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Thread: MY VERY SPECIAL FRIEND (The reason I decided to join this community)

  1. #1

    Post MY VERY SPECIAL FRIEND (The reason I decided to join this community)

    Message for Moo (Admin): I'm not sure if this should be posted in the Adult Baby section of the forum or the Mature Topics one. Would you please move this thread to the right place if needed?

    What I am going to talk about in this thread is how I came to the decision to join this community, because I realized I couldn’t go back to the way things were. What I mean by that will make a whole lot more sense after you read this whole posting.

    To tell the story that I need to tell will take a while, and I humbly ask that you all be patient with me.

    As I have already told you some of how I got into loving diapers and feeling like a little girl in my introduction http://www.adisc.org/forum/greetings...-everyone.html so I won’t be getting into that again but rather proceed to telling you about something that began in 1996 when I was 17 years old and has stayed with me in my mind, heart and soul ever since then.

    Back in 1996 about 2 years after the Internet became accessible to ordinary people here in Sweden I became good friends with this guy from the U.S through a mailing-list on the topic of an interest we both shared (having nothing at all to do with diapers or anything like that!)

    After a while we decided to exchange e-mail addresses and began writing e-mails to eachother frequently, sometimes several times a week. And then after about a month or two had passed…

    Quite by chance I discovered that he was a DL/LG and that he felt the same way I did. I remember how scared I was when I e-mailed him and asked if it was true that he was in fact a DL/LG and then the relief when he wrote back and asked me if was for real that I was actually into diapers like him, because it was such a rare thing … we just couldn’t believe that we both shared this interest too.

    From that moment on we e-mailed daily, and talked about all those things that we hadn’t been able to talk to anyone else about up until then. We talked about everything from our favorite diapers, to what it was like wishing more than anything that you could regress into a little girl and be loved and cared for… even all that really private stuff. We both wished we could have been sisters for real…

    Then in 1997 it so happened that my parents let me go on a trip to The States to visit him, of course they knew nothing about him also being into diapers, and I spent what were to become two of the best weeks of my entire life with him and his family. We stayed up all night talking about everything imaginable, much of it diaper talk… we snuck out and went shopping for diapers, pacifiers and baby powder, and then I remember us getting it up to his room without his parents finding out…

    After the two weeks were up I went back home to Sweden and we promised eachother to stay in touch. But after a while I heard from him less and less until he went completely silent. I heard from this mutual diaper friend of ours that for some reason he didn’t want to stay in touch with me.

    Because he was the first person in the world that I felt I could talk to about anything and everything – it hurt me so much that he went away. I found out eventually that there had been some misunderstandings between us that caused him to not want to stay in touch with me….

    Some years later we got back in touch again, and talked about me coming to visit him, though at the time life wasn’t easy for either one of us, with lots of things going on so that never came to be, and after some time my friend just disappeared on me again. Heard from the same mutual diaper friend that he had found a girlfriend and had quit diapers and everything else cold turkey, that included shutting out any person he knew that had anything to do with diapers apparently. Needless to say it wasn’t easy for me to lose him once again, though I could understand his decision very well.

    This would have been sometime in 1999 if I remember correctly. So now we’re getting to today. The end of 2012 beginning of 2013 through circumstances that I can’t write about here we once again get back in touch, some 13 years later. Many things has changed for both him and me. He has a family, a wife, and kids of his own but he never was able to quit diapers, and it turns out once we start e-mailing and chatting we still felt the exact same way that we did back when we were teenagers…

    Many things that needed to be talked about, and things that needed to be said got to be said. I got to say to him how much I had missed him and how I had essentially “put a lid on” all these feelings of wanting to be a little girl, and all the thoughts and feelings surrounding diapers – I had to do it to cope when he went away. Of course I still used diapers and felt like a little girl or wanting to be a little girl at times, but I tried to keep all that stuff inside of me for ~15 years.

    - Not very successfully I might add.

    He told me how much he loved me and how we’d always be sisters and how he was sorry that he had left me without saying anything. He promised me that he would never do that to me again. He told me that he considered me to be a part of his family and that he wanted so bad to see me again… He even sent me a teddybear/blankie in the mail that he said I could cuddle when I missed him.

    After about 4 months of e-mailing back and forth, and chatting my friend decided to disappear on me again, despite all his promises not to. I want to say that I can see why he would choose to do this and even though it absolutely crushed me all I really wanted from him was honesty – I wish that he would have at least told me that he was leaving. I think that’s what hurt me the most and still hurts – that he would leave again without so much as a word. Not even so much as a goodbye.

