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Thread: In a pickle. Need some advice.

  1. #1

    Default In a pickle. Need some advice.

    So my boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half. He's my everything and I adore him. He "came out" to me as a DL a while ago. I am completely supportive of him because I know he's comforted by it and it makes him happy. As much as I want to encourage him every way possible I do have two slight issues.

    First off, he has made vague mention that for the most part, it's about comfort for him but that it's also partly sexual. I get the feeling that he wants to add it to our sex life but I'm at a loss. I'm not entirely sure where to go with it since the entire AB/DL world is new to me, and he never elaborates on it though, which is understandable because I know he still trying to get used to being open about it with someone (I'm almost positive that I'm the only person he's ever told). If he does want to do so I would like to at least attempt to since I know it'll make him happy. Anyone with advice on how to move forward with this?

    Secondly, he has also suggested the idea of me joining him in his lifestyle. Now I'm not completely against the idea. I don't think I would hate it however I also don't think I would enjoy it, specifically in the way he enjoys it and I'm worried of that disappointing him. He has left the decision to me and made it clear that he won't ever force me to try it but he isn't all that good at hiding his desire that I'll say yes. I really don't want to get his hopes up if I'm pretty certain that it isn't going to end the way he wants. I thought of maybe trying it on my own so that I'll be prepared and know what to expect when I participate with him. Any thoughts?

  2. #2

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    Give it a go.

    If you like it, then hey, you got something you can spice up your sex life with. But be careful that it doesn't completely consume your regular sex life. Always keep in mind it's a kink, not a lifestyle.

    If you don't like it, then make it clear to him. If he's as reasonable as you say he is, then it shouldn't be a problem.

  3. #3
    CrinklySiren

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    Quote Originally Posted by Oateson View Post
    Always keep in mind it's a kink, not a lifestyle.
    While I agree that diapers shouldnt consume your sex life, this is not necessarily true. It really depends on where the person lands on the spectrum. For some, being little or acting out is a part of who they are and while they may not always wear diapers or outfits or act like a "baby" per say, they may still feel like a child. Being an ABDL or a Little or any form of infantilist can mean many different things for many different people. I for one consider my ABDL emotional standing to be very much a lifestyle.. I dont always have to wear a diaper or an outfit to feel little inside :P for me its very minimally sexual just like OP's boyfriend.

    @OP, honestly just go ahead and try it like Oateson said, the worst that can happen is that you wont like it :P But be sure he understands that its not about him and that its just not something you are interested in. As far as participating in it, that can be a very "bonding" thing for the both of you, but if you just can't seem to enjoy it or it just really doesnt click with you, be sure you also reassure him.

    Also, very important: Do NOT restrict him from the community. Not saying that you will, but when i first told my wife about all this on both spectrums (sexual and non) at first she reacted admirably and participated in it with me both sexually and playfully, but as time passed she misunderstood and when she saw me talking to other ABDL's or looking for like-minded friends, she freaked as if I were cheating on her with someone and it took her 3 years to realize that this "kink" isn't always sexual. I'm still married, luckily, and she understands now, but she still doesn't participate in it with me because like I said before, she thought it was all sexual and the idea of treating me like a baby to her is an impossible thing to grasp.

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by ZooeySis View Post
    While I agree that diapers shouldnt consume your sex life, this is not necessarily true. It really depends on where the person lands on the spectrum. For some, being little or acting out is a part of who they are and while they may not always wear diapers or outfits or act like a "baby" per say, they may still feel like a child. Being an ABDL or a Little or any form of infantilist can mean many different things for many different people. I for one consider my ABDL emotional standing to be very much a lifestyle.. I dont always have to wear a diaper or an outfit to feel little inside :P for me its very minimally sexual just like OP's boyfriend.
    I was speaking to the OP, for whom, with no prior emotional attachments, ABDL will very much be a kink. Context is important. I agree it can be a lifestyle to some, if they choose to define it that way.

  5. #5
    CrinklySiren

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Oateson View Post
    I was speaking to the OP, for whom, with no prior emotional attachments, ABDL will very much be a kink. Context is important. I agree it can be a lifestyle to some, if they choose to define it that way.
    oh ok, my mistake lol :P

  6. #6

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    As new as it is to me I completely understand it as a lifestyle. I love that he has something that he can enjoy so much. He's had to keep it such a secret and is so afraid of others finding out that he's put almost a bad spin to it. He thinks he's weird and an oddball for enjoying this and I've keep trying to encourage the idea that this isn't something negative. If anything, I usually wind up trying to convince him its ok when he hesistates to "pad up", as he puts it lol, because he's afraid of his family finding out.

    And I would never keep him from them community. I'm glad he has such a great support network he can turn to (and one that I can turn to as well) since he doesn't have anyone 'cept me that he can talk to.

  7. #7

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by DeadlyKiss12 View Post
    As new as it is to me I completely understand it as a lifestyle. I love that he has something that he can enjoy so much. He's had to keep it such a secret and is so afraid of others finding out that he's put almost a bad spin to it. He thinks he's weird and an oddball for enjoying this and I've keep trying to encourage the idea that this isn't something negative. If anything, I usually wind up trying to convince him its ok when he hesistates to "pad up", as he puts it lol, because he's afraid of his family finding out.

