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Thread: Battle between little side, and Girl Friend.

  1. #1

    Default Battle between little side, and Girl Friend.

    I am in the middle of deciding what to do, and it is just a terribly hard choice to make. A girl that is practically everything i'd like in my life has one exception to that great notion, she is afraid of my little side and figures that its an addiction rather than part of who i am. I have pretty much already concluded that it isn't going to work out in the end, but it is just really hard to accept that.

    A little bit of background on our relationship. We kind of got into a relationship really quickly, just recently. I have known her for 3 years now, and at the beginning of that i had taken her out on quite a few dates, while another guy was also dating her, it was a competition that lost and he won. However he decided to drop it recently and I didn't know anything about it for a while until after our relationship began (I know that sounds weird but it was because they were in the middle of a long distance situation). While she had been broken up, she was getting me to come with her to activities, and i was getting the feeling that she was interested in me.

    The conflict started when i decided that i had known her long enough and that she appeared to be interested in me, so i felt like it was time to tell her about my little side. When i did, at first she seemed to be pretty open about it, but after when i told her about the drama it had caused between my parents, and my church leader/councilor and I, she got worried, and has been anti ever since. She pretty much figures that i'm giving way to an addiction that is like her struggle with anorexia or some persons struggle with drugs. I keep saying it is a different situation than those examples but she can't accept that.

    Her fear is that i'm putting my little side above her and it will always be that way. For right now, my little side is more important to me, because I am still not in a committed relationship, and it is my responsibility to find somebody that i feel like would be good at taking care of 'all' my needs, once i find that person, then nothing should be greater than her in my eyes, but till then, i need to make sure that what is important to me is watched out for, such as my little side.

    Secondly, she doesn't like that i'm looking for somebody who can sometimes be a mommy to me. She doesn't think that both a Mommy, and a wife can exist in a relationship. I think that both can, and i'm not asking that the role of a mommy even be given that much time in the relationship. In all reality, the role of her being a mommy would really only just be a hope, and a means of my wife using my little side as a tool to make me love her more, rather than something she has to compete with. But if that role was something beyond her, i still would only ask that I was able to express my little side without scorn and disapproval, but to her the only way of it existing is if she doesn't see or hear of it, which in my mind is an expression of her shame which i can't live with.

    So Is it even worth trying for? I don't think she is going to change on this subject, she has the same stubbornness of my mom towards this. In all reality we have known each other for quite a while, but our relationship has only been short.

  2. #2

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    i don't know its sound like she has chorsen you secend best cause it didnt work out with the other guy. well my point it dont let her change who you are you'll fine the right girl sum day there is a match for every one

    good luck anyway vicky

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by babyvicky View Post
    i don't know its sound like she has chorsen you secend best cause it didnt work out with the other guy. well my point it dont let her change who you are you'll fine the right girl sum day there is a match for every one

    good luck anyway vicky
    Yeah, i do worry about that a little bit. She says that (religiously speaking) the spirit prompted her not to be with me, and now this is the reason why she thinks it was so. However there is still that doubt in my mind that i was ever her first choice. I want somebody who is not going to try and change this side of me, or not much of it anyway, because there is too much of my emotions tied up with it. I want somebody who is willing to learn who i really am, and find a way to appreciate it. I feel like Vincent Van Gogh, nobody liked his art until he died, except for the Doctor and Amy Pond (dr who reference). It just feels like, I wish i could find that unique individual who can look at the symbolic expression that makes me me, and appreciate it how i do, rather than say, "That looks like a load of garbage."

  4. #4

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    This sounds complicated on two ends. Honestly, as you're describing it, she sounds kinda stubborn, with a will to change you.
    However, while not trying to be rude... you also sound kinda stubborn in this case. So in the end nobody of you two will make on step in another direction.

    If you keep it that way, the relationship will break anyway, I think honestly.

    Perhaps try to look at it from a different perspective. Let's see it as a hobby for one point. Although it's not that way, I imagine, but just to get a clearer picture...
    So what are you doing? Your hobby/lifestyle is more important than she is at the moment. She has a minor role.
    So ultimately you're forcing her to do anything for being the major interest for you in the future. Furthermore you're giving her a big kind of pressure with the mommy thing.
    Not everyone is made for this. For me... I wouldn't want to share my boyfriend with anyone nearly as close as I am, that's just wrong for me.
    If she ticks the same way... somehow, it's either way her or the mommy, nothing you can do about it probably.
    What I mean ultimately, so which you should ask yourself: Is this really important? Do you really need 2 persons, which would be really close to you, besides the obvious, that this is really hard to accomplish anyway.

