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Thread: Girlfriend Not Accepting of Pacifier...Really Damaging to My Psyche

  1. #1

    Default Girlfriend Not Accepting of Pacifier...Really Damaging to My Psyche

    Last week, I mustered the courage to disclose one the most private of secrets I've had in my entire life.

    While having quite a deep conversation with my girlfriend, I made the decision to tell her about my use of a pacifier. I made the decision to tell her because she is, aside from family, the only person who I completely trust. I had also debated about telling her for a few months, and came to the conclusion that she would be accepting of my habit that is viewed by the outside world as strange, weird, unhealthy, etc.

    However, upon telling her, she, for lack of a better phrase, freaked out and asked for some time to think about what I told her.

    I respected that request, and waited for her to continue the conversation.

    A few hours later, she got ahold of me and explained that she could no longer talk about what I had told her and explained to me that using a pacifier makes her feel as if I am a weak-minded individual who is not capable of protecting her, which was a direct shot to my stature as a man.

    This really damaged by frame of mind, and has only increased the insecurity I feel on a day to day basis.

    Any and all advice would be appreciated.

    Thank you.

  2. #2

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    well I have not experienced this first hand but I would say that she is the type that is looking for a protective boyfriend and that she clearly has no interest in this part of you. I would if in your position accept that info not talk to her about this and accept that you can not change her. you must let her choose if she wants to be apart of that aspect of your life. you sir are brave by the way.

  3. #3

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    Wow, I would say that's quite a shallow reaction. I'm not going to suggest breaking up with her because that's really not my place.

    What I can tell you is this, if you told her this to gain acceptance from her then you need to understand these emotions and behaviours are acceptable and it doesn't really matter how she feels if this is what makes you happy. Are you a different person for telling her? Not really, it's her views that have changed. These are perceptions. If she feels that sucking on a pacifier emasculates you then that may be affecting part of her value system, and that manly image may be important to her in a partner. However, in a strong relationship you should both be happy. If being little and doing childish things to feel comforted is ok and as long as it's not exclusively required to be happy then that's part of your value system and it's healthy. I'm assuming like most other people on here that this desire extends beyond just pacifiers in which case you may have an uphill battle trying to show her that this part of you is important, reason being that you chose to share this part of you with her.

    I would tell her how you feel. Explain to her how it felt when she told you that she thinks less of you. People tend to understand and empathize when they can associate with other people's feelings.

    Be patient. People can take longer to adapt or may even have feelings of mistrust when they learn new things about people that they felt close with. What I mean is don't start sucking on your pacifier in front of her out of spite.

    Tell her that this is important to you. If she respects you as a person with your own feelings and values, she may be more understanding. After understanding comes acceptance, and I'm assuming that's what you're looking for from her.

    Hope this helps and good luck!

  4. #4

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    Liking a pacifier does not make you weak-willed or unmanly. It takes stones to buck an irrational but deeply ingrained social norm. It takes bigger stones to tell someone about it.

    I think you should tell your girlfriend, politely but firmly, that the way she insulted you is not an acceptable way to speak to you, or to anyone else. Standing up for yourself may persuade her that you're not, in fact, weak-minded. Or it may not; it sounds as if she has some messed-up ideas about masculinity. In any case, she needs to know that she acted immaturely. You may be the one sucking a pacifier, but she's the one who has some growing up to do.

  5. #5

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    I do not see how your week from doing something like this that has nothing to do with being a man if it makes you happy then I see no harm in my honest opinion, she's the one it's immature by what she told you.

  6. #6

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    Not everyone is accepting of this sort of deal and it's probably something she has never heard of before. Give her some time and let it sink it and just be you. If she still likes you for who you are and still enjoys being around you but even after then it doesn't work out there's always someone else that would probably love to be with you. Either way you need to give it time since you told her something that is a pretty big deal especially if they've never heard of it before.

  7. #7

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    Sadly, we've seen reveals go in this direction on this site. All you can do is give her some time, but it doesn't sound promising to me. I must say that I don't like her attitude, but I've seen it before. There are some women who want their men to be men. I know my wife is that way to some degree, but we've been married long enough for her to know both sides of me, and that's where the truth lies.

