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Thread: How to Deal with Nagging Father?

  1. #1

    Default How to Deal with Nagging Father?

    Since graduating high school in 2011, I have been unsuccessful in my search for employment. Tons of applications have resulted in only a handful of interviews. My other problem is that my father often asks me if I have looked for work, and will go so far as to search online for me! Even worse is that he will read off ads for jobs that I am clearly not qualified for. His latest hair-brained scheme (which I refused to go along with) was having my mother drag me to every store in the mall to put in applications, completely ignoring the fact that many large companies no longer provide paper applications. And when I need my medication refilled every month, medication which I have offered to quit taking to save him money, he'll say sarcastically, ''Have you cashed your paycheck?" It makes my blood boil. It's like he thinks I don't want to work, and feels a need to rub my unemployment in my face.

    No matter how much I try to explain it, he doesn't understand that things today are not like they were in the 80's when his first job was handed to him. He doesn't understand that there a few jobs where we live.

    So is there a way to get him to stop nagging me, or a way to handle it?

  2. #2

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    It sounds to me as though the way to deal with him is either to demonstrate the seriousness of your own job-finding efforts (periodically discuss what you've tried, why you haven't been hired, what you're going to do next), or change the situation to one that doesn't involve your dad. Have you applied for jobs out of the area? Or colleges, maybe? It sounds like your dad may be less concerned about your unemployment and more concerned by a perception (perhaps an incorrect one) that you've given up.



    I'll admit: My first thought when I hear something like "there's no work where I live" is "how about elsewhere?" After a few years of having no luck in your given situation, it's probably time to step up your game in some previously-untried way.



    All that said, I know only what you've told me about your situation, so my reply be way off.

  3. #3

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    My parents used to do the same thing - get me to just apply everywhere, constantly nag me about my job search, get me to apply for things I'm not qualified for. And yes, it's really annoying! One thing I found, though, was that it got me jobs. My dad drove me to apply for my first job in high school, when I didn't want to apply. My mom suggested I apply for a job I wasn't technically qualified for - I got it, and it sustained me after university. And believe me, I know how irritating it is! But some good may come of it.

    It doesn't make you inferior in any way that you're having trouble finding work, or that your parents are helping you. As Cottontail said, keep giving it your best effort, and your parents will see it and (hopefully!) be satisfied. There's a job out there; don't give up, and you'll be OK. Good luck!

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cottontail View Post
    It sounds to me as though the way to deal with him is either to demonstrate the seriousness of your own job-finding efforts (periodically discuss what you've tried, why you haven't been hired, what you're going to do next), or change the situation to one that doesn't involve your dad. Have you applied for jobs out of the area? Or colleges, maybe? It sounds like your dad may be less concerned about your unemployment and more concerned by a perception (perhaps an incorrect one) that you've given up.
    I have to stick within around a 10-mile radius because my mother will be driving me to and from work. (I don't drive, I have a phobia of it.) And coming from a low-income family, college education is pretty much out of the question.

    You're probably right though, I think he thinks I'm not looking. I read the newspaper ads, and check online occasionally, but he doesn't see me do so. (And I'll admit I lie about looking sometimes.)

  5. #5

  6. #6

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    Since you can't move to where the jobs are, keep a list of all the jobs where you have applied. Keep times and dates next to the jobs. I believe you can take courses at a junior college, getting Pell grants. It's worth a try. Junior colleges will also offer courses on welding, plumbing, and other skill jobs. It's worth looking into. Usually they are on bus lines, etc. Use all of your resources before you give up.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by KimbaStarshine View Post
    I have to stick within around a 10-mile radius because my mother will be driving me to and from work. (I don't drive, I have a phobia of it.) And coming from a low-income family, college education is pretty much out of the question.
    Are you sure not even community college (or similar, a trade school, for instance) is an option? I know people who thought they couldn't afford it, then they filed a FAFSA and not only paid for tuition and books in full from the financial aid, they also had a couple thousand dollars or so leftover for personal expenses. You typically live off-campus, but you get a basically free education that can drop you off into some pretty decent careers. There's not even a problem if you've been out of High School a couple years; this is a pretty great deal if you qualify for financial aid.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by dogboy View Post
    Since you can't move to where the jobs are, keep a list of all the jobs where you have applied. Keep times and dates next to the jobs. I believe you can take courses at a junior college, getting Pell grants. It's worth a try. Junior colleges will also offer courses on welding, plumbing, and other skill jobs. It's worth looking into. Usually they are on bus lines, etc. Use all of your resources before you give up.
    Yeah its not impossible for low income students, you just don't want to go to a university. Though at the same time you really want to check out the major you would want to do and where it would put you. People chuckle at Liberal Arts degrees now.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by KimbaStarshine View Post
    I have to stick within around a 10-mile radius because my mother will be driving me to and from work. (I don't drive, I have a phobia of it.) And coming from a low-income family, college education is pretty much out of the question.

    You're probably right though, I think he thinks I'm not looking. I read the newspaper ads, and check online occasionally, but he doesn't see me do so. (And I'll admit I lie about looking sometimes.)
    KimbaStarshine:
    Your dad is obviously concerned... I guess to some extend rightly so.
    Sure the Situation isn't like 20 or 30 years ago...

    but besides this I've got a question about that 10-mile thing:
    - do you expect your mom do DRIVE YOU to Work on a daily basis for the rest of your days?
    Sorry to be so blunt, but this is the entirely wrong approach.
    Most jobs these days are often FAR outside of a 10 mile range (there were jobs I had where I had to drive 2 hours to get there - and I know people who have had it worse than this).
    What exactly is that phobia of yours? have you tried to see a therapist about this? maybe taken driving lessons with a teacher who has experience with this?

    But even if your phobia can't be helped, public transport isn't an option etc... you simply can't rely on your mom doing all the driving... why? because it SERIOUSLY LIMITS your options and your professionality.

    Also SEARCH for jobs WAY outside of the 10mile radius... and if you get one... use the money to RELOCATE... move closer to the job.
    This is something a lot of my friends have done to save them from having to drive 1-3 hours each way, every day.

    Lying about having looked: sure your dad's nagging is buggering you - but NOT finding a job will NOT make it go away.

    College, as others have mentioned, there ARE WAYS if you are willing to do this that can help you with the financial situation.


    Life is a TOUGH BASTARD at times... you need to "grow", keep fighting if you want to get somewhere - that often includes the confrontation of your fears, the challenge of widening your horizon, the aspect of trying new stuff and seeking new venues.
    Be bold... and try to make your own way.
    No one said it's going to be easy...

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by EPO1 View Post
    Also SEARCH for jobs WAY outside of the 10mile radius... and if you get one... use the money to RELOCATE... move closer to the job.
    While I agree with the first part it's important to remember that moving can be crazy expensive depending on where you live, some places can charge extortionate rents so it could take a while to save up to be able to afford even a cheap, 1 bedroom flat. Look into moving by all means but don't be discouraged if you can't do it right now, even if it looks like it could be a while before you can scrape the cash together.

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