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Thread: Trying to help a friend... [and I really need outside help!]

  1. #1

    Question Trying to help a friend... [and I really need outside help!]

    My roommate (who is also, actually, my closest friend) has had a huge bed wetting problem over the last two months. It started out as, like, once a week he would wake up a little bit wet in the morning, but lately it been every day he has woken up soaked. I've been trying to help him subtly (because he is humiliated) by getting him medicines that might help and trying to get him to go to be bathroom before bed, but nothing really seems to be working. I was trying to avoid any drastic measures, but he has just started to wet himself during the day too. As gently as I could, I told him maybe adult diapers might be a solution and he nearly started to cry, then avoided me for the remainder of the day. He ended up going to the doctor's for it and the doctor told him he's just under a lot of stress and he needs to calm down. This, apparently, isn't possible for my poor friend and the wetting as continued day and night...

    Long story short, I got him to try diapers at night, but he gets way too embarrassed when I try to remind him to put them on before he goes to sleep.

    Does anyone have any advice on how I might be able to warm him up to them (like, maybe about how others got into liking diapers, I don't know)? Just enough that he might not hate himself whenever he puts them on? He is really my closest friend and I hate to see him so upset.
    Last edited by taire; 11-Jul-2013 at 23:27.

  2. #2

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    The first thing is to get him to a different doctor. Unless he has a history of bedwetting there are way too many possible physical issues for this to be simply dismissed as stress. I think the best way to have him use them is make them no big deal. He's not going to start liking them, so the best you can hope for is overcoming the importance of potty training/stigma on diapers. Treat the issue logically, and it should resolve itself. Oh, and a helpful little factoid, there are more than 30 million incontinent people in America, and ~3.3 million in Canada (guessing because you used diapers instead of nappies.)

    What is urinary incontinence? - Incontinence - Body & Health
    About Urinary Incontinence - US News Health

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cauthon View Post
    The first thing is to get him to a different doctor. Unless he has a history of bedwetting there are way too many possible physical issues for this to be simply dismissed as stress.
    I agree with this. I would like to recommend your friend see a specialist, a urologist comes to mind. They specialize in this area of the body.

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    Thank you very much on the word the doctor. I'm sure that will be welcomed news.

    He told me before that it took him longer than average to get potty trained (it was age five or six, I think), but other than a wetting or two through high school, he said there was nothing significant. I certainly don't expect him to suddenly like them, but even bringing it up is like a trigger and he'll clam up. I know that is something that just as to be roughed through (I've been too sensitive to his anger lately). Thank you again.

  5. #5

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    I think it's hard sometimes for us ABDLs to understand -- but my sense is that diapers are NOT anywhere near the first or most desirable solution for incontinence problems for most people. They are a very last resort (at best) and a sign of defeat and resignation. Of course from our perspective, this is nonsense because they are so wonderful and fun and comfortable and comforting...so we (non-incontinent ones) often get caught in the glitch of trying to think of situations in which we might end up "NEEDING" diapers legitimately.

    I think your friends reaction re: not wanting anything to do with them is quite normal for the average American --- and his willingness to put one on somewhat odd and surprising (and where did they come from? you supplied one? how did you explain that? does he know about your diaper fetish?). My spouse was a bedwetter during teenage years and HATED wearing diapers on many levels. It sounds almost like you are trying to push him to wear them -- and clearly you got some pleasure from seeing him in one. With all honesty, that sounds like you could be manipulating the situation a little bit so you can "use" him for your own ends. I think if you're going to help him the best, put any and all diaper fetish stuff aside and look at the situation from HIS point of view (and that of the average American folk who see diapers as a defeat) and work toward HIS best interest exclusively. His best solution might be to get better medical care. It might be to work for stress reduction. And it might be to get a quality waterproof sheet that doesn't resemble anything babish: Amazon.com: Brolly Sheets Waterproof Mattress Protector, Twin, White: Home & Kitchen -

    What I'm trying to say is that as ABDL -- our inclination is to jump to diapers as a solution for these kinds of problems when for most people, they are the last thing on the list. I think "care" in this situation, is to look toward his best interest and not try to push "our" agenda of changing the diaper stigma or any other related hope.

    In my experience with bedwetting, doctors are not terribly helpful. I've been to three different ones, and none of them were able to pinpoint a cause even after running bloodwork, etc. Each of them acted like they didn't want to talk to me about it or touch 'my case' with a ten foot pole. That his doctor dismissed him so easily sounds fairly typical in my experience as well. None of my doctors asked how I was managing the issue practically -- and I'm not sure if I would have had the courage to tell them 'diapers/briefs' because of the above mentioned stigma. I dont' care to get into a debate -- it just so happens that I developed a legit need for this item that I really really like and that's super for me.

