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Thread: Irony: The mature choice to wear diapers

  1. #1

    Default Irony: The mature choice to wear diapers

    In response to another thread, I stated that, in a completely ironic way, wearing diapers may in some cases be the most mature choice a person can make to solve a problem. As long as it reflects a reasoned understanding of all options out there, a deep reflection of one's own circumstances, a clear and sober-minded pre-conception of the likely reaction of those around you in the fairly likely event that you will be noticed at one point or another, and an understanding of the social stigma that diaper-wearing carries with it, the decision to use them seems to me to be a sign of someone who knows him or herself and accepts him or herself with whatever flaws might exist. That this decision is independent of societal pressure--or in spite of societal pressure--seems to point toward this conclusion.

    Of course, I recognize the utterly self-serving nature of this notion: it validates my own choice in a lovely, self-actualizing manner. And I also understand that it might on its surface be seen as insulting to those who make other choices: I chose pads or a catheter or a colostomy: is she saying I'm immature? But that is the furthest thing from my mind. If, in a "deep reflection of one's own circumstances," one comes to a different conclusion, then that is also a very mature decision. Any decision so arrived at will be a mature decision.

    What bothers me is the repeatedly expressed statement in these threads (as well as similar threads on DD) that urologists tend to harbor some sort or anti-diaper sentiment, as if this is not a valid choice at all. I have an appointment on Friday, and I want to find out what is going on with me, but that is the one thing I fear: that the doctor will find nothing she can really do but seriously frown on my solution. I of course will stand my ground: I know my own circumstances and my own body better than any doctor. But it won't feel good.

    What do you all think of these thoughts?

  2. #2

    Default

    Do what is right for you. There is always more than one way to skin a cat. Ultimately the final decision rests with the patient as to which treatment is approached. A comparison to wearing diapers could be the decision not to have chemotherapy. There are other avenues other than your doctor's first choice. A doctor's job is not to prescribe treatment, it is to give patients a list of options and explain pros and cons.

  3. #3

    Default

    I've seen some of the attitude of doctors before. Of all the doctors and specialists I've seen over the years, urologists have by far been the worst I've ever dealt with. I've always been a bed wetter, I've almost always had some level of daytime trouble that has gotten worse with age.

    When I saw a urologist at about 30 because the daytime trouble was making life rough, he was able to help get that under control but kept harassing me about the fact that I still needed night time protection even though I was more than happy to deal with it and I never have really had night time control. After some time, I quit seeing him as it was too frustrating.

    Fast forward to almost 40, and I'm having SEVERE testicular pain, pretty much ruining my life. Even though I explained that my IC was a lifelong issue and I had it dealt with, the urologist I saw ignored my complaint about the pain, dismissing it as "insignificant" and that getting me out of diapers was most important. Insignificant?!? Let me kick you in the crotch and see whether or not you have a diaper on is the real issue, OK doc?

    Every urologist I've seen has been this way. Each one seems to think that they can suddenly, magically, "fix" me when others couldn't and that my life is over because I had to resort to using diapers. My family doctor, OTOH, understands my choice and is glad I'm living life instead of whining.

  4. #4

    Default

    The choice we make to use diapers to treat our conditions lies with us not our Doctors. I have gone through whole urologist thing. Tracking how much I peed , how often. Having fluid pumped up by bladder threw my penis till I thought my bladder would burst. After all was said and done I find out the I have an abnormality small bladder and an enlarged prostrate which both lend to my wetting problems. I have tried their medications and they didn't work for me. I would rather have a wet diaper then have wet pants. We know what is going on with our bodies more than our doctors do. I find diapers the right choice for me right now.

    - - - Updated - - -



    Quote Originally Posted by AnalogRTO View Post
    I've seen some of the attitude of doctors before. Of all the doctors and specialists I've seen over the years, urologists have by far been the worst I've ever dealt with. I've always been a bed wetter, I've almost always had some level of daytime trouble that has gotten worse with age.

    When I saw a urologist at about 30 because the daytime trouble was making life rough, he was able to help get that under control but kept harassing me about the fact that I still needed night time protection even though I was more than happy to deal with it and I never have really had night time control. After some time, I quit seeing him as it was too frustrating.