    Secondly, well... talking, talking and talking. You know that this is not an addiction. Perhaps to some degree if everything else from one's life is kinda messed up because of this, but this is unlikely, I guess. So make it somehow clear to her that this is something you are and it's nothing bad. It's a good way of coping, processing and also fun of course... etc as you know already ;)

    In the end it's your choice. Maybe if you make one step, she will make another, if the thing about the addiction (if she's thinking about it seriously) is out of the way somehow, so that she may understand. We all want after all, so we give to get what we want. And that's the way, I think.
    But if you feel like this is wrong at all, and it will never work in the end for you both... well you know, but before I'd really talk to her, serious about this whole thing and that it means a lot to you.
    Listen to your heart and you will know the answer, if she is important or not. Or flip a coin.... no.. not by chance, but you will immediately hope for something, while the coin is in the air ;)

    Best wishes.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by daLira View Post
    This sounds complicated on two ends. Honestly, as you're describing it, she sounds kinda stubborn, with a will to change you.
    However, while not trying to be rude... you also sound kinda stubborn in this case. So in the end nobody of you two will make on step in another direction.

    If you keep it that way, the relationship will break anyway, I think honestly.

    Perhaps try to look at it from a different perspective. Let's see it as a hobby for one point. Although it's not that way, I imagine, but just to get a clearer picture...
    So what are you doing? Your hobby/lifestyle is more important than she is at the moment. She has a minor role.
    So ultimately you're forcing her to do anything for being the major interest for you in the future. Furthermore you're giving her a big kind of pressure with the mommy thing.
    Not everyone is made for this. For me... I wouldn't want to share my boyfriend with anyone nearly as close as I am, that's just wrong for me.
    If she ticks the same way... somehow, it's either way her or the mommy, nothing you can do about it probably.
    What I mean ultimately, so which you should ask yourself: Is this really important? Do you really need 2 persons, which would be really close to you, besides the obvious, that this is really hard to accomplish anyway.
    Got a little confused by this last paragraph. But yes, i am being stubborn too, i know that it is true, and i'm not especially proud of it, but i feel like it is my only way to protect my little side.



    Quote Originally Posted by daLira View Post
    Secondly, well... talking, talking and talking. You know that this is not an addiction. Perhaps to some degree if everything else from one's life is kinda messed up because of this, but this is unlikely, I guess. So make it somehow clear to her that this is something you are and it's nothing bad. It's a good way of coping, processing and also fun of course... etc as you know already

    In the end it's your choice. Maybe if you make one step, she will make another, if the thing about the addiction (if she's thinking about it seriously) is out of the way somehow, so that she may understand. We all want after all, so we give to get what we want. And that's the way, I think.
    But if you feel like this is wrong at all, and it will never work in the end for you both... well you know, but before I'd really talk to her, serious about this whole thing and that it means a lot to you.
    Listen to your heart and you will know the answer, if she is important or not. Or flip a coin.... no.. not by chance, but you will immediately hope for something, while the coin is in the air

    Best wishes.
    I feel like maybe i shouldn't have indicated the role of a mommy to her, because It really isn't necessary to me. The other day, I was able to play star craft with my friend while sucking on my pacifier and holding onto my favorite stuffed animal, and wearing a diaper under my clothes. We were in the same room and he knew of all of it, but also knew i was doing it because i was stressed out over this whole situation, and he told me it didn't even phase him, and he thought it was kind of funny, he is an awesome friend. That is all i really wish i could at least find in a wife, is somebody who understands why i am doing it, and is ok with that. However I brought up the whole mommy thing because she was worried that she would be competing with my little side, so i brought up the mommy role simply to show how she can be a part of it rather than competing with it. Might have been a bad idea.

    I wish she could look at it as not being an addiction, but i don't think she will. If i were to flip a coin, I think i would be really sad but relieved if it flipped for me to break it off.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tyger View Post
    Got a little confused by this last paragraph. But yes, i am being stubborn too, i know that it is true, and i'm not especially proud of it, but i feel like it is my only way to protect my little side.



