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Thread: My Acceptance, and My Thanks

  1. #1

    Default My Acceptance, and My Thanks

    After lurking this forum for only a couple of weeks and learning more about this same "interest" I happen to share with all of you, I think it's time for me to finally make my introduction here. I ask that you bare with me here, as I have a little bit of trouble when it comes to talking about myself or trying to explain something to someone. But I guess that's what makes this place special, in that you come here to learn more about yourself and what exactly you're going through, and what better way to do that than to tell your story to others.

    Ever since I was five years old, I've had this strange addiction to wearing.......diapers. Heh, even just saying the name itself doesn't sound right. Guess I'm still going through that self-accepting part of this whole thing. I don't know what it was that got me so into them at the time. All I knew was that I just liked to wear them. It wasn't because I didn't want to grow up, or because I hated having to use the bathroom now. I just like to wear them. But that feeling only grew and grew, even after I started sneaking them into the bathroom at night when everyone else was asleep, or whenever I happened to have the house to myself or with very little interruption. Being the second oldest in a family with seven brothers and sisters, well, there were plenty of diapers to go around. Once every couple of months I did this, until I could no longer fit in them and the last of my little brothers became too old for them.

    I wanted to believe that this was a good thing for me, though. Not only would I not have to fight against the urges to wear anymore, but even if I happened to give in once again, there wouldn't be anymore for me to take. I thought it was a good thing, until I came across a completely different problem. I didn't know what the exact term was for the certain "problem" I had at night, or that it was an actual labeled condition in itself. All I know is that it came not too long after I couldn't wear anymore. I started having these dreams. These "wet dreams".

    Nocturnal emissions.

    Now what exactly would these have to do with my urges to wear? That's just it. Most of, if not all of my wet dreams had to do with diapers. Whether it would be me wearing them, or even another girl wearing them, I would wake up wet in the morning, two times a week, for at least three to four years. The wetness was never enough to actually wet my bed though, and there would be some weeks, rarely a month or two, where I would wake up completely dry. But the problem would still always come back to haunt me. I knew that these dreams had something to do with it, but I wanted to ignore it. I knew that the answer was to wear protection at night, but I thought that it meant specifically, diapers. I never wanted to have to give into them again, so I dealt with my little problem. I also felt that if I told my mom about it, I would risk her finding out that I liked to wear them. Not to mention that I shared a room with my little brothers, with little to no privacy. I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

    It wasn't until a couple of months ago that I got myself a job again and my very own room for the first time, and it wasn't very long after that the urges to wear again came back to me. Except this time, it was stronger than ever. The only thing that was holding be back from buying my very first pack was my own car and a driver's license to go get one. I had to do something though. Thinking about going and buying a pack every single day and never actually doing anything wasn't all that fun and games for me. So I did what I thought I would never do and seeked help online for these.......urges I had.

    Then I found this place.

    Two packs of Depends later, here I am. With your help, I talked to my mom about the problems I had at night, and she was totally understanding about it and also agreed that I needed to wear some sort of protection. The next time we went to the store, she left me to go take care of my business and buy whatever it was I needed. Now, I don't think she knows EXACTLY what kind of protection I'm wearing, hah, but that's for another time in another place. What's important is that I discovered that I wasn't the only one with problems like these, and that there's nothing wrong with liking this sort of thing. As long as I keep it to myself and take care of everything myself, it's all good. I only like to wear at night, anyways, which is also when I need to wear them for protection, so it's a win-win for me. And speaking of my little problem, I've yet to have any accidents since I've been wearing. Man, if only I had found you guys earlier!

    So thank you, to all of you, for helping me through all of this. You may not have realized it, but you have truly made me a happier person

    Well, that was long, lol. I'm sorry if I took up too much of your time. I'm just glad to have finally been able to tell you guys my little story. Feels like the weight of the world was just lifted off of my chest. I also apologize to the girls out there if you were a little creeped out by my, umm, dreams I've had before about other girls.......I'll admit, that part of my story felt like the most embarrassing part to admit to.

    I guess if anyone has any questions about my story or about me in general, I'll do my best to answer them. I know that usually, you're supposed to talk about your interests and hobbies and stuff in these kinds of threads. I think I have an easier time talking about myself whenever I'm answering someone else's questions about myself though, oddly enough. But I got my story out there, finally. I'm content enough with that.

  2. #2

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    Welcome welcome!(: I'm glad that ADISC has already been useful for you, and helped you along the way. I'm sure you'll find much more here in terms of useful things, including making new friends and having a great support system. Everybody here is really lovely, so i'm glad you've found us!