    There are two sides to us. Most of the time we are the people the public sees. In the other times, we "do our thing" and really, who doesn't? I find it hard to believe that she is perfect, but maybe she is, in which case it's only a matter of days when she'll be raptured away from you.

    Despite my silly attempt at humor, and really, part of it is ire, both of you will have to make a tough decision. Either you give up any aspects to being AB or she accepts you. But if she doesn't accept this aspect of you, what next big thing will she not accept? Sometimes it's better to find these things now before the relationship gets deeper.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by dogboy View Post
    Sadly, we've seen reveals go in this direction on this site. All you can do is give her some time, but it doesn't sound promising to me. I must say that I don't like her attitude, but I've seen it before. There are some women who want their men to be men. I know my wife is that way to some degree, but we've been married long enough for her to know both sides of me, and that's where the truth lies.

    There are two sides to us. Most of the time we are the people the public sees. In the other times, we "do our thing" and really, who doesn't? I find it hard to believe that she is perfect, but maybe she is, in which case it's only a matter of days when she'll be raptured away from you.

    Despite my silly attempt at humor, and really, part of it is ire, both of you will have to make a tough decision. Either you give up any aspects to being AB or she accepts you. But if she doesn't accept this aspect of you, what next big thing will she not accept? Sometimes it's better to find these things now before the relationship gets deeper.
    I'm a firm believer that there's someone out there for everyone. I would never call myself a manly man by any means and a lot of women where I live seem like they'd want that sort of thing. I'm shy, insecure, quiet, and all that fun stuff that many might now want. Though I've got a girlfriend and have been with her nearly 3 years. I knew her from highschool and she found out about my ABDL side before I went out with her from an ex that told her the whole story. She wasn't bothered by it and I've been pretty happy. I guess what I'm trying to say as well is sometimes things just work out in the end too, ya know?

  9. #9

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    That sounds like quite an immature reaction and the response of someone quite ignorant to be honest. Perhaps when you have a quiet moment you could discuss things further with her and ensure she has a better understanding of how you feel and how you felt when she said that. The pacifier thing is only one part of your persona and doesn't mean you are any less of a man.

  10. #10

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    Hi,

    I don't know you or your history or desires, but I can glean this much from the thread: if you enjoy or need the pacifier enough that you risked your relationship to tell your girlfriend about it, it is clearly a very deeply important aspect of your life. For everyone here, some part of the ABDL experience is that way. That, of course, is why we are here. And of course, what we all also desire is a loving, caring (probably nurturing) relationship with someone who accepts our quirks and (with any good luck) plays along.

    Most of us, in real life anyway, don't actually get that. We may get acceptance if we are lucky, but willing partners are fewer and farther between. Now you're young, which makes it likelier to find one: the young are far more willing to experiment, as a whole. But still, this is a kink, and if you look at it from the outside, it's a pretty darned weird one. When you told her, she was understandably shocked. While we on the inside react by saying that she must have an over-developed sense of masculinity or some desperate desire for male protection that she saw shot down in that moment--and hey, who knows? we could be right--the truth could be a lot simpler: she may just have been unable to process such a powerful and fundamental change in her encoded conceptualization of you. She was in a relationship with one person, and suddenly she found herself in a relationship with someone she felt was revealed to be completely different. That may be an overreaction on her part--or it may not. Either way it is a very real perception and requires time to process.

    You are understandably hurt by her rejection. She is understandably shocked by your revelation. Life would have been a whole lot nicer if she had been able to process this change in perception instantly, as some might have been able to, but she was not. And now one of two things will happen:

    Either she will process it and realize that she loves you despite the quirk (or maybe even loves you more because of it, though given her reaction I can't see how that could be so.) Or she will be unable to process it and steel herself in her resolve to reject it. No matter which way she chooses, be prepared for the reality that she will undoubtedly discuss the matter with her closest girlfriends because that's what girls do. And if she can't handle it, then the ball is in your court, as it were, but I'd suggest that in reality you don't have much choice. Again, I don't know you, but something this deeply engrained in your personality is not going to simply go away because you tell it to. It will always be there, and it will drive a wedge between you and her even if you never pick up a pacifier again...but you will. I think, if you are honest with yourself, you'll acknowledge that too.

    ickg

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