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Thread: Need help please, do i fight wearing diapers

  1. #1

    Default Need help please, do i fight wearing diapers

    So I know there are lots of threads like this but I'm struggling with my secret and don't know what to do. I fought against my AB side and stopped wearing diapers for nearly two years as i got into a relationship and didn't reveal it and still haven't, but being in diapers was always in the back of my mind. Well I gave in recently and secretly partook in my AB side and i was happy about it but now I doubt myself and feel like i should of tried to keep on fighting my AB side, do i accept or reject this side of me? How did everyone else accept this part of themselves has anyone quit can this just "disappear"?

  2. #2

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    I think the majority, if not everybody, in this site has tried to fight the diaper urges at one point or another without success. I tried fighting it when I got marries and stayed away from athem for a few years, but the desire never left. I got right back into them, even though my wife of 9 years still doesn't know. Even though I do it in secret, I have given up on trying to fight the urge and accepted it as part of me. I really want to one day tell the wife though. I am just afraid of her reaction both to the diapers themselves and the fact that I have been hiding this secret for so long. But my advice to you is to indulge when you can because the desire will never leave. And if you ever find the right the right time to tell tour SO, you should do it. I wish I would have done it years ago.

  3. #3

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    Think about this.....does it make you happy? Is it hurting anyone? Can you afford it?
    -
    I can tell you right now, it will NEVER disappear. I used to think that too. I tried going months without diapers, telling myself it was wrong, and it was gross. It took thinking ahead - could I imagine living the rest of my life always wanting to do it, yearning for it, working to repress it. I then thought - is there any way that doing this could harm me in any way? I had to accept that I don't know WHY this is part of me, just that it is. For example, I am an obsessive compulsive cleaner. I clean everything, and I've always been like that. I had to think why I would stop doing something that fulfilled this need I had, especially if it wasn't hurting anyone. When you think of all the things you COULD be doing to fulfill a need....alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, pills, sex, etc - does wearing diapers seem all that bad? I'm not AB, just DL, but the same thing applies for AB. It is part of who you are and it's never going to go away.

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by betabike View Post
    So I know there are lots of threads like this but I'm struggling with my secret and don't know what to do. I fought against my AB side and stopped wearing diapers for nearly two years as i got into a relationship and didn't reveal it and still haven't, but being in diapers was always in the back of my mind. Well I gave in recently and secretly partook in my AB side and i was happy about it but now I doubt myself and feel like i should of tried to keep on fighting my AB side, do i accept or reject this side of me? How did everyone else accept this part of themselves has anyone quit can this just "disappear"?
    The desire never really disappears, it can be simple things out in the world that will bring it up somehow. You're not fighting your AB side, you're having episodes of guilt. It's very common in this community. It's a weird thing that we partake in, but it's commonly embedded in us at a young age. There's no real common reason why we do what we do.

    Acceptance is more of a way to reduce the guilt and stress that it causes. The more you call yourself disgusting, you are getting yourself into guilt trips.

    I'm not saying do away with the rest of your life for diapers, you can control your desires, it doesn't have to be a daily thing. You can partake in your desires when you feel like it's constantly on your mind. Ignoring your desires and being disgusted with yourself is really hurtful. Not just for you, but then you will start getting outbursts of emotional anger and guilt, it can and will affect others around you as well. You will find yourself to start ignoring others around you. Your guilt will over run your life if you continue on this path of self destruction per say.

    There are healthier ways to suppress your desires without guilt, wear diapers, do what else you do, you aren't hurting anyone by participating in this fetish. People insulting this fetish has no clue that we are otherwise people that like to do other things beside this. We are otherwise normal people.

    Tell your self that it's ok to indulge. Quickly deter thoughts of self destruction with accepting thoughts. Listen to music, or other hobbies, do other things you would do normally during and after. Love who you are.

    I can say that the guilt never totally goes away, it will hit, just do your best to change it to any other thought, do those other things at the same time, enjoy yourself.

