As the title indicates, I'm still struggling to accept my DLism. I've been trying to come at terms with myself and it only ended up in failures.
For example, many opportunities to wear presented themselves to me and each time I convinced myself that it wasn't a good idea. Each time I was thinking about the risks of my parents finding out, meeting somebody I know, people looking through my Internet history (either on my laptop or IPad) and stumbling upon Adisc. Half an hour ago I was even ready to cut myself out of Adisc...AGAIN! What if this...what if that...what if, what if, what if. Argh! This whole charade is driving me freaking nuts!
Heck, I even turned down the chance to order a onesie from babykins by opening a P.O. Box because the postman was asking too many questions and I got paranoid about him trying to open my package and see "what was so much worth the trouble and money of having a P.O. Box.
What's worst of all for me is that I've got nobody to turn to. My parents wouldn't understand and my friends would see me as a freak. Because of all that, I'm playing the part of someone I'm not and I feel as if I'm lying to everyone I know. Did I ever told you I hate lying to people...especially those that are close to me?
I'm just so tired of this stupid game. It's nerve-racking and it's sapping precious energy for my studies. I just....I just don't know what to do anymore.