    Fast forward to almost 40, and I'm having SEVERE testicular pain, pretty much ruining my life. Even though I explained that my IC was a lifelong issue and I had it dealt with, the urologist I saw ignored my complaint about the pain, dismissing it as "insignificant" and that getting me out of diapers was most important. Insignificant?!? Let me kick you in the crotch and see whether or not you have a diaper on is the real issue, OK doc?

    Every urologist I've seen has been this way. Each one seems to think that they can suddenly, magically, "fix" me when others couldn't and that my life is over because I had to resort to using diapers. My family doctor, OTOH, understands my choice and is glad I'm living life instead of whining.
    I am a few years older than you but have been through the some things. Some of these Doctors would rather us use caths instead of diapers. I hate Caths.

  5. #5

    Default

    You know...

    The more I read the less I even want to see the urologist.

    Can someone PLEASE post a situation in which seeing a urologist has actually HELPED him or her?

    ickg

  6. #6

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by ICkaraokegirl View Post
    You know...

    The more I read the less I even want to see the urologist.

    Can someone PLEASE post a situation in which seeing a urologist has actually HELPED him or her?

    ickg

    Don't go by what we have gone through, your's may be able to help you. In some cases they can help in others they can't.

  7. #7

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by ICkaraokegirl View Post
    You know...

    The more I read the less I even want to see the urologist.

    Can someone PLEASE post a situation in which seeing a urologist has actually HELPED him or her?

    ickg
    ickg,
    don't let all this get to you... see the urologist... and if she sucks at being professional, tell her and move on to another doc.

    as you know from previous discussions here I have been dealing with incontinence & bedwetting for my entire life.
    Naturally I've seen my fair share of urologists and other doctors like neurologists, etc.. about my issues.
    And especially during my teenage years it was of utmost difficulty to me for several reasons:
    - I was still trying to find my way of coping with my situation
    - Countless visits, somtimes every other month to see various specialists - none whom I chose myself (as a minor, my parents did that choice for me) - have performed so many different tests, stuck tubes in just about every orifice my body can offer, have been x-rayed, pushed through an MRI (that was rather interesting as I felt like in star trek), poked, talked to, and felt like a lab rat in a medical test facility for drugs.
    - The problem (IC) persisted
    - Diapers were frowned upon mostly (not actually that much by myself - but every one around me thought the diapers were an issue...)

    I remember, vividly how my parents tried EVERY kind of "treatment" - from plain medical stuff to holistic options - they pushed it on me as they arguably had more of an issue with myself being incontinent than I ever had.
    Medicine that made me feel sick ... the so called "bedwetting alarms" which after a couple of weeks made me so sleep deprived and anxious that my daytime IC started to get far worse, my nights were horror and my school-grades dropped like rain on a cold day.
    It was basically after that, when I plainly begged them to let me have diapers again. Damn, that was pure bliss. At least the diapers, besides the stigma attached to them, had no other side effect, they were mine to take care of... and were making my nights a lot better.
    Daytime was at first never much of an issue (there were episodes where it gotten worse) - so I usually wore either pads or pull-ups... only on trips, etc.. I was basically put in diapers ever since (and later on wanted to do so myself because it saved me from a lot of hassle and embarrassment)
    My parents - they were "verry supportive" - never angry or something like that, they never blamed me... but they made my life hell about it in a different manner.

    This is one of the reasons (actually the major reason) why I moved out when I was 16. I had enough of feeling like a science project gone wrong.
    I had enough of trying new drugs and trying this trick or that juice or this methdo...
    I had VERY MUCH enough of going to yet another doctor... having yet another test done and done time after time again.

    When I moved out, I finally had the freedom to handle my own IC issues in a manner that I saw as befitting - I had finally some control over my own life & my own body.
    And I welcome it - to this very day.

