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Thread: How long...

  1. #1

    Default How long...

    Looking at the post dates on user's pictures it seems like many of you have been here for some time. Many, still hoping to find their diaper mate. Do you think it's the far distances between users? Maybe a language barrier? I feel hopeless at times and I'm sure I'm not alone. How many of us would love to find that special someone to be considered "normal" by? Someone who won't make us feel ashamed or embarrassed about what we enjoy. Mostly, to care for another and give them the love and affection they feel they did not receive growing up. I suppose I'm just venting. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Stay padded.

  2. #2


    I can't speak for anyone else but I didn't join here looking for a partner. When I joined, I was decidedly cool on the idea of sharing this with another person, even if they were into it already. My position on this has shifted quite a bit as a result of being on this site and I'm now far more interested. Even so, this is a support site and not a dating community, so I look elsewhere.

    I find ADISC is a great site for making friends and friendships grow and evolve. In that sense, it may turn out to be the best dating site around for some people but it's often slower and more random.

  3. #3


    Quote Originally Posted by Trevor View Post
    Even so, this is a support site and not a dating community, so I look elsewhere.
    Do you mind if I ask where elsewhere is? Any sites to suggest?

  4. #4


    ADISC might or might not tell you if another ABDL lives near you. The standard on the internet is that 1 in 100 will find a site like this and start consuming content (reading), and 1 in 100 of them will start creating content (posting). So right there you have only 1 in 10,000 ABDLs on this site who are posting. I just clicked the "Members" link at the top of the page. I'm seeing 67 pages of 50 names per page, which yields 3,350 registered users (btw, that lists culls members who registered but never reached 10 posts). When I sort by number of posts, only 200 members have gone over 500 posts. There have been various discussions as to how many ABDLs there are out there, and I did some work a few years ago that estimated in North America, we exist somewhere in the range of 1 of 5,000-10,000 (of course, I also used liberal inclusion criteria). That's a population in the US and Canada of 70,800 to 141,600. So, the visible membership of this website has, at absolute best, 0.28% of the North American population of ABDLs on it.

    I'm going to be honest. You've been here about a year and in that time, you've made 41 posts. That's not even four posts per month. ADISC isn't a dating/meetup site, but even if it was, you're never, ever, ever going to meet someone with such a low level of activity. It's like hoping you'll meet your soulmate in real life but the only time you leave the house is to walk to and from work. I recognize your username but that's largely because I grew up adoring Clifford, so I get some pangs of nostalgia when I see your name. I don't know anything else about you. If you want people to get to know you, you need to put yourself out there and contribute significantly more than you have in the past. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being a person who primarily reads rather than posts. There are a few messageboards I frequently read but don't often post to. However, the kind of experience you're looking for from this site will not be had from the amount of activity you've had here. Your expectations are unreasonable given your efforts.

    Now, that being said, I'd like to also point out what this site is and isn't. This isn't a dating/meetup site. There are meetups, but those are infrequent and irregular. There isn't dating. I'm aware of three couples that exist here. One of them existed before the second member joined, so this site didn't bring them together. One of them has only one partner as a member here (and hasn't posted in quite a long time). There's one example here of two people who met on this site and started a relationship.

    Furthermore, even if this was a dating site, you need to realize that ABDL datings sites are a poor way to find a mate. We're an incredibly small population and as such, the chances of finding someone with a high level of compatibility for you is small. Finding that person within reasonable geographic proximity so you can date is even smaller. And a lot of relationships fail for one reason or another even when the two people seem right for each other, making the chances of finding someone through ABDL dating even smaller. And I'm being very generous.

    What you need to do is go about dating the old-fashioned way: meet people and get to know them. I'm engaged. I met my fiancee when I was a freshman in college. We started dating a year later and I told her about my ABDL identity six months after that. She was very accepting of it even though she's not ABDL. She even diapers me, changes me, and indulges my love of diapers in a few R-rated ways as well (use your imagination). How did this happen? I found someone who loves me, not something about me. I want to make her happy and she wants to make me happy. And she likes to do things that make me happy. Yes, there are some challenges. Diapers can be icky even to us, and she's a borderline hypochondriac. But you need to find someone who loves you, then work things out later.

