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Thread: New - Some Questions

  1. #1

    Default New - Some Questions

    Hi people, I'm new here I joined as I had a few questions, really aimed at caregivers.

    I have been speaking with a guy on a social networking site for sometime now and he confessed to me that he was an ab. After some research into it Ive said I'm okay with this, despite being a little freaked out by it at first. Anyway he wants to meet up and take things further. I like him a lot but I'm wondering how this would impact a future relationship between us. It's clear from our discussions that it's a sexual thing for him and he is a masochist and he likes to play baby but I wonder if these people are capable of or normal relationship, I.e. I don't know if I'd want to play mama all the time.

    Any input would be greatly appreciated.

  2. #2

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    Is it going out in public as mama and baby that makes you hesitant?

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by catswhiskers View Post
    Hi people, I'm new here I joined as I had a few questions, really aimed at caregivers.

    I have been speaking with a guy on a social networking site for sometime now and he confessed to me that he was an ab. After some research into it Ive said I'm okay with this, despite being a little freaked out by it at first. Anyway he wants to meet up and take things further. I like him a lot but I'm wondering how this would impact a future relationship between us. It's clear from our discussions that it's a sexual thing for him and he is a masochist and he likes to play baby but I wonder if these people are capable of or normal relationship, I.e. I don't know if I'd want to play mama all the time.

    Any input would be greatly appreciated.
    First of all, welcome to adisc. We have a lot of information and support for ab/dls and their caretakers as well. Here is an article for you to read that wil help you with your relationship: http://www.adisc.org/forum/content/2...aretakers.html

    Also, if you plan to be with us for awhile, please tell us more about yourself. I see from your profile that you like movies. Any particular genre?

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by catswhiskers View Post
    Hi people, I'm new here I joined as I had a few questions, really aimed at caregivers.

    I have been speaking with a guy on a social networking site for sometime now and he confessed to me that he was an ab. After some research into it Ive said I'm okay with this, despite being a little freaked out by it at first. Anyway he wants to meet up and take things further. I like him a lot but I'm wondering how this would impact a future relationship between us. It's clear from our discussions that it's a sexual thing for him and he is a masochist and he likes to play baby but I wonder if these people are capable of or normal relationship, I.e. I don't know if I'd want to play mama all the time.

    Any input would be greatly appreciated.
    Welcome to ADISC. I wish I could just answer your question simply as to how extreme the guy you're talking to is, but it varies a lot. I would say as a general matter, the community favors being able to balance ABDL urges with life and relationships in a functional way. Speaking for myself, I'd go batty if it was all the time either taking care or being cared for in that way. My adult life is too important to lose out to a fantasy, however enjoyable. Since you like him already, I would wager he has a functional adult life but communication is going to be key.

  5. #5

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    I'm married and an AB/DL who is accepted by my wife. I'll go to bed diapered, but not every night. In fact, it's more like twice a week because of work, but also desire. Everyone is different in their desires. You can think of us as being on the Autistic scale, where some have occasional desires, and others are in a more extreme place. You can only know about your friend by discussing this. That is your next step.

  6. #6

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    Thanks for the replies. I guess it's just a case of getting to know him better etc, these forums are quite an eye opener really.

  7. #7

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    Everyone tries to help one another here.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by catswhiskers View Post
    Hi people, I'm new here I joined as I had a few questions, really aimed at caregivers.

    I have been speaking with a guy on a social networking site for sometime now and he confessed to me that he was an ab. After some research into it Ive said I'm okay with this, despite being a little freaked out by it at first. Anyway he wants to meet up and take things further. I like him a lot but I'm wondering how this would impact a future relationship between us. It's clear from our discussions that it's a sexual thing for him and he is a masochist and he likes to play baby but I wonder if these people are capable of or normal relationship, I.e. I don't know if I'd want to play mama all the time.

    Any input would be greatly appreciated.
    I can not really comment on the AB part in general, as I am not one.

    However, and this I believe to be pretty much independent of the nature of the kink: most of the humans out there have some kink... maybe minor, maybe something really weird, maybe something just slightly outside of the vanilla norm.. some have maybe not discovered theirs, some have many, some have few.

    If I look at my own relationship (10+ years) we (gf & myself) have our fair share of kinks - some we share, some we don't.
    Once in a while I play along with one of hers that I'm not really into, for the love I have for her and she does the same the other way round.

    Although with all things in this regard: RESPECT the boundaries & limitations of the other person, ALWAYS.
    I think that's an ultimate key point in any relationship and even more so on the sexual aspects.
    Without this mutual respect there can never be ultimate trust.

