Hey guys, haven't really been on this forum in a long time, but I think people here might be able to help with this.
I have a memory from my childhood that I have had for a really long time that is kind of disturbing for me. I know this memory is real because I have had it for a very long time and I've had it in journals that I have been keeping from a very young age...
When I was in kindergarten (about age 5) I remember being on my parents bed wearing a diaper. My dad was there saying something about how I needed to take it off and such. He left and came back into the room with a camera and took some pictures and told me that he was going to show them to everyone at my school. I wasn't wearing any other clothing, and was possibly naked....
I've always looked back at this and thought it was innocent enough, but lately I am more disturbed by this along with some other things I've noticed with my dad.
I was reading one of my textbooks on child & adolescent psychology and in particular the child / child sexual abuse section led to a general discussion on the issue with my father. During the conversation he said "Well you were never sexually abused, right?" and I'm going on intuition here, but the way he said it was just really odd. Another thing is that my dad constantly jokes about things like having sex with young boys, to put that into context if he wanted to say something negative about someone he would say "(that person) probably likes young boys." My dad tends to joke in this way when he is nervous about his own behavior, for example he will yell at the family dog and say "He thinks I'm going to abuse him or beat him or something, he's such a pussy."
I have been really stressed about this (and other things) lately and have had stressed induced vomiting for the past 5 days. I guess I might just be reading things in that aren't really there, as I've been around a lot of other people who have been sexually abused and this can cause distress in me as well. So I'm just looking for some opinions and input on this. Anything you have to say will be appreciated, thanks for your help.
(Sorry for being so long)