    I feel like maybe i shouldn't have indicated the role of a mommy to her, because It really isn't necessary to me. The other day, I was able to play star craft with my friend while sucking on my pacifier and holding onto my favorite stuffed animal, and wearing a diaper under my clothes. We were in the same room and he knew of all of it, but also knew i was doing it because i was stressed out over this whole situation, and he told me it didn't even phase him, and he thought it was kind of funny, he is an awesome friend. That is all i really wish i could at least find in a wife, is somebody who understands why i am doing it, and is ok with that. However I brought up the whole mommy thing because she was worried that she would be competing with my little side, so i brought up the mommy role simply to show how she can be a part of it rather than competing with it. Might have been a bad idea.

    I wish she could look at it as not being an addiction, but i don't think she will. If i were to flip a coin, I think i would be really sad but relieved if it flipped for me to break it off.
    Well... I understand, so the whole mommy thing has been a kind of defense mechanism in this situation... bad luck :'(.

    I'm sorry that you feel that way, but at first, I would really try to talk to her atleast one big time. You should mention, that you feel that this whole thing bothers you a lot and that you don't feel like your relationship would survive this anyhow...
    However while two stubborn people can be a pain in the ... for eachother especially, you can still find a solution in the end, always. Though one may feel as if he would be losing this subject... But I think it's better before everything may brake.

    Has there perhaps been a difference from how you explained your little side to your best friend in contrast to your girlfriend? Maybe this is the key... and furthermore, what's his advice on this whole thing, if he knows about it? If not, if he's really a good friend, well I guess it wouldn't hurt to talk about this with him, maybe he'll help you somehow. So he would perhaps also talk to her, in some way. If they know eachother... and if you feel fine about this anyway.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by daLira View Post
    Well... I understand, so the whole mommy thing has been a kind of defense mechanism in this situation... bad luck :'(.

    I'm sorry that you feel that way, but at first, I would really try to talk to her atleast one big time. You should mention, that you feel that this whole thing bothers you a lot and that you don't feel like your relationship would survive this anyhow...
    However while two stubborn people can be a pain in the ... for eachother especially, you can still find a solution in the end, always. Though one may feel as if he would be losing this subject... But I think it's better before everything may brake.

    Has there perhaps been a difference from how you explained your little side to your best friend in contrast to your girlfriend? Maybe this is the key... and furthermore, what's his advice on this whole thing, if he knows about it? If not, if he's really a good friend, well I guess it wouldn't hurt to talk about this with him, maybe he'll help you somehow. So he would perhaps also talk to her, in some way. If they know eachother... and if you feel fine about this anyway.
    Yeah, my best friend is actually texting back and forth with me on this. We both kind of figure that it isn't going to work out. I don't think i did much differently when i explained it to him as i did to her, but i guess after having some practice, i did sum it up a little bit more, mostly just not including the amount of frustration i have gone through with the worries i have had over it. My friend has only met her for one day though, so that wouldn't work. It is a good idea though if the situation was different. *sigh* i think it is just doomed to fail.

  8. #8

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    Hi Tyger, i read your post and it doesn't seem like you will convince her otherwise.

    As another poster mentioned, you were her second choice after that relationship went sour and she cannot deal with your ABDL'ism because she wouldn't want to fulfil the mommy role.

    It was a little premature to mention that though.

    However, from a DL perspective we are kind of lucky to like something that isn't harmful like anorexia or drugs, so the fact that you can continue whilst she abstains from her previous problems would just worsen the situation for her any-ways.

    I don't know the girl, but she doesn't seem like a compatible fit for you.
    Having a girlfriend is always nice but the heartache involved for you in the future in this specific relationship simply doesn't seem worth it.

    You will find that person, so stay happy and be well!

  9. #9
    CrinklySiren

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    Ive been through this, and recently too. If i can be an example of anything.. ive been married for 5 years and my wife wants me to have a mommy or daddy because she doesn't want to participate in this with me and she also understands what this means to me. The key is to educate her as best you can and if she still doesn't budge then its not worth it because this is what makes you who you are and its not a case of you putting one above the other because there is no possible way, if anything you are putting yourself before her which is the way it should be. Don't change something harmless for someone who doesn't understand.