    The thing is I think he actually meant everything that he said to me, but that in the end he probably couldn’t work out how to make every piece of the puzzle fit, between his family, himself, and his wanting to see me, and spend time with me again. So probably it was much too painful for him to tell me goodbye, to explain to me what was going on, so he choose to silently disappear again…

    When I understood that he had gone away again I was left with the realization that it wouldn’t work out for me to put the lid back on my inner little girl and everything to do with diapers again. I just felt like I couldn’t go for the rest of my life without talking about this part of me with someone especially since when I got back in touch with my friend and with him promising to never go away again I gradually let my guard down and let the little girl in me out again… all my childish feelings.. that whole part of me I allowed to come out in a way I hadn’t done in 15 years.

    So that’s why I thought I would join the ADISC Community in the hope that someone would understand, in the hope that I could find others who also feel the same way I do, about diapers, about feeling like a little girl inside, and just life in general, that maybe I could find a friend or two.

    So where do I stand now, and how do I feel? I can only say that I understand my friend, and I can see why things turned out this way all over again. Part of me is sad and upset, but even so I can not be angry with him, and I still care about him the same way as I always did. Even though there is great sadness there is also a sense of gratitude for everything that he ever gave me. That I got to reconnect with him again after so many years. I only wish he could have told me goodbye is all.

    I forgot to mention: Getting back in touch with him again I knew full well that this could happen again, and probably it wouldn't have hit me as hard as it did if it weren't for the fact that other things in my life where going crazy. My mom got sick, and my IRL friends all seemed to disappear. Some of them did so over me being a Brony, some of them did so because they got busy with life, and some of them because they have difficulties of their own in life...

    Thank you for listening to me telling you all of this.

    Kindest regards,
    Little Julie.
    Last edited by LittleJulie; 11-Jun-2013 at 10:23.

  2. #2

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    You have to realize that some people are ashamed of themselves and want to live as normal as possible. Guilt can be a powerful thing. These lifestyles are embarrassing to a degree and some people are affected more than others. It's often common in us and even though you feel abandoned, imagine how hard it was for him. You should be there for him as a friend, despite of what happened.

    We all try to quit and shut the door, lock, and throw away they key to this lifestyle. I can't tell you how he felt, but I know I was pretty destructive emotionally about it. The desire never goes away and he may never admit that.

    It could happen again and it might not. Maybe he is trying to come up with some sort of acceptance. Don't try to be the jealous ex type, and just be a friend beyond this fetish.

  3. #3

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    It sounds very much like he's using you. You've known him since 1996, but he's managed to go out of touch for you for stretches of years at a time, without ever an explanation? In my book that doesn't count as a friend.

    (As an aside - the mods will move a post if it's in the wrong place, writing a message to them won't change that - just make your best shot)

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by LittleJulie View Post
    Message for Moo (Admin): I'm not sure if this should be posted in the Adult Baby section of the forum or the Mature Topics one. Would you please move this thread to the right place if needed?

    What I am going to talk about in this thread is how I came to the decision to join this community, because I realized I couldn’t go back to the way things were. What I mean by that will make a whole lot more sense after you read this whole posting.

    To tell the story that I need to tell will take a while, and I humbly ask that you all be patient with me.

    As I have already told you some of how I got into loving diapers and feeling like a little girl in my introduction http://www.adisc.org/forum/greetings...-everyone.html so I won’t be getting into that again but rather proceed to telling you about something that began in 1996 when I was 17 years old and has stayed with me in my mind, heart and soul ever since then.

    Back in 1996 about 2 years after the Internet became accessible to ordinary people here in Sweden I became good friends with this guy from the U.S through a mailing-list on the topic of an interest we both shared (having nothing at all to do with diapers or anything like that!)

    After a while we decided to exchange e-mail addresses and began writing e-mails to eachother frequently, sometimes several times a week. And then after about a month or two had passed…

    Quite by chance I discovered that he was a DL/LG and that he felt the same way I did. I remember how scared I was when I e-mailed him and asked if it was true that he was in fact a DL/LG and then the relief when he wrote back and asked me if was for real that I was actually into diapers like him, because it was such a rare thing … we just couldn’t believe that we both shared this interest too.