    Now about your specific situation - what does this mean:
    Well you have to decide and find out, where your actual limits are, what would be ok to try, what is, at least for the beginning, really out of the question.
    You said, that if he'd constantly want to play baby and you should mommy him - that is, VERY UNDERSTANDABLY, out of the comfort zone for you.
    Communicate this! Even if I don't think that this is what he wants (24/7 play - as only few really want this), it's still important to communicate this "issue".

    The other thing is to take it slow... YOU have control over how far you're willing to go... don't let anyone push you to do something you don't feel comfortable with.

    However I think anyone should at times be willing to try out something new, even if weird... and either you find that you'll like it, dislike it (then stop) or that it's somewhere in between.
    I think giving new stuff a try can't hurt as long as it's somewhat within your basic comfort level. (for example if needles are pure terror to you, I'd say DO NOT venture into needle play... unless you like the thrill of feeling the terror ).

    Same goes for the masochism... my GF and myself have a good amount of BDSM play - and we're both "switch" (meaning that we both like at times to be either Top/Bottom)....
    However in most cases if someone says to be an outright masochist than there's usually little to none of the other aspect (dominant) in him...
    So for you that means, that in his fantasy you should probably fulfill the dominant part.
    However, this can be anywhere from something really mild to something outright hardcore.
    And especially within the Dom/Sub BDSM stuff LIMITS ARE IMPORTANT... Be cautious if you venture outside of your comfort zone.

    If ultimately neither the Dominant apsect nor his AB aspect hold any bit of thrill for you, you most likely will find no fulfillment for yourself in either part.
    And then it remains to be seen, if these (masochism, AB) sides of him are something that he wants/needs to be a major part of a relationship or if the occasional play in these fields is all he needs to be happy.... And in this regard, it remains your decision, if both / either aspect is something you can venture into a LOT, sometimes or not at all.

    And last but definitely NOT LEAST:
    A relationship outside of a purely sexual one, should offer you a LOT of personal & shared joy & fulfillment. Stuff you and your partner can share, do together, enjoy together...
    if in the end it's just a sexual thing and at that heavily one sided, it's pretty much bound to fail.

  9. #9

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    It's not so much the BDSM stuff I'm worried about as my first ever relationship was with a guy who was into hardcore slavery and I'm extremely dominant in a relationship, in fact it's probably him who has more to be afraid of in that respect lol

    I think it's more that he won't be able to "switch" himself when we are home together etc that worries me but like you guys said previously the only way of knowing is to have a heart to heart with him. My previous partner and I had a codeword for when we wanted to play roles, I don't think I could have lived with someone who wanted to grovel 24/7 but I enjoyed it most of the time.

    As for the sexual thing, if that's all he is interested in then there is no chance it's going to work. I wouldn't kiss someone I didn't love, let alone engage in anything else without a deep physical and emotional bond.

  10. #10

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    I'm new to AB stuff but I'm gonna say it depends on the individual, just like BSDM.

    Just like some people really, genuinely want and need 24/7 TPE, and some people want lots of power dynamic but only when they're in bed (or in clearly-delineated scenes), and some people just like to play with it lightly now and then; there are gonna have to be ageplayers (or ABs) with the same variations. Examples are all over this forum!

    The most important thing, whether you're really into it or only slightly, is whether you and your partner are COMPATIBLE with each other. There's not so much "right and wrong," as "right and wrong for me." And so: exploration helps

    Allow me to say though, that if you need someone able to "switch" into being more top/dom/caretaker in relation to YOUR role, and not just "switch OUT" of bottom/sub/baby mode into non-powerplay non-kinky mode... Just be clear with yourself about what you want & need out of this. Either a switchy partner, or just someone who's a whole person, able to connect and relate with you as an adult and not ONLY as a baby(-persona). That latter is, in general, just an aspect of someone being a complete and healthy person ... which should be a given, but isn't. (& it gets murkier in this type of situation, because theoretically, some people ARE going to be healthily whole & complete being a baby all the time... again, that's going to vary with the individual)

    I wasn't positive from your posts which you meant, so if you ARE hoping for him to be a switch, let me just say:

    Reluctant dominance, from someone who's NOT really, independently, into it ... Is ... Just unpleasant. (& I'd have to add, don't expect him to "grow into" dominance AFTER you're with him, either!) there is a serious danger i think in subs/passive individuals to get caught up in others' needs and wishes without taking the time to check in with themselves and see what's really true for them. which might be fine in a scene but i think it's ...not okay to form a relationship on that.

    That said ... AB/ little seems different from most power kinks. It's a lot sweeter, and seems milder. Not 'less intense' but less harsh/fierce, in general. If you find it suits you and it's something you want to pursue, I wish all the best to you and yours It can be a really lovely thing!

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