    Now why do I write all this - despite the fact that not all of the memories I have chosen to share here do evoke a positive feeling within my mind....
    well here's the thing:
    After about four years of not seeing a doctor about my IC... and handling it the proven way (diapers & pads), it started to worsen during the day to the point where I no longer was able to handle it the way I used to (thin pads on most days, with the exception of car rides, etc.. where I used diapers).
    Now I didn't really mind using diapers - after all the difference was minimal - but it was a difference.
    But I did not like the idea that this got worse.
    I had developed a SERIOUS OAB case... (I knew enough about IC issues & urology by that time to basically make some sort of a self-diagnosis, at least in simplified terms)...
    The constant urge to go the loo was driving me crazy... and then came a nasty UTI... yuck. painful fuckin' nasty stuff.
    And I chose to overcome my loathing and fear of urologists and decided to see one again.
    I have researched long to find one, highly recommended and got an appointment.
    The one thing I did - and that proved important - was to tell him straight up what I wanted, what was bothering me and WHAT WAS NOT.
    I also told him that he should not even try to patronize me about my use of diapers & pads, as I probably had tried more different solutions than he'd probably know that even existed. I also told him straight up that he should not bull shit me, by throwing around latin words and technical terms, as I both speak latin and have read just about every standard book on urology out there.
    I know it was a bit pompous to act like that, maybe even premature as I didn't know how he would be as a doc. But I just wanted to make sure, after all that I had to deal with in the past, that he wouldn't even dare to go in that direction.
    he was, a bit amazed, but proved very understanding. I told him straight up, that I don't want to take meds for my IC for the rest of my life that had nasty side effects and made me basically unable to go about my day to day stuff normally. I explained, that this, going about my daily business was of paramount importance to me and that the diapers / pads are to me no worse or better than a cast for a broken arm, or a band aid... it's a a "tool" I use, can use well, and has no real side effects.
    I also told him, that I don't have a problem with them - quite to the contrary.
    And I told him, that I was here not to get rid of my IC in general, as I don't think that this will happen - but to get rid / lessen the urgency I feel about the suspected OAB.
    And that he did take serious. So over a few consultations, a what he said - time limited - consumption of medication (I told him I don't want a solution where I'll be dependent on drug intake for the rest of my days), and a few other things the seriousness of the OAB was "under control" again to a level where I was able to deal with it as I was in the past.

    Interestingly once that was done, as I guess I was happy with the results my curiosity got the better of me and I asked him to take a look at the general IC situation as I hadn't done so in the past few years.
    However whilst a long story, it proved futile.

    These days I go and see an urologist (different one though, for a few reasons) every year or two - basically just to make sure that nothings gotten any worse (bacteria, etc..) and to see if there have been any new developments that could rid me of my IC - but I refrain from being a Guinea Pig for some new miracle drug.

    I guess at first it is IMPORTANT to try to figure out WHAT exactly is wrong with your body.
    Why the IC is there and what makes it Worse or lessens the effect.
    Then it's important that you NEED to figure out HOW you want to treat it / take care of it.
    Also I believe, that if I have learned one thing, than that it is important to set boundaries and make them VERY clear to any medical professional you'll deal with.
    I pay them NOT to make my life miserable... I do not pay them to try to convince me on HOW I SHOULD deal with the situation.
    I definitely do NOT pay them to tell me how bad diapers socially are (as they are NOT)...
    I do however PAY them to work for me and work WITH ME.

    the important aspect is, become as knowledgable as you may can become about the topic... thus you can TALK ABOUT it rather than be LECTURED about it from the doc's point of view.
    Know what is OK and what is NOT OK for you.
    And learn how to communicate this to a doc.

    It has taken me many years to "master" all that... but it's been well worth it.

  8. #8

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by ICkaraokegirl View Post
    You know...

    The more I read the less I even want to see the urologist.

    Can someone PLEASE post a situation in which seeing a urologist has actually HELPED him or her?

    ickg
    Actually, with all of the testicular pain, I did finally find a urologist who helped me. The first one I saw refused to listen to me as I pointed out. The second one I made sure never to wear a diaper to an appointment, he tried a bunch of drugs and tests before finally coming to realization that the pain was truly in the testicles (instead of coming from prostate or some such). I was sent to see a pain specialist who did multiple unsuccessful nerve block surgeries.