    From that moment on we e-mailed daily, and talked about all those things that we hadn’t been able to talk to anyone else about up until then. We talked about everything from our favorite diapers, to what it was like wishing more than anything that you could regress into a little girl and be loved and cared for… even all that really private stuff. We both wished we could have been sisters for real…

    Then in 1997 it so happened that my parents let me go on a trip to The States to visit him, of course they knew nothing about him also being into diapers, and I spent what were to become two of the best weeks of my entire life with him and his family. We stayed up all night talking about everything imaginable, much of it diaper talk… we snuck out and went shopping for diapers, pacifiers and baby powder, and then I remember us getting it up to his room without his parents finding out…

    After the two weeks were up I went back home to Sweden and we promised eachother to stay in touch. But after a while I heard from him less and less until he went completely silent. I heard from this mutual diaper friend of ours that for some reason he didn’t want to stay in touch with me.

    Because he was the first person in the world that I felt I could talk to about anything and everything – it hurt me so much that he went away. I found out eventually that there had been some misunderstandings between us that caused him to not want to stay in touch with me….

    Some years later we got back in touch again, and talked about me coming to visit him, though at the time life wasn’t easy for either one of us, with lots of things going on so that never came to be, and after some time my friend just disappeared on me again. Heard from the same mutual diaper friend that he had found a girlfriend and had quit diapers and everything else cold turkey, that included shutting out any person he knew that had anything to do with diapers apparently. Needless to say it wasn’t easy for me to lose him once again, though I could understand his decision very well.

    This would have been sometime in 1999 if I remember correctly. So now we’re getting to today. The end of 2012 beginning of 2013 through circumstances that I can’t write about here we once again get back in touch, some 13 years later. Many things has changed for both him and me. He has a family, a wife, and kids of his own but he never was able to quit diapers, and it turns out once we start e-mailing and chatting we still felt the exact same way that we did back when we were teenagers…

    Many things that needed to be talked about, and things that needed to be said got to be said. I got to say to him how much I had missed him and how I had essentially “put a lid on” all these feelings of wanting to be a little girl, and all the thoughts and feelings surrounding diapers – I had to do it to cope when he went away. Of course I still used diapers and felt like a little girl or wanting to be a little girl at times, but I tried to keep all that stuff inside of me for ~15 years.

    - Not very successfully I might add.

    He told me how much he loved me and how we’d always be sisters and how he was sorry that he had left me without saying anything. He promised me that he would never do that to me again. He told me that he considered me to be a part of his family and that he wanted so bad to see me again… He even sent me a teddybear/blankie in the mail that he said I could cuddle when I missed him.

    After about 4 months of e-mailing back and forth, and chatting my friend decided to disappear on me again, despite all his promises not to. I want to say that I can see why he would choose to do this and even though it absolutely crushed me all I really wanted from him was honesty – I wish that he would have at least told me that he was leaving. I think that’s what hurt me the most and still hurts – that he would leave again without so much as a word. Not even so much as a goodbye.

    The thing is I think he actually meant everything that he said to me, but that in the end he probably couldn’t work out how to make every piece of the puzzle fit, between his family, himself, and his wanting to see me, and spend time with me again. So probably it was much too painful for him to tell me goodbye, to explain to me what was going on, so he choose to silently disappear again…

    When I understood that he had gone away again I was left with the realization that it wouldn’t work out for me to put the lid back on my inner little girl and everything to do with diapers again. I just felt like I couldn’t go for the rest of my life without talking about this part of me with someone especially since when I got back in touch with my friend and with him promising to never go away again I gradually let my guard down and let the little girl in me out again… all my childish feelings.. that whole part of me I allowed to come out in a way I hadn’t done in 15 years.

    So that’s why I thought I would join the ADISC Community in the hope that someone would understand, in the hope that I could find others who also feel the same way I do, about diapers, about feeling like a little girl inside, and just life in general, that maybe I could find a friend or two.

    So where do I stand now, and how do I feel? I can only say that I understand my friend, and I can see why things turned out this way all over again. Part of me is sad and upset, but even so I can not be angry with him, and I still care about him the same way as I always did. Even though there is great sadness there is also a sense of gratitude for everything that he ever gave me. That I got to reconnect with him again after so many years. I only wish he could have told me goodbye is all.

    I forgot to mention: Getting back in touch with him again I knew full well that this could happen again, and probably it wouldn't have hit me as hard as it did if it weren't for the fact that other things in my life where going crazy. My mom got sick, and my IRL friends all seemed to disappear. Some of them did so over me being a Brony, some of them did so because they got busy with life, and some of them because they have difficulties of their own in life...

