Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 25

Thread: I'm really struggling

  1. #1

    Default I'm really struggling

    As the title indicates, I'm still struggling to accept my DLism. I've been trying to come at terms with myself and it only ended up in failures.

    For example, many opportunities to wear presented themselves to me and each time I convinced myself that it wasn't a good idea. Each time I was thinking about the risks of my parents finding out, meeting somebody I know, people looking through my Internet history (either on my laptop or IPad) and stumbling upon Adisc. Half an hour ago I was even ready to cut myself out of Adisc...AGAIN! What if this...what if that...what if, what if, what if. Argh! This whole charade is driving me freaking nuts!

    Heck, I even turned down the chance to order a onesie from babykins by opening a P.O. Box because the postman was asking too many questions and I got paranoid about him trying to open my package and see "what was so much worth the trouble and money of having a P.O. Box.

    What's worst of all for me is that I've got nobody to turn to. My parents wouldn't understand and my friends would see me as a freak. Because of all that, I'm playing the part of someone I'm not and I feel as if I'm lying to everyone I know. Did I ever told you I hate lying to people...especially those that are close to me?

    I'm just so tired of this stupid game. It's nerve-racking and it's sapping precious energy for my studies. I just....I just don't know what to do anymore.

  2. #2

    Default

    Even if people saw ADISC in your internet history, what would they say? "oh I was snooping in your stuff and I found something I think you should be embarrassed about..."

    And you're not exactly lying to people, you're just omitting certain truths.

    Are you living at home? how much privacy do you have? would your parents really bother you about an unmarked parcel being delivered? To me your feeling like you're on the edge of being discovered seems paranoid, but I don't know what the level of snooping you're normally exposed to....

    The best thing for accepting yourself is meeting other ABDLs, on-line is good, but AFK is even better, there's a Little's Much in Montreal you could try...
    Last edited by MsClara; 21-May-2013 at 05:10.

  3. #3

    Default

    The only real thing to do in this situation is indulge a bit. Pick a time you know you will be alone, get padded, and take it off before you know your privacy will end. Yes, there is a possibility you will get caught. Yes, this can make you paranoid. But when your desires are this strong, ignoring them will lead only to misery.

  4. #4

    Default

    Hi there,

    It's awful, isn't it? The fear and the self questioning both cause so much stress and self-loathing. I know, because I've lived exactly what you're describing. But I also know that someday, you will find that self-acceptance. Maybe my story can encourage you.

    I first realized I liked diapers when I was ten. As puberty hit, I realized that in addition to fairly standard interests in girls, I was interested in diapers, too. And I knew that wasn't normal! So I spent my teen years well-adjusted on the outside, but feeling like a freak on the inside. At eighteen, I realized I wasn't the only one to feel this way when I came across the Wikipedia article on infantilism. So I wasn't alone! All was great, right?

    No. I was still convinced I was some kind of freak. My university years were spent bouncing between repressing desires, boiling over into impulsive runs to buy diapers, bingeing for a few days, and throwing them out in shame and disgust. I tried retraining myself, making vows and promises, and more nights than I can could calling out to God and begging for Him to change me. Five years of my life I spent riding this horrible cycle, costing myself money, happiness, and self-respect. All the while, never revealing myself to a soul, for fear of being outed and hated. Believe me, I know that part of your experience all too well. So I do have a lot of sympathy for you.

    But there's good news. I did, in fact, find self-acceptance. I remember it well. I was 23, out of school for close to a year, and hadn't bought diapers in eighteen months. Driving home from work one day, I passed a pharmacy. And I randomly thought "I wonder what diapers they have?". Of course., my well-trained rejection reflex kicked in. But I thought about what might happen if I allowed myself freedom within boundaries. I decided to try wearing only every other day, and not for more than an hour. These limits actually really helped me fill my needs without sickening myself. So I gradually found a balance between my infantilism and the rest of my life.

    Now, there were other things I had to do. I had to spend some time in prayer, reconciling my desires with my faith. If you'd like more details on this I can give them, but for me, finding acceptance from God was a huge step I needed to take. And I found that He created me this way, so He loves me this way too! Also, I needed support from others who understood my interests. I'd lurked ADISC before, but actually joining was huge - being able to talk to others who understood helped my journey to self-acceptance SO much!

    Now I've been living a balance between being an AB and an adult for a bit more than a year. It has been wonderful. No more guilt or binge/purge cycles. And you know what? I think this can be yours as well.