    I was left facing a difficult choice: according to the pain specialist I could have a neuro-stimulator implanted to try and control the pain, but it would be a long and complicated surgery with a long recovery time. He also suggested I look at orchiectomy (removing both testicles) before going for the neuro-stimulator as it would be simpler and far easier on me. Considering I was done having kids and after a lot of thinking (in that much pain it didn't take long to come to a conclusion), I was more than willing to try removing the testicles.

    The neurologist I was seeing refused to even consider the option, at which point I demanded a referral to Stanford. The urologist at Stanford was very helpful and considerate, realized where I was at, and after looking into a few other options, we came to the decision to do the orchiectomy. It took 1/2 an hour under general anesthesia and I have not had pain since.

    So yes, I have had one urologist who actually DID help me solve my issues I was having.

  9. #9

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by EPO1 View Post
    ickg,
    don't let all this get to you... see the urologist... and if she sucks at being professional, tell her and move on to another doc.

    as you know from previous discussions here I have been dealing with incontinence & bedwetting for my entire life.
    Naturally I've seen my fair share of urologists and other doctors like neurologists, etc.. about my issues.
    And especially during my teenage years it was of utmost difficulty to me for several reasons:
    - I was still trying to find my way of coping with my situation
    - Countless visits, somtimes every other month to see various specialists - none whom I chose myself (as a minor, my parents did that choice for me) - have performed so many different tests, stuck tubes in just about every orifice my body can offer, have been x-rayed, pushed through an MRI (that was rather interesting as I felt like in star trek), poked, talked to, and felt like a lab rat in a medical test facility for drugs.
    - The problem (IC) persisted
    - Diapers were frowned upon mostly (not actually that much by myself - but every one around me thought the diapers were an issue...)

    I remember, vividly how my parents tried EVERY kind of "treatment" - from plain medical stuff to holistic options - they pushed it on me as they arguably had more of an issue with myself being incontinent than I ever had.
    Medicine that made me feel sick ... the so called "bedwetting alarms" which after a couple of weeks made me so sleep deprived and anxious that my daytime IC started to get far worse, my nights were horror and my school-grades dropped like rain on a cold day.
    It was basically after that, when I plainly begged them to let me have diapers again. Damn, that was pure bliss. At least the diapers, besides the stigma attached to them, had no other side effect, they were mine to take care of... and were making my nights a lot better.
    Daytime was at first never much of an issue (there were episodes where it gotten worse) - so I usually wore either pads or pull-ups... only on trips, etc.. I was basically put in diapers ever since (and later on wanted to do so myself because it saved me from a lot of hassle and embarrassment)
    My parents - they were "verry supportive" - never angry or something like that, they never blamed me... but they made my life hell about it in a different manner.

    This is one of the reasons (actually the major reason) why I moved out when I was 16. I had enough of feeling like a science project gone wrong.
    I had enough of trying new drugs and trying this trick or that juice or this methdo...
    I had VERY MUCH enough of going to yet another doctor... having yet another test done and done time after time again.

    When I moved out, I finally had the freedom to handle my own IC issues in a manner that I saw as befitting - I had finally some control over my own life & my own body.
    And I welcome it - to this very day.

    Now why do I write all this - despite the fact that not all of the memories I have chosen to share here do evoke a positive feeling within my mind....
    well here's the thing:
    After about four years of not seeing a doctor about my IC... and handling it the proven way (diapers & pads), it started to worsen during the day to the point where I no longer was able to handle it the way I used to (thin pads on most days, with the exception of car rides, etc.. where I used diapers).
    Now I didn't really mind using diapers - after all the difference was minimal - but it was a difference.
    But I did not like the idea that this got worse.
    I had developed a SERIOUS OAB case... (I knew enough about IC issues & urology by that time to basically make some sort of a self-diagnosis, at least in simplified terms)...
    The constant urge to go the loo was driving me crazy... and then came a nasty UTI... yuck. painful fuckin' nasty stuff.
    And I chose to overcome my loathing and fear of urologists and decided to see one again.
    I have researched long to find one, highly recommended and got an appointment.
    The one thing I did - and that proved important - was to tell him straight up what I wanted, what was bothering me and WHAT WAS NOT.
    I also told him that he should not even try to patronize me about my use of diapers & pads, as I probably had tried more different solutions than he'd probably know that even existed. I also told him straight up that he should not bull shit me, by throwing around latin words and technical terms, as I both speak latin and have read just about every standard book on urology out there.
    I know it was a bit pompous to act like that, maybe even premature as I didn't know how he would be as a doc. But I just wanted to make sure, after all that I had to deal with in the past, that he wouldn't even dare to go in that direction.
    he was, a bit amazed, but proved very understanding. I told him straight up, that I don't want to take meds for my IC for the rest of my life that had nasty side effects and made me basically unable to go about my day to day stuff normally. I explained, that this, going about my daily business was of paramount importance to me and that the diapers / pads are to me no worse or better than a cast for a broken arm, or a band aid... it's a a "tool" I use, can use well, and has no real side effects.
    I also told him, that I don't have a problem with them - quite to the contrary.
    And I told him, that I was here not to get rid of my IC in general, as I don't think that this will happen - but to get rid / lessen the urgency I feel about the suspected OAB.
    And that he did take serious. So over a few consultations, a what he said - time limited - consumption of medication (I told him I don't want a solution where I'll be dependent on drug intake for the rest of my days), and a few other things the seriousness of the OAB was "under control" again to a level where I was able to deal with it as I was in the past.