    Thank you for listening to me telling you all of this.

    Kindest regards,
    Little Julie.
    I think I am going to have to agree with Talula, it sounds like he only wants you on his terms, and dumps you when other things in life take over.

    If he was a true friend, I would have thought he would say, each time something along the lines of, "look I have to disappear for a while again, but I promise I will be back..." etc..

    I guess as long as you are not waiting constantly for him to get in touch again, and putting your life on hold until he does, that it won't hurt you in the long run.

    However, if every time he disappears you are hurting more and more and it is tearing you apart inside, then you really need to let go and move on without him, you are better than what he makes you out to be.

    If he gets in touch again, you should perhaps say to him "no, not this time, you are not leaving me again, leave me alone and never come back" (that just reminded me of Gollum talking to his "other self"! Heheh) or something along those lines anyway!

    (((((Huggles)))))

    Vimes x

    EDIT:

    on the other hand BigBabyBret could be right, this is so difficult to decide on which way to look at it.

    Either way he is not being fair by just disappearing on you, I am sure he would be sad and hurt if it was the other way round.

    I guess telling him that he hurts you every time he disappears wouldn't go a miss. Then perhaps he might be a bit more considerate about YOUR feelings and not just his own?

    Vimes x

  5. #5

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    Well,

    Being in the older crowd....

    I see and know how this happens...gf...wife...kids...etc...it all pulls you in other directions...

    I'm not sure I'd consider him using you...I'd say that he was or still is unsure or unable to fully understand his desires and express his needs or wants...

    Everyone goes through this type of phase of life...some call it a mid life crisis...

    Really what it is...you've been trained to be a productive and upstanding citizen...

    After you spend years down this road...become more aware of things that really matter to you...you start to go down the right path for you.

    Sometimes this takes a full reversal to take the new road, sometimes just a turn...

    When you start to see all the rubbish you've been fed from school, tv, work, etc...you start to change usually for the better...

    Some people go through this earlier some later...my best friend started down this change just a couple of years ago...other friends 10 plus years ago...

    Now, I'm not sure what your friend was or is going through...but it seems something is a changing...

    I myself started quite some years ago...and am still working on the right path for me...

    Everyone will change to what is right for them once they become comfortable enough to listen to their self.

    As for the future...I'd be surprised if you don't hear from this friend again...you seem to share a special bond that will usually remain...

    My best friend and me...we've been friends for 41 years...and even though we have had some gaps where we didn't talk to each other much or at all...we have remained friends and know that we are there if needed...

    I hope here at adisc you will find some people to bond with and be able to express what you need...

    Stay healthy, wealthy and wise...

    B

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by MeTaLMaNN1983 View Post
    You have to realize that some people are ashamed of themselves and want to live as normal as possible. Guilt can be a powerful thing. We all try to quit and shut the door, lock, and throw away they key to this lifestyle. I can't tell you how he felt, but I know I was pretty destructive emotionally about it. The desire never goes away and he may never admit that.
    I do realize that people can be ashamed of having this need and this lifestyle. I am too. Why do you think I kept it all inside when he went away? I didn't feel like I could ever share it with anyone else than him. I've struggled a lot, not with finding acceptance from others (that's futile), but with accepting this part of myself, for myself.

    My friend he actually did tell me that he had come to the realization that he could never run away from this part of himself. But yes I think he is struggling with it still...



    These lifestyles are embarrassing to a degree and some people are affected more than others. It's often common in us and even though you feel abandoned, imagine how hard it was for him. You should be there for him as a friend, despite of what happened.
    I don't really know how to respond to this to be honest. It's not as simple as me feeling abandoned, and my intention with posting this thread wasn't to have a pity party. Believe me when I say I do understand just how hard this must be for him. I have always been there for him as a friend, I have never ever through all of this, through all of the years, placed any blame on him for any of this. I told him that and he knows it. It seems to be that maybe I wasn't successful in making this clear. I care about him more than I can put into words...



    Don't try to be the jealous ex type, and just be a friend beyond this fetish.
    Is that what you think I am being? I am sorry but you making that assumption makes me feel quite upset. I'm not jealous, I'm happy for him that he has all the good things he has in his life right now. I would never ever want to get in the way of any of that. And I am his friend "beyond the fetish". I had to leave out a lot of things in the posting I made because I didn't want for him to be exposed, I didn't want for him to be recognized by anyone. It could be that he's even a member of this very community... which I don't know if he is.

