I've been around cigarettes my entire life. My mother has smoked as long as I can remember, all of my siblings smoke, and nearly all of my friends smoke.
I'm not sure why, but every time I'm around a cigarette, I have this want to light it and start smoking. It's weird. I don't smoke, and I don't really plan to, but if there's a pack lying around, I can't help but put it in my mouth and fight the urge to start. I've put so many cigarettes in my mouth and just inhaled on them that I can hardly count them. I only inhale once, but it's enough to get that stupid light headed feeling that I hate so much, so I immediately take it out.
When ever I'm sitting alone, I start to actually act like I have a cigarette in my hand or in my mouth, and even act like I'm doing it. I hardly notice it at times, it's just my go-to thing when my hands have nothing better to do.
I find smoking a cigarette incredibly bad-ass in movies and junk. Tyler Durden and "Jack" from Fight Club (which I've recently watched for the first time) come to mind when I think of smoking in movies.
I'm not sure why, but it's just this strong curiosity I have about them, and I'm constantly fighting the urge. I cannot stand cigarettes - or smoking in general - but I can't help but love them.
Am I alone here? I'd be surprised if I wasn't, but is there a reason for this? It's a bit worrying, because I can't promise that I wouldn't start.