    On a side note, to get you talking a bit, i've got a few questions. What was (what were) your favourite subjects in school? Also, what do you enjoy doing outside of work/your DL side? We'd love to hear about some of your hobbies!

  3. #3

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    Heh, I'm glad I found you guys, too

    My favorite subjects were easily Bible and English, though I didn't get much of Bible class after I moved onto high school due to moving to the public school system. I've always been a devoted Christian, but haven't really gotten the chance to learn much more about the Word of God with others like I would want to. Hopefully once I get my driver's license and a car I can start going to church again for a start, that would be nice. I never talk about my religion with others, if at all bring up anything about it to anyone though, as I respect other's beliefs and understand how one could get easily annoyed by it, not to mention how little I really know about the Bible anyways. Still, I hold true to my faith.

    As for English, I've always like reading in general despite not being an avid reader of many books. Plus I've always enjoyed writing about a subject I feel comfortable writing about, and one that I have some knowledge in. Funny, I was a really shy person back in high school (and still am, hah), and I rarely talked to others, let alone about myself. But when it came to writing my English papers, for once, it was like all about me. Guess that kinda felt pretty good, ya know? Lol

    Outside of work, I'm a pretty big video gamer, and a really competitive one at that. I attend video game tournaments every couple of months here in Texas, and sometimes even around the rest of the USA. I've been to California, Virginia and New Jersey for the most part. I plan on heading back to New Jersey in August for another one, though I admit I haven't been practicing as much as I used to. I've taken my competitive side a bit more casually lately, if that makes sense, though I'm still in it to win it, given the fact that I'm traveling to the opposite side of the country for another tournament. Gotta always make it count!

  4. #4

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    Well that's all very interesting! Thank you for sharing, really truly.(: Hopefully we can chat sometime via private messages, once you become an EC. I look forward to seeing you around!

  5. #5

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    Well hello there Albert! Welcome to ADISC (or at least, the "Hi, I'm here and going to post now" part of the site)!

    I have to say, that is a pretty fantastic introduction you have there. Some people might say it's a bit too long or diaper-centric, but I can completely understand it. I'm a writer, and when I first joined this site, diapers were pretty predominantly on my mind, lol. I also used to never write things about myself, and had a great deal of difficulty doing so when asked to, but posting in communities like this really helped me to open up and become a lot more comfortable expressing myself around others who weren't going to judge me.

    I can relate to several parts of your story, really.

    For starters, you come from a large family and had to share a room until you were 19. My family had six total members, so three less siblings than you had, but as a third out of four, I was the quite, ignored middle child, for the most part. In fact, the time I got the most love and affection was when I was a small child, especially when I wore diapers. Seeing my younger brother get that attention, well, I longed to get it back. Primarily though, I guess my mind at that time thought that diapers were the key to that or something.

    I grew up fantasizing about diapers a ton and wishing I could wear them. My little brother was a chronic bedwetter, so up through my teenage years there were always diapers in the house. Unfortunately for me, my brother and parents kept a very anal watch on how many diapers were left, so even one going missing would be caught. I was terrified of other people knowing about my secret, so I went years wanting to pull diapers out of the pack but not doing it, although I would carefully mess with them sometimes in the bathroom. :P

    The wet dreams, well yeah, I recall when that started. It was all diapers. I mean, I don't think there was ever even another person in my dreams; it was just me, wearing and using a diaper, and how great that would feel. Sometimes another person would be wearing them, and I would have the wet part of the dream by realizing that someone understood and accepted my desires.

    I also have a very "close" family, as in, too close. I'm an introvert who never went anywhere on my own and certainly without explaining every part of my trip. Shortly after I turned 19, I finally had a car and a license, as well as a job and money to afford diapers. Most importantly, I had my own bedroom (or as close to that as I was going to get) for the first time in my life. I still delayed until I was almost 20, and even to do that, I had to make up some excuse for going to a grocery store so that my trip would make sense to others. That means I had to buy several other things including the diapers and then smuggle them into the house. It was rough. I was thrilled though when I did it.

    Of course, I'm close to my parents, so I ended up "coming out" to them about my interests before I even got through the first pack, lol. Coming out about this stuff is incredibly difficult, and there are many people who are in situations where it really wouldn't do them any good. However, if you have a very close relationship with your parents and are starving for attention and acceptance as I was at that time, you might just go through with it. Just don't count on it going very well if you use my terrible strategy for coming out to my mom, LOL:
    https://www.adisc.org/forum/blogs/sp...ur-mother.html

    As for your interests, well I am a college level English/writing tutor, so I suppose that's up my alley as well. I always found it much easier to express myself through writing. I don't read much, although I do love stories, but writing my own stories was always more interesting to me. I also didn't talk to people much in high school due to introversion, sensory processing issues, environment, and high levels of anxiety. But yes, I could let stuff come out in writing that I just wouldn't say in person. I tended to stick to topics that I was obsessed with, though, hah!

