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Thread: Are you vulnerable?

  1. #1

    Default Are you vulnerable?

    I've been thinking about ADISC a lot recently. As Charlie and I's relationship moves onwards, I'm drawn to analysing the routes of it, which brings me to ADISC.

    I've noticed that ADISC seems to be a bit of a rag-tag bunch of folk. I think we all love to have a bit of drama here, and argue amongst ourselves, but if someone from 'outside' ADISC poses a threat to one of our members (or the site itself) we seem to rally together against them.

    I think one of the common threads amongst most of the members here is a sense of vulnerability. Everyone here is a bit kooky, a bit special, unique. And I feel that that makes the majority of members vulnerable, emotionally, sometimes physically, to others in our lives.

    I think that there's a much higher percentage of people here (or active users) who are struggling with issues in their day to day lives, stemming from a vulnerability, than there are in the general population. Is this related to AB/DLism? Is it just the culture that we've created at ADISC that encourages people with these problems to come here? Or is it that we're just so accepting and encouraging that people can be more open here than they would be otherwise?

  2. #2

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    My friends on here know more about my everyday life than my parents do... I don't really like talking to my parents after my mom accidentally found my stash and busted me. I still havent forgiven her. I keep my everyday life pretty hush hush except to those that I trust, and I trust many of you guys more than my conservative parents.

  3. #3

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    Great question! :)

    I'd tend to say, that most are more open, simply. At least this goes for me. I'm writing about stuff, which I'd never mention on other mainly *b/dl related sites.
    On the other hand I would never mention anything about my little side on other place, where I tend to talk about stuff, which goes beyond any common sense of mentioning it on a fetish site.
    And anyway... adisc is known for it's great offtopic section, though also for being a kind of elitist regarding this fetish. So in my humble opinion this is just a logical conclusion, that a lot of people tend to be more open about themselves, since we're gathering exactly these kinds of people, which love to talk about different stuff and not only exactly their desires, so in the end also about their problems, if they feel somehow as if someone may understand. However, we're still obsessed with being anonymous, more or less, which ain't bad... it should just be mentioned.

    Ultimately... if this is the case, this may also attract the typical sort of people, which tends to love and create (too much) drama, so speaking of topics and opinions, which tend to get a lot of people furious. However, as far as I can see, those tend to end up with negative rep... more or less and for the better or worse, since as you already mentioned, most tend to rally together in this case ^_^.

    But I just joined some month's ago and this simply goes for me... and I guess also for some people, from which I tend to read every post exactly.



    Quote Originally Posted by Talula View Post
    I've noticed that ADISC seems to be a bit of a rag-tag bunch of folk. I think we all love to have a bit of drama here, and argue amongst ourselves
    Though sometimes it's getting out of hand, looking at it with mixed feelings ;)

  4. #4

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    I think the the biggest reason for this apparent vulnerability amongst members is that people come here to divulge one of their most innermoost secrets that oftentimes they have kept to themselves their whole lives.

    Adisc provides a sort of social webbing while allowing some form of fulfillment of a suppressed need. Mix in the anonymity and the seemingly welcome attitude of it all and you have the perfect sort of place where people can finally ALLOW themselves to be vulnerable.

    We spend the majority of our lives on the defense line. The world is a cruel, scary place and allowing yourself to be vulnerable is a very serious risk to take, where the consequences could be socially and professionally lethal.

    Add in the fact that most of the people that come here have experienced the unexpected pain of rejection upon allowing themselves to be open to someone in real life, regardless if it was regarding their AB/DLn or just allowing someone in.

    Of course we should allow ourselves to reach out to other people and even put ourselves out into that field of vulnerability with people we trust. It's healthy. On the other hand, these past experiences teach us to be careful and not let on too much at once. Yet here, we are anonymous. Not quite in the most perfect sense, but in a community of people who are all in some part of the same boat, regardless if it's through personal experience or by proxy of someone we love, we are part of a community, and the first and most important virtue that this community expresses is acceptance.

    It all comes down to our need for acceptance. Having a part of yourself linked to this or having the emotionally filled experiences that most people here have had begs for the most basic form of acceptance from someone else. Having someone else tell you that it is okay that you are like this, that they won't turn on you and betray or judge you simply because a part of you doesn't conform to their ideal of what it means to live in modern society is, that they accept you as a whole is one of the most basic desires we have.

    We spend most of our lives having to hold down a barrier between us and the world, but every single one of us possesses need to be able to be vulnerable with at least one other person (minus sociopath's I believe), if only to decrease the weight of carrying the burden of being us just as we are.

    No one here requests us to change into someone else. Starting with admitting to that small part of us that we are forced to suppress the most allows us to open up more and become capable of giving support to someone else.

    Sometimes even in our romantic conquests we don't reach the level of trust, at the very least emotional, that you achieve here with a few days talking with the community. This is also why we end up with unexpected couples in the community and people becoming close friends, sometimes for life. It starts with two people becoming closer, and with allowing each other to be vulnerable with each other, which ignites a spark that changes into a meaningful (though sometimes shallow) relationship, whether romantic or just a friendship.