    Interestingly once that was done, as I guess I was happy with the results my curiosity got the better of me and I asked him to take a look at the general IC situation as I hadn't done so in the past few years.
    However whilst a long story, it proved futile.

    These days I go and see an urologist (different one though, for a few reasons) every year or two - basically just to make sure that nothings gotten any worse (bacteria, etc..) and to see if there have been any new developments that could rid me of my IC - but I refrain from being a Guinea Pig for some new miracle drug.

    I guess at first it is IMPORTANT to try to figure out WHAT exactly is wrong with your body.
    Why the IC is there and what makes it Worse or lessens the effect.
    Then it's important that you NEED to figure out HOW you want to treat it / take care of it.
    Also I believe, that if I have learned one thing, than that it is important to set boundaries and make them VERY clear to any medical professional you'll deal with.
    I pay them NOT to make my life miserable... I do not pay them to try to convince me on HOW I SHOULD deal with the situation.
    I definitely do NOT pay them to tell me how bad diapers socially are (as they are NOT)...
    I do however PAY them to work for me and work WITH ME.

    the important aspect is, become as knowledgable as you may can become about the topic... thus you can TALK ABOUT it rather than be LECTURED about it from the doc's point of view.
    Know what is OK and what is NOT OK for you.
    And learn how to communicate this to a doc.

    It has taken me many years to "master" all that... but it's been well worth it.
    Wow, and this is what this whole community seems to be about.
    Spoken from the heart and from personal experience.

  10. #10

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by ICkaraokegirl View Post
    What do you all think of these thoughts?
    Here's what I did. I went to a urologist with a specific complaint (frequent and uncontrollable urge to urinate). I explained in great detail the chronic history of this, the bedwetting episodes, my urination diary and my history of nervous system disorders since I was a child. I let him diagnose me with urine tests, urodynamics and a cytoscope. We then sat down together to go over the results (detrusor muscle instability) and he recommended a number of solutions. He gave me medication, but since I had already taken very similar drugs given to me by a previous doctor and found they did not work and gave me unpleasant side effects, I told him I was going to keep on wearing protection until a better solution came around. He was not great with that given my age, but understood.

    It's a myth in our society that doctors can fix all our problems and know everything. They can't. The best thing you can do is to go into any situation like this with as much information as possible. After all, as in my case, what you really want to know is what is causing this. And, what can you do about it. The former you can let the doctor figure out and if she doesn't know either rule out serious diseases (like cancer) or find another doctor. You already have found a solution for the latter.

    Diapers certainly aren't for everyone who has incontinence issues, but if you do end up telling your doctor about wearing, do your best to make light of it. Let them know you feel better about this solution than some other option. You definitely do not want to bring up any psychological issues.

    The way I see it is this. I have wanted to stay in diapers for as long as I can remember. I know that some of that is my regressive "little" side and some is my problems with IC. These two things are different, yet they are inseparable and point to one solution, diapers. If you are comfortable with that, that's all that really matters. Let the doctor figure out the what and why and you can choose the best solution.

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