    Oh, and as for the Bible... well, I could certainly know more than I do, lol. I did go to a Christian school for a few years in middle school and grew up in a fairly conservative Christian family. I am devout in my faith, but I am "in between churches" at the moment. I sensed that the church family wasn't really reaching me, as I wasn't the cookie-cutter person they generally want to reach out to. I felt to grow in my faith, I could only do it through personal pilgrimage and self-healing and discovery.

    Anyhow, I'm just writing to let you know that not all of us on here are afraid of long posts. In fact, good, long posts tend to get you some 'street cred' here, if you will. Of course, there's still such a thing as too long, but that changes based upon the reader.

    Let's see... oh, questions!
    I see writing as being your preference when it comes to English, so rather than asking about your favorite authors (which you can of course share if you want to), I'll ask about your writing. What kind of writing are you most interested in? Do you have preferences for any specific genre or writing style?

    When it comes to diapers, since you said you're a Christian, I am curious to know whether or not you had a major spiritual dilemma like I certainly did on the topic. Feel free to hold onto that one and answer privately later if you'd prefer (and get to 20+ posts).

    How about music? Any particular styles that seem to speak to you/get you going? I love to listen to music when I'm writing, but I find I have to listen to instrumental stuff generally, as I don't want lyrics possibly interfering with my train of thought!

    Anyhow, I'm sure I'll think of more, but that seems fair for the first reply, hehe. Welcome once more.

  6. #6

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    Hah, so our stories are in fact pretty similar. But wow, I don't think anyone could ever be as brave as you were when you first came out to your mom. You two must be EXTREMELY close for her to not think any different of you for wearing. That's amazing!

    I think I'm in the same boat as you are when it comes to writing. Don't read very much, but do indeed love stories. I would like to be able to write my own stories eventually, but I can't just continue writing and go along with it without having to proofread over every little sentence I make along the way, like I'm some kind of perfectionist, lol. I just need to learn to deal with it and look over everything once it's actually done, or at least after every couple of paragraphs. I also don't really have a favorite kind of writing style personally; all of them are good enough for me to read.

    It's funny, I never actually had any kind of spiritual dilemma when it came to diapers. It's like, you already have this big fear of having others find out that you like to wear them, and how hard it would be on you if the ones you loved thought differently of you because of it. That's totally understandable, we ALL feel that way. But when you start questioning your faith in God, and how much of a sinner you really are for wanting to wear a special pair of underwear, or to use it for it's, you know, INTENDED PURPOSE.......then I think you may be taking this whole thing a LITTLE bit too far with yourself. God will always love you for who you are, no matter what you choose to do with your life, or what you choose to do in your freetime, in this case. It's not something that stands in the way of your relationship with Him (at least, I hope not), and it's not something that controls your life either (again, I HOPE NOT). And most of all, it's not hurting ANYONE. I don't even WANT to know how you could hurt someone with something like this, lol.

    Dang, I just went off on everyone, COME AT ME.

    Nah but for real, that's how I felt about my dilemma. If I did ever have any doubts about myself before, I don't anymore. I wear with no problems now. inb4someonewalksintomyroomandseesmewearingone

    Moving onto music, my favorite genre is that of post-hardcore rock. It's a little difficult to word why exactly I like this genre, but I know that the many different types of emotions that both a clean and an unclean vocalist can bring into a song just really fascinates me, hah. Normally I can't have one without the other, but there have been some exceptions for me liking some songs when there's just screaming in it. Rare, but it's possible. But other than post-hardcore, I can listen to practically any other type of genre, though hip-hop is still difficult for me to sit through at times, lol.

    Oh, and thanks for the warm welcomes, Wishbones and spddan! Sorry if I went a little crazy on the whole spiritual dilemma thing earlier. I'm just happy that I get a chance to talk about myself more, I guess. Hope I didn't offend anyone!

  7. #7

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    Metal is often confused for being satanic, while there are satanic bands out there, metal is not a satanic genre of music.

    Metal is a genre where a lot of emotions can be displayed, the lyrics, while dark, often display a bit more emotion. Believe it or not, I've got a devoted Christian to listen to metal. He's also somewhat of a musician. He ended up ripping my cds and burning himself a few cds.

