For some time now, I have been having a struggle to keep myself happy. And I feel like I know what I want, like I know what will make me happy. The thought is there, but when I follow through it isn't as great as I expected.
I hold my expectations too high.
I'm confused, and I've been meditating a lot to try and understand myself more fully. While in deep meditation, I realized just how much of the world is meaningless and how I never actually wanted any of the things I wanted, but rather I clinged to the emotions and memories that followed them. I am truly a child at heart, and I found underneath my shell I am not as sad as I have been making myself believe.
I feel like I am losing contact with my inner child, and even after wearing diapers, dressing little, playing my favorite games, and coloring in my favorite coloring books I feel as though the luster has gone.
I don't feel like a kid anymore, I feel like an adult pretending to be a child. But I don't feel like an adult on the same token. It's weird. :s
Is there anything I can do, or anyone who can help me overcome this milestone? I want to enjoy being an AB/DL again..