    Buy yourself other AB things as well that you like. While this is part of you, it doesn't have to run your life, control it in a positive way instead of negatively. You'll feel that after time, that you will feel better during the rest of your life.

  5. #5
    CrinklySiren

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    Quote Originally Posted by betabike View Post
    Well I gave in recently and secretly partook in my AB side and i was happy about it but now I doubt myself and feel like i should of tried to keep on fighting my AB side
    Why are you fighting it in the first place? If you dont mind me asking :3



    Quote Originally Posted by betabike View Post
    do i accept or reject this side of me?
    Acceptance is always a better path. You should accept yourself because rejecting yourself has repercussions, you can get depressed, angry, agitated, unsatisfied with life. The sooner you accept yourself, the happier you can be.



    Quote Originally Posted by betabike View Post
    How did everyone else accept this part of themselves has anyone quit can this just "disappear"?
    As i got older i realized that this part of me wasn't going anywhere and that it was a large part of who I am, and honestly I'm not hurting anyone nor am I hurting myself by indulging in my little/AB side, the key to accepting yourself is realizing that what you are doing is perfectly fine. You dont have to conform to societies idea of "normal" because no one is normal, its something people tell themselves because they are afraid of being cast out. But judging by this and many other communities online lol you are not alone

    As for anyone quitting - I've heard of people trying to quit or attempting to be rid of this side of their lives because it is making them "miserable" but something a lot of us fail to realize is that the reason this part of us can make us feel miserable is actually BECAUSE we don't accept ourselves and feel feelings of guilt or shame. There is nothing to be ashamed of and nothing to feel guilty about because there are much worse things out there, harmful things, we could be doing instead of this, and this is just another thing we have a preference towards. In my case for example, my little side is what keeps me from being a cynical, impatient asshole >_< I've had times in my distant past where i would try to give up this side of me and it only made me angry and insufferable person to be around... it wasnt until i finally accepted myself that I started being happier with myself and my life.

    But if there is one hard fact that needs to be learned, its that this is never going to disappear... it doesn't go away. You could stop doing it, but the thoughts are always going to be in your head, the desires are always going to be there... and like all things the human mind tries to suppress, it will come out in the future and when it does it will be like an atomic bomb (hence the reason why suppressing anything is not a good idea). So realistically speaking, the first step is to accept that this isn't going anywhere and that its something you are either going to have to embrace or deal with; but embracing it is always the better choice.

    I use to feel exactly like this, i use to feel guilt and shame, i use to feel like a freak or a monster because i felt like this part of me was causing so much trouble among family or friends, but then i realized that the only trouble being caused was a failure to reach understanding or acceptance among friends or family... and soon after this i realized that it wasnt ME who was the problem, it was the world around me.

    Now here I am, I'm happily married (for 5 years this november) i have a full-time job, I'm a student, I have a decent number of both ABDL and Vanilla friends that I love (and they love me back for who I am) and all of them tell me that they wouldnt want me to give up this side of me because its what makes me the person they love.. I wear diapers and act like a little girl all the time and it seems to be what draws people to me :P not to mention that when i finally began to accept myself, I finally managed to get rid of my 18 year battle with clinical/suicidal depression im happy to say that i've gone almost 2 years without falling back into depression and i don't think it will be coming back either <3

    People are always going to judge for one reason or another, the best thing you can do is ignore it or educate them, but in the end what is important is what makes you happy and as long as you are happy and not hurting yourself or anyone else (that includes addiction or obsession getting in the way of you succeeding in life) then there is absolutely nothing wrong with it.

  6. #6

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    To add on, people that bully others are also hurting themselves one way or another. They only try to deter attention away from people. A more accepting world will most likely never take place because some people just need something to be opposed to whether they understand it or not.

  7. #7

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    I'm sorry that you are struggling, it isn't easy to have doubts but you yourself have shown just how strong your AB side is in your life.

