OK. I have done the hard part and joined this site. After several decades of life I have had enough of dealing with whatever-the-heck-this-is by myself. And believe me, naming it--labeling it--is not exactly easy.
But wait. I am getting ahead of myself. According to the template, the first thing I am supposed to do here is to tell you a few basic things about myself. So let's see...who the heck am I anyway? Well I guess you can gather three facts about me from my username: I am female, incontinent, and into karaoke. I am also a mother of three, a teacher, a writer (unpublished but working on that), a proud flaming liberal, a sports fan, especially of my Chicago teams--(yay, Blackhawks!)--and of soccer in general, an avid reader, and a bunch of other things. Of course I am pretty certain that this has bled over into what ought to be Section 3, but hey: one thing I most definitely am not is perfect.
As to what brings me here: well, there is the aforementioned incontinence. It's been kind of coming on since right before Christmas, when I started having some serious problems, having accidents, etc. I wore Depends on a trip out east and, when I returned, my doctor prescribed something that eventually seemed to work. Other than a few bedwetting incidents, I was fine for a while. But then, in May, if you'll pardon the expression, the floodgates came loose. It started in school. Three days in a row I wet myself right in class, fortunately while seated and very fortunately while wearing dark pants. I started wearing the Depends again, but the accidents quickly came multiple times in a day, and I needed something better. Within a week I was completely unable to hold my bladder: I could not make it to the bathroom to save my life, sometimes even from my own living room.
And then it got worse. There were days when I seemed to be constantly peeing. And it hurt...as if I had a yeast infection. I'd change my diaper--by then I was wearing Molicares or Abenas, having done my research--and wet my new one within minutes. I spent entire days crying. And the pills my doctor was prescribing did no good whatsoever. She's scheduling a look at the bladder itself now; maybe they'll find something.
But I said my situation was not easy to define.
The thing is: I've had issues with incontinence, bedwetting, and diapers all of my life, on and off. And pretty much all of that time I have harbored an attraction to diapers, an attraction to being babied and to giving up responsibility, etc. I actually know when it started:
I was seven years old and my mom put my four year old sister back in diapers for wetting her bed. I, the oldest, had been toilet trained so early--18 months--because of the quick succession of my siblings (that sister was child #4) that I missed out on being a baby. I wanted that too. I just couldn't bring myself to wet the bed on purpose. And later, when it did happen, I was embarrassed and hid it, though I hoped for the same result. (It never came.)
I wore diapers to bed in college and in the early years of my first marriage, as the problem was happening far too frequently to ignore. And roomy and spouse were good with it, but I mostly kept my fetishistic interest to myself. (I did get my diapers changed at home, which was heavenly.) But then, for whatever reason, the problem went away, only occasionally occurring in my thirties and forties, rarely enough to require diapers. I found some usergroups when the fledgling internet began, and I even wrote some then-popular stories that I published through an anonymous remailer (anyone remember those?). People seemed to like them enough. But that was the extent of my involvement for a very long time.
Now I find myself living what many young AB's or DL's dream about, right? I mean I'll bet if I troll around on here I can find threads about wishing you were incontinent or how do you make yourself wet the bed or some such nonsense. Well I am incontinent, and I can tell you that it's a major pain in the butt. I'm trying to keep a positive outlook, though--and I even bought some Bambino Teddies to try to find the playful part of it (I'm wearing one right now)--but spending virtually your entire life in a wet diaper (if you use the good kind) or waiting to wet one you'll need to change right away (if you don't) isn't much fun at all.
OK, so I am now officially moving on to part 3, in which I reiterate that I love to sing karaoke. Yes, I know: silliness. But it's fun. My whole family gets into it; we even go out together to places that have karaoke nights. Not that we need to: I have a professional machine and 3500 recordings.
I also love to write, and I can get very long-winded very easily, without even noticing it. (I'll bet you couldn't tell that.) This is why I am not yet published. True: Agents have told me they like the books, but they are just too damn long. Publishers apparently know that people read long books, but they are utterly unwilling to publish long books, at least not by unknown authors. And my books are complicated, hence long. I'm trying this summer to cut one of them down.
Television and movies are a huge part of my life too. I know, I know: so much garbage there. But there's a lot of really good stuff too if you know where to look, and some of it is in what might look on the surface like garbage. For instance, one of the best shows ever was "Buffy the Vampire Slayer," which featured very real characters, strong development, powerful storylines, great dialogue, some pretty decent effects, and the goofiest concept in the history of the world this side of "My Mother the Car." Plus it was a TV remake of a pretty awful movie. Still: absolute gem!
I mentioned sports before, and I love to watch them, especially live, but I don't usually get to because of ticket prices and availability. I readily admit to being something of a fair-weather fan. I always pay attention to what is going on with my teams, but I lose interest in them if they are not doing well. And I have no interest in most sports as a whole if my teams are not involved in the playoffs. Soccer is an exception: I love soccer. My daughters and I watch every single match of both the men's and women's World Cups. As I type this, I'm watching the US play Cuba in the Gold Cup.
Whenever I can afford to, I love traveling. I've taken my daughters all over the country, to every state. We've been to several countries in Europe too (even though I really couldn't afford that one). Seeing new things, seeing places we're not used to and cultures we're not used to helps us to keep open-minded and aware of the fact that we are not the only ones in the world. Besides, there are just so many cool places to go!
As to what I want from this site, I guess it's mostly company. I know there are others in my condition, and I just want access to them. I'm looking for opportunities to find answers to questions that will inevitably come up. And I suppose I am also trying to figure out exactly what my place in all of this is. I know I am IC. I know I am not (or anyway not now, if I ever was) an AB. To some extent, I've always been a DL, but I don't know how that fits anymore. All I know is that my life has changed dramatically in the past couple of months, and I have to learn to deal with all of this.
Thanks for listening,