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Thread: Realizing it's a part of you... (Female feedback especially requested)

  1. #1

    Exclamation Realizing it's a part of you... (Female feedback especially requested)

    Hello, ADISC. Kovy here.

    I am writing this thread in the hope of beginning a discussion on how all of you came to terms with being ABDL. For many of us, of course, self-acceptance is something that is very difficult to achieve. I would like you all to chime in with what it was like coming to terms with being ABDL: the road you took to get there, why you ended up accepting yourself, and advice you'd have for someone struggling to accept him or herself for liking diapers. Your contributions, as always, are greatly appreciated.

  2. #2


    I am a fellow female ab/DL still trying to come to terms with having this interest. While I have had a diaper fetish since I was young, my desire to actually wear is new, and as you can imagine it has given me some grief. I imagine some of what I feel is the same your girlfriend does. One minute I feel OK about it, the next I feel guilty.

    But the road to acceptance is long and plagued with potholes. It's normal to have mixed feelings that change a lot. I don't beat myself up about it.

    Hey, I doubt anybody who truly cares about your gf (or any of us really) is ever going to think "So-and-so is a terrible person because she likes to wear diapers.'' It's an interest like any other, though for obvious reason it's not as talked about as more common ones. And a hundred years from now, no one's gonna give a sh*t you wore diapers.

  3. #3


    It took me a long time to come to terms with this part of me that just doesn't seem to want to grow up. It wants stuffed animals and pajamas with colours and pictures, funny little sippy cups and things I really ought to have outgrown 20 years ago, and for a long time that was hard to understand, even inside my own head.

    It just suddenly struck me that this isn't a big deal. I don't have to wear - it makes me uncomfortable,it feels like "too much", and I don't think my play age is that young (probably). So it's more that there are sides of me that are more childish than they should be, and I can't really see how that's a thing that'll put people off too much, or a thing that'll be too difficult for a significant other to accept. People do bondage, right? How, exactly, is my stuffed bunny "worse" than that? O.o

    I can't give much advice on the subject, but for me it really was a case of getting comfortable with myself before I could do it around other people. Just a funny little "a-ha"-moment that settled things a bit. Most of us have had these thoughts swirling inside us for decades, slowly building up a little wall of reasons why the world should never find out to the point that we can't really understand that a lot of the things we hide are perfectly all right. We lose the ability to be objective about the thoughts we have, and rather than accept them for what they are (and assume that most people have something they'd rather not share with the world in their heads, too), we hide it and somehow convince ourselves that it's wrong, weird, freaky or "bad" in some way. To make it simple, I had to get the f*** over myself.

    That's not to say that I don't hide the sippy cups or the stuffed animals, mind. ;P

  4. #4


    Honestly, what helped me a great deal was finding other people with this interest and seeing they weren't total freaks.

    It helped rid me of the perception that to indulge myself a little would lead me on a never-ending, all-consuming spiral of amoral ABDL-itis, doing anything to fulfil my fetishes, no matter what happened. It helped me realize that I wasn't making a choice between throwing myself into the seedy underbelly of the internet and wallowing in hedonistic babyplay, or repressing it forever, but that I was truly in control. That's probably the biggest thing that changed how I felt, realizing that /I/ was always in control of what I did. I do an awful lot more ABDL stuff now, but it's not because I've 'lost control', it's because I'm choosing to do it.

    Joining ADISC was great for this... I met people I really got on with and considered close friends. I met lovers, one long term partner and a handful of 'Daddies'... I met intellectuals I was too scared to approach, and idiots I wouldn't want to. I met assholes, right-wing gun nuts and lefty liberal tree-huggers, straight-laced married guys who wore once a month and kinky poly bi genderfluid folk with diapered slaves. I met a whole lot of people, and it really taught me that ABDLs are just that: people. And the vast, vast, vast majority are completely in control of themselves. We shun those who are clearly not.

    So my advice is to try and get involved in the community, as hard as it is. Maybe send a few PMs to people who seem 'in the know' and let yourself realize you're just a person, and your fetish doesn't own you.

  5. #5


    It's not a process that can be rushed.

    I can accept who I am after 15 years with this interest - but that doesn't mean I'm comfortable. I've been following this forum for the past four years - but it took me a long time to register and even longer to post. Even then I don't want to say much, because if I give away too much information about myself I will be found via search engine and exposed. If I'm exposed I risk losing my audience, so I'm never going to be 100% comfortable with talking about it.
    Drop me a PM if you want more detail on that.