    Even after 2 years, you are thinking of diapers etc and learning to accept it can be hard but in the long term it will be better than spending the rest of your life fighting something you cannot change.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by betabike View Post
    How did everyone else accept this part of themselves has anyone quit can this just "disappear"?
    I quit for years but it was always in the back of my mind too. Going without made me irritable, depressed and other mean, nasty, ugly things. I can't say it would be like that for everyone, just everyone I've ever heard talk about it. Despite that it is still possible to be happy. I hope you find a way to work it out. We all deserve to be happy.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by tongo View Post
    I quit for years but it was always in the back of my mind too. Going without made me irritable, depressed and other mean, nasty, ugly things. I can't say it would be like that for everyone, just everyone I've ever heard talk about it. Despite that it is still possible to be happy. I hope you find a way to work it out. We all deserve to be happy.
    While this doesn't quite match my experience, I'd agree with the conclusion. I quit for a few years out of a sense of necessity. I had been discovered for the second time and managed to BS my way out of it (one of the few upsides of being an ABDL before the Internet) and I was determined that there would not be a third time. I would not say I was self-accepting at that time but perhaps starting on the path and willing to engage in self-tolerance. I didn't think it was truly harmful but it freaked my mother out something fierce and I couldn't successfully articulate what it meant to myself, much less explain it to others. I got rid of my stuff but I didn't attempt to purge in my head.

    I don't think that approach made me miserable. Misery stemmed from the dissonance of wanting something and hating myself for it. When I started to accept that it was okay, just not something I was going to act on today, things began to improve. I would say that in my experience looking on my urges with greater sympathy was as or more important than access to any stash would be. Living on my own, I was able to indulge myself as I cared to and I think that did lead to further improvement, but I would classify it as growth rather than repairing an injury. Socializing with others, first online and then also in real life were other vastly positive steps for me.

    It's not that I can't live without diapers, it's just that accepting my urges for them has been so much more positive in my life than rejecting them. There are so many more important things to do in your life than fight a strong, but benign urge, and self-acceptance is so much more than just letting yourself wear a diaper.

  10. #10

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    The only piece of advice I can offer (since you seem to be asking) is this: Whether or not you are successful in fighting the urge, it will always come back. It always did for me. It always does for most of the people on this site. Look around. The number of people over 50 on this site should prove to you that it never goes away.

    The solution is to find a balance. My wife and I have been married for 15 years and dated 10 years before that. She only found out 4 years ago, and that was because I told her. I was able to indulge in my habit without anyone discovering it because I found a balance between my outside life and my inside life. I am living a completely normal life as far as anyone knows, because of that balance. I will probably never tell my parents because they (as well as other parents) will always see me a reflection of them. If I have some sort of oddity, that reflects poorly on them so there will be resistance to accept all aspects of me. I think this is something to take into consideration. It's too late anyway for me, my parents are in their 70s.

    What I see and hear on this website worries me sometimes. When teens were allowed, I felt terrible reading about their struggles. If you ever feel that this habit interferes with your ability to function in society, that would be when professional help is needed. If you are wanting to quit because you feel guilty about diapers or ashamed, that is something you get used to as you get older. Not the greatest thing to hear, but it is true. When I was 21, what people thought of me was far more important than now (>40). And looking back, I realize that what people thought of me should not have been so important. Now to sound like a hypocrite, I do still keep this side of me a secret from my family and friends and always plan to, except for my wife of course.

    To quote a post I just made: I have been a DL since I was 4. I didn't start exploring it until I was a teenager, I didn't start enjoying it until I was almost 30.

    It's all a process. We go through many of them. When you are in a romantic relationship, you will eventually have to decide how far that relationship will go. When you have a job, you are constantly evaluating if this was the right career choice. Eventually you make a decision and move forward (breakup with SO or get married, work for that promotion or quit). This one seems more drawn out than others because it involves something not accepted by a majority of society. You will eventually make the decision to proceed with diaper wearing, or you will not. Expect this choice to be agonizing and to take a long time.

    Let me add this. We accept you for you and that includes the diapered version of you (a lot of yous). Please realize this small thing. There are people that will love you no matter what, and it may surprise you to find out who those people are.

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