trumps emotion in any argument. My only thought here is to plant a seed. Whether it grows or not, I cannot control.

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