    Reading that, it's probably not clear that I accept myself. And, personally, for six straight years I will confess that my New Year's Resolution was to abandon the interest. But it can't be done. I realised a few years back that it's not something that I can turn my back on - it's always there, and I've learned to accept it and indulge in it without care when alone. I no longer feel bad about it nor do I wish it would just go away. The more I accept it, the 'healthier' the interest seems. If I ignore it then that is when it becomes overwhelming and I begin to feel guilty about it. Actually, I found I thought about it more when I didn't accept it! Now that I do, I don't think - I just act. It feels natural.

  6. #6


    Well, I'm a guy, and mostly a DL, but here goes:

    Quote Originally Posted by CharliePup View Post
    Honestly, what helped me a great deal was finding other people with this interest and seeing they weren't total freaks.
    That. And also:

    Quote Originally Posted by mina View Post
    It's not a process that can be rushed.

    Looking back, there was no epiphany, but finding out that I wasn't the only one who enjoyed wearing diapers was certainly a factor in my coming to terms with it. Still, the guilt that would often come from wearing didn't immediately go away, and even now, nearly two decades later, that guilt isn't 100% gone; it still pops up from time to time. Mostly, however, I just feel a sort of emotional numbness after wearing, as if the part of me that sees it as no big deal has anesthetized the part that wishes it would go away.

    Perhaps that's just another stage of self-acceptance (for me), or perhaps it's as far as I'll get. Either way, I'm ok with it. I've learned to regard it with some amusement, actually, but I've stopped trying to understand it. There is a difference between acceptance and understanding, and getting hung up on the latter only delays the former.

    Sorry if that wasn't the most inspirational self-acceptance story!

  7. #7


    After years of self lothing and anxiety and a constant strees I was able to give it up for eight years. I thought it was because I could not deal with the rejection of the "dateing game". But when I found the love of my life I stopped and things were great (With struggles both from Married live and life in general). Then last christmas "all hell broke loose" and the erges came back with a vengence. It through me into yet another depression cycle, but this time I had an idea of the "term" for wanting diapers and I looked it up on the internet. After wading through a lot of garbage and some helpful pieces I began to understand the feelings I had. I made an appointment with my group therapist for a private councilling. Then in the cource of 4 days I found a you tube video by BabyMitchy, Saw my therapist and on the next day I found this sight. That was a major turning point for me. I started getting a lot of good answers, advice, and support. The road to self aceptance started and I have been able to deal with my life a lot easier this time. The whole picture is more important then just the self acceptance. However, once your get the self acceptance and understanding then the balance to your whole life becomes a little easier.

  8. #8


    I understand completely where she's coming from. Often times, when I'm er... dressed up lol, I'll catch myself feeling a bit silly. But honestly, it's my girlfriend who's pushed me gently along on a path of self-acceptance, and not just on the ABDL front. It very much helps to have a partner who's willing to be patient and kind, which I know you are - I'm just pointing it out.

    I'm not sure what my own personal experiences can do to help your lady friend, but I will say that even though I've only been 'in to' this a short while, and didn't necessarily go through all the dodging and hiding that most ADISCers have, it's still very awkward for me at times. I'm not on here terribly often, but if she feels the need to PM and vent or reach out for a friend who is a girl, I can commit to checking my messages more often.


  9. #9


    Well I discovered this side of me in middle school. Before that I was fascinated by diapers and people having "accidents." I never once thought about me wearing them, however. Sometime in middle school, I found clips of guys in nappies using them on YouTube. I was intrigued and did not know why I liked watching it, why they were making the videos, or why I wanted to watch this stuff in the first place. All I knew was that it was something I liked watching and that I did not want to be caught watching it. I knew that I wanted to find websites dedicated to something like that but figured that that sort of thing did not even exist. It is funny to think that the comments of those videos were often something along the lines of "are there any websites with this kind of stuff?" and there was no mention of ABDLs or anything of the sort. It bugged me that there were no response to those comments.