    Yes, I realize that I didn't subtract the non-North American community from my count. However, the North American segment is the majority of our community and this doesn't change the fact that we represent an infinitesimally small share of the greater ABDL community.

  5. #5


    Quote Originally Posted by Clifford View Post
    Do you mind if I ask where elsewhere is? Any sites to suggest?
    I think it's just the usual suspects, like Fetlife and RUPadded/ABDLC. I think AEsahaettr's points are well made, although in my particular case I don't think I'm as likely to find what I'm looking for outside the community. I don't think coming together due to a common interest requires the relationship be bounded by that interest. It's a smaller pool to be sure but for me, at least for now, I think it's the way to proceed.

  6. #6


    Never came here for a "diaper mate", not even for friendship really but just understanding from people who could relate and help me (which I'm happy to say I have received in my time here). There are members here who live near me, some are normal although I have been contacted by a few people who were certainly creepy judging by their messages. Perhaps they were nice and it was simply miscommunication but they were certainly people who I'd slowly distance myself from if they approached me at a party or something.

  7. #7

  8. #8


    People will love you for who you are and not what you are 'in to' if they are focussed primarily on what you are in to, then chances are they are focused more on themselves, and that I'm afraid is the antithesis of love. What we all need is acceptance and that comes with love.

    I truly believe that you need to get out and try to find a partner through the broader interests in your life, then allow a loving relationship to grow. Narrow interests are not sustainable in a relationship.... You soon become tired of a new toy if it only does one thing, catch my drift.

    We may be AB/DL but hopefully that's only part of the wonderfully rich individuals we are. Get out and let your whole lights shine, and then, when the time is right, let them know what fuels your light.

    Good luck.

  9. #9


    I'll explain what happened in my case; due to not recognizing more subtle social cues (flirtation) my real-life experience had been getting involved in 2 short-lived physical relationships of a vanilla nature in my mid-late 20s, both of those partners had obvious mental impairments and more superficial ideas of what being in a relationship meant. I tried church and even tried to not be THAT guy at meets for my other interests, to no joy. Joining social-networking and dating sites were a letdown of an even worse kind. So I gave up, forgot about the whole thing and joined a popular Asperger's site, not getting my hopes up about meeting anyone. I ended up in a type of relationship where this person almost knows what I'm going to say before I say it. So what if it isn't face-to-face at the moment? By the words we write back and forth (her internet is a bit wonky to Skype) I can tell we're 2 of a kind, and I've never been able to carry on the types of things we talk about with any other person, let alone have it coming up on a consecutive year. I even told her about ABDL and she told me about having had prior relationships and being afraid to indulge her fetishes and disclose them to her partners. I almost want to say 'how the hell did I get so blessed?' but what I really do want to say is: don't give up, give it time. Focus on meeting a partner who matches the rest of your personality. All you'll find on a kink site is Ms. Rightnow, not Mrs. Right

  10. #10


    After my time so far here on ADISC I am now nearly certain that I would not be interested in a relationship with an ab/dl person.

    My fantasies of such were different when I joined but after evaluating what the dynamics would be and putting A,B,C,D,E and F together (yes I know my alphabet) I have recently concluded that the dynamics would change. The inner fantasy warped.

    Happy pants are a niche part of myself. I much prefer a normal relationship without the overbearing element of constantly feeding one or the other's interests in kink related materials. I now have learned that the DL side of me is a 'cherry on the cake' type of excitement. After evaluating what my own thoughts would be on being constantly absorbed and participating in another persons desires it left me with the thought or notion that I would soon become exhausted.

    So, in short, I am happy to have the occasional tryst in being indulged in my desires. It leaves room to return my reciprication to another's desires and fantasies. They, in this way, seem more genuine, unfettered, and unforced.

    Besides all this, a successfull relationship is not usually based upon fantasies, kinks, fetishes or alternate realities. Most succeed on the ingredients of compatibility, communication, trust, understanding, or mutual intuition.

    Similarities are a hard-sell and unconvincing evidence to successfull relationships.

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