    I'm also not too in to screaming growling as well. I like screaming parts of a song, but carried out through the entire song just gets boring. Sometimes it's too hard to understand. Some of those bands have great music though that is the main reason that I'd listen to them.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by Albert View Post
    Hah, so our stories are in fact pretty similar. But wow, I don't think anyone could ever be as brave as you were when you first came out to your mom. You two must be EXTREMELY close for her to not think any different of you for wearing. That's amazing!
    It's hard to say for sure. It's like, at times we really connect and bond, but other times it's like she is completely inept to me or my needs. She'll sometimes do things that make me wonder how accepting of the whole thing she really is, or if she's probably wishing I'd just take it elsewhere and get it out of her house. I can understand her feeling that way, but I'd prefer if she actually communicated it if she's feeling it. I've prompted her before, and she says it isn't an issue, though.



    I think I'm in the same boat as you are when it comes to writing. Don't read very much, but do indeed love stories. I would like to be able to write my own stories eventually, but I can't just continue writing and go along with it without having to proofread over every little sentence I make along the way, like I'm some kind of perfectionist, lol. I just need to learn to deal with it and look over everything once it's actually done, or at least after every couple of paragraphs.
    That's great. I wish you the best in your writing endeavors. I grew up dreaming of writing stories, and I crafted plenty in my head, most of which never made it to paper or hard drive. A few years ago though, I was working at my current job as a writing tutor, and I met another good writer who had similar taste in humor to me. We set forward on a journey that has now turned into a comedy book series with the first one already complete. I intend to write more over the years, and I love to encourage it in others.



    It's funny, I never actually had any kind of spiritual dilemma when it came to diapers. It's like, you already have this big fear of having others find out that you like to wear them, and how hard it would be on you if the ones you loved thought differently of you because of it. That's totally understandable, we ALL feel that way. But when you start questioning your faith in God, and how much of a sinner you really are for wanting to wear a special pair of underwear, or to use it for it's, you know, INTENDED PURPOSE.......then I think you may be taking this whole thing a LITTLE bit too far with yourself. God will always love you for who you are, no matter what you choose to do with your life, or what you choose to do in your freetime, in this case. It's not something that stands in the way of your relationship with Him (at least, I hope not), and it's not something that controls your life either (again, I HOPE NOT). And most of all, it's not hurting ANYONE. I don't even WANT to know how you could hurt someone with something like this, lol.
    I asked the question primarily because, in my years on this site, I've seen it come up often amongst those who are devoutly Christian that they question whether or not they can be Christians and ABDLs at the same time. I personally find no reason why it should really matter. I've summed it up to people pretty similar to how you just did. I agree with what you said. As for my personal dilemma on the matter, my only fear back then was that I was taking it a bit too far and that by me not "pursuing" a relationship with someone, I was "living without love." That had me a bit worried, but it wasn't enough to make me feel as though it was really getting in the way of my faith.

    I grew up in a fairly conservative family that left the church I was baptized and raised in because the church started condoning homosexuality and permitting people with non-straight orientations to become priests and bishops. Sexuality was clearly defined as one man-one woman, with no room for exceptions and no fetishes or unusual kinks allowed, so my deep attraction for diapers was a concern for me, lol. I almost considered talking to a minister about it, but was too afraid to bring up the topic and was too afraid they'd tell me it was 'wrong' or something. I came to acceptance over the matter on my own and through support of others and soul-searching.



    Dang, I just went off on everyone, COME AT ME.

    Nah but for real, that's how I felt about my dilemma. If I did ever have any doubts about myself before, I don't anymore. I wear with no problems now. inb4someonewalksintomyroomandseesmewearingone

    ...
    Sorry if I went a little crazy on the whole spiritual dilemma thing earlier. I'm just happy that I get a chance to talk about myself more, I guess. Hope I didn't offend anyone!
    Hehe, I don't think you have to worry about this too much here. After all, there is no "official" religious affiliation or belief of this site, and if people don't agree with what you're saying, they can choose not to respond. I personally don't see much of a way for it to be offensive, but perhaps that's part due to a personal bias on the matter.



    Moving onto music, my favorite genre is that of post-hardcore rock. It's a little difficult to word why exactly I like this genre, but I know that the many different types of emotions that both a clean and an unclean vocalist can bring into a song just really fascinates me, hah. Normally I can't have one without the other, but there have been some exceptions for me liking some songs when there's just screaming in it. Rare, but it's possible. But other than post-hardcore, I can listen to practically any other type of genre, though hip-hop is still difficult for me to sit through at times, lol.
    Oh ok, sweet. That's a bit closer to my younger brother's tastes than mine, although he's very picky about it all, lol. I personally don't go for the whole screaming thing; it causes me headaches and general overload. I tend to prefer music from the 80s, for whatever reason, be it the alternative/synth/punk, the thrash metal, or even some of the hair metal/pop (although not much, blah ).

    Anyhow, you seem like a pretty cool guy. Hope you stick around.

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