    My wife and I fought about my little side for a very long time all because of misunderstandings... its actually not until this year that she has learned the Entirety of my little side and understands that it in no way harms our marriage or our financial standing or our love for eachother... and imagine, we are both hardcore Atheists (the only word i can use even though i dont agree with the word) and we still have problems with my little side... i can't imagine how much more that's doubled for someone who is actually religious. But don't let that stop you either, because last time i checked, god loves you no matter what as long as you don't hurt yourself and anyone (in its most basic sense) and seeing as how you're just trying to live and love happily like any other person, you should just try to educate as best you can. And if that doesn't work, then sorry to say this but you're better off looking for someone else, and i can promise you that you will find that person. Because honestly people come and go, but your little side will never be gone... as much as you want to say that you have to choose between the two, you will never be able to truly, and it will always linger, and eventually it will explode if you suppress it.. If you would want the coin to land on the side of breaking it off then its clear you already know what you want to do, so I would suggest you do it for yourself. It might be difficult to bear but you will be better off and you will be happier.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by Luckyfish View Post
    Hi Tyger, i read your post and it doesn't seem like you will convince her otherwise.

    As another poster mentioned, you were her second choice after that relationship went sour and she cannot deal with your ABDL'ism because she wouldn't want to fulfil the mommy role.

    It was a little premature to mention that though.

    However, from a DL perspective we are kind of lucky to like something that isn't harmful like anorexia or drugs, so the fact that you can continue whilst she abstains from her previous problems would just worsen the situation for her any-ways.
    Yeah, It might have been premature, but i figured it would either cause the stalemate of her not knowing if she was interested in me or not to go away. Strangely it was after her bad reaction that we got into a relationship. I don't know how it happened, but it did.
    Yes, if I was able to continue practicing my infantilism, she would feel like it was unfair that she couldn't be anorexic.




    Quote Originally Posted by Luckyfish View Post
    I don't know the girl, but she doesn't seem like a compatible fit for you.
    Having a girlfriend is always nice but the heartache involved for you in the future in this specific relationship simply doesn't seem worth it.

    You will find that person, so stay happy and be well!
    These last two lines pretty much just sum up my situation i think.

    - - - Updated - - -



    Quote Originally Posted by ZooeySis View Post
    Ive been through this, and recently too. If i can be an example of anything.. ive been married for 5 years and my wife wants me to have a mommy or daddy because she doesn't want to participate in this with me and she also understands what this means to me. The key is to educate her as best you can and if she still doesn't budge then its not worth it because this is what makes you who you are and its not a case of you putting one above the other because there is no possible way, if anything you are putting yourself before her which is the way it should be. Don't change something harmless for someone who doesn't understand.
    Wow, i never expected that a wife would be accepting of an arrangement like that. Sounds like to me that you have been pretty fortunate in being able to help your wife accept your little side enough to understand what it means to have a mommy or daddy.



    Quote Originally Posted by ZooeySis View Post
    My wife and I fought about my little side for a very long time all because of misunderstandings... its actually not until this year that she has learned the Entirety of my little side and understands that it in no way harms our marriage or our financial standing or our love for eachother... and imagine, we are both hardcore Atheists (the only word i can use even though i dont agree with the word) and we still have problems with my little side... i can't imagine how much more that's doubled for someone who is actually religious. But don't let that stop you either, because last time i checked, god loves you no matter what as long as you don't hurt yourself and anyone (in its most basic sense) and seeing as how you're just trying to live and love happily like any other person, you should just try to educate as best you can. And if that doesn't work, then sorry to say this but you're better off looking for someone else, and i can promise you that you will find that person. Because honestly people come and go, but your little side will never be gone... as much as you want to say that you have to choose between the two, you will never be able to truly, and it will always linger, and eventually it will explode if you suppress it.. If you would want the coin to land on the side of breaking it off then its clear you already know what you want to do, so I would suggest you do it for yourself. It might be difficult to bear but you will be better off and you will be happier.
    Yeah, It is just intimidating to have to wait for the right girl to come allong. I have hope though that it will happen. Knowing that i have friends who are ok with it and it doesn't bother them, just indicates to me that there has to be a girl somewhere that will feel the same. Like you said though, it is part of who i am, its not like i am trying to put football in front of her, i'm just trying to find somebody who is willing to love me entirely and not just half of me. I know that God loves me, If he is there. For me, i have a hard time thinking that he is not there, but a lot of the time it feels like he isn't, thats another subject though, but just the idea of God, I have to feel like he understands that i am trying to be a good person, and manage my little side to the point that it doesn't get in the way of important things, but i also have to let it be expressed somehow or i'm going to go nuts trying to be somebody that i'm not.

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