    In living lives where we are always required to be in control, where we revel in the safety of having our secrets hidden deep inside our closets, it's important to air them out sometimes, to allow ourselves to develop our sense of identity through other people.

    Even so, for some people reaching that level of vulnerability is almost painful. Along with it, it brings out all the hurts and sadness they have been holding onto since sometimes their childhoods. This is why you sometimes notice this pattern of people who came here claiming all rights to the DL sphere suddenly they decide they want to give AB a try. It's a safe haven for allowing yourself to open up and express your most innermost desires to feel loved, accepted, comforted, and that you capable of being loved through another person, without feeling judged for being so 'weak' and 'needing'.

    So the vulnerability isnt a characteristic of ABDL community patrons but rather the side they bring out when they first come here.

  5. #5
    CrinklySiren

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    Quote Originally Posted by Talula View Post
    I've noticed that ADISC seems to be a bit of a rag-tag bunch of folk. I think we all love to have a bit of drama here, and argue amongst ourselves, but if someone from 'outside' ADISC poses a threat to one of our members (or the site itself) we seem to rally together against them.
    I think this is a bit of an understatement. Like daLira said, sometimes it gets out of hand..



    Quote Originally Posted by Talula View Post
    I think that there's a much higher percentage of people here (or active users) who are struggling with issues in their day to day lives, stemming from a vulnerability, than there are in the general population. Is this related to AB/DLism? Is it just the culture that we've created at ADISC that encourages people with these problems to come here? Or is it that we're just so accepting and encouraging that people can be more open here than they would be otherwise?
    I just think it seems this way because the people who are more vulnerable tend to seek out more openly, while those who aren't vulnerable tend to go unnoticed because they don't post as often. (people are drawn to negative situations more so than positive ones, human nature possibly?). My level of social activity on this site is the same way I am offline :P in my "past" time here, ive strayed away from posting "vulnerable" posts, because they usually result in less-than-admirable responses. I actually left ADISC for a good year and a half because of the negative responses all my "advice-seeking vulnerability posts" were generating, especially since a lot of them were amplifying my suicidal tendencies/depression.

    Though I must say that both I and Adisc have changed considerably (for the better) since. , not to mention as well that my vulnerability has reduced significantly, so I thought I'd use my newly acquired positive energy to give advice to others who are going through what I have gone through in the past :P life goes on after all.

  6. #6

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    Well- that's a subjective and context reliant term to me. Emotionally? The heel not dipped in the River Styx as in one legend? Blackmail of some sort? A punch in the body or merely wounded by words? Those all are what I think one means as such.

    I survived cancer. And the emotional rides after it- and the life long "messes" under stress with their entangled bodily/emotional pains.. Ended up alive with greater degrees of inco but times of better control too. which makes the fall down days worse from a harder hit at bottom.

    Yeah- guess I have "teh V word" in some spots.

  7. #7

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    Or perhaps people on the internet are more vocal about what is really bothering them? We have a sense on anonymity here that we don't get in real life, if I say what is bothering me in real life then people will know how I'm really feeling and while it is the same on here I have this computer to "protect" me. No one here knows me so I can get my problems of my chest and am more open to being exposed than I would be in real life and other members feel the same. Everybody we see has their own life with their own hopes, dreams, successes and problems and just because they don't wear their problems on their sleeves doesn't mean that they are not as vulnerable as we are.

  8. #8

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    I think that this may be partially due to ABDLism. This is only because people tend to hide this fact. Constantly hiding such a large part of themselves leads to stress among these individuals. It is a commonly documented fact that stress causes all sorts of maladies. Otherwise I don't think it is a major contributor. Also due to the fact that everyone in this community is so open and welcoming people can feel comfortable being vulnerable here. This makes it look as if the people on this site are more vulnerable then others when in fact people are just more open and/or stressed out.

  9. #9

    Default

    I feel that this is a support group. I do open up more on the subjects pertaining to Infantilism and receive feed back to help gain a better understanding. There is things that I see and stear away from, but there again I have my level of needs and wants, and it is very mild to what someone else desires. I know better then to judge, because of the uniqueness of the full spectrum of Infantilism.

    But the special nature of this support group is that we do not have a time frame (90 minutes in both groups I have been in), it is monitored but not "moderated", and there is other things to discuss besides Infantilism.

    So the level vulnerability is intirely up to the contributer.

  10. #10

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    I feel vulnerable every time I go out in public padded. OMG! What if I leak?

    Thanks for an interesting question. I've been thinking about it for a day now. I think people by their very nature are vulnerable. We rely on others to heel us, comfort us, love us and even fix our cars.

    There is the old expression there is safety in numbers. We look for common ideals or goals with others to gain acceptance whether it's to belong to a group of the same religious affiliation, same political ideas, even a fan of the same sports team. I see some people here who are loners or depressed and may not fit in with "normal" societal ideals. Unlike Facebook, everyone here is as anonymous as they want to be. We "misfits" have found adisc to share our common bond with each other and gain acceptance. Very few people here are judgemental. How can you be? It would be like insulting yourself, in a way. So I would say it's the acceptance and encouragement that draws people here and keeps us together.

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