    ... I don't know if maybe it was wrong of me to talk about this... it's the first time I've ever told anyone about this.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by LittleJulie View Post

    ... I don't know if maybe it was wrong of me to talk about this... it's the first time I've ever told anyone about this.
    It's always ok to talk about things here that don't break the rules, but you must be aware that by posting on a public forum you are opening it up for debate - remember everyone will have different opinions on different things. If you're posting this because you want lots of yes-men saying that it sounds like you've got a great friendship then you won't get that here. If you're not looking for people to comment but just want to share, then when you become an EC (next level up on the forum, after 7 days, 20 posts and no negative rep) you can post it as a blog with comments disabled.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by Talula View Post
    It sounds very much like he's using you. You've known him since 1996, but he's managed to go out of touch for you for stretches of years at a time, without ever an explanation? In my book that doesn't count as a friend.
    Talula, as much as it hurts me to consider it, there may be some truth in what you're saying. But I don't understand why he would do this repeatedly if it was for the sole purpose of using me. It's just, to me that doesn't make sense. I don't know what to say. But yeah, I won't be the one to reach out to him again I think. He has to do that if he wants to stay in contact with me anymore. It just hurts so bad that he'd do this to me again after promising that he'd never go away, promising that no matter what we'd always be best friends forever...


    (As an aside - the mods will move a post if it's in the wrong place, writing a message to them won't change that - just make your best shot)[/QUOTE]

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by LittleJulie View Post
    Talula, as much as it hurts me to consider it, there may be some truth in what you're saying. But I don't understand why he would do this repeatedly if it was for the sole purpose of using me. It's just, to me that doesn't make sense. I don't know what to say. But yeah, I won't be the one to reach out to him again I think. He has to do that if he wants to stay in contact with me anymore. It just hurts so bad that he'd do this to me again after promising that he'd never go away, promising that no matter what we'd always be best friends forever...
    He is, what I like to call, a Good-Time Friend. Someone who's only friendly when it suits them. Everyone has that one person in their life that only ever gets in touch when they're lonely, or bored, or someone else has bailed on them, or they're having a hard time - be damned what's going on in your life. It sucks but it's true, and he seems to be one of those people.

    A lot of people are saying 'oh but he has a wife now, children now', and I know that these things take up time, but I know plenty people with a wife or husband, children, who are caring for elderly relatives, but they're still my friends. Do you know why? It's because they care about me, and I care about them, and we still make time for each other. Yeah, we don't go to the pub every friday and saturday night together now, we go to playparks on saturday mornings so their children can run riot, or we meet for coffee before going to their little darlings school play. The relationship has evolved to deal with our changing circumstances. Sometimes people fall out of your life, and this can happen when people don't let their friendship adapt, and sometimes you can rekindle those friendships, but for it to happen time and time again, even with promises that it wouldn't happen again... well, that's a user. It sucks, and it's a horrible situation, but sometimes people like that just need cut out of your life.

    I'm not saying completely ignore them if they do get in touch again, politeness is always a valued trait in a person, but it's not nice to put your all into a relationship and not have that returned.

    LittleJulie; I really hope that he does get back in touch with you, but if he does, do try not to get too emotionally involved with him. Good luck to you!

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by Talula View Post
    ...but you must be aware that by posting on a public forum you are opening it up for debate - remember everyone will have different opinions on different things. If you're posting this because you want lots of yes-men saying that it sounds like you've got a great friendship then you won't get that here.
    I do realize that posting this has opened up the topic at hand for debate just I guess, it's not that I am afraid of people disagreeing, or criticizing as such, who knows maybe I can see this whole thing more clearly through hearing what others have to say about it, it's just that it makes me sad if I've been unable to speak my mind clearly. I want to avoid as much as possible that people get the wrong idea. Such as in this case, me being jealous, or not being able to see things from his perspective. I want for him to have all the best things in life, and I've always cared greatly about him - I still do even now...



    If you're not looking for people to comment but just want to share, then when you become an EC (next level up on the forum, after 7 days, 20 posts and no negative rep) you can post it as a blog with comments disabled.
    Thank you for letting me know. Also about my little messaged for Moo, you have to understand that I'm still new to this whole forum thing, I've been reading on forums but never really taken part in one before this, and I was unsure of where it would be best to post this topic, and that is why I put that at the beginning of the original posting to this thread. I want to "do right" as much as possible...

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