Never really had to do one before, except for a stupid assignment in high school where I had to write about a life experience and how it impacted me. I think I got a C+, as I wrote about mountain biking and how I once impacted a tree.
My history is replete with good times and good people, though arguably less so lately. But I am enjoying the solitude and taking it as an opportunity to deepen my understanding of myself.
My background is psychoticcology, with a focus on self-help and self-improvement. This had led me to a position in the Australian mining industry where I spend my time consoling people making six-figure salaries and listening to how their life sucks. Yeah, really. But I do get to travel around and see some amazing countryside.
Living in Perth, I spend my free time digging money out of the ground. We're lucky it grows in the ground here because the average cost of a steak at the pub is $400, a pint is $100, and a small coffee is $50 (minus out a factor of ten).
My worldview is nihilistic. Problem?
Most of my life I've been at peace with myself. I possess a wide-ranging field of fetishes, all of which I just accepted quickly and moved on.
I am pansexual, which I've recently decided to share with my closest friends. The upside to coming out as pansexual is that the response is predictable, so you can prepare yourself. The downside to coming out as pansexual is that the response is predictable, so you find yourself repeating the same lines.
To be honest my "not being out" is more of an issue to me that my sexuality itself. My sexuality was never really an issue. Like anything you can't control, you want it not to be the defining part of who you are, and I try to express that to people I tell. I'm still the same person I was last week, only now you know a little more about my personal life, so feel honoured I trust you enough to share that with you.
Feel honoured, dammit. *shakes fist*
I pride myself that I have a diverse range of friends, all of whom add their unique spice to my life. I immensely enjoy the fact that myself, a strung-out white guy, can meet a bull dyke and a cybergoth for coffee once a week and enjoy each other's company. I believe in giving everyone the benefit of the doubt.
I also believe that everyone deserves a second chance, but no more. You'd be astounded how quickly your charity can be abused by opportunitism.
And always stand up for people. You make way more friends than you do enemies.
Nevertheless... my only hope right now is that you have enjoyed reading this masterpiece. I understand that my writing style is not everyone's flavour. It's difficult to enter into my headspace because of how the iconicity of the purity of line brings within the realm of discourse a participation in the critical dialogue of the 80s. With regard to the issue of content, the mechanical mark-making of the negative space contextualise the substructure of my critical thinking. Some say I'm troubled by how the sublime beauty of the biomorphic fluidity conceptually activates the eloquence of this prose.
TL;DR FAST FACTS:
- I don't trust anybody, even my own body.
- I always put things off (like this introduction) because maybe I'll die and then I didn't have to do that thing.
- I'm thinking about opening a theme restaurant where all the waiters have no arms called Spill.
- Sometimes I cut myself and cry because there were no circuits underneath.
- I wish I could teleport a Lego into the urethra of people talking loudly on their phone.
- Sex with me is like a credit card. It comes with 19% interest.