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    Quote Originally Posted by 11hinzvic View Post
    I agree with this. I would like to recommend your friend see a specialist, a urologist comes to mind. They specialize in this area of the body.
    I too agree he needs to see a urologist. Late potty training and wetting accidents sounds like he may have a weak bladder . There is no shame in this. He may be more embarrassed about having a need for protection. I am bed wetter and have urge IC. I do use diapers for protection. But there may be other options, only an urologist can say. Meds did not work for me, because I have an undersized bladder.

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    Yeah he should see a specialist that specifys in blader's and bed wetting. To have a diagnosis where the doctor says you randomly start wetting yourself because of stress ?
    Ehh If I was in his situation I would see one or more other professionals just to be sure it isn't a major medical issue with his body.
    I don't think your friend find might ever be comfortable wearing diapers for his bedwetting but it is a common problem in America and the world, he certainly isn't alone. I was a massive bedwerter for a long time and it doesn't have to define you or be embarrassing. It is a minor defect that can be handled with accordingly.

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    I would think stress causes small dribbles, not out and out bed wetting. There are a number of alternatives to diapers, such as medication, curtailing liquid consumption at night, and even catheters. He needs to see a urinary specialist.

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    I remember having to agree to wear a nappy/diaper when I went on a holiday as my parents could not afford to buy the landlady a new matress. At the time I hated it with utmost conviction, (I was nine at the time) the plastic pants were uncomfortable and it was like a slap in the face having to be treated like a baby again. I hardly ever slept that week to make sure I would not be forced to continue to wear one when I get back home. My bedroom was next to the toilet so I could visit it without disturbing the other guests. I went through hell to avoid the dreadded nappy, even sleeping in a wet bed many times at home.
    Last edited by Tiddles; 11-Jul-2013 at 20:37. Reason: addendum

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    Quote Originally Posted by cm90210 View Post
    I think your friends reaction re: not wanting anything to do with them is quite normal for the average American --- and his willingness to put one on somewhat odd and surprising (and where did they come from? you supplied one? how did you explain that? does he know about your diaper fetish?).
    Diapers were one of the first things that came to my mind when he told me about his problem, but they were not the first thing I suggested. He tried going to the bathroom before going to sleep and, for a few nights, I even woke him up in the middle of the night so he could go to the bathroom before he had a chance to have an accident (we both knew that couldn't be done continuously though because we both have to wake up to work and were to tired in the mornings). He also got a plastic covering for the mattress, but it still didn't fix the sheet (he had been getting up an hour earlier each morning to wash them), so I just suggested diapers. No, he doesn't know I have a bit of a diaper fetish and I don't actively indulge in it. I actually haven't worn a diaper in some time now, but I keep a package hidden in my closet just as a safety net. I told him I just bought a package and he didn't have to wear them if he was completely against it. At first, he didn't. Then he went to the doctor and was told he would just have to be calm and patient and this problem would resolve itself (I'm pretty sure he expected he was just going to get a pill and it would stop because he was a bit short tempered when getting back). After that, we had a painfully lengthy conversation and he said he would try the diaper.

    I honestly did not do this to him just because it's my fetish. I mean, it was my first idea, but I had no intentions of suggesting it if it wasn't an ongoing issue. If it gets to the point where he just too embarrassed to handle it, I would try to help him look for a new solution. At the time though, this is fixing the immediate problem.

    Edit: Maybe I ought to suggest he try something besides diapers, because I'm starting to feel guilty over this whole event. I know I was not trying to take advantage of him in suggesting diapers, but I don't want him to be so upset because of me. Perhaps we ought to return to the waking up in the middle of the night routine.

    - - - Updated - - -



    Quote Originally Posted by ConnorFilmBoy View Post
    Yeah he should see a specialist that specifys in blader's and bed wetting. To have a diagnosis where the doctor says you randomly start wetting yourself because of stress ?
    Ehh If I was in his situation I would see one or more other professionals just to be sure it isn't a major medical issue with his body.
    I don't think your friend find might ever be comfortable wearing diapers for his bedwetting but it is a common problem in America and the world, he certainly isn't alone. I was a massive bedwerter for a long time and it doesn't have to define you or be embarrassing. It is a minor defect that can be handled with accordingly.
    Thank you for the note. He has actually informed this morning that he had another doctor's appointment set up (the last one was with just a local doctor, the one he spoke of is a specialist).
    Last edited by taire; 11-Jul-2013 at 23:35.

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