    And I would never keep him from them community. I'm glad he has such a great support network he can turn to (and one that I can turn to as well) since he doesn't have anyone 'cept me that he can talk to.
    I congratulate you on reassuring your boyfriend like this. One of the biggest things us ab/dls desire is at least a basic level of acceptance, and you seem to be providing this. Like the others are saying, I'd give a go at participation at least once. A participating partner is the other big thing most of us desire, and I can imagine your bf's excitement if you do. But of course if it's not your thing it's not your thing, and he should be willing to respect that.

  8. #8

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    Number one thing to do: Be honest. Both of you, obviously, but that's important! This is such a sore subject (fetishes in general, really) that it's easy to try to spare each other by using little white lies, and that's just not a good idea. Tell him what you're thinking. Don't rush in.

    And don't push yourself. If you're not into it, you're not into it. Trying too hard or even pretending you like it more than you do will just put additional strain on things later on. I'm speaking from experience here (though not precisely with this kink :P). And hey, if you end up having fun, good for you!

  9. #9

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    First, thanks for being so supportive. There are many, many of us who DREAM of having a girlfriend as thoughtful and willing to please as you, and your boyfriend sounds exactly like me!

    Second, I have some links I think might be helpful to you. They are to an Ageplay podcast called The Big Little Podcast. Links are below and it's also on iTunes. I don't agree with everything the guys in this podcast say and do and some of their episodes are bit explicit so I've never posted them here before, but they do have some good insight into this fetish and what it's all about. They are both ABDLs themselves and are in their second season and now have 65+ episodes. Seeing that we are 18+ now, and that I think they could be helpful to couples like you and your boyfriend and others like you, I've decided to go ahead and post them. (Mods, if you don't think they are appropriate or helpful, please remove them).

    I specifically want to point you to two episodes that are fairly tame and very good. They are both interviews with other AB/DLs. The first is a couple that has gone through what you are going through now, though when they started she wasn't nearly as accepting as you seem to be. Their story nearly brought me to tears! I want what they found with each other soooo bad, and I hope you two find the same! The second is with a guy who is a Daddy to ABDLs who has some good ideas on what your 'little' might like and such. Not knowing what exactly your 'little' is into, I can't say for sure which episodes he might like, but these are two I would start with. Of course check out the rest of the episodes if you like. Mako and Spacey are hilarious, and there is almost guaranteed to be an episode or more likely several that would fit you two! I would love to have a significant other to listen to these episodes with.

    A little warning though, if you decide to listen to other episodes, just keep in mind that this thing is a spectrum and there are as many shades of AB/DL as there are people involved, so some people, and therefore some of the episodes, are likely going to go way to far for your or his tastes. AB/DL goes anywhere from just wearing a diaper, using a paci, or carrying a teddy once in awhile all the way to those that want to be 24/7 babies, and it can also be incorporated in many other fetishes as well. You and your boyfriend can experiment with each other and make it whatever you and he want it to be!

    The Big Little Podcast - homepage

    Episode 39: Lilly and D Interview

    Episode 66: Brett Interview

  10. #10

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by BabyJessi View Post
    First, thanks for being so supportive. There are many, many of us who DREAM of having a girlfriend as thoughtful and willing to please as you, and your boyfriend sounds exactly like me!

    Second, I have some links I think might be helpful to you. They are to an Ageplay podcast called The Big Little Podcast. Links are below and it's also on iTunes. I don't agree with everything the guys in this podcast say and do and some of their episodes are bit explicit so I've never posted them here before, but they do have some good insight into this fetish and what it's all about. They are both ABDLs themselves and are in their second season and now have 65+ episodes. Seeing that we are 18+ now, and that I think they could be helpful to couples like you and your boyfriend and others like you, I've decided to go ahead and post them. (Mods, if you don't think they are appropriate or helpful, please remove them).

    I specifically want to point you to two episodes that are fairly tame and very good. They are both interviews with other AB/DLs. The first is a couple that has gone through what you are going through now, though when they started she wasn't nearly as accepting as you seem to be. Their story nearly brought me to tears! I want what they found with each other soooo bad, and I hope you two find the same! The second is with a guy who is a Daddy to ABDLs who has some good ideas on what your 'little' might like and such. Not knowing what exactly your 'little' is into, I can't say for sure which episodes he might like, but these are two I would start with. Of course check out the rest of the episodes if you like. Mako and Spacey are hilarious, and there is almost guaranteed to be an episode or more likely several that would fit you two! I would love to have a significant other to listen to these episodes with.

    A little warning though, if you decide to listen to other episodes, just keep in mind that this thing is a spectrum and there are as many shades of AB/DL as there are people involved, so some people, and therefore some of the episodes, are likely going to go way to far for your or his tastes. AB/DL goes anywhere from just wearing a diaper, using a paci, or carrying a teddy once in awhile all the way to those that want to be 24/7 babies, and it can also be incorporated in many other fetishes as well. You and your boyfriend can experiment with each other and make it whatever you and he want it to be!

    The Big Little Podcast - homepage

    Episode 39: Lilly and D Interview

    Episode 66: Brett Interview
    Episode 39 was helpful to me, thanks. Listening to Lilly talk about her perceptions helps me understand a little better and come closer to seeing my spouses point of view.

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