    I suggest trying a controlled approach to wearing diapers. Set a schedule - certain times when you will wear. This puts you in control of your desires, rather than the other way round. And you can avoid the highs and lows that are so devastating.

    Find other sources of guilt, too, and try to deal with them. If it's studies, try limiting your time in diapers and use the extra time to do schoolwork. If it's friends, look for other ways to be a good friend to them. Fill the gaps, and being an AB/DL won't fill you with as much guilt.

    Finally, stay connected around here. Friends who get your desires will help you tons. On that note, message me any time if you have questions or just want to chat.

    Acceptance is tough, but you CAN do it! We're all rooting for you here, and we support you. Find the balance, and don't give up. You can find joy and balance as an infantilist. Good luck! And let us know any time you need support <3

  5. #5

    Default

    Hey CG kinda busy right now, but I'd just like to say chill buddy. You're worrying so much about this. I'm not suggesting that this is an easy thing to cope with, but try to stress less. Sounds to me like this is a genuine part of who you are, but that doesn't mean you have to go all out. Give it the place and space in your life that you can handle right now, And just take a gentle ride. All will sort it's self out in time. Just take care to look after yourself and be discrete to protect yourself while you're figuring it out. Good luck

  6. #6

    Default

    If anything; remember that all a diaper is, is a thicker, more comfy pair of underwear. Some of the store brand pullups even say so on the package

  7. #7

    Default

    Thank you everybody. I know what I have to do but it's just so hard for me to do it. So much is at stake here...

  8. #8

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by CrinkleGamer View Post
    Thank you everybody. I know what I have to do but it's just so hard for me to do it. So much is at stake here...
    Its hard!

    I have days where im like what would people think?
    If my parents found out i would disgrace them, and im supposed to be a man.
    A nasty negative wave hits me every now and then and i also suffer from Pure OCD(A mental chronic worrying condition for me), which really makes life even worse at times.

    Stay the course CrinkleGamer, that negativity is like a devil on your shoulder making you feel bad for you are and i totally understand the risks involved.

    At the same time though living in denial is living a lie, so you keep on the acceptance path limit this pleasure, by asking yourself what are you allowed to do for yourself in terms of ABDL'ism?

    If you decide again this is silly or stupid, you already know you will stop for a while and this thing will eat at you again and another mind change will occur.

    ABDL can be a tough pill to swallow but at the same time i believe that any problem you have in your life has a solution/or you are stronger then the problem at hand, and indeed have immense strength to not only deal with it, but be a happy individual again.

    This too shall pass and God loves you and we all care for you and know what you are going through.

    We have each other, so be well my digital brother from ADISC.

  9. #9

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by CrinkleGamer View Post
    I'm just so tired of this stupid game. It's nerve-racking and it's sapping precious energy for my studies. I just....I just don't know what to do anymore.
    keep a little something for yourself, but focus on your studies - you don't want to mess your whole life up over this one thing.
    if your DLism is to be with you forever, you'll find plenty of opportunities for indulging through the years. and 'years' are what you need to think in, for whatever choice you make or solution you choose, it'll be years before any of it can realize it's potential.

    being a full-time DL isn't all it's cracked up to be. it's best as an occassional treat.

  10. #10

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by ade View Post
    keep a little something for yourself, but focus on your studies - you don't want to mess your whole life up over this one thing.
    if your DLism is to be with you forever, you'll find plenty of opportunities for indulging through the years. and 'years' are what you need to think in, for whatever choice you make or solution you choose, it'll be years before any of it can realize it's potential.

    being a full-time DL isn't all it's cracked up to be. it's best as an occassional treat.
    The think is, it's even hard for me to have it as a "treat". Where the trouble lies isn't about how often or how long, it's jus to do it, to step in those shoes.

Similar Threads

  1. Struggling about why im AB
    By LittleHanah in forum Mature Topics
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: 18-May-2012, 01:50
  2. Struggling with Depression
    By Ch3stersGhost in forum Adult Babies & Littles
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 30-Nov-2011, 04:02
  3. Replies: 12
    Last Post: 11-Aug-2011, 17:52
  4. Struggling with my AB/DL Identity
    By pullupsboy89 in forum Adult Babies & Littles
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 13-May-2010, 05:22

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
ADISC.org - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community.
ADISC.org is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.