    At this time I was only around 12 or 13 and did not know much about sex apart from the very specific physical deed and had no idea of the existence of fetishes and kinks and especially not alternative lifestyles. I did notice, however, that I would have erections while watching these videos and, through, shall we say, experimentation, I made the connection between the two. This opened up a whole new can of worms for me. I went from finding people having accidents to be "funny" to be realizing that I am probably sexually aroused by them. Also, this first made me question my sexuality since I was getting turned on by guys rather than women. Still stuck in the belief that I must be straight, I felt it would be easier to just say that I am attracted to the nappy, the idea of me in them, rather than the dudes in them (ironically this was closest to how I actually am). I therefore concluded that I must find women doing this sort of thing to assert to myself that I am, in fact, a straight man. Another problem this brought up, was that I didn't enjoy having an erection. I didn't find it mentally attractive and failed to understand why my piece thought differently than me.

    I am not sure how I first discovered, shall we say, ABDLism proper, but eventually I did and found sites like diaper space and all those that I am sure you can imagine. I went through the binge and purge cycle that I am sure many of us are familiar with, but never really went ahead to buy nappies until years later. I hated that I wanted to wear nappies and that I would make my own, and would later feel like there was something wrong with me, that I must be mentally unstable, and that I must be a pedophile. All this dragged out into my early high school years.

    In high school (and even a bit before) I started thinking that I might be gay (back then I was not open to that idea and thought that homosexuality was wrong) since I wasn't turned on by girls (unless they were padded) and that while I liked women physically, I did not view them sexually. This started a long struggle of me trying very very very very very hard to try and recreate straight mannerisms to prove to everyone, and myself, that I was straight.

    On top of all this, I should point out that I was emotionally and physically bullied in middle school which lead me to depression. Eventually the depression stopped being periodic and became constant and I eventually developed thoughts of suicide. That soon lead to cutting and after long enough I straight up wanted to die. I will mention now that cutting/thoughts of suicide/feeling depressed are much different in my eyes than wanting to die as the former is about feeling bad and wanting to stop the pain at all costs, the latter is less of a helpless feeling and is more of one that makes you feel in control of your destiny and going through that I didn't exactly feel as bad as before. After I made up my mind that I wanted to die, I became happier. Not healthy happy, more like delirious happy. I would smile and laugh to myself when I thought of making the final cut and had to stop myself from laughing when my brother would tell me what we should do next week since I felt I wasn't going to be around that long. I can not for the life of me remember what the exact event was, but exactly two days before the date I planned on killing myself on came up, something came up that gave me reason to continue for just a little bit more. That little bit would eventually grow and grow until decided killing myself wasn't the best idea. I kept cutting well into high school though.

    A big help in me finding the way to acceptance came in my first couple of weeks in high school when i realized that no one really cared about what I did in school. It was such a relief that after two years of being picked on, all of a sudden, those people either moved, stopped caring, or were in deep shit of their own. That took care of the bullying but, of course, my mental state was still a mess from the ABDL thing, my uncertain sexuality, and still lingering but now less dominating depression.

    Through out the next two or three years, I learned to stop caring about everything and learned to enjoy life for what it was. I learned that certain people around me who I liked were homosexuals but that changed nothing between us. I learned (online) that ABDLs are not all that uncommon and learned to balance that with the rest of myself. I stopped worrying about my sexuality and put any feelings about it at least on hold.

    Since then, I have realized that while my body does get a tiny bit turned on by diapers, I am, more than anything, an asexual as I simply am disgusted by the thought of sex and would rather not have to go through that. I have created my own unwritten moral code to live by which pretty much states what most of you already can imagine and do not view nappies as a hindrance to my life. On the contrary, they have helped me deal with many difficult periods in my life. I now view them as stress relief and love the comfort and security they provide. I fully understand that yes, I am asexual, I am an ABDL, but I am also so much more. This part of our lives does not define us, we are whoever we wish to be and are also lucky in that we get to have this extra bit of special whatever in us that lets us experience something (by way of diapers) that no one else will ever be able to experience, define, or, most importantly, take away from us.

    Good luck to all that have yet to go on this journey after me, it will not be easy, but you will come out a better, more loving person. I pray your endeavors will not be as full of turmoil as mine were.


  10. #10


    There have been some very moving contributions to this thread. I think this probably won't be one of the most useful ones, but I'll post it anyway:
    To me, the most important insight on the way to self-acceptance was that this is a part of me. It does not harm anybody, it does not harm me, it does - as long as I keep it in my private area or under my clothes - not even annoy anybody. And in fact, it keeps my spirits up.
    It may be very weird, but what does that even mean, as long as it does good and no bad?

    Also, having somebody to talk to about it all helped a great deal in sorting out how I really feel about it.

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