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Thread: Articulating what I don't like about being DL.

  1. #1

    Default Articulating what I don't like about being DL.

    I'm trying to figure out something which I think is at the heart of my experience of being DL: the feelings/emotions that I get when I'm going through a strong DL phase.

    who knows maybe this will hit home with some of you guys too
    bear with me, I'm British and we're renowned for being hopeless at comfortably sharing our feelings without embarrassment...!

    Every now and again I get a feeling like needing the loo (always a #2) but with this kind of emotional surge in my heart - like a flutter. I associate this experience with wanting to wear nappies. 'Sounds like the binge/purge/shame/etc. thing', you might think; but I don't feel shame anymore and I don't need to purge anymore. I wear about once a week I'd say. My partner is cool with it. It's not her cup of tea but she doesn't have a problem with it and I make sure not to gross her out in the process...
    What I think is that something has been carried over from when I was very little. what I remember is that my nanny was young and - if my memory serves me correctly - pretty rubbish at potty training. Her method with me was generally one of impatience... I get the sense that I was intimidated into holding on for the loo when I was being potty trained and that, somewhere along the line, this sense of stigma became powerful. Nappies represented a kind of opposite to this: a release. I knew where I stood in them, suddenly I had this pressure to stop wearing them and I didn't like it.

    To this day, I still get these kind of moments where I have this feeling (as described above) manifest as: "should I wear/shouldn't I wear tonight/today?" etc. and it's the worst. It makes me feel sad and stressed and confused. Take just now for example. My other half was in the bath and she takes a damn long time in there! Since I can't use the loo while she's in there I kind of contemplated wearing today but the argument went back and forth: "oh I only wore yesterday", "oh they're expensive", "oh I don't really like wearing around her, I don't want to over-do it" etc.

    It usually passes. As it turns out, I didn't wear. I'm getting this a lot though right now. These days I'm free to wear whenever I like pretty much and I can afford to keep a regular stash but I guess old habits die hard and, for me, this is part of the attraction/repulsion of being DL.

    Anyone know what I'm talking about?

  2. #2


    I can relate as I used to have mixed feelings about it in my teens and early twenties. My advice: life is short, do what makes you happy. If you're on the fence about wearing, just go ahead and wear.

  3. #3


    I totally know what your going through because it's the same for me right now. It's been more than a year since I've been on adisc and I'm working really hard to be at peace with myself.

    Each time I think about wearing, my heart says "YES!!!" while my head yells back "No!!!" and you've got me stuck in the middle. Every time I go to the pharmacy and stare at the different brands of diapers, either I end up frozen there or walk away without buying anything. And if I stir up the courage to buy a pack, I end up throwing it away, ashamed of it.

    In a nutshell, it's hard to know what and what not to do, but I think it's better if you just live with yourself and accept who you are. If you have the urge to wear, then wear. If it doesn't harm anybody, what's wrong with that. In my little corner of the world, I'm trying to do the same.

    Just hang in there

  4. #4


    I appreciate you posting this, because I have been going through something similar (kind of) recently and had been questioning how 'healthy' my level of ABDL is - not that its hurting anyone, but that my submissive tendencies in ABDL have been creeping into the rest of my life, making me more indecisive, doubting my abilities and getting easily overwhelmed (which, as someone who is trying to launch a small business, is not something I can afford!). This isn't something that I experienced much of before I began to outwardly acknowledge my ABDL and involve it in my relationships, and I wonder if its a contributing factor to my change in demeanor. (I of course know that many things have happened between then and now and that this may not be it at all)

    In relation to your dilemma, I do go through the same fluttering feelings of glee and shame - the glee of gettings something i desire deeply and the shame of the diapers, and wanting it at all. Its been a tough road, but I have been trying to come to terms with my self, and this one thing is one of the roadblocks to inner peace. By letting myself be a Little and be taken care of, am I missing out on creating a better life through my own ambition?


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